Cast Your Vote For MOST CONTRIVED VOCAL DELIVERY!!!

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I'm gonna need a while to think about this. Right now all I can think of is Eddie Vedder and that Stone Pimple Toilets guy. "Ahwellahseeeee that sahmuch depenzonnaweathahhhhhh...."

But, please, I'm eager to get this one meted out.

― Nude Spock, Friday, 7 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

meted. uh huh huh huh.

― Nude Sopck, Friday, 7 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Brett Anderson. The man has no voice, I bet even when he was kid and sang along to the radio everybody told him to shut up, and he's still convinced they were wrong, even though he's the only one that is.

Also whatshisname from Hootie, except everybody probably told him he had a 'great voice' and he believed it. The worst of the Vedder/Stapp school of 'soulfulness', which is even shittier for not being fake, as that would require too much intelligence for those planks.

― dave q, Friday, 7 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Jeff Buckley.

― Andrew L, Friday, 7 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I'm not sure what you mean by "contrived". Do you mean like stylised or mannered? In which case, it's a good thing, no? It makes me think of Bryan Ferry singing 'Virginia Plain'. Or Tim Buckley on 'Starsailor'. Uncontrived vocals must be worse, eh?

― Edna Welthorpe, Mrs, Friday, 7 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Hank Williams. But that was in a GOOD way. Same is true in a lesser degree of John Lennon.

― dave q, Friday, 7 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Contrived = pretending you're someone you ain't to a repulsive degree

― Nude Spock, Friday, 7 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

What about the voice of Geddy Lee? How did it get so high? I wonder if he speaks like an ordinary guy

― Alan Trewartha, Friday, 7 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Alan - Part 2 of '2112' is called "The Temples of Syrinx", which sounds like a cross between 'syringe' and 'larynx', which might be a winking reference to having the vocal cords pumped up with some chemical to make them sound that way, and yes I did find this idea on a Rush website where fans come up with incredibly convoluted theories to make one's head spin!

― dave q, Friday, 7 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Does Gorillaz count?

― Honda, Friday, 7 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Nelly Furtado.

― Dave225, Friday, 7 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

!Alan - I know him and he does.

― Edna Welthorpe, Mrs, Friday, 7 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

?Edna: and you're my fact-checkin cuz.

-ta da-

― Alan Trewartha, Friday, 7 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

That was beautiful.

Most mannered vocal delivery ever, I believe, belongs to Wazmo Nariz, who turned the Buddy Holly hiccup into a new wave obsession-compulsion. He pronounces the "girl" in "Checking Out The Checkout Girl" with nine syllables, and squeaks at the end of it, every time.

― Douglas, Friday, 7 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

What about Sting's hamfisted attempts at sounding Jamaican on various tracks?

― Daniel, Friday, 7 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

James Walsh throughout the whole of the Starsailor album.

'80s punters who went on about Billy McKenzie "if he got his act together, he could really get somewhere" - this is what they wish he would've sounded like. And if it wasn't for his unparalleled imagination he would have sounded exactly like this.

― Marcello Carlin, Friday, 7 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I'm going to say Leonard Cohen because I just hate him. His drole drone can bite my Jandek.

― Gage-o, Friday, 7 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Britney Spears.

― RW, Friday, 7 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Natalie fucking Merchant

― Tracer Hand, Friday, 7 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

It seems to me there is nothing contrived about Leonard Cohen's sing/speak delivery. Unless you consider any performance to have a contrived aspect, which is kind of true.

― Sean, Friday, 7 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

See Switchblade Symphony's 2nd album, "Bread and Jam for Frances," in which Tina Root (formerly responsible for the excellent gothic/darkwave of their debut "Serpentine Gallery") attempts to ... *gulp* come close to rap?

when you've got a wavering, skanky little voice shilling out lyrics like "Witches they ride, on broomsticks ya know .. Angels use wings, to catch the wind's blow" .... even if it's self-parody, the humor dies quickly.

― Chris, Friday, 7 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

contrived means artificial or labored, not necessarily trying to do an impersonation. I mean, I think Oasis' vocals sound very contrived, Liam tried to get that nasally/whiny sound and somewhat odd pronunciation, but could probably sing in a more natural manner if he wanted to. But then again I don't find it too bad when Liam does it, but there are a whole lot of liam immitators who are pretty grating. I agree with you an vedder and STP, and how about the hottie guy? Isn't he ridiculous in one of those recent Gap ads? I guess the guy in Mud did all those elvis style vocals, oh they were good though weren;t they?

― , Friday, 7 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

you gotta think of mazzy sat (hope sandoval's) vocal delivery as contrived too. But it was quite pleasant nonetheless.

― g, Friday, 7 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

That would be "The Great Commandment" by Camouflage. "The great com MAHND ment/ shows the KAHN tent/ Between the orld and their em BAHR assing..."

And they were German, for Pete's sake.

― Colin Meeder, Friday, 7 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Oh boy, do I ever agree with Tracer.

And though it's probably going to get me kicked out of the League of Theban Gentlemen, I'd like to nominate Tori Amos.

The way Jane Birkin pronounces the name "Otis Redding" in "Ex-Fan des Sixties" always makes me chuckle. All Gallic and sex-kittenish-"Oteez Hweddhing". I mean, she's English, why does she pronounce it like that? I love it, though, it just makes me laugh.

― Arthur, Friday, 7 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Bruce Dickinson of Iron Maiden, most notably on "Run to the Hills," where his vocal wobble makes him sound like Katherine Hepburn going all N.W.O.B.H.M.

― Alex in NYC, Friday, 7 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Bruce Dickinson was taught to sing that way.

The most contrived vocalist I can think of is Shaggy. If you were to hear his speaking voice, you'd think he was an 18-year-old suburban kid.

― Dan Perry, Friday, 7 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

James Hetfield and his ilk. But at least they're entertaining, unlike the Vedder gang, who are just vile.

― Arthur, Friday, 7 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

maybe not vedder-style contrived but: mick jagger's faux southern drawl eg "faraway eyes", but maybe that's too campy to be considered contrived. joey ramone's 'erman's 'ermits english accent (maybe the payback for mick). das efx. prince far-i. smiley culture. but if these are contrived vocals, i think i like contrived.

― fritz, Friday, 7 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

oh, and really over the top hiccupy breathy growly rockabilly singing is wicked contrived cool too - lux interior, hasil adkins, legendary stardust cowboy, even the early conway twitty stuff.

― fritz, Friday, 7 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I usually like everybody's singing, though sometimes not the music. Except for that deep-voice grunge singing. I have to agree, that sucks. In fact, the deep-voice thing is probably always bad. For instance, I like the Detroit Cobras basically, but I think I'd like them more if the singer didn't always have to have such a deep voice. Courtney Love does that too. You can't just equate 'soulful' with 'deep voice'! (I'm addressing that to these post-grungers.) (And to the Angels, etc.)

― maryann, Friday, 7 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

eh - I hate the grunge sound - but Iggy Pop, Peter Murphy, Steven Merritt, even bleedin' Morrissey... I's loves the deep voice.

― Dave225, Friday, 7 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Britney Spears gets my vote with Dido a distant second.

― Lindsey B, Friday, 7 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

So does contrived mean stylised, Nude Spock? Or are we applying the subjective context of whether it's plesant or not? I guess what I mean is, in theory, all opera singers are "contrived" because it's heavily stylised, much as Frank Sinatra or someone else can be--but I don't think that counts as contrived... so would it have to be faking poorly?

In that case, how's a meta-contrivance by Creed for copying Vedder's contrivance?

― Mickey Black Eyes, Friday, 7 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

What about the voices you hear on 'charity' records: contrived or straight from the heart (I'm thinking Fred Durst et al here)?

― laavanyan, Friday, 7 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

In that case, how's a meta-contrivance by Creed for copying Vedder's contrivance?

Somehow I don't think they're quite that clever...

― Prude, Friday, 7 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Good point--one can dream, can one?

― Mickey Black Eyes, Friday, 7 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

inna good way: ODB

inna bad stylee: Ani DiFranco! i hate the way she sings! i feel like she's probably got good "songs" and all but in this age of nobody-ever-covering-anybody-else I'll never know because she sounds far too smug for her own pantses.

― Tracer Hand, Friday, 7 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

What about the voice of Geddy Lee? Why does he sing so high? Especially if he speaks like an ordinary guy.

― JM, Friday, 7 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Don't forget the "Satan growl" referred to in the Kittie thread.

Also, I liked her voice well enough with 10000 Maniacs, but the last time I saw Natalie Merchant on TV I thought she sounded like a parody of herself.

― nickn, Friday, 7 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

A good example of what I DON'T mean is Elvis Presley. Contrived, yes. But, did he mean it? Sure sounds like it. Hell, he invented it. It was HIM. He truly had one of the best voices ever. People who aren't intimately familiar with The Sun Recordings, The Lost Album or the Suspicious Minds album shouldn't feel the need to comment on his vocals because they're knowledge would be lacking if they judged on a vague recollection of "Hound Dog" and his later, deeper, drugged-up voice or any number of the lame movie songs. His contrivances added to the emotion of the songs and, I think, he sang those songs from the heart (at least on the recordings). His ability to go from deep to high and back at just the right moment, convey a winking, smiling, sincere personality. In fact, I'd go so far as to say he was the best male vocalist in history who specifically didn't write his own songs.

But, hey, some Eddie Vedder fan could argue the same thing. It's all perception, I guess.

― Nude Spock, Friday, 7 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Jake Shillingford on the last MLS album (especially Walk/Don't Walk "I watched her leave through the bottom of an empty gleeeeaaaaaaas")

― jamesmichaelward, Friday, 7 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I adore him, but... Bob Pollard. He's even admitted to deliberately singing with a British accent. It probably comes naturally now though..

― electric sound of jim, Friday, 7 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Oh, how could I forget: Jimmy Sommerville.

Also,I think Craig Wedren from Shudder to Think went from bad contrived to really, really good contrived.

― , Saturday, 8 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Scott Stapp is the Meta-Vedder!

― Prude, Saturday, 8 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Damon Albarn. His sub-Ray Davies mewling comes close to spoiling an otherwise good band.

― Justyn Dillingham, Saturday, 8 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Starsailor's James Walsh certainly. His spoken voice is a quiet, even effete, Cheshire twang. Singing he's somewhere over the mid-atlantic. It's just so horribly forced. He must believe that strung-out, whiney, nasel bleating denotes 'soul'. Or something.

― DavidM, Saturday, 8 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Mick Lynch of Stump, anyone? "A Fierce Pancake" is still good, though.

― OleM, Saturday, 8 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Bowie on "Warszawa".

Also, every vocal performance by PJ Harvey, Macy Gray, Sophie Ellis- Bextor, Mike Scott from the Waterboys, Richard Ashcroft and Pat Kane from Hue and Cry.

― Mark Dixon, Saturday, 8 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Peter Murphy yes, Morrissey no, Malcolm Mclaren yes yes yes

― erik, Saturday, 8 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

basically dave q anwered it in the very first post: Brett Anderson makes everyone else sound au naturel

― erik, Saturday, 8 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Alanis Morrisette. Also Sarah MacLachlan (or however you spell it) and Björk.

I rather like Eddie Vedder, myself...

― Phil, Saturday, 8 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

that guy from Muse (Matthew whatshisname)

― erik, Saturday, 8 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Arthur - I love Birkin's delivery & her accent, it is a bit silly to pronounce English names like that but then, I bet it'd have this lurching effect if she hadn't.
To switch subjects completely, what abt that guy from Korn? Cracks me up - I mean, if death metal singers are Cookie Monster he's Grover on a coke binge.

― daria gray, Saturday, 8 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Oh, duh!, Stuart Staples of Tindersticks.

― daria gray, Saturday, 8 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Peter. Fucking. Murphy.

― M. Matos, Monday, 10 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Coil bloke on "Circles of Mania" off "Horse Rotorvator".

― OleM, Monday, 10 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Such a long thread and no mention of Bob Dylan. A neighbour of Mr Zimmerman from Hibbing said somewhere in an interview that he did not like Dylan's singing voice as he disguises his real voice. Dylan's characteristic strange sounding nasal recitative is apparently contrived. This must be the example of the most successful use of contrived vocals. On "Love and Theft" nevertheless Dylan's vocals sound less nasal. Maybe now we hear more his real voice.

― alex in mainhattan, Monday, 10 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

On the (thankfully rare) days when I find Blur annoying, it's Damon' voice that does the most damage.

How about Lee wossname from Alfie. It put me right off until I saw them a few times.

And Bob Dylan probably doesn't have enough of a nose (or larynx, thanks to the fags) left to sing nasally anymore.

Andrew

― Andrew Farrell, Monday, 10 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

three years pass...

Mick Lynch, contrived? I dont think so.
Peter Murphy, yep.

― Roisin, Wednesday, 29 December 2004 11:08 (twenty years ago)

INTERPOL, y'all. Although apparently he opened his mouth and it just came out like that. hmm.

Also, Mark E Smith to thread.

― CharlieNo4 (Charlie), Wednesday, 29 December 2004 11:13 (twenty years ago)

sally fucking timms

― stockholm cindy (Jody Beth Rosen), Wednesday, 29 December 2004 11:16 (twenty years ago)

mo-fucking-mus

― stockholm cindy (Jody Beth Rosen), Wednesday, 29 December 2004 11:26 (twenty years ago)

i like Sally Timms 'Drunk By Noon'

i think i'll vote The Libertines

― Frankenstein On Ice (blueski), Wednesday, 29 December 2004 11:42 (twenty years ago)

on 'Ain't Got No Home' Clarence 'Frogman' Henry sings one verse as a man, then one as a woman, and finally one as a frog, croaking his singing. That takes some beating.

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Wednesday, 29 December 2004 11:44 (twenty years ago)

the chick from My Favorite

― stockholm cindy (Jody Beth Rosen), Wednesday, 29 December 2004 11:55 (twenty years ago)

Mick Lynch, contrived? I dont think so.

Really? "Ice the Levant"? "Chaos"?

― OleM (OleM), Wednesday, 29 December 2004 12:19 (twenty years ago)

Mr Punchable from Razorlight.

― petef (pete badmusik), Wednesday, 29 December 2004 12:24 (twenty years ago)

Joanna "elfin ears" Newsom
Devendra Banhart

Can't stand their voices.

― Hanna (Hanna), Wednesday, 29 December 2004 12:50 (twenty years ago)

Oh and those CocoRosie chicks

― Hanna (Hanna), Wednesday, 29 December 2004 12:51 (twenty years ago)

Mark E. Smith? I guess it depends on your definition/connotation of contrived. To me, singing in a style or with an affectation is not necessarily being contrived.

― dave225 (Dave225), Wednesday, 29 December 2004 13:11 (twenty years ago)

DO NOT DISS COCOROSIE THEY ARE TEH GORGEOUSNESS AND THEIR VOICES TOO.

― CharlieNo4 (Charlie), Wednesday, 29 December 2004 13:46 (twenty years ago)

There's a version of Slade's Cum On Feel the Noize in GTA Vice City, which I think is by Wasp, or some equally bad metal band. When he sings "you should know better," he really over-emphises the tt in better to the point where I'm driving around looking for a big machine gun to shoot the soundtrack.

OTOH, Rickie Lee Jones is very mannered, but I lurve her. Go fig-yure. Or doh-went.

― M.C. Glammer, Wednesday, 29 December 2004 13:59 (twenty years ago)

Why do I hate the singer from Rancid's fake English-punk accent? I mean, even more than every other American who fakes an English-punk accent, which is saying a lot? (Exception: Joey Ramone, who basically invented that cliche & therefore got away with it.)

― Myonga Von Bontee (Myonga Von Bontee), Wednesday, 29 December 2004 14:28 (twenty years ago)

Not sure if I would personally consider "Frogman" Henry's bullfrog imitations to be "contrived", myself. I mean, that was kinda his whole raison d'etre, right?

And, just to counterbalance all those recent pro-Tea Party sentiments that I've damaged my credibility (hah!) by posting, I hereby nominate Jeff Martin and his mute-nostril agonizing.

― Myonga Von Bontee (Myonga Von Bontee), Wednesday, 29 December 2004 14:52 (twenty years ago)

Rockwell had the most contrived voice ever. Is he cited as an influence by Farnsworth Bentley?

― Joseph McCombs (Joseph McCombs), Wednesday, 29 December 2004 15:05 (twenty years ago)

There is nothing contrived about the way Eddie Veddar sings, honestly. I mean, his singing voice sounds EXACTLY like his speaking voice, only, like, with notes and stuff. I think it's a shame that his voice, which is quite a spectacle to behold in the right contexts (see: Dead Man Walking OST colab w/ Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan in particular), gets so often maligned for the horrendousness of his imitators.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Wednesday, 29 December 2004 15:14 (twenty years ago)

Joss Stone

― craggy jones, Wednesday, 29 December 2004 15:57 (twenty years ago)

Jaime Stewart from Xiu Xiu owns this thread.

A close second is Douglas McCombs (sp?) from Nitzer Ebb.

― cdwill, Wednesday, 29 December 2004 16:52 (twenty years ago)

Lenny Kravitz.

― Maxwell von Bismarck (maxwell von bismarck), Thursday, 30 December 2004 01:43 (twenty years ago)

michael bolton. duh.

― Mr. Snrub (Mr. Snrub), Thursday, 30 December 2004 01:45 (twenty years ago)

anybody who ever thought that Mr. Bolton had anything even remotely close to a modicum of soul should be dragged out into the street and shot.

― Mr. Snrub (Mr. Snrub), Thursday, 30 December 2004 01:48 (twenty years ago)

"WELL TONIGHT THANK GOD IT'S THEM... IN-STEEEEEEEAAAAD OF YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!"

― donut christ (donut), Thursday, 30 December 2004 02:49 (twenty years ago)

Simon Le Bon. I heard "Do They Know It's Christmas" on the radio the other day and there was no doubt in my mind that Simon Le Bon was the worst. Boy George was okay because it was based upon the genre, and Bono's delivery actually sounded appropriate.

― youn, Thursday, 30 December 2004 04:10 (twenty years ago)

Affectation = Morrissey, Jon Spencer, Paul Banks
Contrived = Bowie, Ian Curtis, Kate Bush

― VG (1411), Thursday, 30 December 2004 04:28 (twenty years ago)

xpost

well, if you define "appropriate" as "feel GUILTY, you Western pigs, ok so speak to my agent about the cameo residuals then?"

― donut christ (donut), Thursday, 30 December 2004 04:29 (twenty years ago)

Yeah, I don't know. I'm not really a U2 fan, but once long ago I was in Coventry with a few tapes, one of which was an early U2 album, and they definitely had potential. But it definitely makes it worse to imagine his facial expressions (from the recent past) when he sings.

― youn, Thursday, 30 December 2004 04:35 (twenty years ago)

What about the guy who sang "Rambling Rose," Ted Taylor?

― Ken L (Ken L), Thursday, 30 December 2004 07:00 (twenty years ago)

Not sure if I would personally consider "Frogman" Henry's bullfrog imitations to be "contrived", myself. I mean, that was kinda his whole raison d'etre, right?

Well he didn't do it that often, and sung his one huge hit (But I Do) straight, but it obviously is what his nickname was for. But if singing like a frog isn't contrived, I don't know what is.

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Thursday, 30 December 2004 17:26 (twenty years ago)

x-post

M. Doughty of Soul Coughing.

― cdwill, Thursday, 30 December 2004 17:28 (twenty years ago)

Any '70s falsetto: Bee Gees, Leo Sayer, etc.

― mike a, Thursday, 30 December 2004 17:54 (twenty years ago)

That whole overwrought Creed/Hootie/Nickleback kind of singing sounds to me like someone trying to do a Neil Diamond impersonation.

― earlnash, Thursday, 30 December 2004 18:15 (twenty years ago)

....trying to do a Neil Diamond impersonation.

That is affectation, not contrivance.

― V (1411), Thursday, 30 December 2004 18:36 (twenty years ago)

b-fucking-jork!!

― m. (mitchlnw), Thursday, 30 December 2004 18:43 (twenty years ago)

vocalizing (bush-ism?) into a microphone is contrivance itself. you could argue this about any contemporary singer from the advent of microphones and PA's.

but i'm not gonna miss an opportunity to hate on Chris Martin's cloyingly ingratiating tones.

or that cunt from Athlete.

― john clarkson, Thursday, 30 December 2004 19:39 (twenty years ago)

Nick Cave. His whole schtick was based around being a Victorian romantic-degenerate, even though (in interviews) he's a true-blue Melbournian...

― paulhw (paulhw), Thursday, 30 December 2004 20:33 (twenty years ago)

Pete Burns. The Electric Six guy. And, in a different sense of contrived, am I remembering correctly that Al Green's recordings are made of cut-and-pastes of dozens of different takes? Or is that some other dude? Maybe James Carr? Or Daniel Johnson?

― Acme (acme), Friday, 31 December 2004 01:20 (twenty years ago)

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