S/FJ's Top 22 Singles of 2005

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http://sfj.abstractdynamics.org/archives/004324.html

SONGS

1. R. Kelly “I See Guns Everywhere, Jesus” (Faith Burger)
2. The Coup “We Totally Wish Our 9-11 Album Cover Was Our Biggest Problem Right Now” (D-Day)
3. M.I.A. “$10” (XL)
4. Brooks & Dunn “I Told You, Dude” (Moderately Stupid)
5. Goonie Goo “Fucking Crunk Hat” (Boozecorp)
6. Janie Jimboree “Twee Finger” (Adcorp)
7. John Ashcroft “The Eagle Soars Again” (Crimebutt)
8. Wu-Tang Clan “Not Dead” (37th Chamber)
9. Toby Keith “I Told You, Faggot” (Country Love)
10. The Crosslers “So Cross With You” (Chapped Lips)
11. Jay-Z “Back Like Michael” (Roc-a-Fella/Armadale/3M)
12. Bossfack “The Humpenstein” (CDR45HG)
13. Razile “Your Love Is Heat” (Sprinkler/EMI)
14. Benbo Lip “Dem Gwan Slurp” (Massive B)
15. Horseknuckle “The Futz” (XL)
16. Natalie Simpson “100% Real” (Universal)
17. Bun B. “I Am Not In Jail” (Jive)
18. Usher “This Is My Fifteenth Single” (Jive)
19. Magnetic Fields “I Have Got To Find A Bar With More White People In It, And I Mean Now, Buttercup” (Nonesuch)
20. Usher & Conor Oberst “Your Love Is Like A Scream In My Nose” (Saddle Creek)
21. Gretchen Wilson “You Left Your Rifle Here” (Epic)
22. Pen Rollings “Nazi Homos Fuck Off” (Bear Family)

― jaymc (jaymc), Thursday, 4 November 2004 22:17 (twenty years ago)

I don't get all those jokes. I get very few.

― djdee2005 (djdee2005), Thursday, 4 November 2004 22:20 (twenty years ago)

I didn't mean for that to be bold, oops.

Anyway, I don't get them all, either! But #19 makes me laugh.

― jaymc (jaymc), Thursday, 4 November 2004 22:24 (twenty years ago)

What's the M.I.A. "$10" one mean?
I don't get 95% of these.

― Clusterfuck at the Baja Fresh Salsa Bar (Ben Boyer), Thursday, 4 November 2004 22:26 (twenty years ago)

Yeah, the Magnetic Fields one made me laugh when I saw it.

But he's just being lazy/obtuse, the silly man.

― adam... (nordicskilla), Thursday, 4 November 2004 22:28 (twenty years ago)

I don't even think some of them are jokes, actually.

― jaymc (jaymc), Thursday, 4 November 2004 22:28 (twenty years ago)

same, i don't think i even really get #19 and it cracked me up.

― sleep (sleep), Thursday, 4 November 2004 22:28 (twenty years ago)

I think it's the "And I Mean Now, Buttercup" that does it for me.

― jaymc (jaymc), Thursday, 4 November 2004 22:28 (twenty years ago)

what jokes do you not get? jesus

― cinniblount (James Blount), Thursday, 4 November 2004 22:29 (twenty years ago)

The ones about hip hop.

― adam... (nordicskilla), Thursday, 4 November 2004 22:30 (twenty years ago)

3. M.I.A. “$10” (XL)
4. Brooks & Dunn “I Told You, Dude” (Moderately Stupid)
5. Goonie Goo “Fucking Crunk Hat” (Boozecorp)
6. Janie Jimboree “Twee Finger” (Adcorp)
10. The Crosslers “So Cross With You” (Chapped Lips)
12. Bossfack “The Humpenstein” (CDR45HG)
13. Razile “Your Love Is Heat” (Sprinkler/EMI)
14. Benbo Lip “Dem Gwan Slurp” (Massive B)
15. Horseknuckle “The Futz” (XL)
16. Natalie Simpson “100% Real” (Universal)
20. Usher & Conor Oberst “Your Love Is Like A Scream In My Nose” (Saddle Creek)
21. Gretchen Wilson “You Left Your Rifle Here” (Epic)
22. Pen Rollings “Nazi Homos Fuck Off” (Bear Family)

all those.

― djdee2005 (djdee2005), Thursday, 4 November 2004 22:30 (twenty years ago)

Motorbooty lives, hurrah

― Andy K (Andy K), Thursday, 4 November 2004 22:31 (twenty years ago)

"Dem Gwan Slurp," "Fucking Crunk Hat" -- say them out loud.

― Andy K (Andy K), Thursday, 4 November 2004 22:32 (twenty years ago)

wait, so you get "i told you, faggot" but not "i told you, dude"????

― cinniblount (James Blount), Thursday, 4 November 2004 22:32 (twenty years ago)

djdee there was this election in the usa this week see

― cinniblount (James Blount), Thursday, 4 November 2004 22:33 (twenty years ago)

16. Natalie Simpson “100% Real” (Universal)

I think this is supposed to be, "Well, we brought in Ashlee Simpson as the 'more real' Simpson sister, but then after the SNL fiasco, we were forced to find an 'even realer' one."

― jaymc (jaymc), Thursday, 4 November 2004 22:33 (twenty years ago)

i like SFJ but most of these are dumb. the r. kelly one is kind of funny, though.

― amateur!!st, Thursday, 4 November 2004 22:33 (twenty years ago)

actually i think i just find any joke with the words "r. kelly" in it pretty funny.

― amateur!!st, Thursday, 4 November 2004 22:34 (twenty years ago)

Conor Oberst is an easy target.

Let's hope he stays that way, the little bitch.

― adam... (nordicskilla), Thursday, 4 November 2004 22:34 (twenty years ago)

Faith Burger, though! That's funny!

― adam... (nordicskilla), Thursday, 4 November 2004 22:35 (twenty years ago)

yes let's criticise a tossed off joke on a blog for not meeting the high standards we exercise when we post on this board for instance (god knows amateurist is never less than very funny). also hint hint: to get jokes about pop music it helps to listen to pop music.

― cinniblount (James Blount), Thursday, 4 November 2004 22:36 (twenty years ago)

amster right now, come up with a similar list but hella funnier. money where yr mouth is bitch.

― cinniblount (James Blount), Thursday, 4 November 2004 22:36 (twenty years ago)

yeah i figured it was about american people i'd never really heard. its pretty specific. i don't get any of them :(

― bulbs (bulbs), Thursday, 4 November 2004 22:38 (twenty years ago)

Jess and Ethan's list on this board is similar in style to this! And funny!

― adam... (nordicskilla), Thursday, 4 November 2004 22:38 (twenty years ago)

i didn't say i would be any funnier!

i just thought this wasn't so great or funny (although i get most of the jokes, or at least i think i do). jaymc posted it to a thread to get our responses, right? so that was my response. big deal. like i wrote, i like SFJ and still do.

― amateur!!st, Thursday, 4 November 2004 22:39 (twenty years ago)

oh that jess/ethan thing is way funnier. they just have a knack.

― amateur!!st, Thursday, 4 November 2004 22:39 (twenty years ago)

i mean if jess or ethan were to diss it it'd be cool since they've actually done this and better and if any of you wanna step up to the plate feel free (i hope the challenge 'better a tossed off joke on a blog' isn't setting the bar too high).

bah xpost!

― cinniblount (James Blount), Thursday, 4 November 2004 22:40 (twenty years ago)

yes, jess/ethan's is funnier.

― jaymc (jaymc), Thursday, 4 November 2004 22:41 (twenty years ago)

Jess and Ethan are funny. Funny is hard to do!

― adam... (nordicskilla), Thursday, 4 November 2004 22:41 (twenty years ago)

Isn't #22 a real song?

― David R. (popshots75`), Thursday, 4 November 2004 22:42 (twenty years ago)

I wish Jess would do funny outside ILx though.

― bulbs (bulbs), Thursday, 4 November 2004 22:42 (twenty years ago)

Dead Kennedys?

xpost

― adam... (nordicskilla), Thursday, 4 November 2004 22:42 (twenty years ago)

and why is it on bear family? is it a 1960s vintage german country and western single?

― amateur!!st, Thursday, 4 November 2004 22:43 (twenty years ago)

i'm glad jess doesn't do momus-like satirical pieces.

― amateur!!st, Thursday, 4 November 2004 22:43 (twenty years ago)

The first few responses were people saying they didn't get the jokes. Then 'blount replied with the "what jokes do you not get? jesus", which came off a bit bitchy. Then people seemed to become offended by 'blount's condescension at exactly the same point that it became clear that these "jokes" were simply "not funny."

― Clusterfuck at the Baja Fresh Salsa Bar (Ben Boyer), Thursday, 4 November 2004 22:44 (twenty years ago)

Blount is frequently funny, too.

― adam... (nordicskilla), Thursday, 4 November 2004 22:44 (twenty years ago)

maybe i mean i wish Jess'd do more funny here again

― bulbs (bulbs), Thursday, 4 November 2004 22:45 (twenty years ago)

More importantly, though, explain this one!!!: 3. M.I.A. “$10” (XL)

No, I know 'Blount is funny. I'm just projecting my own getting offended by his insistence that me "not getting the jokes" was some deficiency. When in fact, these are barely jokes.

― Clusterfuck at the Baja Fresh Salsa Bar (Ben Boyer), Thursday, 4 November 2004 22:46 (twenty years ago)

Jesus, forgive my "grammar"

― Clusterfuck at the Baja Fresh Salsa Bar (Ben Boyer), Thursday, 4 November 2004 22:47 (twenty years ago)

Actually, the more we pick over them in detail, the more I chuckle here and there. It's true that I listen to less pop music than I used to, though. I guess that's my burden.

― adam... (nordicskilla), Thursday, 4 November 2004 22:47 (twenty years ago)

was sasha jo jo dancer? i can't remember. when he cracks jokes it reminds me of that thing.

― scott seward (scott seward), Thursday, 4 November 2004 22:48 (twenty years ago)

What kind of music do you think I listen to?

And I like Jess and Ethans cuz I actually got it.

Also blount the "if you can't do it don't criticize it" comment is ridiculous.

― djdee2005 (djdee2005), Thursday, 4 November 2004 22:49 (twenty years ago)

Blount, are you really saying that those who can't do shldn't criticise others who can? 'Cos that is one of the weakest rebuttals of criticism ever ever

I'm sure SFJ has many talents (I quite like that split alb he made w/ Loren Mazzacane Connors, as it happens) but perhaps being hilarious on his blog isn't one of them. So perhaps Amateurist is perfectly entitled to point this out. Don't be such a bully (unless yr pAwning that fool Roger Adultery)

― Angel Blake, Thursday, 4 November 2004 22:50 (twenty years ago)

Oh fucking A I'm twelve types of stupid. Carry on.

― David R. (popshots75`), Thursday, 4 November 2004 22:51 (twenty years ago)

Actually, I'm not sure I GOT Jess and Ethan's -- we're talking about their best of the 90s mixes, right? -- but I still thought it was hilarious.

― jaymc (jaymc), Thursday, 4 November 2004 22:52 (twenty years ago)

well a lot of the jess/ethan stuff was just total surrealism, it wasn't trying to be "pointed"--that makes a big difference.

I'm sure SFJ has many talents (I quite like that split alb he made w/ Loren Mazzacane Connors, as it happens

his duet single with peaches is good too.

― amateur!!st, Thursday, 4 November 2004 22:55 (twenty years ago)

this is great. i dunno if its trying to be pointed or what, but half of 'em made me laugh because they were jokes about real artists, the other half because they looked like generic examples of the stuff everybody posts on their list. good show.

― haha, Friday, 5 November 2004 00:13 (twenty years ago)

haha - when the 'do it' part is soooooo fucking easy yes, i will go 'if you can't do it don't criticise'. if somebody comes in when i'm trying to open a jar of olives and laffs i'm gonna hand them the jar and if they sputter 'b-b-but' i'm gonna ask them to hand the jar back and shut the fuck up.

sfj was NOT jojo dancer (ps. someone needs to do that again)(amateurist if you'd like to team up on something like that let me know)(mods if a new jojodancer the gay rapper thing appears in the next few months delete this post plz).

― cinniblount (James Blount), Friday, 5 November 2004 00:45 (twenty years ago)

grr - that 'haha' was not directed at the poster haha

― cinniblount (James Blount), Friday, 5 November 2004 00:45 (twenty years ago)

ch4rl3s 44r0n was jojodancer

― cinniblount (James Blount), Friday, 5 November 2004 00:46 (twenty years ago)

i am so disappointed that jojo dancer thing isn't still on the web.

p.s. blount judging by your leaps of logic where bile is concerned I suggest you do some background checks before you unleash the Albert G again.

― miccio, Friday, 5 November 2004 00:59 (twenty years ago)

too late!

http://www.mppa.org/mppa/2000/CPOY/Cpoy2/09%20JJ%20AL%20GORE.jpg

― cinniblount (James Blount), Friday, 5 November 2004 01:03 (twenty years ago)

"so whattya think kid? pretty good admiral ackbar right?"

― cinniblount (James Blount), Friday, 5 November 2004 01:04 (twenty years ago)

no, I was referring to your hunger to hawk the best young folksingers in America

http://www.landyvision.com/Slideshow/image/186.jpg

― miccio, Friday, 5 November 2004 01:07 (twenty years ago)

if 'hawk' is code for 'pork' you better believe it!

― cinniblount (James Blount), Friday, 5 November 2004 01:07 (twenty years ago)

You wanna pork the guy in the middle?

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 5 November 2004 01:21 (twenty years ago)

THAT'S A GUY?!!!

― cinniblount (James Blount), Friday, 5 November 2004 01:24 (twenty years ago)

"ch4rl3s 44r0n was jojodancer"

oh yeah. see, i told you i forgot. i actually remember kogan's article on it more than the original thing anyway.

― scott seward (scott seward), Friday, 5 November 2004 02:35 (twenty years ago)

amateurist if you'd like to team up on something like that let me know

what are you referring to? are you making a pass at me?

― amateur!!st, Friday, 5 November 2004 04:25 (twenty years ago)

o it was some old thing that got people (or rockcrits rather) in quite a tizzy, i always thought it was GREAT, if yeah bitchy, gossipy, vicious; if ilx had been around this place woulda gone crazy for it, 600 post thread easy.

anyhow the thing itself - http://web.archive.org/web/20011101222248/http://www.chez.com/cosmozebra/old/jojo.html

whodunit details, etc. here - http://www.villagevoice.com/issues/9914/kogan.php, http://www.villagevoice.com/issues/9914/howe2.php

― cinniblount (James Blount), Friday, 5 November 2004 08:32 (twenty years ago)

o man rereading it again i'd forgotten how zing! it gets, good stuff. the closest thing to this lately is the kelefa rockist thing (not very close).

― cinniblount (James Blount), Friday, 5 November 2004 08:37 (twenty years ago)

Fuck! Explain this one!: "3. M.I.A. “$10” (XL)"

― Clusterfuck at the Baja Fresh Salsa Bar (Ben Boyer), Friday, 5 November 2004 18:22 (twenty years ago)

woah, thanks for finding that, blount! I've read it before, but I've never been able to find it these days.

― miccio, Friday, 5 November 2004 18:24 (twenty years ago)

and after reading a ton of '90s SPINS recently before throwing them away, that is SOOOOOO Aar0n.

― miccio, Friday, 5 November 2004 18:35 (twenty years ago)

i thought the "MIA - "$10" thing was an obscure joke about the likelihood of the album (which sfj seems to love) heading straight for the bargain bin (and selling all of fourteen copies etc) if it ever gets an official american release

― m. (mitchlnw), Friday, 5 November 2004 18:39 (twenty years ago)

"the problem with all critics is how they're different from me. And I was too nice to Fred Durst." - jojo dancer

― miccio, Friday, 5 November 2004 18:40 (twenty years ago)

while blount is being super-antagonistic, i wouldn't mind an explanation of Razile “Your Love Is Heat” (Sprinkler/EMI). perhaps "razile" is a reference to something i don't know. i do listen to a lot of pop music though.

― m. (mitchlnw), Friday, 5 November 2004 18:42 (twenty years ago)

I think a lot of them work simply as goofs and aren't really in need of "explanation" at all. Come on, he probably wrote the thing in five minutes!

― Matos W.K. (M Matos), Friday, 5 November 2004 23:13 (twenty years ago)

otm!

― s1ocki (slutsky), Saturday, 6 November 2004 00:21 (twenty years ago)

This reminds me of when some msg board spent two pages discussing whether or not Mathew Jonson should be aligned with Detroit or Cologne after I made some fake baseball lineups out of house and techno producers ("Obviously this guy knows nothing about dance music," etc). Okay, jmfc, maybe Jan Jelinek wouldn't be able to extend his leg like Tona Pena, and maybe Ricardo Villalobos isn't exactly the microhouse equivalent of Dennis Eckersley. Whatevah folks, it was a joke that was made up in approximately no time whatsoevah during a lunch break.

― Andy K (Andy K), Saturday, 6 November 2004 02:30 (twenty years ago)

I'm not critiquing the QUALITY of the humor, simply observing that I just plain didn't get lots of it.

― djdee2005 (djdee2005), Saturday, 6 November 2004 02:59 (twenty years ago)

Where's this Jess/Ethan thing that has everyone in stitches?

― Mark (MarkR), Saturday, 6 November 2004 04:24 (twenty years ago)

OFFICIAL TRIFE/HULKINGTON BEST OF THE 90s MIX

― jaymc (jaymc), Saturday, 6 November 2004 04:34 (twenty years ago)

two years pass...

thou shall not claim indifference to St. Sasha's witticisms !
(this thread is funny esp since that whole OMG LI'L MAGNETIC FIELDS DUDE IS A RACIST bullshit blew up in jones' face.

― bobby bedelia, Sunday, 15 April 2007 07:11 (eighteen years ago)

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