Mind-numbing, jaw-slacking Classic Rock query: "Captain Jack" by Billy Joel

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I know, I know....who give a rolling rat fuck, right?

Well, I was feeding my seven month old this morning, inexplicably listening to yawnsome local "classic rock" station, Q104 as I spooned up the disquietingly mushy bananas, they wheeled out this old BJ warhorse (for the quadrillumpteeth time this week, undoubtedly...classic rock stations, despite the vast wealth of material to choose from, only seem to play the same fifteen songs). I believe conventional wisdom has dictated that the "character" of Captain Jack that Joel alludes to in every chorus is indeed the demon cannabis (slyly personified as the jovially accomodating sea captain assigned the task of secret island escorting). That's fine and good and poetic license and all that -- but then why in the forth stanza of this punishingly endless, Bataan-death-march of a song does Joel croon...

So you play your albums, and you smoke your pot
and you meet your girlfriend in the parking lot...

..abandoning the salty dog metaphor entirely. COULD IT BE that "Captain Jack" does not stand for simple marijuana but actually represents some other narcotic intoxicant (the "little push" before smiling Joel sings about being the push of the syringe plunger?)

I know, who cares, but the mind considers these things whilst feeding infants.

Also, this just in: BILLY JOEL IS SYD BARRETT:
http://www.thevillager.com/villager_12/billy.jpg ihttp://it.geocities.com/francobrain/syd87.jpg

― Alex in NYC (vassifer), Thursday, 18 November 2004 14:29 (twenty-one years ago)

I always assumed it was just about Jack Daniels ...

― Joseph McCombs (Joseph McCombs), Thursday, 18 November 2004 14:42 (twenty-one years ago)

as did I. Allways liked that "your sisters on another dat while you sit home and masterbate' (precluding the possability that the intoxicant in question is heroin).

― lukey (Lukey G), Thursday, 18 November 2004 14:53 (twenty-one years ago)

"I always assumed it was just about Jack Daniels .."

Me too.

― pheNAM (pheNAM), Thursday, 18 November 2004 15:08 (twenty-one years ago)

Syd Barrett if he was some sorta 'I am so in my midlife crisis right now but with this beard I'll easily be able to hang with David Sanborn and Don Was if I want to' oddball, maybe.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 18 November 2004 15:11 (twenty-one years ago)

Or at least a not-so-clever combination of Captain Morgan's and Jack Daniels.

― jay blanchard (jay blanchard), Thursday, 18 November 2004 15:12 (twenty-one years ago)

Seriously, click on that other link next to Joel's pic (have I mentioned recently how much of a big greasy dick the pic-posting procedure sucks on Nu-Ilx?). They're practically clones.

― Alex in NYC (vassifer), Thursday, 18 November 2004 15:24 (twenty-one years ago)

funny, i was taught growing up that captain jack was heroin, and i just assumed that's what it was, 'cause that's what they told me.

and you've now made a pretty good case for that, alex.

― fact checking cuz (fcc), Thursday, 18 November 2004 15:56 (twenty-one years ago)

Don't give Billy Joel too much credit. Obviously, it's not a metaphor at all. Captain Jack really is totally just a pirate.

http://images.google.com/images?q=tbn:FNE64G48TVcJ:www.noquartergiven.net/images/pip1jacknqg.jpg

― Josh in Chicago (Josh in Chicago), Thursday, 18 November 2004 17:00 (twenty-one years ago)

horse. definitely.

― piscesboy, Thursday, 18 November 2004 17:33 (twenty-one years ago)

Captain Jack was the name of a local dealer in Billy Joel's neighborhood who dealt with more exotic substances than pot.

I've only heard this song once on the radio.

― My name is Kenny (My name is Kenny), Thursday, 18 November 2004 17:45 (twenty-one years ago)

Little push indeed refers to heroin. The song is about heroin. Now I feel smart for knowing.

― asdf troll, Thursday, 18 November 2004 17:50 (twenty-one years ago)

I always thought it was about masturbation even though it didn't make sense with the lyrics

― King Kobra (King Kobra), Thursday, 18 November 2004 18:16 (twenty-one years ago)

Aw come on, does this look like a man who would recklessly encourage his listeners to partake of dangerous narcotics:
ihttp://www.geocities.com/amplifier_fire/70group2.jpg

Seriously though, I too heard it was about masturbation, which didn't make sense to me either.

― Myonga Von Bontee (Myonga Von Bontee), Thursday, 18 November 2004 20:02 (twenty-one years ago)

The lyrics do explicitly mention masturbation though.

― King Kobra (King Kobra), Thursday, 18 November 2004 20:07 (twenty-one years ago)

yeah, I always thought the same as King Kobra -- that's the best (only good?) thing about Billy Joel -- he has at least three hits about masturbation: Capt. Jack, Baby Grand, and Sometimes a Fantasy. I mean fuck, there should be way more hits about jerking it, since it's all any of us do at the age we start buying/listening to pop music. Uh, I think.

― Hurlothrumbo (hurlothrumbo), Friday, 19 November 2004 04:51 (twenty-one years ago)

I have always thought that this song was about rich Long Island kids doing heroin. And I still think that.

― Colin Meeder (Mert), Friday, 19 November 2004 10:26 (twenty-one years ago)

i always thought it was about that kangaroo, jack. even before that movie came out.

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Friday, 19 November 2004 10:36 (twenty-one years ago)

I have always thought that this song was about rich Long Island kids doing heroin. And I still think that.

Why do you assume they're rich?

― Alex in NYC (vassifer), Friday, 19 November 2004 15:51 (twenty-one years ago)

well, they have a swimming pool. that must've cost some money.

― fact checking cuz (fcc), Friday, 19 November 2004 16:04 (twenty-one years ago)

Ever spend any time on Long Island? It ain't all the Hamptons, my friend. Two words re: swimming pools: ABOVE GROUND.

― Alex in NYC (vassifer), Friday, 19 November 2004 16:08 (twenty-one years ago)

so noted. and now that you mention it, the last time i was on long island we stopped at a convenience store that was selling cheeseburgers rolled into the shape of hot dogs. which suggests both (a) a sub-hamtons income level, and (b) a pretty good reason to be using heroin.

― fact checking cuz (fcc), Friday, 19 November 2004 16:15 (twenty-one years ago)

Hahahahahaha

― Alex in NYC (vassifer), Friday, 19 November 2004 16:17 (twenty-one years ago)

oh no! burgerpipe has spread to parts east! oh no!

― don't blame me, i voted for ram jam (Jody Beth Rosen), Friday, 19 November 2004 16:35 (twenty-one years ago)

mean fuck, there should be way more hits about jerking it, since it's all any of us do at the age we start buying/listening to pop music. Uh, I think.
-- Hurlothrumbo

...uh, and some of us STILL buy/listen to pop music...

― Myonga Von Bontee (Myonga Von Bontee), Friday, 19 November 2004 17:50 (twenty-one years ago)

I always thought this song was about cheeseburgers rolled into the shape of hot dogs.

― Nostalgia for the Old Cineramadome (Ben Boyer), Friday, 19 November 2004 17:56 (twenty-one years ago)

Clues to richness (or at least "richer than Billy was"): new English clothes, swimming pool, new Chevrolet (with a TAPE DECK!). There is some form of class envy happening here.

― Colin Meeder (Mert), Friday, 19 November 2004 18:11 (twenty-one years ago)

It's about puking and having diarrhea at the same time.

No wait... That's just what hearing it makes me feel like doing.

― martin m. (mushrush), Friday, 19 November 2004 18:18 (twenty-one years ago)

BURGERPIPE! I was calling it a meatpipe on another thread. Guess my mind was on other things.

― Pleasant Plains (Pleasant Plains), Friday, 19 November 2004 18:25 (twenty-one years ago)

seven months pass...

...uh, and some of us STILL buy/listen to pop music...

...uh, and some of us STILL masturbate....

― kakee, Saturday, 25 June 2005 15:02 (twenty years ago)

fourteen years pass...

i love how Alex had to come up with this elaborate edgy reinterpretation just to admit he liked a Billy Joel song without losing street cred

― ill fuckin put a paste on those (Neanderthal), Thursday, 6 February 2020 06:20 (six years ago)

It is about heroin! Tho from an anti-drug pov, so not particularly edgy

― frederik b. godt (jim in vancouver), Thursday, 6 February 2020 06:26 (six years ago)

i figured, but it isn't the Piper at the Gates of Dawn anthem i wanted

― ill fuckin put a paste on those (Neanderthal), Thursday, 6 February 2020 06:28 (six years ago)

I remember a liner note Joel wrote about this song along the lines of “so many friends shovelled under the Long Island dirt”. So if it is about masturbation they play pretty hard there.

― an incoherent crustacean (MatthewK), Thursday, 6 February 2020 07:21 (six years ago)

whack into your socks
go home in a box

― ill fuckin put a paste on those (Neanderthal), Thursday, 6 February 2020 07:27 (six years ago)

Grim Reapah

― ill fuckin put a paste on those (Neanderthal), Thursday, 6 February 2020 07:28 (six years ago)

great revive

― an incoherent crustacean (MatthewK), Thursday, 6 February 2020 07:31 (six years ago)

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