Absolute worst cheesiest 80's song ever

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I nominate "I Just Died In Your Arms Tonight". Yes I know who did that I just don't want to be bothered stating their name.

― Bimble (bimble), Friday, 22 October 2004 07:45 (twenty-one years ago)

Anything by U2

― A Million Talking Hot Dogs (AaronHz), Friday, 22 October 2004 07:49 (twenty-one years ago)

Bolton: 'How Am I Supposed To Live Without You?'

― Jay Kid (Jay K), Friday, 22 October 2004 07:51 (twenty-one years ago)

"Do They Know It's Christmas"
END OF DISCUSSION

― A Million Talking Hot Dogs (AaronHz), Friday, 22 October 2004 07:54 (twenty-one years ago)

"I Just Died In Your Arms Tonight". classic

― lukey (Lukey G), Friday, 22 October 2004 10:00 (twenty-one years ago)

Heh heh.

"The curtains are closed ; the cat's in the cradle" sung in the most earnest of fashions. Nick van eade or something. What a top 80s name.

― yeah man, Friday, 22 October 2004 10:46 (twenty-one years ago)

i don't mind the Cutting Crew one. i'd pick Sonia, or some really bad Jason Donovan singles (wait, did he actually have any good ones?), Karel Fialka's 'Hey matthew' (except it's brilliant...isn't it?), Goombay Dance Band's 'Seven Tears', 'Frog Chorus', Flying Pickets 'Only You'...

― Freelance Hiveminder (blueski), Friday, 22 October 2004 11:05 (twenty-one years ago)

I've gotta go with Stacey Q's "Two of Hearts" here.

― Joseph McCombs (Joseph McCombs), Friday, 22 October 2004 11:48 (twenty-one years ago)

Two of Hearts was great! I'm still having trouble topping the Cutting Crew.. The Outfield, Richarrd Marrxxx, Corey Hart, Phil COllins .. all cheesy to be sure, but still the song that shall not be named again totally epitomizes 80s cheese.

― dave225 (Dave225), Friday, 22 October 2004 11:51 (twenty-one years ago)

Matthew Wilder - Break-a My Stride

― Velveteen Bingo (Chris V), Friday, 22 October 2004 11:52 (twenty-one years ago)

quite like 'Break My Stride' - it's been covered by some Eurogirl as i discovered during a brief visit to Amsterdam last month

― Freelance Hiveminder (blueski), Friday, 22 October 2004 12:06 (twenty-one years ago)

Glenn Madeiros 'Nothing's Gonna Change My love For You'

― Freelance Hiveminder (blueski), Friday, 22 October 2004 12:06 (twenty-one years ago)

Thanks for "Break My Stride," poops. It's gonna be a long-ass morning with that on the internal soundtrack.

― briania (briania), Friday, 22 October 2004 12:09 (twenty-one years ago)

try and switch it to 'Can't Nobody Hold Me Down' by the Puff Daddy for added misery

― Freelance Hiveminder (blueski), Friday, 22 October 2004 12:10 (twenty-one years ago)

Transformation Theme from the Teen Wolf soundtrack.

― Gribowitz (Lynskey), Friday, 22 October 2004 12:14 (twenty-one years ago)

My bottom ten slices of '80s pop cheese:
1980: Kelly Marie - Feels Like I'm In Love (written by Ray "Mungo Jerry" Dorset; the only native of Paisley to have a number one single UNLESS YOU KNOW DIFFERENT)
1981: Aneka - Japanese Boy (come on admit it, this was Steve Beresford wasn't it?)
1982: Charlene - I've Never Been To Me ("I moved like Harlow in Monte Carlow an' SHOWED 'UM WHAT AH GOT!")
1983: FR David - Words ("don't come easy to me" - never a truer word etc. etc.)
1984: Alvin Stardust - I Feel Like Buddy Holly ("'cos it's raining in my heart" - not one of Mike Batt's finer moments)
1985: BALTIMORA - TARZAN BOY
1986: DJ Sven & MC Mikey G - The Holiday Rap ("We're gonna ring a Rangadong for a hol-he-day")
1987: Shakin' Stevens - A Little Boogie Woogie In The Back Of My Mind (Shaky goes Hi-NRG, goes on TOTP with four dancers in black binliners and does identical routine to all other Shaky hits)
1988: Robin Beck - The First Time (clenched-fist Coke advert)
1989: Stone Roses - She Bangs The Drums hahah etc.

― Marcello Carlin, Friday, 22 October 2004 12:18 (twenty-one years ago)

Many worthy choices so far, and many as yet unmentioned...howbout "Live Is Life"? "The Final Countdown"? Bowie/Jagger's "Dancing In The Street" "I Just Called To Say I Love You"? "Don't Worry, Be Happy"? All pretty cringeworthy, but I'll go with Culture Club's gawdawful "War Song" - preferable to an actual war, but just barely.

― Myonga Von Bontee (Myonga Von Bontee), Friday, 22 October 2004 12:29 (twenty-one years ago)

I would agree with whoever said 'Seven Tears' but I'm surprised to see 'Agadoo' hasn't been mentioned yet.

― The Horse of Babylon (the pirate king), Friday, 22 October 2004 12:37 (twenty-one years ago)

Dammit, I want Because I Love You (The Postman's Song) but it's bleddy 1990.

― Madchen (Madchen), Friday, 22 October 2004 12:43 (twenty-one years ago)

'Feels Like I'm In Love' is better than anything by Kylie, i enjoy the politically stewy undercurrent of 'Japanese Boy', 'Tarzan Boy' is genius and without 'Holiday Rap' there's no 'Chewing Gum'!

― Freelance Hiveminder (blueski), Friday, 22 October 2004 12:44 (twenty-one years ago)

"Feels Like I'm In Love" is the "How Do You Do It?" to the "Strawberry Fields Forever" of "Can't Get You Out Of My Head."

"Chewing Gum" is so much better than all other records isn't it?

― Marcello Carlin, Friday, 22 October 2004 12:48 (twenty-one years ago)

Also, there's a whole mess o' songs that I personally despise but are usually highly regarded by others ("Take On Me", "True", "Life In A Northern Town", "Don't Dream It's Over"), so I won't mention 'em. (Except I just did.)

― Myonga Von Bontee (Myonga Von Bontee), Friday, 22 October 2004 12:51 (twenty-one years ago)

I only like the first of that four so feel free to mention them.

― Marcello Carlin, Friday, 22 October 2004 12:52 (twenty-one years ago)

Paul Young's cover of 'Love Will Tear Us Apart'

― Freelance Hiveminder (blueski), Friday, 22 October 2004 12:56 (twenty-one years ago)

Body rock - Maria Vidal, Always - Atlantic Starr, Crush on You - The Jets; another listen to "Mated" by David Grant & Jackie Graham will in fact confirm that it is the cheesiest of all!

― Ant, Friday, 22 October 2004 13:05 (twenty-one years ago)

it has to be both cheesy AND rubbish tho (not true of The jets or Maria Vidal!)

― Freelance Hiveminder (blueski), Friday, 22 October 2004 13:16 (twenty-one years ago)

Strangely enough I like the last two of those (esp. acappella harmony break on "Crush On You," sampled to death but worthy of SMiLE)!

― Marcello Carlin, Friday, 22 October 2004 13:17 (twenty-one years ago)

OK point taken, what about:
My favourite waste of time - Owen Paul
Every loser wins - Nick Berry
Love in the first degree - Bananarama
Hands to Heaven - Breathe
Love don't live here anymore - Jimmy Nail

― Ant, Friday, 22 October 2004 13:50 (twenty-one years ago)

Anita Dobson 'Anyone Can Fall In Love'

― Freelance Hiveminder (blueski), Friday, 22 October 2004 13:53 (twenty-one years ago)

Dishonorable mentions to "Flaming Desire" and "Jane's Getting Serious."

― Joseph McCombs (Joseph McCombs), Friday, 22 October 2004 13:56 (twenty-one years ago)

ONLY YOU CAN SET ME FREE!
COS I'M GUILTY (guilty!)
GUILTY AS A GIRL CAN BE!
COME ON BABY, CAN'T YOU SEE?
I STAND AC-YOU-OU-OUSED
OF LOVE IN THE FIRST DEGREE!

God I loved that song when I was eight.

― Wooden (Wooden), Friday, 22 October 2004 13:56 (twenty-one years ago)

you who mentioned "two of hearts" and "the war song" -- go to your room! those are fantastic songs!

― fact checking cuz (fcc), Friday, 22 October 2004 14:00 (twenty-one years ago)

Debarge "Rhythm of the Night", not least for its indulgence in lyrical cliches of the big-hair era eg: feel the beat, in the night, fire in my heart kinda thing. See also all the song titles on Bry Adams "Into The Fire" LP for more cliche japery.

― darren (darren), Friday, 22 October 2004 14:37 (twenty-one years ago)

Baltimora. "Tarzan Boy."

HELLO!!!

― maria b (maria b), Friday, 22 October 2004 15:08 (twenty-one years ago)

No, Lionel Ritchie's "Hello."

― fortunate hazel (f. hazel), Friday, 22 October 2004 15:13 (twenty-one years ago)

People, People, People, Cutting Crew and all others (save Dick Marx) can not compete with Chicago's hit ballads. How many were there? Two? Three? I don't know. But they are the chessiest fucking tunes ever.

― Justin Farrar (Justin Farrar), Friday, 22 October 2004 15:20 (twenty-one years ago)

Gary Kasparov would be pissed.

― Velveteen Bingo (Chris V), Friday, 22 October 2004 15:22 (twenty-one years ago)

Words by FR David

― Shooz (shooz), Friday, 22 October 2004 15:24 (twenty-one years ago)

Europe - Final Countdown

― DJ Martian (djmartian), Friday, 22 October 2004 15:25 (twenty-one years ago)

Oops. Someone beat me to FR David.

I nominate "The Last Kiss" by David Cassidy then.

― Shooz (shooz), Friday, 22 October 2004 15:27 (twenty-one years ago)

I want to wake up with you - Boris Gardener

― Shooz (shooz), Friday, 22 October 2004 15:31 (twenty-one years ago)

Europe - Final Countdown

Seconded. Although I'm a little adverse to saying it's the "worst" anything. The bombast and total rock-on seriousness is too 80s for words tho.

That and the fact that it's a 'rock' song entirely dominated by dancey synth lines.

― Adam Bruneau (oliver8bit), Friday, 22 October 2004 15:31 (twenty-one years ago)

Mr. Mister's "Broken Wings."

― Nemo (JND), Friday, 22 October 2004 15:33 (twenty-one years ago)

xpost fcc:

(slinks dejectedly to room)

― Joseph McCombs (Joseph McCombs), Friday, 22 October 2004 15:41 (twenty-one years ago)

Billy Vera and the Beaters, "At This Moment"

― andrew m. (andrewmorgan), Friday, 22 October 2004 16:08 (twenty-one years ago)

It's gotta be that "Baby I Love Your Way/Freebird" medly by....who was it? Will to Power? Hands fuckin' down.

― Alex in NYC (vassifer), Friday, 22 October 2004 16:25 (twenty-one years ago)

laid back, "sunshine reggae"
maybe thats more goofy than cheesy. still, pretty hilarious. let the good vipes get a lot stronguh.

― andrew m. (andrewmorgan), Friday, 22 October 2004 16:38 (twenty-one years ago)

WAIT I HAVE A WINNER.

Beach Boys - Kokomo

Complete and utter shit.

― Velveteen Bingo (Chris V), Friday, 22 October 2004 16:40 (twenty-one years ago)

Aruba, Bahama, come on pretty mama...

what's not to love? ok you're right

― Freelance Hiveminder (blueski), Friday, 22 October 2004 16:44 (twenty-one years ago)

"kokomo" gets a lot of cheese momentum from being featured on an episode of full house.

― fortunate hazel (f. hazel), Friday, 22 October 2004 16:49 (twenty-one years ago)

I think it's a tie between Sway's "Hands Up" and Black Lace's "Agadoo" (or however the hell you spell that thing).

― Tantrum The Cat (Tantrum The Cat), Friday, 22 October 2004 17:01 (twenty-one years ago)

DOMO ARIGATO, MR. ROBOTO.

― mike a, Friday, 22 October 2004 17:31 (twenty-one years ago)

Has no one mentioned "Niagra Falls" by Chicago yet? Eeeewwwwww.

― Sansai, Friday, 22 October 2004 17:41 (twenty-one years ago)

We don't have to take our clothes off

― Billy Dods (Billy Dods), Friday, 22 October 2004 17:45 (twenty-one years ago)

..to have a good time

― Billy Dods (Billy Dods), Friday, 22 October 2004 17:46 (twenty-one years ago)

oh no

― Billy Dods (Billy Dods), Friday, 22 October 2004 17:46 (twenty-one years ago)

"Live is Life" and "Baby I Love Your Way/Freebird" seconded.

What about:
Foreigner - "I Want To Know What Love Is"
Heart - "All I Wanna Do Is Make Love To You"
Cheap Trick - "The Flame"

― Seb (Seb), Friday, 22 October 2004 17:57 (twenty-one years ago)

"Take My Breath Away" by "Berlin" (from the Top Gun soundtrack IIRC)

― Anonymous Coward, Friday, 22 October 2004 19:56 (twenty-one years ago)

One hit wonder implies no other hits right? So I think that excludes the likes of U2, Cheap Trick and The Beach Boys, amoung others.

I Just Died In Your Arms Tonight....at the times I misheard it as "I Just Got To Be Wrong, Alright". Which looking back may have been the wiser lyrical choice.

― molly, Friday, 22 October 2004 20:15 (twenty-one years ago)

The thing that killed me about the video for "Baby I Love Your Way/Freebird" was that the Johnny Muscleguy male part of the duo sang in such a whispy, fey vocal (all the while wearing a Mac-V-SOG special ops t-shirt).

i http://www.military-stuff.com/decal-macvsog.jpg

― Alex in NYC (vassifer), Friday, 22 October 2004 20:19 (twenty-one years ago)

http://www.military-stuff.com/decal-macvsog.jpg

― Alex in NYC (vassifer), Friday, 22 October 2004 20:20 (twenty-one years ago)

"Sister Christian", hands down.
Honorable mention to Glass Tiger's "Don't Forget Me When I'm Gone".

― Spike, Saturday, 23 October 2004 09:12 (twenty-one years ago)

Are Milli Vanilli banished from this thread, or are they just soooo passe that they're not even worth considering because they were just too utter shite for words?!

― herbalizer12 (herbalizer12), Saturday, 23 October 2004 14:57 (twenty-one years ago)

"Do You Think I'm a Nasty Girl"

― Curt1s St3ph3ns, Saturday, 23 October 2004 15:01 (twenty-one years ago)

63 posts and not mention of AIR SUPPLY.
Pick any hit at random ... how about, "The One That You Love".

― MindInRewind (Barry Bruner), Saturday, 23 October 2004 15:14 (twenty-one years ago)

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you...

Billy Ocean - "Get Out Of My Dreams, Get Into My Car"

― JoB (JoB), Saturday, 23 October 2004 16:50 (twenty-one years ago)

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