Bottom five singles of the year

Not that I can think of any offhand....

Dunno about five, but 'Heaven is a Halfpipe' would be the runaway number one.

That's alright! And should have been in the focus group come to think of it.

City High would be on mine but I'm sure there's been worse.

Worst SONG of the year is Who's Got The Crack? by the Moldy Peaches.

Oh and you can buy that in the shops then? :)

* "Get Crunked Up"

"Phone call for Al...Al Coholic...is there an Al Coholic here?"

Actually, it did (and does) amuse me, so maybe not.

Afroman?

I like City High. The worst five:

Afroman - Because I Got High

Linkin Park - Crawling

Linkin Park - In The End

OPM - Heaven Is A Halfpipe (If I Die)

DJ Otzi - Hey Baby

I quite like Afroman, he's mildly amusing. Although I dislike the whole hash culture thing he's a part of.

DJ Otzi is spot on. Not only is that the worst single of the year but one of the worst singles in living memory. It's right up there with The Cartoons. Papa Roach are worse than Linkin Park I think actually.

5. J-Lo & Ja Rule - "I'm Real"
4. Missy Elliott - "Get Ur Freak On"
3. Staind - "It's Been Awhile"
2. Mary J. Blige - "Family Affair"
1. Shakira - "Whenever, Wherever"

yeah, the staind one for sure. also, in no particular order: lady marmelade, drops of jupiter, and that uncle kracker song.

Moldy Peaches and City High are both ace. Staind is probably no. 1 for me right now...unless I can think of any different. And I don't like "Family Affair" either.

Staind: "Been a While" Crazytown: "Butterfly" Natalie Imbruglia: "That was the day" or whatever it's called, the song with too many words.

Just those three take up the Worst 5 allotments.

DJ PIED PIPER - Do you really like it?

Paul McCartney - freedom and Nickelback -How You Remind Me and Staind - Fade are 3 of mine

That Damn Bran Van song with Curtis Mayfield.

Can't think of any songs i really hated this year. that might be a first, unless i've forgotten anything from this year. perhaps we are allowed a recovery year after the record-beating westlife/mariah thing (which was last year wasn't it?)

Staind is just there. "Butterfly" is good. Seconded to that awful, slimy Bran Van thing. Was Barcelona's "I Have The Password To Your Shell Account?" last year or this year? I hate that with a burning burning hate.

That Staind song was great, as were the two Linkin Park songs. Mary J.'s song was all right, but overexposure has made it loathsome.

Surely people haven't forgotten "Hero" by Enrique Iglasias? Or the absolutely loathsome "What's Goin' On?" all-star travesty? Or that fucking awful song "Bizounce" by Olivia?

Good call, Mr. Wheeler, on J-Lo and Ja Rule. I cannot stand anything Ja Rule does. What a boring rapper he is. I'd add the much ballyhooed Pink single "Get This Party Started" which has no progression in it whatsoever. R. Kelly's "The World's Greatest" which makes me want to start shooting people. And finally, that grunting mess of a song "You Rock My World" by Mistah Jackson. Picking crap like Linkin Park and Alien Ant Farm seems too easy.

Hero is awesome.

"Bizounce" is great - it sounds like everything played on it was made of glass.

BNW - you dont get parties started with "progression"!! Unless it's Tarkus time round Pete's gaff.

MJ and AAF rock.

That Staind song was great

Listening to that for the focus group again made me realize how hearing one's parents' Gordon Lightfoot collections contracts rather than expands the range of possibilities.

I hate that DMX song, the "duh dut duh dut duh dut" one.

I love "Hero", too. I love the way he makes these cupping balls gestures around his face when he sings it. No one overemotes quite as well as Enrique.

City High,

Afroman,

What's Goin' On

Hero is a very poor song.

Mariah's single was nonexistant, which makes me wonder if it was poor or not.

The new AAF song is... oddly sensitive. Shakira is... oddly catchy. Pink is... similarly oddly catchy. I'm Real is superb. The DMX single is relentless in such a way that it becomes unlistenable rather than IMPORTANT or POWERFUL.

To begin with the entire 2001 Eurotrash trance-catalogue that's been polluting the airwaves over here in Holland.

Then there's:
Titiyo - Come Along With Me

Hermes House Band - Country Roads

Nickelback - How You Remind Me

Crazytown - both singles

Live - Overcome

there's tons more, but these are the 5 that came up.

1. Dido - "Thank You"

2. Train - "Drops of Jupiter"

3. QB Finest - "Oochie Wally"

4. Elton John - "I Want Love"

5. Ja Rule feat. some random ho - "Put It On Me"

Dave Matthews Band--"I Did It"

Papa Roach--"Broken Home"

Anything with Ja Rule

Did "With Arms Wide Open" come out this year? Even if I didn't, "With Arms Wide Open"

Eve--"Let Me Blow Ya Mind" (Eve and Dre at their worst. The only good thing I can think to say about it is that at least Gwen Stefani doesn't sound like Gwen Stefani.)

No Doubt--"Hey Baby"

BOY! I AGREE WITH YOU GUYS! 5 worst musical person or persons of the year:
Staind
Papa Roach
Incubus
Linkin Park
Cheap Trick.

the last one just cuz i hate that bearded guy with the double guitar.

That drab and awful Alicia Keys "song," the song that goes "I like the way you smack my aaaaass," "Lady Marmalade," "Drops of Jupiter" (arrrrrghhhhh! kill me!!!), the DMX song that is so monotonous and lyrically terrible that I feel ashamed to listen to it.

who could forget creed!?

Nelly Furtado's I'm like a Bird Anything released by Creed I really hated Nikka Costa too Ick...there are so many more. The all of the those already mentioned put a bad taste in my mouth.

I didn't proofread that last entry very well, did I?

5) roots manuva - dreamy days
4) cann ox - the f word
3) basement jaxx - romeo
2) missy - get ur freak on
1) roots manuva - witness (1 hope)

BNW - you dont get parties started with "progression"!! Unless it's Tarkus time round Pete's gaff.
Well, I don't get your London references but man, that song goes nowhere after like 10 seconds. I mean, I just can't get excited about a dance party song with boring beats.

Minus Enrique's crappy voice and melodramatic nonsense, I find Hero's actual music quite nice. And I agree with that DMX Da Nuh song being a big suck.

who could forget creed!?
I'm trying. Believe me, I'm trying.

UNCLE KRACKER!!!!!!

Blimey! Uncle Kracker!

Ethan, your list is so '99.

I preferred wide-eyed innocent ethan to contrary ethan, I must say.

Afroman should win, but that Lighthouse Family abomination runs it very close. Linkin Park not good either.

Tom: that Barcelona song was on the Moshi Moshi compilation way back in the year 2000.

The problem with Who's Got The Crack is that it's been played far too many times at Indie Discoes (ah sod it let's just say by Strange Fruit DJs AH sod it, YOU KNOW WHO - and even if you don't, I bet you can think of SOMEONE who would) to the accompaniment of many a wide- eyed indie kid getting the glee and running to the dancefloor to spaz out to it. However, it's not good to dance to! Unless it happens to be late at the Spitz and you're doing the Spaz dance, or flinging yourself across the floor, or spinning round and round till you fall over - I admit that one was to Belle & Sebastian. Well, you've got to do SOMETHING to make their songs a bit more entertaining, right? Dissers say it's student humour but I think the Moldy Peaches have cottoned on to a certain brand of nihilistic and unpretentious YUMOUR that appeals to me RATHER LARGELY. Student humour would be singing "who's got the hash cakes and did someone eat my cheese, man"?

It's Afroman for the indie set and you know it.

It's not, but if the song gets TREATED in that manner, responses to it are going to vary depending on what you want from it and you are CHOOSING to see it as a crap student joke - which is your PEROGATIFF (long wurd!) but also WRONG. I don't want to hear Who's Got The Crack down Strange Fruit particularly. WHY AM I TALKING ABOUT CONTEXT?? I should just be saying, EWING, you STINKAH.

I think who's got the crack just sounds really crap. maybe i've missed something but I don't think it's that funny either. Afroman at least has a few silly situation comedy lines in his song. and afromans new song is kind of funny too. there I said it, I LOVE AFROMAN. not really. just kind of am swept along in a tide of afromania.

I forgot about Kracker.

Thats why when you move your lips nothing comes out but a bunch of gibberish, Mitch.

5. Destiny's Child - Survivor (No You Fuckin' Aren't You Republican Godhead Fuckwit)

4. Starsailor - So Many To Choose From But Let's Plump For "AAAAALLLCOOOOHAAAAALLLIIIAACCCKKKK"

3. Muse - Feeling Good (Oh Look I'm Singing Thru' A Megaphone That's Real Subversive Punk Rock Vote Tory)

2. Stereophonics - Handbiiaggs ANDA Gliadrriaggs I MEAN WHAT'S THE FUCKEN POINT?

And NUMBER ONE WITHOUT A SHADOW OF A DOUBT:

Bell and Spurling - Sven Sven Sven

As the boy Carmody said, any song in the 21st century which tries to evoke Winston Churchill is truly evil.

1. Anything Westlife have put out this year, or Dido, Faithless - they can all toss off. Was Dancing in the Moonlight re-released this year because that can be added as well if it was.

2. Yes, Alcoholic. How is that opening couplet in any way, shape or form a good lyric. And he whines way too much.

3. That Kelis one was crap. Was the album any good?

But I like that J-Lo one and the Mary J. Blige one: explain the wrongness. Please.

I'm sorry for stopping the topic for a bit but what is a Godhead?

Not sure exactly Lindsey, they're usually veiled in flesh IIRC.

The problem with "A Family Affair" is that it's currently being played at least once an hour on EVERY RADIO STATION in the US right now. Overexposure has really killed it for me (plus I'm still disappointed that that one lyric in the chorus doesn't say "If you got beat, your problem, not mine").

"Bizounce" is SO FUCKING STUPID! It breaks my heart to see people sticking up for it. And "Who We Be" might be kind of obvious, but it's bangin' and uniformly excellent.

'wide-eyed innocent ethan'? oh and if my list had been from 99 there wouldn't have been manuva on it because his singles then were actually good. also red alert which was great instead of romeo which is shit. and she's a bitch which is missy's best single! and hey, cann ox didn't exist, i wish it was 99 all over again.

Goddamn is Wheeler right about that fucking Shakira song. What the hell is that about? And her dancing, she has one dance move! ARRRGH! She needs to have a sock stuffed in her big fat gob.

Also, if I ever hear Get Yr Freak On again I'll have to kill myself.

Hero is a great song. Enrique Iglesias is so camp.

erm...just remembered: Did 'What's Going On' bomb in the charts? Can't remember hearing much about it's top 10ness in Britain.

But Ally, the video has JENNIFER LOVE-HEWITT in it. It is therefore EVIL.

go on ARGUE AGAINST MY LOGIC.

My god, the Moldy Peaches are terrible. I saw them live a few months ago and my first response was to wonder if whoever signed them to BMG was living under a cardboard box now.

I picked the year at random duh.

But I like that J-Lo one and the Mary J. Blige one: explain the wrongness. Please.

The Mary J. Blige song is relentless, disgusting, militaristic in a useless fashion, dated, played out, and her hair and clothes are completely outta hand. I have no problem with unjustified bragging, but the whole song, lines like "Let's get crunk cuz Mary's back" especially, is such inexplicable braggadocio that it's embarrassing. I'm embarrassed whenever I hear the song.

"I'm Real" is stifling. There's something gloomily inevitable about it. It's miserable sounding, and it features two of the worst personalities in pop. She mispronounces "early." At least the horrible original was vaguely singalongable.

You are NOT saying the ghastly worst-dance-song-ever original that doesn't even get played, ever, is better than the Ja Rule mix, are you Wheeler? Cos then you'd be so wrong I'd have to suffocate you with a pillow in your sleep next time you're in NYC, I mean that's how wrong that is. Sure, Ja Rule and Jennifer Lopez suck ass, but still. I mean, who starts off a love song with "WHAT'S MY MOTHERFUCKING NAME???" That's class.

Worse singles than the ones I cited mentioned by others. "You Rock My World" has to be in there. "Follow Me" wouldn't be far off. DC's "Emotion" just to spite the bastards for releasing something so poor as a single.

I like the militaristic rhythm of "Family Affair", although it's almost as overplayed in the UK. But a thought on "Sven Sven Sven": how many people agreed with Jeff Powell's "sold our birthright down the fjord" Daily Mail rant less than a year before buying it?

That City High "What would you do" or whatever = crap, & moralizing on top of it. ugh.
Puddle of Mudd/Nickelback/Staind, WHY? Why a terrible post-grunge revival? Bad news.
Jessica Simpson, Willa Ford, O-Town.
The Mariah single for Glitter.
Nelly Furtado "I'm like a bird."
I feel grateful for having been abroad & missing a lot of the ones named, I think.

I don't mind Family Affair, but I'd rather listen to Rhythm Nation.

DC's "Emotion" is fantastic.

actually, what I like about "What Would You Do" is its LACK of moralizing. (cf. BDP's "Love's Gonna Get'cha (Material Love)")

"What Would You Do" just sounds shoddily made - rootsy and urban and pop and positivity all at once but not really mixing as they should. The best bit is when they flip over to the groove from Dre's "The Next Episode" (original source of that groove = unknown to me) for the interlude, and that's only because "The Next Episode" is the best song ever.

That's what's so vile about it - it has the self-righteous aura of a morality-play song but without even a conclusion to justify it.

'The Next Episode' is the worst track ever made by Dr Dre. All it does is lazily recycle everything from previous Dre tracks (even the title is lifted from 'G Thang'...also why is this man not capable of rapping about anything other than how great he is and how its him you must fall on your knees and thank for giving Ice Cue, Eminem and all those other 'wonderful actors' to the world - after knocking out a few million-selling albums first of course.

Dre is over-rated - his production is minimal and relies too much on 70's funk - at least the Neptunes are a bit more original using stripped electro rhythms as their source.

Just thought I'd slag Dre off seeing as everyone else seems to love him so much and I'm not quite sure why - but then I dont smoke 'chronic' and I am a lower/middle class white boy from the suburbs of London (perfect demographic actually, but i still think he's crap)

HE'S JUST BEEN IN A PAD WITH A PEN AND A LAB TRYING TO GET HIS DAMN LABEL OFF YOU FUCKIN HATA

Steve, your criticisms are duly noted, but that doesn't change the fact that "The Next Episode" is the best song ever.*

(* "The Next Episode" is not necessarily the best song ever).

Bad bad single: Fucking Train's fucking drops of fucking jupiter.

Tim I thought the Next Episode sounded like the music from Taxi Driver, probably not actually sampled, but they're similar in my mind anyway.

There was some weird blues song from the seventies playing on one of Melbourne's more esoteric radio stations about a guy who got himself some mangina because dem pussycats were a dime a dozen, which went on for about eight minutes. From minutes 4 to 6 the groove from "The Next Episode" drifted into the background. It may be the original source, which would be excellent, or mayhap the DJ was screwing with my head.

Listen to "The Chronic" again and tell me Dre just raps about himself. That album is one of the most emotionally painful that I own.

& yeah, I can't decide if city high is good or bad because I like how everything about it came from another chart song, and I liked it when I thought it was amoral but then realized it was both amoral and male-chauvanist and that fucking clinched it.

Best bit of "What Would You Do?" is the fade, which has incredible pathos and uncertainty and sadness about it.

"Drops of Jupiter", "I'm Like A Bird", "It's Been A While" - all reprehensibly vile.

Sterling, are you using "amoral" and "male-chauvinist" as terms of praise?

Tim: "mayhap"!! Are you a Catweazle fan, perchance?

first -- yes. second -- no.

a better term than amoral might be dialogic.

Hey, Matos. Thing that bugs abt "What Would You Do" first is, songwriters totally jump off into chorus going hey, she had no choice but to sleep w/a guy for $$ - but am I not mistaken in that it starts out being about a stripper? There's a big difference between a stripper & a prostitute, and to me that makes the whole business stupid, since if she could make a little bit of $$ doing the first, there's a lot more to the story. Narrative pieces don't work = bad song.
Which suggests to me in order to throw all these morality questions at this character from guy character's perspective they didn't bother at making her real. (Dialogic? eh, only one cohesive discourse going which is the guy's, I think).

Why did someone have to remind me that "I Want Love" existed? That definitely takes this year's prize. "My Sacrifice" is up there too. "Who We Be" should annoy the hell out of me, but it doesn't. And "How You Remind Me" is fantastic.

DG: way I hear(d) it, the msg. was more along the "if that's what she chooses to do, you have no right to judge her for it" tip. maybe I need to listen to the lyrics closer or something. either way, I like the track, singing, arrangement etc a FUCK of a lot more than anything Dre did this year (or most).

Blimey. I'm already in an argument and I haven't said anything yet!

Interesting that Tom despises "What Would You Do?" because it's really not a morality-play at all; it's about the exact same theme as Tom's #1 single of the 90's, "Common People": the impossibility of understanding someone else until you've lived in their shoes, the ways in which the isolation of human experience resists our attempts to understand eachother. She asks the guy "What would *you* do?" and it's as neat as perspective-flip as Jarvis telling the girl "Pretend you've got no money." Totally resonant for me. The melody and harmony is easily one of the best of the year, too. The production is bland but I'm tired of talking about production so who cares? I gave "WWYD" an 8 on the focus group and now I wish I had given it a 10.

Eh, I prob paid super-close attention to lyrics w/the City High single 'cause on first listens it did seem so.. carefully non- judgmental, I thought there's gotta be a gap in this text.
Speaking of bad singles, blurb on Nickelback band on tv says the lead singer came up w/the name b/c so many customers at the Starbucks where he worked got 5 cents change.

But Jarvis is witty = big difference.

Actually, the production on "What Would You Do" is fine as far as I can tell - it's the song itself that is badly put together. It's not without its charm, but everything about it sounds... rushed. Like this was the first prize in a competition to come up with an urban track with a 'message' in twenty four hours. Actually if that were true I'd probably like it more.

I kind of like "What Would You Do", but I think there is a judgement implied in the song, that the male singer/rapper wouldn't do what the girl in the song is doing in that situation.

Bottom five? Things I can't even be bothered enough to look up/remember the names for; mostly bland rock like Creed or that frickin' Superman song. Hit Em Up Style gets my goat the most, but I find it too insanely catchy to put in the bottom five category.

Merry Christmas everyone.