OK, seriously now, this has got to be the worst review ever

i see the mid-late 90s gen of alt-weekly critics is finally graduating to the big leagues.

i love the part about there not being enough f-words!

nice!
m.

?

http://www.whotokill.com/Marks/T__Herman_Zweibel.jpg

of course, none of this is meant as an excuse of the above atrocity, just of daily newspaper writing in general.

Cheap thrills for the crowd, a cool rep for the band but, no, instead, they chose an asexual semaphore-style dance move which became the theme throughout the performance.

A feminist ruse flying in the face of the suggestive floor show that is expected of most lesbian bands? I suspect it was just rubbish dancing.
And the word “lesbian” was only uttered in the guise of song lyrics. Did they not know which town they were in?

Is this a joke? If it's not the writer really should pretend it is cuz it's fucking hilarious

Sure is. The thing is generally the reviews have improved a lot since the relaunch, but this just dumbfounded me.

However Kathleen did have genuinely hairy armpits so that went some way towards making up for the lack of sexuality displayed – be it homo, hetero or anything at all.

And the whole "not enough danger" tone. Yeesh.

How would you tell a lesbian just by looking?

Great. But seriously, if I ever wrote a review of a show, it would probably read very close to this. I would be 1/4 joking however, and I have feeling this writer is not.

In the NME Adam Sweeting wrote: "They played so badly for so long that a phone call to McWhirter and his Book of Records would surely have been received favourably. Ineffectual doodlings on guitar and keyboards became ends in themselves. A guest singer stood at the microphone and coughed for several minutes. Nobody danced or even twitched a leg. The bloke at the mixing desk read the Evening Standard and someone next to me asked the time before falling asleep. Anyone who needs this garbage is probably already dead."

Were they playing in Lesbiantown?

can a brit explain where she may have been going w/ this line?

The other day my girlfriend offhandedly mentioned "that guy in Le Tigre." She still didn't believe me when I corrected her.

The gig was in Brighton, which has quite a large gay and lesbian population. What the hell that has to do w/ Le Tigre playing a gig, I don't really know.

I don't even know where to start with this (you've all done an excellent job of poring over the other highlights).

Do you have any more examples of this wonderful journalism style to share with us? Or was this just a one-off?

Anyway ... "cater-wauler" is an amusing style boo-boo.

You asked for it...

Speeding driver hid in bin
by Virginia Bridgewater

A speeding motorist abandoned his car during a police chase and tried to hide in a wheelie bin.

Thomas Parker, 23, of Ditchling Road, Brighton, was caught when officers spotted his trainers sticking out of the bin, a court heard.

-----------------------------------------

Cannabis lollies spark anger
by Virginia Bridgewater

Children are being sold green lollipops containing a trace of the chemical in cannabis that creates a "high".

The quantities of the chemical (THC) in Cannabis lollies are infinitesimal and anyone eating too many is more likely to get tooth decay than an artificial euphoria.

--------------------------------------

Wsh u wr hr
by Virginia Bridgewater

Holidaymakers are saying wsh u wr hr instead of wish you were here as text messages kill off the traditional seaside postcard.

Once the bastion of the British summer holiday, the postcard's days look numbered as people send their greetings home by mobile phone instead.

------------------------------------------

300ft crop circle stuns expert
by Virginia Bridgewater

The perfectly formed, 300ft-wide shape of a flower has cropped up in a barley field in Lewes.

The huge crop circle appeared at Houndean Bottom and experts said its deceptively simple design hides some highly thought out and complex geometry.

The design has a skeletal structure with more of the crop left unflattened than not.

--------------------------------------

Music: GZA, Concorde 2
by Virginia Bridgewater

It was perfect for a Sunday night gig. Not too crowded and it was over by 11.30pm with no protracted encores stretching inconveniently beyond the closure of the bar.

All right for some with work tomorrow but I had the distinct feeling that the Stateside hip-hop crew were less than impressed with the response from an appreciative but fairly restrained crowd.

The repertoire from support Surgical Crew and Dready Kruger ranged from I Can Sing A Rainbow to Missy Elliot and proved an ideal mood-setter for the prompt arrival of GZA (although tempting to call him Gazza, it is pronounced "Gizza") alongside Masta Killa and DJ Mathematics.

They are three of the nine-man hip-hop collective that is the massive Wu-Tang Clan.

The uniqueness of their sound at a time when hip-hop was becoming massive in the UK was rivalled only by the likes of Cypress Hill.

On Sunday, they mainly played tracks from GZA's new album, Collections Of Classics, which combined old-skool tunes with some new material.

An unaccompanied rap from the usually sublime GZA somehow fell flat while watching him jigging to a recording of one he had done earlier was odd for a stage show.

The trio went wrong and forgot the words only once but quickly explained that this was real hip-hop and they weren't lip-syncing so they were allowed to make mistakes sometimes.

I had no complaints - a warm, friendly, enjoyable gig but the anticipation of some fresh new material played at the back of my mind and was never quite satisfied.

That GZA review is also... sublime. "rivalled only by Cypress Hill" - the what now?

...less than impressed with the response from an appreciative but fairly restrained crowd

I had sudden flashbacks on reading these bits to the Brighton gig reviews I used to read in the Crawley Courier back in the early 80s.

Yep, indeed I do.

Has this woman confused Le Tigre with Black Flag?

What is the hard-drugging age in the UK nowadays?

Isn't Kathleen Hanna dating Ad-rock from the Beastie Boys?

"The other day my girlfriend offhandedly mentioned "that guy in Le Tigre." She still didn't believe me when I corrected her."

Please tell me her exact words were, "Why can't you be more like that guy in Le Tigre?" That would make my day.

http://arts.guardian.co.uk/filmandmusic/story/0,,2129918,00.html

haven't read a line of it but thanks for ruining this, laura.

I thought Roadrunner (twice) was the original and Roadrunner (once) the second recorded version. No?

I honestly think this is my least favorite song on Modern Lovers! Too self-conscious.

This must be a contender.

ikon
tim buckley: honeyman (edsel)
By Caitlin Moran

There's just something (beauty beauty, glory glory) about a man with a 12-string semi-acoustic: something in the detailed flurry of finger-picking; in the suck and swirl and sway of silver strings producing that heat and light from friction with skin; in the fuck as you wind it up and the hush as you slow it down. Tim Buckley, starsailor, dreamwarrior, bending those high frequencies so he could ride the low ones, was crying out the glory so high and loud that the Gods panicked he was giving away their heaven for free and struck him right through with white-out lightning.

Well actually, he went on a huge drink and drugs bender and overdosed on a sticky motel-room floor, eyes boggling and calling for Hughie. But when we rewrite the silent history in our heads, these are the lines it spins along. Honeyman is the final release in a trio of live albums, this from 1973, in the midst of Buckley's swamp-sex-rock phase, where he sang of the stretch marks and the sweat and the sting of desperate, broken down, end-of-the-world riding -- the deathly hushes and the muted wailing; ripped sheets and lung-bursting gasps. This is one of the best shagging albums of all time -- in between Buckley's astonishing vocal mountain-hikes through "Sweet Surrender" and "Pleasant Street" through his delirium-babble of "Stone In Love" and "Dolphins," an audience applauds, adding wonder to your encore fucking and sucking. Wilder than Greetings From LA, not the out-there Starsailor, or Blue Afternoon but the right-in-here of Live at the Troubadour, Honeyman will inspire you to cruise the curve of your best-beloved's spine with a hungry tongue and electricity sparking six-fold from your fingers.

Bloody hell. I'm going to have a fag now. Recommended like you wouldn't believe.

http://fizisist.web.cern.ch/fizisist/funny/get_a_brain_morans.jpg

Caitlin Moran - apparently she's a friend of a friend. Jeez.

tmi

will inspire you to cruise the curve of your best-beloved's spine with a hungry tongue and electricity sparking six-fold from your fingers

tbh i would try to meet this one

iirc she's married to a music hack, peter paphides, who can write ok but likes some of the worst bands in the whole wide world -- like the feeling.

She seems to like writing about her sex life, most recently:

13 minutes or less is my mantra

That "Roadrunner" is "the first punk song" is the least interesting thing about it.

"Egyptian Reggae" was a Top 5 hit in the UK???

http://www.bbc.co.uk/radioassets/photos/2007/8/8/26279_2.jpg

http://entertainment.timesonline.co.uk/multimedia/archive/00080/moranpaph_80201a.jpg

I would post her Facebook address again but it would be the 3rd time on ILX and I'm starting to look like a stalker.

i liked the comment about "wide-ranging techno" the best.