ASHLEE SIMPSON SINGULARLY PERSONIFIES EVERYTHING THAT IS WRONG WITH THE WORLD.

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Seriously, she makes Good Charlotte fronted by Beyonce Knowles seem like Killing Joke. There is simply no one worse.

She should be set on fire and her ashes sprayed over septic tank via a vulgarly lifelike prosthetic penis.

― Alex in NYC (vassifer), Friday, 2 July 2004 06:16 (twenty-one years ago)

BEHEAD HER, WORLD, BEHEAD HER!

― Alex in NYC (vassifer), Friday, 2 July 2004 06:17 (twenty-one years ago)

Actually, Hillary Duff and her sister are worse.
Who has seen the video for that duet they do -- with the two of them frolicking in the fountain? Considering their age, there is something child porn-ish about it that makes it somewhat uncomfortable to watch.

― Barry Bruner (Barry Bruner), Friday, 2 July 2004 06:25 (twenty-one years ago)

That is bad....but you do realize it's an "homage" to the Go-Go's' "Our Lips Are Sealed" (which song they butcher in video for same).

― Alex in NYC (vassifer), Friday, 2 July 2004 06:29 (twenty-one years ago)

Seeing as I don't know who the fuck you're talking about, I can only conclude that things I don't are what is wrong with the world.

― Sasha (sgh), Friday, 2 July 2004 06:34 (twenty-one years ago)

I didn't realize that it was a cover. Hmm, so the fountain scene was in the original video?

Still, there was no purpose in releasing a second Duff sister into the music world when the first one was as intolerable and talentless as she is.

― Barry Bruner (Barry Bruner), Friday, 2 July 2004 06:37 (twenty-one years ago)

Hmm, so the fountain scene was in the original video?

Yep.

― Alex in NYC (vassifer), Friday, 2 July 2004 06:49 (twenty-one years ago)

Alex, may I ask why you even pay attention to someone such as Miss Simpson?

― oops (Oops), Friday, 2 July 2004 06:51 (twenty-one years ago)

Just saw her video .

― Alex in NYC (vassifer), Friday, 2 July 2004 06:52 (twenty-one years ago)

alex you are being stupid.

― amateur!st (amateurist), Friday, 2 July 2004 07:51 (twenty-one years ago)

one month passes...

Oh no I'm not.

― Alex in NYC (vassifer), Friday, 6 August 2004 02:55 (twenty-one years ago)

hahahaha best thread revival ever

― Al (sitcom), Friday, 6 August 2004 03:03 (twenty-one years ago)

let it never be said that you are not a master of the 35-day rebuttal, Alex.

― Al (sitcom), Friday, 6 August 2004 03:04 (twenty-one years ago)

Never heard of her. Or is she that one with the big knockers wot has her own telly show?

Anyway, "is she hot?" I think is the pertinent question.

― Sasha (sgh), Friday, 6 August 2004 03:06 (twenty-one years ago)

her T's are C-able.

― Al (sitcom), Friday, 6 August 2004 03:09 (twenty-one years ago)

Her music makes Avril Lavigne's sound like Diamanda Galas by comparison.

― Alex in NYC (vassifer), Friday, 6 August 2004 03:31 (twenty-one years ago)

I thought you liked punk, Alex.

― C0L1N B3CK3TT (Colin Beckett), Friday, 6 August 2004 03:32 (twenty-one years ago)

It's time for you colon to be set on fire, C0L1n!

― Alex in NYC (vassifer), Friday, 6 August 2004 03:36 (twenty-one years ago)

Whenver her single comes on the radio, I think it's going to be some weird version of "Tom's Diner"

― C0L1N B3CK3TT (Colin Beckett), Friday, 6 August 2004 03:38 (twenty-one years ago)

Ashlee is vapid and disposable, MUCH LIKE THE SEX PISTOLS.

― VengaDan Perry (Dan Perry), Friday, 6 August 2004 03:40 (twenty-one years ago)

I think that by 2010 the entire music industry will entirely consist of the vanity projects of people raised in show businesss and their relatives. The industry will become entirely closed off to the rest of the world and will become so inbred that by 2030, everyone will be hemophiliacs with Down's Syndrome.

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Friday, 6 August 2004 04:45 (twenty-one years ago)

Oh, wait...I think that's already happened.

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Friday, 6 August 2004 04:47 (twenty-one years ago)

sorry alex, i think i was overreacting to the "let's do irreversible bodily harm to a perfectly nice if not terribly exciting teen pop sensation" meme.

― ||amateur!st|| (amateurist), Friday, 6 August 2004 05:05 (twenty-one years ago)

Gotta behead something

― Andrew Blood Thames (Andrew Thames), Friday, 6 August 2004 10:11 (twenty-one years ago)

I imagine Alex's inner life to be a lot like a GWAR show.

― adam (adam), Friday, 6 August 2004 11:33 (twenty-one years ago)

Alex, you like good music. How do you find time to learn about crap?

― Red Panda Sanskrit (ex machina), Friday, 6 August 2004 12:17 (twenty-one years ago)

ASHLEE SIMPSON SINGULARLY PERSONIFIES EVERYTHING THAT IS WRONG WITH THE WORLD

but what about the pretty girls?

― dleone (dleone), Friday, 6 August 2004 12:48 (twenty-one years ago)

also if AS, for all her faults, personifies everything that is wrong with the world, then the world is in better shape that i typically think. (no war, disease, ethnic cleansing, famine, etc.)

― ||amateur!st|| (amateurist), Friday, 6 August 2004 13:32 (twenty-one years ago)

For or against here, this is pretty classic:

"In fifth grade, I was obsessed with Green Day and was always going to punk shows, getting in the pit and gettin' dirty."

― artdamages (artdamages), Friday, 6 August 2004 13:37 (twenty-one years ago)

Wow:

Ashlee's unsure about the first single, but has a song she's particularly fond of called "Sucks to Be You." "It's a punk song," she said. "It has horns and everything."

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Friday, 6 August 2004 13:47 (twenty-one years ago)

Its awesome someone made a song called "Sucks to be You (Because You Aren't Exhorbitantly Wealthy Because of Your Big Sister's Knockers)"! We used to always say that in high school!

I hope she also has a song called "You Suck At Life".

― artdamages (artdamages), Friday, 6 August 2004 13:50 (twenty-one years ago)

Ashlee Simpson's entire existence is based on unchecked ego-gratification, manipulation of the lemming-like masses and unfounded mythology. Just like Al Qaeda.

― Alex in NYC (vassifer), Friday, 6 August 2004 13:51 (twenty-one years ago)

but she has a punk song, with horns and everything!

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Friday, 6 August 2004 13:56 (twenty-one years ago)

http://home.uchicago.edu/~taghatta/images/lemmings.gif

― ||| (amateurist), Friday, 6 August 2004 13:57 (twenty-one years ago)

the title of this thread should have been

ASHLEE SIMPSON SINGULARLEE PERSONIFIEES EVEREETHING THAT IS etc

― g--ff (gcannon), Friday, 6 August 2004 13:59 (twenty-one years ago)

I just saw 30 seconds of her video and she's not nearly as terrible as I had expected.

― Huck, Friday, 6 August 2004 14:04 (twenty-one years ago)

"So far, she's not worked with other producers or musicians, but she would love to get Dave Grohl on a track."

DAVE ARE U THERE GET THEE TO TEXAS

― common_person (common_person), Friday, 6 August 2004 14:06 (twenty-one years ago)

I like her album, I think, surprisingly enough. She's a really good singer. After one listen, it sounds like the best fake Courtney Love album I've ever heard -- "La La" is my favorite song so far, but that might change. (And Skye Sweetnam's album is even better, by the way -- that one will almost definitely make my top ten.)

― chuck, Friday, 6 August 2004 14:34 (twenty-one years ago)

I just love how on the show they show how fake/artificial the process of this teenpop stuff is in a totally nonchalant way, as if it was the natural order of things. (Which in the pop world it is, I guess).

― Zach Ayres (Z_Ayres), Friday, 6 August 2004 14:37 (twenty-one years ago)

I heard the song once but all I can remember is her schnoz. I truly believe the schnoz is the one reason she's taking the "edgy" angle at all. She should sing about her nose. Haven't seen the show, but I can't imagine why old alt-rock torchbearers would want to even see it. Was there any doubt it would offend your sensibilities?

Since Stan Frazier produced I'm kinda curious to hear her LP. I dig my Sugar Ray.

― CeCe Peniston (Anthony Miccio), Friday, 6 August 2004 14:39 (twenty-one years ago)

Hey Anthony, did you know that the Gore Gore Girls have been on the road with Sugar Ray this summer?? That's so weird...

― chuck, Friday, 6 August 2004 14:41 (twenty-one years ago)

"Haven't seen the show, but I can't imagine why old alt-rock torchbearers would want to even see it. Was there any doubt it would offend your sensibilities?"

Honouring the fire requires eternal vigilance.

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Friday, 6 August 2004 14:43 (twenty-one years ago)

hahaha I didn't even know Sugar Ray was going on tour! Still haven't heard the Gore Gore Girls but I'd check it out the show if I got the chance.

― CeCe Peniston (Anthony Miccio), Friday, 6 August 2004 14:45 (twenty-one years ago)

http://www.cs.duke.edu/~anderson/travesty/gonzo.jpg

― artdamages (artdamages), Friday, 6 August 2004 14:50 (twenty-one years ago)

Alex, you like good music.

Thank you.

How do you find time to learn about crap?

Well, contrary to what some here would have you believe, I don't live in a hole in the ground. I'm somewhat pop-culturally-aware of things, for a cranky thirtysomethingyearold.

― Alex in NYC (vassifer), Friday, 6 August 2004 15:25 (twenty-one years ago)

i think karma dictates that your child will grow up to be a big menudo fan.

― ||amateur!st|| (amateurist), Friday, 6 August 2004 15:42 (twenty-one years ago)

I don't believe Menudo still exist, tho'.

― Alex in NYC (vassifer), Friday, 6 August 2004 15:44 (twenty-one years ago)

she will spend hours scouring obscure thrift stores for rare Menudo vinyl and discuss them on FutureILX.

― CeCe Peniston (Anthony Miccio), Friday, 6 August 2004 15:44 (twenty-one years ago)

HONOR THE MENUDO!

― St. Nicholas (Nick A.), Friday, 6 August 2004 15:48 (twenty-one years ago)

She is such a shitty television character. In the first episode they try to set up her background and it's completely obvious they have nothing. She says something like "Well, I always wanted to be a dancer. But uh, now I want to be a singer!"

She's not nearly as funny as her sister to boot.

― David Allen (David Allen), Friday, 6 August 2004 16:13 (twenty-one years ago)

Skipping 91 messages at this point... Click here if you want to load them all.

I like the episode of the Ashlee show when she's driving in her jeep and crying into her cell phone to her mom about how the label wants her record to be less rock/more pop.

Pieces of Me is a real good song. The Simpson family is significantly creepy though. They kind of exist to be the object of America's simultaneous envy and contempt. But I guess you could say the same for most celebrities.

― herbert hebert (herbert hebert), Tuesday, 10 August 2004 02:06 (twenty-one years ago)

Dude people actually care about Ashlee Simpson?!?! I give up. Jessica Simpson is kind of hideous in real life, not that it matters, I mean Jarvis Cocker's looking pretty goddamn awful nowadays but I'd still buy any ol' crap he's on but damn. Her covers of Take My Breath Away and Angels are like stealing a tiny little piece of my soul every time I see that they exist on MTV. Ashlee Simpson I know nothing about other than she seems to be on tv but I didn't know anyone actually listened to her music. Sort of like Jessica I guess.

― Allyzay Science Explosion (allyzay), Tuesday, 10 August 2004 02:12 (twenty-one years ago)

Isn't "Pieces of Me" just a rip of Suzanne Vega?

― philip sherburne (philip sherburne), Tuesday, 10 August 2004 02:28 (twenty-one years ago)

i have never heard ashlee simpson nor seen her in motion. i only have this picture above. i sort of have a spot of sympathy for somebody named ashlee with two "e"s.

― |a|m|t|r|s|t| (amateurist), Tuesday, 10 August 2004 02:44 (twenty-one years ago)

http://www.paramount.com/television/7th-heaven/_content/7th-heaven-main_a.jpg

― Joseph Pot (STINKOR™), Tuesday, 10 August 2004 02:57 (twenty-one years ago)

7th Heaven is mega-creepy. And I even like creepy family dramas. I own the 1st season of Once & Again on dvd. But that show is satanic.

― scott seward (scott seward), Tuesday, 10 August 2004 03:01 (twenty-one years ago)

the 7th heaven parents KNEW there daughter had a drug problem because she maxed out her credit cards and had to get a PART TIME job to stay afloat. Not creepy just retarded. I'm glad she didn't end up on the streets like kelly from 90210.

― cs appleby (cs appleby), Tuesday, 10 August 2004 03:45 (twenty-one years ago)

back to ashlee....

― cs appleby (cs appleby), Tuesday, 10 August 2004 03:46 (twenty-one years ago)

her feet really do look like a tree trunk before it goes underground.

― cs appleby (cs appleby), Tuesday, 10 August 2004 03:48 (twenty-one years ago)

Chuck, I'm with you. "Autobiography" is great! Although I find "La La" a bit too...something...for me to connect with.

― Sam Benson (Sam Benson), Wednesday, 11 August 2004 05:32 (twenty-one years ago)

The album is actually fairly enjoyable. I'm surprised at the backlash, as if she were the first media created pop star...

― dean? (deangulberry), Wednesday, 11 August 2004 05:38 (twenty-one years ago)

Just listened to "La La" again and I changed my tune. She's got a great voice.

― Sam Benson (Sam Benson), Wednesday, 11 August 2004 05:42 (twenty-one years ago)

i enjoy the fact that ashlee simpson is where ILM finally draws the line on liking crappy pop music!

to be contrary, that pieces of me song is evily catchy and I can't hear it without it being in my head for an hour. but I'm OCD so should be disregarded.

― kyle (akmonday), Wednesday, 11 August 2004 05:46 (twenty-one years ago)

one year passes...

Where's Alex in NYC when we need him?

You've got to admit it: Ashlee Simpson is a survivor. In 2004, when she was caught lip-synching on a disastrous Saturday Night Live appearance, all but her most ardent fans had considered her career to be at the start of a sharp decline. But now, Simpson has bounced back with a well-received second album, entitled I Am Me, and is currently wrapping up a successful tour.

For her next release, Simpson may be taking a cue from pop music peer Mandy Moore, who released an album comprised entirely of covers in 2003, called Coverage. Moore's album included renditions of songs by a diverse array of artists, from Elton John and Cat Stevens, to pop rockers XTC and new wave legend Blondie.

Simpson's album, tentatively titled Cover Girl, will similarly cover a wide range of the pop-rock spectrum, including versions of popular songs like "Gypsy" by Fleetwood Mac and "Brown Eyed Girl" by Van Morrison, alongside lesser-known tracks like "I Believe" by the British punk band the Buzzcocks and "When My Boy Walks Down the Street" by the NYC group the Magnetic Fields.

"This is a big step for me, this record," Simpson said at a press junket in Chicago last Wednesday. "I continue to want to bring challenges not just to myself but to all of you who continue to support as well as inspire me with your enthusiasm and love for great music."

Cover Girl is scheduled for an October release on Geffen Records.

― jaymc (jaymc), Wednesday, 3 May 2006 15:37 (nineteen years ago)

hey this is like when ASH covered the buzzcocks.

― gear (gear), Wednesday, 3 May 2006 15:46 (nineteen years ago)

i saw ashlee at the cat and fiddle bar in l.a. a few weeks ago.

― gear (gear), Wednesday, 3 May 2006 15:48 (nineteen years ago)

i saw in some tabloid she got a nose job!

― -+-+-+++- (ooo), Wednesday, 3 May 2006 15:50 (nineteen years ago)

now that you mention it her nose did look a little fucked up!

― gear (gear), Wednesday, 3 May 2006 15:52 (nineteen years ago)

hey this is like when ASH covered the buzzcocks.

haha but even ashlee simpson can sing better than whatshisname in ash!

i only recently found out about her blonde hair, i am woefully behind :(

― The Lex (The Lex), Wednesday, 3 May 2006 15:54 (nineteen years ago)

http://home.cinci.rr.com/justamerican/images/Siren_animated.gif http://home.cinci.rr.com/justamerican/images/Siren_animated.gif

― gear (gear), Wednesday, 3 May 2006 15:56 (nineteen years ago)

there is no punk in this world anymore.

― p@reene (Pareene), Wednesday, 3 May 2006 15:58 (nineteen years ago)

bwahahaha

― Eppy (Eppy), Wednesday, 3 May 2006 16:03 (nineteen years ago)

Now, I'm sorry, but what the FUCK??!!?!? Ashlee Simpson covering the BUZZCOCKS? AND the MAGNETID FIELDS? Honest, kids... the world IS ending. Satan MUST be in our midst. It was one thing when it was Mandy Moore. Mandy Moore actually HAS some taste, and what's more, some CLASS. And even some talent, if you're able to get past the teeny-bopper bubble-gum poppy sound of her songs. And just think of the HORRIBLE exposure this will give to Stephin Merritt. The Magnetic Fields have already become slightly tainted as they've become kind of a trend among poser assholes, but now he potentially will also have a following of Ashlee Simpson fans.

― Eppy (Eppy), Wednesday, 3 May 2006 16:05 (nineteen years ago)

She should cover "Sister, I'm A Poet"

― Zwan (miccio), Wednesday, 3 May 2006 16:09 (nineteen years ago)

It's a bummer about the nose job, her funny beak was the best thing about her.

― shookout (shookout), Wednesday, 3 May 2006 16:09 (nineteen years ago)

That would be great!

I miss Alex in NYC.

― The Mercury Krueger (Ex Leon), Wednesday, 3 May 2006 16:10 (nineteen years ago)

I READ ZOILUS TOO

― jaymc (jaymc), Wednesday, 3 May 2006 16:13 (nineteen years ago)

Fuckin Canada-hugger.

― Eppy (Eppy), Wednesday, 3 May 2006 16:28 (nineteen years ago)

Haha, I was got back from Canada yesterday.

― jaymc (jaymc), Wednesday, 3 May 2006 16:39 (nineteen years ago)

Uh, I mean JUST got back.

― jaymc (jaymc), Wednesday, 3 May 2006 16:40 (nineteen years ago)

jaymc, is that from cnn?

― JW (ex machina), Wednesday, 3 May 2006 16:46 (nineteen years ago)

i thought singers refrained from nosejobs? i recall its something about how the shape of their nasal passages informs the sound of their voice, etc. of course, with ashlee this could be a vast improvement.

― mts (theoreticalgirl), Wednesday, 3 May 2006 16:47 (nineteen years ago)

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v719/gofugyourself/GFY112005/57325177.jpg

― horrified, Wednesday, 3 May 2006 16:59 (nineteen years ago)

Jon, it's from Billboard.

― jaymc (jaymc), Wednesday, 3 May 2006 17:00 (nineteen years ago)

I love how Alex now works for the people responsible for this hellspawn.

― jinx hijinks (sanskrit), Wednesday, 3 May 2006 17:22 (nineteen years ago)

he works for the voice?

― gear (gear), Wednesday, 3 May 2006 17:25 (nineteen years ago)

Those bands suck anyhow. Who cares.

― accountsettings (account), Wednesday, 3 May 2006 17:29 (nineteen years ago)

MTV, no?

x-post

― Chairman Doinel (Charles McCain), Wednesday, 3 May 2006 17:30 (nineteen years ago)

an album comprised entirely of covers

I bet it will be "punk"...with "horns and everything".

― Edward Bax (EdBax), Wednesday, 3 May 2006 20:56 (nineteen years ago)

the buzzcocks are pretty good. the magnetic fields are pretty fucking terrible, at least they are now.

― gear (gear), Wednesday, 3 May 2006 21:03 (nineteen years ago)

but where does alex stand on ashlee vs scout niblett?

― mookieproof (mookieproof), Wednesday, 3 May 2006 21:05 (nineteen years ago)

"She should be set on fire and her ashes sprayed over septic tank via a vulgarly lifelike prosthetic penis."

"I find it so detestable that it makes me want to cease all human life on this planet."

ashlee makes him want to kill her, scout niblett makes him want to kill everyone

― gear (gear), Wednesday, 3 May 2006 21:07 (nineteen years ago)

You've got to admit it: Ashlee Simpson is a survivor.
You've got to admit it: Ashlee Simpson is a survivor.
You've got to admit it: Ashlee Simpson is a survivor.
You've got to admit it: Ashlee Simpson is a survivor.
You've got to admit it: Ashlee Simpson is a survivor.
You've got to admit it: Ashlee Simpson is a survivor.

― NoTimeBeforeTime (Barry Bruner), Wednesday, 3 May 2006 21:07 (nineteen years ago)

The next time I fix a problem at work, I think I'm going to write myself some self-congratulating emails in the style of that article.

― NoTimeBeforeTime (Barry Bruner), Wednesday, 3 May 2006 21:08 (nineteen years ago)

I can't wait for Lily Allen's big comeback in the winter of 2007.

― NoTimeBeforeTime (Barry Bruner), Wednesday, 3 May 2006 21:09 (nineteen years ago)

admit it:
http://image.allmusic.com/00/amg/cov200/drf800/f865/f86597a339a.jpg

― mookieproof (mookieproof), Wednesday, 3 May 2006 21:12 (nineteen years ago)

popular songs like "Gypsy" by Fleetwood Mac and "Brown Eyed Girl" by Van Morrison, alongside lesser-known tracks like "I Believe" by the British punk band the Buzzcocks and "When My Boy Walks Down the Street" by the NYC group the Magnetic Fields.

egad, is this true? if so, i am so looking forward to this. i like how OPPOSITE some of those songs are. what well-informed music geek, in a million years, would even think of doing "brown eyed girl" and "i believe" in the same session? it makes no sense. but to ashlee, or to whoever picked these songs, they're just random songs on an ipod, and they probably don't come from any particular traditions at all except they're all, ya know, old, from the '60s or the '70s or the late '90s or whatever. ashlee doing "when my boy walks down the street" could be disastrous or great, i'm dying to hear which it is. ashlee singing "THERE.IS.NO.LOVE.IN.THIS.WORLD.ANYMORE" over and over for four minutes straight ... this is the kind of thing i live for.

― fact checking cuz (fcc), Thursday, 4 May 2006 05:00 (nineteen years ago)

i hadn't heard about this when it first went around, so i thought i'd share the joy.

ashlee simpson drunk at mcdonald's
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BFMht18fmLA

― jaime, Thursday, 4 May 2006 05:07 (nineteen years ago)

Will she keep in that line about believing in the Final Solution on "I Believe"? Of course she will! Nazi chic is no doubt the theme of Ashlee's next album of original material, which will take on a very industrial sound and will feature a neo-futurism album cover.

After all, can you get any more punk than totalitarianism and concentration camps? Me doubts it!

― Cunga (Cunga), Thursday, 4 May 2006 05:13 (nineteen years ago)

one year passes...

dude she fucking sucks no matter what. what a boring bunch of songs. god you older men music crits are sick and weird.
-- Sir Chaki McBeer III (chaki), Monday, August 9, 2004 3:13 PM (3 years ago)

: )

― gershy, Monday, 10 September 2007 04:38 (eighteen years ago)

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