Generalize the fans of these bands:

1. Radiohead fans: "I'm 25 and work as a corporate consultant. I'm not, like really into music, since most of it is just so juvenile and pre-fabricated and soulless. But I heard my friend, who's into a lot of really out-there and experimental music, mention Radiohead, and then later I read an article about them in the New York Times, so I picked OK Computer, which is definitely a classic, the best rock album since Siamese Dream. And these two new albums are just so amazing -- they're totally doing something that no one's ever tried or even thought of before. Dave Matthews totally sucks."

2. Beatles fans (younger): "I'm 19 and in college. I grew up hearing a few Beatles songs and always thought they were really nice- sounding. Everyone here listens to all of this loud stupid rap and hard rock stuff, but then I made some really great friends who get high a lot and listen to the white album, and one night I realized how really, really amazing it is. So I went down to the Wherehouse and bought, like, six Beatles albums and they're all I listen to."

3. Phish: "I'm 24. I've never really heard of any bands at all, except I used to listen to the Beatles a lot. But I knew these guys in college who were big on going to Phish shows, and so I went to one once, and had a really, really great time. It was awesome -- we were, like, doing bong hits and kicking a zippa around in the parking lot and stuff, and everyone was just totally cool with everything. So I bought some of their records, and they're just totally fun and great. I wish there were more bands as totally creative and cool as Phish are."

4. Fugazi fans: "I'm really very serious."

5. ABBA fans: "I used to love these songs when I'd hear them on the radio. Then, when I was picking up this one Paul Simon album, I noticed Gold on the shelf, and I thought: oh, wow, I just have to have this! My friends and I put it on sometimes during dinner parties and dance a little bit in the living room. But never if there's someone younger than us around, because we don't want to show our age!"

Oh, and I like The Doors a lot, too.

2) Fuck man, these guys sound like oasis.

3) Dead, ddead, dead, someday we'll all be dead.

4) Straight-fucking edge, fuck you.

5) I'm young and sweet and only 17/27/37/47/57.

And yes, i ilke 4 out of 5.

(2) White, male, age 47, straight but wears a dangling earring, so he's a fag anyway. These days listens to hip hop and country.

(3) A friend of mine - whose name, by total coincidence (it's an old nickname) is Fish - listens to Phish. He owns a gun. He gets into long, absurdist conversations with phone solicitors in the hopes of forcing them to admit that they're not allowed to hang up on potential customers.

(4) -pass-

(5) See (1) and (2). I gave Gold to a six-year-old girl last year for Hanukkah, to supplement the A*Teens album I gave to her older sister. I don't know if she listens to it anymore, now that all the cool pre-teens listen to Michelle Branch.

(6) Bonus question: the Doors fan: Has a peculiar attitude towards arithmetic. E.g. "You said you been in this ten. I've been in it five - smarten up Nas. Four albums in ten years, nigga? I can divide, that's one every... let's say two."

2. The Beatles "Whattayemean you don't like the Beatles? Are you sick? Don't you understand how much they invented? Didn't you know that Paul McCartney invented Gravity?!" "Back off suck-locust or you'll get a snootful of pepper-spray!"

3. Phish "Duuuuuuudddddddeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.....can I have some of that pepper stuff? Sounds Gnarly."

4. Fugazi "JELLO BIAFRA IS A RIGHT-WING SWINE!" "Uhhh....okay."

5. ABBA "...yeah, but like the Carpenters, they have a fascinating dark side to their music..." "Uh, yeah...next you'll tell me that Joy Division loved fuzzy puppies and kittens." "Of course...!"

2. Hey, don't scratch the Oldsmobile!

3. Uh - can I bum a ride off ya?

4. BMW is way better than Volvo, you philistine.

5. "Groovin' in the Bus Lane"

2. The Beatles -- Either the same people who've listened to them since the '60s or the children of these people. Or people who grew up with oldies radio. I grew up with oldies radio. I really like the Beatles, but am not rabid enough to consider myself a fan.

3. Phish -- Teens to thirtysomethings who would also be into the Grateful Dead. They usually come from the upper middle classes, because they always have enough time and disposable income to travel around the country to go to their gigs. They love wearing old hippie-style outfits and usually have some sort of "alternative" diet.

4. Fugazi -- I don't know, really. I've only heard of them, but I don't know what their fans would be like, or what they're like.

5. ABBA -- Fortysomething women who adored ABBA in the '70s and who love listening to them while they're in the office or commuting back and forth with their younger children. They usually still wear blue eyeshadow and tease their hair and will gather with their close friends, who also love ABBA, to have karaoke parties where they sing ABBA songs and drape themselves in feather boas.

1. Those who were into Radiohead until 1999 are now Coldplay and Travis fans, so this will have to be those who do still like Radiohead, which is usually desperate hipsters who don't understand melodic music and thus are desperately searching something "arty". Then never realising that millions of people like the same stuff they do.

2. Older Beatles fans are usually just the average 50 year-old who is impossible to classify anyway.
Younger Beatles-fans though, are musically talented and skilled people who do understand something about music, and who don't care what is currently "hip"

3. Pass

4. Basket cases that seriously need some treatment for their paranoia.

5. 40 year-olds who loved dancing disco during the 70s and still haven't discovered that disco is dead