Who's The Foxiest Rock Critic?

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Inspired by the Ultragrrrl thread: What music scribe would you serve a five star rating to (and then some)? What VH-1 talking head makes your head talk? Who makes your personal Pazz and Jop list? Who are you hundred hottest hotties of the glossies?

Turn on your sarcasm meters now!

― Sara Sherr, Friday, 2 April 2004 19:53 (twenty-one years ago)

First one to a fat pic of Jim Dero wins!

― djdee2005, Friday, 2 April 2004 19:58 (twenty-one years ago)

Serena Altschul. Although I don't quite think "talking head" = "critic", but whatever.

Her dad is totally awesome too.

― Broheems (diamond), Friday, 2 April 2004 20:00 (twenty-one years ago)

i used to have a crush on Jancee Dunn and i don't care who knows it! I think she's a fine writer.

― scott seward (scott seward), Friday, 2 April 2004 20:02 (twenty-one years ago)

i'm with you scott.

― Yanc3y (ystrickler), Friday, 2 April 2004 20:05 (twenty-one years ago)

"Whispering" Bob Harris

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Friday, 2 April 2004 20:06 (twenty-one years ago)

doesn't simon reynolds look a little like ned raggett? in other words, hubba hubba!

― scott seward (scott seward), Friday, 2 April 2004 20:07 (twenty-one years ago)

i just always remember the time i was sitting between two lady music writers at a DIA conference, and simon reynolds was on stage, and they were both drooling, all,"He looks just like LOU BARLOW!," "..And he talks like a SCIENTIST!!!" (More recently, it seems, Kelefa Sanneh would seem to be a frequent object of discussion of a similar sort.)

― chuck, Friday, 2 April 2004 20:10 (twenty-one years ago)

So is it sad of me to think he's still kind of cute? I guess it is.

― El Diablo Robotico (Nicole), Friday, 2 April 2004 20:12 (twenty-one years ago)

kelefa is indeed a beautiful man

― Yanc3y (ystrickler), Friday, 2 April 2004 20:13 (twenty-one years ago)

Dom Passantino / Jess Harvell.

― Sick Nouthall (Nick Southall), Friday, 2 April 2004 20:30 (twenty-one years ago)

She isn't a critic, but Kennedy from MTV (and now apparently any variety show on VH1) could GET IT.

― Rollie Pemberton (Rollie Pemberton), Friday, 2 April 2004 20:30 (twenty-one years ago)

There are several v good UK answers to this but they all post to ILx and decorum/shyness/modesty/etc forbid me.

― Jerry the Nipper (Jerrynipper), Friday, 2 April 2004 20:38 (twenty-one years ago)

ditto US

― Anthony Miccio (Anthony Miccio), Friday, 2 April 2004 20:43 (twenty-one years ago)

Dom Passantino / Jess Harvell.

http://johnthaw.topcities.com/images/swguns.jpg

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Friday, 2 April 2004 20:54 (twenty-one years ago)

I was browsing through CDs at Virgin Megastore and one had a sticker on the front that said "Featuring Kennedy!!!" or something - was that Kennedy the GOP VJ?

― miloauckerman (miloauckerman), Friday, 2 April 2004 20:54 (twenty-one years ago)

as long as it wasn't "Bizarro"

― Donna Brown (Donna Brown), Friday, 2 April 2004 20:55 (twenty-one years ago)

Jane Pratt still makes my heart skip a beat - does she count?

― roger adultery (roger adultery), Friday, 2 April 2004 21:13 (twenty-one years ago)

kennedy, jane pratt, and (sigh)serena altshul aren't critics. even the sainted jancee dunn rarely if ever writes reviews. try harder, gang!

― lovebug starski, Friday, 2 April 2004 21:17 (twenty-one years ago)

xgau: the dean of sexiness!

― M@tt He1geson (Matt Helgeson), Friday, 2 April 2004 21:22 (twenty-one years ago)

This is a trick question, isn't it?

― mike a, Friday, 2 April 2004 21:28 (twenty-one years ago)

Joe Levy could play this guy in Avengers: The Movie so he's definitely the (Star)foxiest.

http://www.antaninet.it/marvel-universe/s/starfox.jpg

― Anthony Miccio (Anthony Miccio), Friday, 2 April 2004 21:32 (twenty-one years ago)

it would be gauche for me to reply

― strongo hulkington (dubplatestyle), Friday, 2 April 2004 21:33 (twenty-one years ago)

Kelefa definitely wins the male division. female? hmmm. I'm not going near that.

― Matos W.K. (M Matos), Friday, 2 April 2004 21:55 (twenty-one years ago)

Lorraine Ali...you fools.

http://images.google.com/images?q=tbn:BGzT5XeFCPMJ:www.austinchronicle.com/issues/dispatch/2002-03-15/music_feature2-1.jpg

― Alex in NYC (vassifer), Friday, 2 April 2004 21:59 (twenty-one years ago)

Glad to see so many people getting a kick out of my sarcastic little thread. I agree that talking heads aren't critics, but I was referring to music critics who are also talking heads on VH-1,etc. And I also so desperately wanted to use my "talking head" joke. Har-de-har?

I'm one of the two lady rock critics who described Simon Reynolds (who I've never met) as a Lou Barlow dropping science. A good friend of mine with very discriminating tastes briefly had a crush on Jancee Dunn until he read her Jar Jar Binks piece in Rolling Stone. If I could have crushes on girl rock critics, I too, would pick Lorraine Ali as well as Jeanne Fury. JF's my hero.

Since I'm pathologically attracted to nerds who are music obsessives, it makes sense that I'd be attracted to rock critics, but whether I've dated, befriended, or just merely crushed on them, it invariably ends in tears. And since the dawn of geek chic, all the male rock critics that I've loved can now date skinny flatchested chicks with turned-up noses and cheekbones like geometry. In my experience, male rock critics don't like girls like me (short, not skinny, squirrely-faced, total weirdo) This is why I date hotel concierges. I get the free shows, he gets the free hotel rooms. It's a system that works.

The funny thing is, dorky guys can date hot chicks. It almost never happens the other way around.

― Sara Sherr, Friday, 2 April 2004 22:42 (twenty-one years ago)

Almost forgot: I enjoyed all of the talking heads on Egotrip's special on racism on VH-1. (I didn't catch all their names because I tuned in too late to see their captions). They were both stimulating intellectually and aesthetically. I wish VH-1 would run specials like this more often. It was very funny and thought-provoking.

― Sara Sherr, Friday, 2 April 2004 22:52 (twenty-one years ago)

The funny thing is, dorky guys can date hot chicks. It almost never happens the other way around.

I was about to disagree, but hey -- I'm young! Here's hoping you're right (about the first sentence at least).

― Anthony Miccio (Anthony Miccio), Friday, 2 April 2004 22:56 (twenty-one years ago)

. In my experience, male rock critics don't like girls like me (short, not skinny, squirrely-faced, total weirdo)

ha ha you are out of your mind

― strongo hulkington (dubplatestyle), Friday, 2 April 2004 23:15 (twenty-one years ago)

COME TO PAPA CHUNKY WEIRD-FACED GIRLS

― strongo hulkington (dubplatestyle), Friday, 2 April 2004 23:15 (twenty-one years ago)

Yeah I'd tend to agree. Dorky girls can be hot. Unless you are into Weird Al and Christianity and wear large novelty earings like the girl who does a radio show after me. Thats not hot.

― christhamrin (christhamrin), Friday, 2 April 2004 23:20 (twenty-one years ago)

i'm just reeling because sara's description is just about everyone i've ever dated, both pre- and post-rock cricketing

― strongo hulkington (dubplatestyle), Friday, 2 April 2004 23:22 (twenty-one years ago)

Strongo, I'm not out of my mind, I live in Philadelphia. And after seeing how harsh people were towards Ultragrrrl's appearance, I was thinking, if she's considered "ugly," then boy am I in trouble, and merely pointing out the double standard in gender and appearance. Ugly dudes can date pretty girls. How many ugly or average girls do you see with hot guys? But seriously, I have no idea, I'm going by my own shitty luck before I settled down with a nice non-rock critic dude about five years ago. When I peek out into the single world via my unattached friends (male and female), I'm glad I'm not there, because not much has changed at all.

― Sara Sherr, Friday, 2 April 2004 23:39 (twenty-one years ago)

post-rock cricketing = surely the best thing evah

― Ricardo (RickyT), Friday, 2 April 2004 23:41 (twenty-one years ago)

Jess is in Philly! And I've got the same dating record and I'm in State College, PA!

― Anthony Miccio (Anthony Miccio), Friday, 2 April 2004 23:42 (twenty-one years ago)

I think the pressing question is why tall guys keep dating short girls (at least this is what tall girls have complained to me).

― Anthony Miccio (Anthony Miccio), Friday, 2 April 2004 23:43 (twenty-one years ago)

it's a mutt and jeff kinda thing

― strongo hulkington (dubplatestyle), Friday, 2 April 2004 23:49 (twenty-one years ago)

i am so confused by this: Ugly dudes can date pretty girls.

― strongo hulkington (dubplatestyle), Friday, 2 April 2004 23:50 (twenty-one years ago)

i mean, yeah, all the girls i've dated have been pretty. maybe there should be scare quotes around "pretty girls".

― strongo hulkington (dubplatestyle), Friday, 2 April 2004 23:50 (twenty-one years ago)

dan clowes to thread, obv

― strongo hulkington (dubplatestyle), Friday, 2 April 2004 23:50 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm 5'1" and tall guys usually can't even see me. Tell the tall girls to give me their legs. I'm sorry if I'm being cranky, I meant nothing but fun. It's rainy and crappy and I don't want to leave my house to go to do my show. It's good to see nerdy girls getting props. It doesn't happen nearly enough. Strongo, I've seen lots of ugly or average dudes with gorgeous girls.

― Sara Sherr, Friday, 2 April 2004 23:51 (twenty-one years ago)

Let's get back to this me resembling Simon thing. So since Kevin Shields ripped off my look, WHAT DOES IT ALL MEEEEEEEEEAN?

Sara, of course, rocks. This goes without saying. But I suppose I said it!

I have always assumed Mr. Seward to be a smouldering hunk of man. Surely.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Saturday, 3 April 2004 00:02 (twenty-one years ago)

I don't think Simon R and Ned look similar at all.

― tokyo rosemary (rosemary), Saturday, 3 April 2004 00:14 (twenty-one years ago)

i almost said something mean.

― strongo hulkington (dubplatestyle), Saturday, 3 April 2004 00:15 (twenty-one years ago)

"I don't think Simon R and Ned look similar at all."

can we get someone with more html skills than me to post a side by side?

I was completely sure for a few seconds that the pic of Kevin Shields in the cardigan was Ned.

― hector (hector), Saturday, 3 April 2004 00:21 (twenty-one years ago)

When I had him as a lecturer, I thought Mark K-punk was sort of cute.

― tokyo rosemary (rosemary), Saturday, 3 April 2004 00:23 (twenty-one years ago)

simon r and ned look nothing alike

― strongo hulkington (dubplatestyle), Saturday, 3 April 2004 00:24 (twenty-one years ago)

The kevin shields/Ned thing that i saw somewhere was pretty uncanny. Yeah, maybe i am wrong about Simon though. maybe he does look more like Lou Barlow. I've only seen one or two pictures of Simon. never met him. Rob Sheffield must be the tallest rock critic i've ever met. but i don't meet too many.

― scott seward (scott seward), Saturday, 3 April 2004 00:31 (twenty-one years ago)

me and jess are taller, scott.

― Anthony Miccio (Anthony Miccio), Saturday, 3 April 2004 00:32 (twenty-one years ago)

sheffield's only 6'3''

― Anthony Miccio (Anthony Miccio), Saturday, 3 April 2004 00:33 (twenty-one years ago)

Skipping 445 messages at this point... Click here if you want to load them all.

"ridiculously" was meant of course, but "ridu(uuhhh)lously" fits too (mention high school and it shall appear, if it hasn't already)Retouchers! Gremlins on my zits and fuzz! Uggghhh thanks Ken!

― don, Wednesday, 16 March 2005 02:18 (twenty years ago)

ouch. that hurt. Don't ever call me a "rock critic" again.

― brent_d, Wednesday, 16 March 2005 17:35 (twenty years ago)

I'm gonna start exercizing just so I can get some luv on this thread. HIPS BUTTOCKS THIGHS! (& pec laser rejuvenation, too.)

― David R. (popshots75`), Wednesday, 16 March 2005 17:42 (twenty years ago)

i can attest that the ladies at the SF Bay Guardian are pretty cute.

― ken taylrr (ken taylrr), Wednesday, 16 March 2005 18:50 (twenty years ago)

Ultragrrl is ultragross. Trust me on this.
S1mon Reynolds is totally cute. Also trust me on this.

― i forgot, Wednesday, 16 March 2005 19:07 (twenty years ago)

don't kill me, but for a split second I thought you'd posted a Conor Oberst pic
all I saw was the hair and the pout. after a couple seconds it registered

yeah, um....I actually went through the exact same thought process, though it took me maybe half second, not a couple seconds. You really don't look like him. I swear!

― Lingbertt, Wednesday, 16 March 2005 19:22 (twenty years ago)

Drew Daniel is gorgeous. :-) All I have to say.

― Salvador Saca (Mr. Xolotl), Wednesday, 16 March 2005 19:26 (twenty years ago)

Oh that's all right, go on!

― jaymc (jaymc), Wednesday, 16 March 2005 19:28 (twenty years ago)

"Clem's recent "10 most interesting things rock stars have ever said to me" article was slightly flawed in that none of them were very interesting at all actually. "

Perhaps that's because it was actually called "The Top Ten Things... [etc]", JimD. Anyway, is this where I register my vote for Tim Finney? ;)

― clem bastow, Friday, 18 March 2005 13:44 (twenty years ago)

clem! you get bon scott! marry me! oh wait, i'm seeing somebody! anyhow, you get bon scott! WUV.

― miccio (miccio), Friday, 18 March 2005 14:46 (twenty years ago)

I heart Scott Seward

http://webzoom.freewebs.com/thebunnybrains/skot.jpg

― Maria D. (Maria D.), Friday, 18 March 2005 17:43 (twenty years ago)

anthony, I'll be your ~~child~~ Russian bride any day if you're down with Bon. What a man...

― clem bastow, Friday, 18 March 2005 23:31 (twenty years ago)

Proof of my Bon devotion (2nd part of post)

― miccio (miccio), Friday, 18 March 2005 23:41 (twenty years ago)

just dropping in to register my second vote for Daphne Carr.

― shookout (shookout), Saturday, 19 March 2005 13:15 (twenty years ago)

Mia Clarke of Wire

Wowser! She sure is purty.

― nathalie barefoot in the head (stevie nixed), Saturday, 19 March 2005 13:21 (twenty years ago)

Ah, Anthony, you should fly to Melbourne and come loiter in ACDC Lane (no lightning strikes allowed in street names, apparently...) with a bottle of something cheap and cheerful.

― clem bastow, Sunday, 20 March 2005 03:30 (twenty years ago)

just the another night a friend was saying how everybody should drink on the grave of their hero and I realized I'd have to go to Australia to do it!

― miccio (miccio), Sunday, 20 March 2005 03:35 (twenty years ago)

He's "buried" (ashes) in Perth, which I haven't visited, though I am told it's a little tragic a la Jim Morrison's grave. I'd rather have a drink while appreciating his Rolling Stone Aus cover, undoing his fly with a lascivious grin. I'd like to see Nic Cester do that!

― clem bastow, Sunday, 20 March 2005 11:02 (twenty years ago)

two years pass...

this needs a revive

― gershy, Sunday, 1 April 2007 17:22 (eighteen years ago)

mia clarke's in electrelane, no?

i don't know any foxy critics. we're all paunchy sociopaths.

― CharlieNo4, Sunday, 1 April 2007 18:09 (eighteen years ago)

audra schroeder of the austin chronicle is very cute. she has a thora birch in ghost world thing going on.

― UncleTomfly, Monday, 2 April 2007 04:14 (eighteen years ago)

http://www.portlandmercury.com/binary/c806f890/books-klosterman-1.jpg

― musically, Monday, 2 April 2007 06:50 (eighteen years ago)

two years pass...

What do you guys think about this article about the "Rock Critical List"?

http://www.themorningnews.org/archives/profiles/same_as_it_ever_was.php

― Your heartbeat soun like sasquatch feet (polyphonic), Tuesday, 20 October 2009 20:55 (fifteen years ago)

Oh how I hate being reminded that Electrelane is no longer a going concern, but otoh, I love being reminded that Mia Clarke exists in this world.

― & other try hard shitfests (jon /via/ chi 2.0), Tuesday, 20 October 2009 20:59 (fifteen years ago)

lmao @ "populist autism"

― velko, Tuesday, 20 October 2009 21:32 (fifteen years ago)

two years pass...

http://a2.twimg.com/profile_images/1704933447/388919_962794060845_2416229_41824327_989081349_n.jpg
Maura!

― dow, Wednesday, 1 February 2012 20:40 (thirteen years ago)

Scrolling quickly through the thread, I thought this

http://www.beefheart.com/zine/001/bangsgraduation.jpg

was a young Dr3w Ga3rig.

― jaymc, Wednesday, 1 February 2012 20:47 (thirteen years ago)

Cf this actual photo of a young Dr3w Ga3rig:

http://t0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSrxU6tbjw9T4_9tFSr73mTUAGAh_lVsbbbXd3VUV1Ldku4CM_Bv-H2ziuF

― jaymc, Wednesday, 1 February 2012 20:48 (thirteen years ago)

dr3w ga3rig's displeased: http://pitchfork.com/reviews/albums/16232-probably-love/

― omar little, Wednesday, 1 February 2012 20:55 (thirteen years ago)

Wonder how much traffic Alfred's blog got from that link!

― jaymc, Wednesday, 1 February 2012 20:58 (thirteen years ago)

I always figured Lisa Robinson must have been cute--here's the one photo I could find:

http://i26.tinypic.com/n4h2bk.jpg

I'm a little behind the times.

― clemenza, Wednesday, 1 February 2012 21:12 (thirteen years ago)

i feel like i spent half my childhood looking at pictures of lisa robinson canoodling on couches with lenny kaye and the ramones in the pages of rock scene magazine.

― scott seward, Wednesday, 1 February 2012 21:38 (thirteen years ago)

MJ looks resigned to a life where canoodling will never be a simple thing.

― clemenza, Wednesday, 1 February 2012 21:44 (thirteen years ago)

Speaking of Rock Scene, can't find another of Lisa Lisa right right now now, so here's this. Debbie may never have gotten paid for being a rock critic, but she proffered some pertinent observations, for inst: "Lester thought he was a 300-pound Jim Morrison." Ooh! Close enough, and pretty mild, considering his hatchet-job-as-coffee-table-book re Blondie.
http://a4.ec-images.myspacecdn.com/images02/51/fb025d92c59d4ad5b75851629bebffb2/l.jpg If doesn't incl credit, it's by Bob Gruen (of course!)

― dow, Wednesday, 1 February 2012 21:55 (thirteen years ago)

god i was so in love with her.

https://fbcdn-sphotos-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/424658_2521941175081_1449881301_31846887_1089239271_n.jpg

― scott seward, Wednesday, 1 February 2012 22:26 (thirteen years ago)

Look at that look she's giving us, those glasses even. Born to crit!

― dow, Wednesday, 1 February 2012 23:47 (thirteen years ago)

I always assumed this was the answer:

http://ichlugebullets.files.wordpress.com/2010/08/matthew-perpetua.jpg

― dlp9001, Thursday, 2 February 2012 02:31 (thirteen years ago)

Wonder how much traffic Alfred's blog got from that link!

quite a lot...

― Exile in lolville (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Thursday, 2 February 2012 02:36 (thirteen years ago)

http://29.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lkg1h7YiYs1qbn8ndo1_500.jpg
Sam Shepard (ex-Holy Modal Rounders) wrote about and with Dylan, also wrote plays featuring music performed by actors (himself and Patti Smith.)Smith, writing for Creem and other rags, would list whatever she loved in Top Tens ("I saw the most beautiful girl on the subway"). Her Rock Scene Television saga got a planeload of UK scribes checking out those combustible ragamuffins, even lead to Eno's demos (Verlaine nixed 'em, but sound okay to me, for demos). But way before that, exploring what being a rock writer might mean, she was an inspiring figure already (circa '72, like this pic).

― dow, Thursday, 2 February 2012 19:17 (thirteen years ago)

sorry-you can click on that and get it, but
http://29.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lkg1h7YiYs1qbn8ndo1_500.jpg

― dow, Thursday, 2 February 2012 19:18 (thirteen years ago)

Here they are onstage
http://ro-mashka.ru/photo_s/Sam-Shepard-20-15.jpg

― dow, Thursday, 2 February 2012 19:23 (thirteen years ago)

And this recent Luc Sante piece is the most astute view of Smith I've even seen (incl some description of her rock writing, her overall apporach and how it could seem like mere namedropping etc but how she developed it)
http://www.nybooks.com/articles/archives/2012/feb/09/mother-courage-rock/?pagination=false Good pic by Judy Linn here too.

― dow, Thursday, 2 February 2012 19:31 (thirteen years ago)

Scribe scrutinizing (credit: Judy Linn)
http://graphics8.nytimes.com/packages/flash/Lens/2011/03/20110317-patti/480px.jpg

― dow, Thursday, 2 February 2012 19:36 (thirteen years ago)

Ellen Willis gets to work
http://www.frieze.com/uploads/images/front/Music-Crawford.jpg

― dow, Thursday, 2 February 2012 20:28 (thirteen years ago)

Willis: "H'm-m-m...Promises, promises--still..."
http://vidunderfull.files.wordpress.com/2011/10/ellen-willis.jpg credit: UMinn Press

― dow, Thursday, 2 February 2012 20:33 (thirteen years ago)

one month passes...

http://www.artnet.com/Magazine/features/drohojowska-philp/Images/drohojowska-philp7-16-2.jpg
(Libby Lumpkin)

Grrrr! "A quitter never loses, and a loser never quits." Dave Hickey, charter Noise Boy. Marvin, His teen familiar once warbled in the Voice, " 'I ain't tryin' to come on like Hollywood/But Hollywood is what I am." And pointed out that if Neil Young had come out with such, crtis would be swooning over how poignant it was--but since Randy Bachman sang it, nertz to him,(Marvin was also hot for Kiwanis gumball machines as talismans of the New Normal). J.Hoberman was irritated by Hickey's chuckling at his own jokes in a doc, and seems delighted with himself in his award-winning collection Air Guitar, but it's only right and Mr. Natural. Also a good songwriter (and art critic, come to think of it).

― dow, Saturday, 3 March 2012 19:49 (thirteen years ago)

two years pass...

http://zicoydelia.files.wordpress.com/2012/09/burroughs3-zicoydelia.jpg

WB interviewing JP in C---Daddy. He also did Bowie in Stone (nice work if you can get it).

― dow, Wednesday, 3 September 2014 22:22 (ten years ago)

Holly Hernandez, of Melody Maker Demo Hall fame.

― Master of Treacle, Wednesday, 3 September 2014 23:41 (ten years ago)

Hell, jesus

― Master of Treacle, Wednesday, 3 September 2014 23:42 (ten years ago)

Yep.

Ooh, just finally read that Luc Sante piece linked by Dow in Feb. 2012

― curmudgeon, Thursday, 4 September 2014 15:39 (ten years ago)

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