Artist-specific music jokes

So make your own.

Q: What does it take to get the Beatles back together?
A: Three bullets and a gun.

q :: what was the 1st thing clapton did after writing tears in heaven¿
a :: shoved his kid out the window.

the big hand's on the little hand.

-- dysøn (dyspleasur...), September 29th, 2004.

haha, ever see that Mr. Show sketch?

I love that one.

Q: What did Mark E. Smith say after the marathon?
A: I'm totally tired!

Q: About doing his homework?
A: It's totally required!

Q: To Brix?
A: You're totally fired!

Really, anything that ends in 'ired.' Eh hem.

A: He has a slow hand.

A: Because he doesn't hit on anything over 16.

A: Neil Armstrong walked on the moon.....

....and Michael Jackson fucks kids.

A: Sammy Davis Jr. and Sandy Duncan.

a: michael jackson

So anyway, at the height of his fame Adam Ant visits the set of top British soap opera Coronation Street. As luck would have it, his favourite character Stan Ogden invites to come for a drink in legendary pub the Rover's Return on set. There they proceed to sink a great many pints of fine English ale. More than a little the worse for wear, Adam Ant decides to get one more round in. But as he stands up, he suddenly grips his side and starts moaning terribly. "What is it, mate?" says his companion. Adam starts singing: "Stan, it's my liver..."

/coat

Karen Carpenter's dress-size.

Speaking of people i'd like to pie in the face . . .

How how many how many minimalists how many minimalists does how many minimalists does it how many minimalists does it take how many minimalists does it take to how many minimalists does it take to change how many minimalists does it take to change a how many minimalists does it take to change a lightbulb?

"Yep," said the doctor, "he's bats, all right."

"You've got to do something!" exclaimed the other members of the band.
"Check him into the rubber room, innit?"

"I'm afraid I can't do that," said the doctor with a sad look in his eye.

"But you must!" exclaimed the band, "Otherwise we'll never get sleep again!"

"I'm afraid a higher power has forbidden it, lads." The doctor grabbed his Bible and patted it. "It says explicitly, 'Thou shalt not commit a Daltrey'."

From my kids, at primary school, c. 10 yrs ago:

Q. What do you call a fat computer?
A. A Dell.

(Smarmy stand-up bit):

"Folks, I'm a schmuck. I've been a schmuck my whole life. Wanna know how big a schmuck I am? Listen to 1969: Velvet Underground Live... I'm the kid in the crowd yelling back at Lou Reed – 'No, play two short sets! I gotta get home for Johnny Carson!'"

What do you call a Mike and the Mechanics tribute band made up entirely of samurai?

Silent Ronin

Q: Why are Depeche Mode bad at Teams meetings?

A: Because they're on Mute.

I've heard that on his rider Dave Gahan demands his own personal cheeses.

why did Depeche Mode march into the offices of Delta Dental?

to get a Policy of Tooth

what do you call a group of prosperous post-rock lawyers?

I don't know, reggie, what DO you call a group of prosperous post-rock lawyers?

McEntire, Grubbs, O’Rourke & Pajo LLP(?)

Do Make Say Think & Waterhouse ?

Talk Talk Talk Talk Talk Talk

Q: Why does Dave Gahan never watch slasher flicks?
A: He can't stand Gore.

McEntire, Grubbs, O’Rourke & Pajo LLP(?)

^

torteoisie

Why did Bob Marley take karate?
Because he got to have hi-yah now

3

Q: Why are Depeche Mode bad at Teams meetings?

A: Because they're on Mute.

Btw, this was so great that I've thought about it from time time since it was posted...

Thanks, that was one of mine, although I'd probably heard it before somewhere. And now I think it would be funnier with Zoom, not Teams.

Why did the chicken ignore side one of Aerosmith's Pump?

To get to "The Other Side"

(This also works with Pendulum's In Silico but I figure ilx is more likely to complete the punchline in their head if it's the BBfBs)

gen z mud be like that's yeet that's yeet that's yeet that's yeet

why did the bee gees walk out of the clive anderson interview?

he was clive talkin'!

oh, my child

what were george michael's favourite songs first released on albums from 29 september 1997?

"cowboys" and "angels"

A man walks the streets of a foreign country, looking for a place to eat. The owner of a restaurant sees him and calls, "hey you! come try my food!" The man shrugs and goes inside.

"Just bring me your specialty," the man says as he sits down. The owner gives a delighted look and says, "I'll bring you our TWO very best dishes."

Ten minutes later, the owner sets out two plates of food that the man can't even recognize. "This one is fried scarabs," the owner explains excitedly, "and this one is sheep testicles." The man is horrified. But the owner swells with pride in his dishes and stands there expecting the man to try them. So try them the man must. First, he picks up a scarab. It's fried, so how bad could it be? He crunches into a leg and struggles to keep it down, but ultimately swallows the horrid thing and gives a thumbs-up. The owner is very pleased and gestures to the sheep testicles. The man slowly cuts a piece, closes his eyes, takes a deep breath, then puts it in his mouth. He gags but is barely able to get it down, and afterward he turns to the owner with a put-on grin. "Both dishes are, uh, great."

"C'mon, you must have a favorite," the owner says, wagging a finger. "So which is it: the beetles or the stones?"

What laidback early 70s rock albums do health food specialists unwind to?

'Holland' and 'Barrett'

https://www.threads.net/@orangeframpton/post/C4ENBlxJMXm/

lol “What is a Communique?”

Yeah that guy really just had one round in the chamber, lol

What is a surgical assistant's favorite punk band?

Operation I.V.

Why did Anthrax hate Led Zeppelin IV?

They're Anti! They're Anti-Zoso!

Now that Andre 3000 has made his debut as a flautist, he is dueting on a track with Ian Anderson.

It's called Hey Yaqualung

I laughed

Why couldn't the producer of Ghostbusters find a classical composer to do the score?

Because they were too hot to Handel, too cold to Holst

this would work marginally better if it was somehow about the composer of Ghostbusters 2 (1989) being a different and less storied composer than that of Ghostbusters (1984), a film that does not have any associated lyrics about being hot to handle nor cold to hold, and if it remembered that the producer of both Ghostbusterses is the fairly well-known-by-name director of same

Fair, I actually forgot that the song was from II!

although the line "Found out about Vigo, the master of evil" should have reminded me.

How Leonard Cohen reveal that he was a pervert for sea monsters?

"Give me Kraken anal sex..."

Why couldn't Billy Eilish find good crew members for her new tour?

Cause EVERYBODY'S WORKIN' FOR THE WEEKND

nice

a few years after Hüsker Dü broke up, Bob tried to patch things up with Grant by hiring his landscaping business to build a privacy fence in his back yard. Grant assured Bob that he'd get it done over the long weekend, but when Bob got back into town on Monday morning, he was dismayed to find that Grant had only erected a single picket on the entire lawn! so he called him up and said, "a stake's no fence at all!"

So Johnny Cash falls in love with a lady of Mesoamerican heritage who keeps a menagerie of big cats that all need exercising, and he tells her "Because you're Mayan, I'll walk the lion."

Does anyone know who did the song Owner of a Lonely Heart?

[makes the screeching sound at the beginning of that song]

Almost 20 years later and I'm still loving that Philip Glass joke upthread

What was Steely Dan’s bus driver for the Welsh leg of their tour called?

Dai behind the wheel

Does anyone know who did the album Once We Were Scum Now We Are God?

Does anyone know the title of Guns N' Roses' next-to-last single?

What did Chris Martin say to the Chainsmokers when he heard their song "Roses"?

I want something just like this

Mick Jones and Lou Gramm were walking down the street and they saw a man who looked unwell. This man stumbled slowly, erratically, his cheeks puffing out periodically.

At one point, he stopped, opened one of the residents' mailboxes, and started projectile vomiting inside it

The homeowners came out very upset, but Lou assured them they would handle the situation. Mick tended to the sick man, offering him water and proving him a pain reliever, while Lou cleaned up the mailbox, then brought the soiled mail inside and cleaned it off.

Weeks later, a man walked by the local civic center and saw Lou and Mick being presented with medals by the mayor. The homeowner from the previous episode was standing outside.

The man asked the homeowner why Mick and Lou were being recognized with medals, and the homeowner replied "Because they're--"

PUKE! BOX! HEROES!

:)