Give us your imaginary classified ad for your imaginary band

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I've been wanting to start this thread for a while now. So here it is.

― christhamrin (christhamrin), Monday, 5 April 2004 04:15 (twenty-two years ago)

WANTED: Scientists for long distance VLF frequency generation. Requirements: literacy and a past you're trying to escape from. Knowledge of obscure World War One trivia and pop music a plus. Arduous work. Poor chance of success. Little chance of return.

― Elvis Telecom (Chris Barrus), Monday, 5 April 2004 04:31 (twenty-two years ago)

WANTED: Boy child.

― Debito (Debito), Monday, 5 April 2004 05:06 (twenty-two years ago)

WANTED: nubile female multi instrumentalist. Must like Boredoms, Neu!, My Bloody Valentine.

― Lil' Won Jilliams (ex machina), Monday, 5 April 2004 05:09 (twenty-two years ago)

Hi. We're a band. You have never heard of us, but our friends, though you have never heard of them, think we're cool and we do some killer numbers, though you have never heard of them.

We have played gigs at some local clubs, though you have never heard of them, and gotten air time on some area FM shows, though you have never heard of them.

We hope you will contact our handlers at 576-0302, though you have never heard of them, they are really crucial to artists like us in the outlying towns around here, though you have never heard of them.

Regards...

― jim wentworth (wench), Monday, 5 April 2004 05:20 (twenty-two years ago)

I realize now how very poorly I explained this. But continue on w/your hilarious jokes!

― christhamrin (christhamrin), Monday, 5 April 2004 05:22 (twenty-two years ago)

Everything Was Beautiful and Nothing Hurt seeks studly Oberst-looking boychick frontman to woo female (and male) fans. Ability to cry at will a plus. No jocks.

― roger adultery (roger adultery), Monday, 5 April 2004 05:56 (twenty-two years ago)

WANTED: Guitar, Bass and Drums for established project. Great meter, fat grooves and subtle to raw dynamics a MUST. Ability to play maracas a plus. Influences Happy Mondays Fleetwood Mac The Doors Lemonheads Green Day Autechre. NO DRUGS.

― minolta (minolta), Monday, 5 April 2004 06:11 (twenty-two years ago)

Do you shred, dude? AWESOME heavy metal band seeks AWESOME heavy metal guitarist. Infl: Tool Radiohead DMB Saves The Day Counting Crows.

― minolta (minolta), Monday, 5 April 2004 06:14 (twenty-two years ago)

This is every fucking local band where I live:

Wanted: lead guitarist for up and coming hard rock/alterntaive band. we have our shit together and you must be able to play, no amateurs aloud*! influences: zeppelin, metallica, nirvana, slipknot, dave matthews band, the beatles, lynyrd skynrd, elvis costello.

*intentionally misspelled. people are stupid.

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Monday, 5 April 2004 09:02 (twenty-two years ago)

Oh my god, I actully posted tht one without looking at minolta's. Damn, bands suck.

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Monday, 5 April 2004 09:04 (twenty-two years ago)

tht = I'm stupid.

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Monday, 5 April 2004 09:05 (twenty-two years ago)

Singer, Drummer, Gutarist, Bassist and Keyboard player wanted for lazy svengali. Give us a call when you've 'just cut your first number one.'

― winterland, Monday, 5 April 2004 09:12 (twenty-two years ago)

Very attractive young people to join new band called 'Fountains of waine' as our sound implies youth yet we are all ten years past the age at which we should know better. P.S. if you are actually interested in music dont apply.
p.p.s. if your actually interested in that hot girl from the video dont apply as we wern't in any of the scenes with her (see above for why that is). Remember, we take the mature out of old.

― lukey (Lukey G), Monday, 5 April 2004 09:55 (twenty-two years ago)

Advertising looks and chops a must. No BIG HAIR!

― yossarian, Monday, 5 April 2004 17:17 (twenty-two years ago)

Ha ha. I new someone would be quoting that song on this thread sooner or later.

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Monday, 5 April 2004 17:20 (twenty-two years ago)

Wanted: Vocalist/floutist, keyboardist, bassist, and drummer (preferrably with large gong) for Unicorn rock band. Gauzey renaissance wardrobe a plus. Influences are Tull and Tolkien. Short haircuts need not apply.

― Johnny Fever (johnny fever), Monday, 5 April 2004 17:27 (twenty-two years ago)

Diffident, easygoing folk wanted for band that sounds like cross between Whiskeytown and Gang of Four. I can't play all the instruments myself, and believe me, I've tried. Must be able to put up with my Mark E. SMith fetish

― Donna Brown (Donna Brown), Monday, 5 April 2004 19:38 (twenty-two years ago)

(mis-capitalization on "Smith" intentional, yeah, that's it)

― Donna Brown (Donna Brown), Monday, 5 April 2004 19:38 (twenty-two years ago)

WANTED: Members for Pere Ubu/Swirlies/Rza type band to revolutionize the way people hear music/possibly record an EP on my 4 track before breaking up. I will play the David Thomas role except I am not so fat. Drug connections and/or female gender a plus.

― christhamrin (christhamrin), Monday, 5 April 2004 19:49 (twenty-two years ago)

Wanted: guitarist, bassist, drummer for sludgecore/slowcore band. Influences: Sunn0)), Low, Stars Of The Lid, Galaxie 500. NO TIMEWASTERS.

― Jason J, Monday, 5 April 2004 19:58 (twenty-two years ago)

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