TS: Michael Bolton - "No-talent ass clown" or deserved legend of blue-eyed soul?

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There has never been a Bolton thread!

― Gear! (Gear!), Wednesday, 4 August 2004 20:09 (twenty-one years ago)

And oh, if you had only kept it that way.

When singing, Bolton does give a brilliant impression of a man straining to release hard, pustulent stools from his horrible plasticine ass, so on that level, a fantastic success.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 4 August 2004 20:15 (twenty-one years ago)

http://i.imdb.com/Photos/Ss/0151804/office1.jpg

― JaXoN (JasonD), Wednesday, 4 August 2004 20:17 (twenty-one years ago)

Frank Kogan told me once that "Otis Redding was the original Michael Bolton," for whatever that's worth. And I always thought "Nothing Compares 2 U" by Sinead O'Connor sounded like a cross between Michael Bolton and Julee Cruise. (Neither of these were compliments, though -- not to Otis Redding, even.) And um, um....I think Marc Weisblott likes his '70s/early '80s hard rock era, when he spelled his name different.

― chuck, Wednesday, 4 August 2004 20:29 (twenty-one years ago)

Frank Kogan is the deaf bloke, right?

― Gear! (Gear!), Wednesday, 4 August 2004 20:33 (twenty-one years ago)

When singing, Bolton does give a brilliant impression of a man straining to release hard, pustulent stools from his horrible plasticine ass, so on that level, a fantastic success.

that's cool, Ned...I wasn't really planning on eating dinner tonight anyway!

― M@tt He1geson (Matt Helgeson), Wednesday, 4 August 2004 20:36 (twenty-one years ago)

Anybody heard that album of arias he made?

― CeCe Peniston (Anthony Miccio), Wednesday, 4 August 2004 20:37 (twenty-one years ago)

http://image.allmusic.com/00/amg/cov200/drd100/d100/d10075aqmo4.jpg

I haven't myself (thank god)

― CeCe Peniston (Anthony Miccio), Wednesday, 4 August 2004 20:39 (twenty-one years ago)

I wonder what his true "secret passion" is?

― Gear! (Gear!), Wednesday, 4 August 2004 20:39 (twenty-one years ago)

furries

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Wednesday, 4 August 2004 20:45 (twenty-one years ago)

Why did the Chia company never release a Michael Bolton Chia Pet?

― Talent Explosion (Talent Explosion), Wednesday, 4 August 2004 20:47 (twenty-one years ago)

I wonder what his true "secret passion" is?
-- Gear! (drink_to_remembe...), August 4th, 2004.
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furries

-- latebloomer (posercore24...), August 4th, 2004.

I think someone with Photoshop talent should run with this.

― M@tt He1geson (Matt Helgeson), Wednesday, 4 August 2004 20:56 (twenty-one years ago)

I think I should run away from this.

― CeCe Peniston (Anthony Miccio), Wednesday, 4 August 2004 21:02 (twenty-one years ago)

the otis redding ref.-- i guess both of them "oversoul" it sometimes. no, otis oversouls it sometimes. bolton oversouls it always without a moment's let-up. here's an example of someone with "talent" who hasn't the slightest clue what to do with it, artistically speaking.

― amateur!st (amateurist), Wednesday, 4 August 2004 21:19 (twenty-one years ago)

Samir: No one in this country can ever pronounce my name right. It's not that hard: Samir Na-gheen-an-a-jar. Nagheenanajar.
Michael Bolton: Yeah, well at least your name isn't Michael Bolton.
Samir: You know there's nothing wrong with that name.
Michael Bolton: There was nothing wrong with it... until I was about 12 years old and that no-talent ass clown became famous and started winning Grammys.
Samir: Hmm... well why don't you just go by Mike instead of Michael?
Michael Bolton: No way. Why should I change? He's the one who sucks.

― JaXoN (JasonD), Wednesday, 4 August 2004 21:25 (twenty-one years ago)

four years pass...

And oh, if you had only kept it that way.
When singing, Bolton does give a brilliant impression of a man straining to release hard, pustulent stools from his horrible plasticine ass, so on that level, a fantastic success.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, August 4, 2004 9:15 PM (4 years ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

Ned, this is not very kind

― I love rainbow cookies (surm), Wednesday, 15 July 2009 20:18 (sixteen years ago)

i always wanted to hear that hard rock band he had with bruck kulick in the 70s, blackjack or something like that

― I'm a Matt...I'm a DC (M@tt He1ges0n), Wednesday, 15 July 2009 20:19 (sixteen years ago)

Ned, this is not very kind

Thanks!

― Ned Raggett, Wednesday, 15 July 2009 20:55 (sixteen years ago)

he should duet with mariah carey

― pfunkboy (Herman G. Neuname), Wednesday, 15 July 2009 21:04 (sixteen years ago)

Frank Kogan told me once that "Otis Redding was the original Michael Bolton," for whatever that's worth.

― chuck, Wednesday, August 4, 2004 3:29 PM (4 years ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

i dont get it

― mustafa moe money (deej), Wednesday, 15 July 2009 21:40 (sixteen years ago)

Me neither, but it made me laugh anyway.

Also, I'm a belated convert to Bolton's 1983 #82 pop single "Fools Game" -- just a real tough catchy early Bryan Adams-style hard pop song. Makes me want to hear Blackjack (when he still spelled his last name Bolotin), but I haven't found any copies of their albums for $1 yet.

― xhuxk, Wednesday, 15 July 2009 21:55 (sixteen years ago)

http://www.lauraforever.com/mbonthenet/images/bjgroup.jpg

― tylerw, Wednesday, 15 July 2009 22:00 (sixteen years ago)

dudes had some thick heads of hair back in the day

― tylerw, Wednesday, 15 July 2009 22:00 (sixteen years ago)

The dude on the bottom rubbing his shoulder (in front of erstwhile Kiss guitarist Bruce Kulick with porn `stache) looks disquietingly like Robyn Byrd.

― Alex in NYC, Wednesday, 15 July 2009 22:59 (sixteen years ago)

"Soul Provider" is his best single. IMO.

― jetfan, Wednesday, 15 July 2009 23:25 (sixteen years ago)

one year passes...

http://awfullibrarybooks.files.wordpress.com/2010/07/michael-bolton-2.jpg?w=500&h=668

― spanikopitcon (Abbott), Monday, 9 August 2010 01:18 (fifteen years ago)

From this Awful Library Books entry.

― spanikopitcon (Abbott), Monday, 9 August 2010 01:19 (fifteen years ago)

whoa that blog is awesome

― gross rainbow of haerosmith (underrated aerosmith albums I have loved), Monday, 9 August 2010 01:34 (fifteen years ago)

ten months pass...

Fuel

A.A.M. is one of the best violinists alive, and is further, from most appearances, a pretty approachable kick-ass person. Michael Bolton musically is to her what I am to Sandy Koufax at pitching. Michael Bolton, eat a bag of dicks for making such an excellent musician unhappy

― love in a grain elevator (underrated aerosmith bootlegs I have owned), Thursday, 7 July 2011 21:04 (fourteen years ago)

one year passes...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7P6QYWqRxww

― omar little, Thursday, 16 August 2012 05:59 (thirteen years ago)

one year passes...

When singing, Bolton does give a brilliant impression of a man straining to release hard, pustulent stools from his horrible plasticine ass, so on that level, a fantastic success.

Marking this down for inclusion in the Ned Raggett hall of fame.

― Johnny Fever, Thursday, 17 July 2014 23:11 (eleven years ago)

the first time I saw this guy was on Showtime at the Apollo and I was like "if it's on this show, it's awesome" at that time in my life so it took me a good while to realize how bad he sucked

― Now I Am Become Dracula (underrated aerosmith bootlegs I have owned), Thursday, 17 July 2014 23:22 (eleven years ago)

I unabashedly love a few of his tunes, and he seems to have a pretty good handle on his public perception, so let him be I say.

― Johnny Fever, Thursday, 17 July 2014 23:28 (eleven years ago)

Love that Stills quote in that post from three years back.

― intheblanks, Thursday, 17 July 2014 23:36 (eleven years ago)

"You should consider yourself lucky that I'm blessing you with a compliment" - Stephen Stills

― intheblanks, Thursday, 17 July 2014 23:37 (eleven years ago)

OMG that Bolton/G shreds video is next level

― calstars, Friday, 18 July 2014 00:25 (eleven years ago)

some very good times to be had here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Talk:Kenny_G#Legitimacy

― Now I Am Become Dracula (underrated aerosmith bootlegs I have owned), Friday, 18 July 2014 01:30 (eleven years ago)

the hair metally stuff he did as Michael Bolotin was kinda amusing

― Neanderthal, Friday, 18 July 2014 01:35 (eleven years ago)

Is it true that he wrote the Mario music? Can we add more on that? —Preceding unsigned comment added by Nickmanning214 (talk • contribs) 17:28, 11 July 2008 (UTC)

― brimstead, Friday, 18 July 2014 03:18 (eleven years ago)

three years pass...

On his most well-known song and how it still causes hernias.

― morning wood truancy (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Friday, 13 April 2018 01:24 (seven years ago)

wow @ the "otis redding was the original michael bolton" quote upthread

― (The Other) J.D. (J.D.), Friday, 13 April 2018 01:57 (seven years ago)

eleven months pass...

http://www.beat.com.au/sites/default/files/styles/article_top_large/public/article/2018/mar/bolton.jpg

― calstars, Saturday, 23 March 2019 15:07 (six years ago)

Is that from the Valentine’s Day comedy special he did a few years back? That had some funny moments.

― What's that Phish song that goes "Bag it, Tag it"? (morrisp), Saturday, 23 March 2019 23:30 (six years ago)

No it’s from his album with the London philharmonic or some sh1t. I think it might be a target exclusive

― calstars, Sunday, 24 March 2019 00:59 (six years ago)

I preferred it when he wasn't funny.

He looks like someone who doesn't quite understand the joke, but people are laughing so hey.

― Mark G, Sunday, 24 March 2019 09:40 (six years ago)

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