Manufactured pop, R&B, rap, and modern rock are bad

A paper should be submitted to a social scientific peer-reviewed periodical or the Journal of Irreproducible Results in hope of eventually snagging an Ig Noble Prize.
-- George Smith
Emergence of a Rockist World from Causal Quantum Gravity
Authors: C. Barrow(1 and 3), G. Smith (2), G. Hongro (3) (1) New Music Institute, Copenhagen, (2) Q University, Krakow, (3) Uncut Institute, Utrecht)
Comments: 11 pages, 3 figures; some short clarifying comments added; final version to appear in Phys. Rev. Lett
Report-no: SPIN-2004/05, ITP-UU-04/11
Journal-ref: Rockist.Rev.Lett. 93 (2004) 131301

Causal Dynamical Triangulations in four dimensions provide a background-independent definition of the sum over geometries in nonperturbative quantum gravity, with a positive cosmological constant. We present evidence that a macroscopic rockist world emerges from this theory dynamically.

-- the music mole

http://www.freakytrigger.co.uk/eileen.html
http://www.freakytrigger.co.uk/deadpop.html
http://www.freakytrigger.co.uk/deathofpop1.html

A paper should be submitted
Like all good academics do, this paper is being milked for conference after conference and this idea is being milked for paper after paper.

someone give me a Britney/Brotzmann mashup MP3 and quick.

Yeah, you really have to ditch that U2 part. ;-)

Too provocatively "avant" in and of itself. It'd only play into the man's hands.

xpost

I think I've discovered a "jazzist"!

oh and damn you, Raggett! OC ain't far and this collector's edition of How To Dismantle An Atomic Bomb is just proper enough for a beating!

I Wanna Be Adorno - The Stone Roses

Hey, you're mean! (Besides, that would mean you'd have to finally emerge from work for a meet-up with us all, ya punk. ;-))

Toads, beetles, Adorno, light on him!

Adorno would hang him, that salt butter rogue! He would stare him out his wits; he would awe him with his cudgel, it would hang like a meteor over the cuckold's horns. Adorno will always predominate over the peasant and shalt lay with his wife!

Five years later, she would speak highly of George Michael while railing against manufactured pop like Kylie.

Thesedays? Who knows.

Though I haven't read adorno's essay I don't think he gave any concrete examples of jazz he disliked. and I think that's one of the problems with that person -- what rock? what pop? If he starts engaging with the things he hates a bit more...after all he only really likes one type of jazz.

Yeah, but he's kinda RIGHT (apart from the free jazz part).

If there's one trend that really gets me on my soapbox, it's the elevation of the basest of popular culture to art. It's not art, it's a commodity, and a lot of performers have figured out that the quickest way from obscurity to a lucrative licensing contract is to crap out some junk.

I spent about a minute staring at this going "uh? LCD Soundsystem? guh?" but then I realised that mr king oliver probably meant it to stand for 'lowest common denominator' :(

The only other people I know who use that phrase without irony are my parents.

Well, I'm a parent myself, so it must be some kind of a symptom.

However, I'm not a particular combative person, and I'm not given to Christopher Hitchens-like bluster just to start an argument. I do believe that the things a society entertains itself with reflect the culture at large. I think that popular culture as a whole celebrates stupidity and cheap nihilsm. I think that the impulse to turn a blind eye to the crap that is manufactured and marketed to the "kids," is the same impulse that gets people like George Bush elected.
I'd like to see people use their sensitivity, intellegince and taste to champion things which challenge and inspire. It doesn't have to be some treacly pap, but I make no apologies for defending Coltrane over Jay-Z (just to illustrate a point).

POP IS MUSIC FOR THE NOT-ELITE, HE IS BOURGIE FCUK

you do understand that some people feel challenged and inspired by Jay-Z but not Coltrane, though, don't you? And some people feel challenged and inspired by Britney Spears.

It boggles the mind that there are still people who firmly believe that the only reason pop music is popular is because of marketing, not because it's good or that people might genuinely like it and feela connection to it.

Jay-Z is haberdasher.

Jay-Z v. Coltrane is actually a pretty forced analogy. It's the best I could do at the moment.

"I don't know karate - but I know ca-RAZY!"

(the great Payback debate)

derailed by, erm, "thuggish nonsense".
I'm starting to picture this beard-stroker as one of the characters in Mad Magazine's "Dave Berg's Lighter Side of..." Is his name Roger Kaputnik or some variant thereof?

My private Payback debate: I always thought that instead of "the payback", James Brown was singing a tribute to the beloved Lebanese-American actor who played the proprietor of Mel's Diner on TV's Alice - "Vic Tayback, revenge."

Skee-Lo? 'I Wish' was kind of self-deprecating. So is some of the Fresh Prince's stuff. Probably not the sort of rap you were thinking of, though.

Check out MC Paul Barman and then report back, please.

There's no Woody Allen or Andy Kaufman of rap, for good reason.

Yeah

(Chorus)
(Skee-Lo)
I wish I was little bit taller
I wish I was a baller
I wish I had a girl who looked good I would call her
I wish I had a rabbit in a hat with a bat
And a six four Impala

(Skee-Lo)
I wish I was like six-foot-nine
So I can get with Leoshi
Cause she don't know me but yo she's really fine
You know I see her all the time
Everywhere I go, and even in my dreams
I can scheme a way to make her mine
Cause I know she's livin phat
Her boyfriend's tall and he plays ball
So how am I gonna compete with that
Cause when it comes to playing basketball
I'm always last to be picked
And in some cases never picked at all
So I just lean up on the wall
Or sit up in the bleachers with the rest of the girls
Who came to watch their men ball
Dag y'all! I never understood, black
Why the jocks get the fly girls
And me I get the hood rats
I tell 'em scat, skittle, scabobble
Got hit with a bottle
And I been in the hospital
For talkin' that mess
I confess it's a shame when you livin' in a city
That's the size of a box and nobody knows yo' name
Glad I came to my senses
Like quick-quick got sick-sick to my stomach
Overcommeth by the thoughts of me and her together
Right?
So when I asked her out she said I wasn't her type

(Chorus)
(Skee-Lo)
I wish I was little bit taller
I wish I was a baller
I wish I had a girl who looked good I would call her
I wish I had a rabbit in a hat with a bat
And a six four Impala
I wish I was little bit taller
I wish I was a baller
I wish I had a girl who looked good I would call her
I wish I had a rabbit in a hat with a bat
And a six four Impala

(Skee-Lo)
I wish I had a brand-new car
So far, I got this hatchback
And everywhere I go, yo I gets laughed at
And when I'm in my car I'm laid back
I got an 8-track and a spare tire in the backseat
But that's flat
And do you really wanna know what's really whack
See I can't even get a date
So, what do you think of that?
I heard that prom night is a bomb night
With the hood rats you can hold tight
But really tho' I 'm a figaro
When I'm in my car I can't even get a hello
Well so many people wanna cruise Crenshaw on Sunday
Well then I'ma have to get in my car and go
You know I take the 110 until the 105
Get off at Crenshaw tell my homies look alive
Cause it's hard to survive when your livin'
In a concrete jungle and
These girls just keep passin' me by
She looks fly, she looks fly
Makes me say my, my, my

(Chorus)
(Skee-Lo)
I wish I was little bit taller
I wish I was a baller
I wish I had a girl who looked good I would call her
I wish I had a rabbit in a hat with a bat
And a six four Impala
I wish I was little bit taller
I wish I was a baller
I wish I had a girl who looked good I would call her
I wish I had a rabbit in a hat with a bat
And a six four Impala

(Skee-Lo)
Hey, I wish I had my way
Cause everyday would be a Friday
You could even speed on the highway
I would play ghetto games
Name my kids ghetto names Little Mookie, big Al, Lorraine
Yo you know that's on the real
So if you're down on your luck
Then you should notice how I feel
Cause if you don't want me around
See I go simple, I go easy, I go greyhound
Hey, you , what's that sound?
Everybody look what's going down
Ahhhh, yes, ain't that fresh?
Everybody wants to get down like dat

(Chorus)
(Skee-Lo)
I wish I was little bit taller
I wish I was a baller
I wish I had a girl who looked good I would call her
I wish I had a rabbit in a hat with a bat
And a six four Impala
I wish I was little bit taller
I wish I was a baller
I wish I had a girl who looked good I would call her
I wish I had a rabbit in a hat with a bat
And a six four Impala
Yeah

You know, you know, you know Skee-Lo
Wish you were taller wish you were a baller
Skee-Lo you know, you know, you know
Wish you were taller wish you were a baller
You know, you know, you know Skee-Lo
Wish you were taller wish you were a baller
Skee-Lo you know, you know, you know
Wish you were taller wish you were a baller
You know, you know, you know Skee-Lo
Wish you were taller wish you were a baller
Skee-Lo you know, you know, you know
Wish you were taller wish you were a baller
You know, you know, you know Skee-Lo
Wish you were taller wish you were a baller
Skee-Lo you know, you know, you know
Wish you were taller wish you were a baller

Beardstroker Kaputnik isn't gonna find them funny or ingratiating.

(nb I say this as someone who likes both of the mentioned acts.)

Michael Franti IS the Andy Kaufman of hip-hop: T/F?

Surely Biz Markie verged on self-deprecation at times- "The Vapors", "Just a Friend." But did the Biz ever cross the line?

This is true of all music which doesn't have some sort of explicit political agenda (and one which, at least in your view, accords with reality). If Modest Mouse were the highest-selling chart act in the world, would we be any closer to discerning the true nature of our political realities? The fact that culture predominantly obscures political realities is itself a political reality.

"Why think? Dancing is more fun!"

But thinking about dancing while dancing is the most fun.

x-post

The appeal of the song played everywhere in 1984 is not appeal at all - it's the only musical choice available. The rockist who argues that "people" similarly have no "choice" about liking Britney are being disingenuous, because they are declining to mention themselves, and presumably a good deal of their peers and social networks, not to mention a huge portion of critical opinion the media. What they mean is that the populace has had their powers of critical discernment so dulled by the satiation of base pleasure that they no longer have the capacity to make an informed choice. This is Huxley's argument, not Orwell's.

Okay now all that's an x-post.

haw haw!

I posted the top 100 of the 90s list on some AOL message board, and the responses were illuminating. First of all, the top ten of the '90s lists people began posting were 100% white. And when they cut-n-pasted the albums they all owned that were ON the list, NOT A SINGLE PERSON owned a recording by a black artist, except for some "obscuranist" who listed two Ornette Coleman records in his top 100. This howler:

Henryh!ll51@aol.com:

"What an excuse for a list! Here's mine..."

Radiohead "Ok Computer"
Afghan Whigs "Gentleman"
Dinosaur Jr. "Where You Been"
My Bloody Valentine "Loveless"
Radiohead "The Bends"
The Pixies "Tromp Le Monde"
Pearl Jam "Ten"
Radiohead "Pablo Honey"
Pavement "Crooked Rain Crooked Rain"
The Toadies "Rubberneck"
Bush "Razorblade Suitcase"
Weezer "Weezer"
U2 "Achtung Baby"
Eric Clapton "Pilgrim"

x-post

Yeah, have they only recently started teaching Orwell in US high schools? Young people, particularly on the left, seem to be obsessed with 1984...

(the Clapton album is indeed a headscratcher.)

Also I love Dan's post on dancing. When you dance you really, really have to think about the music a lot! Britney's choreographers to thread.

I guess they weren't that much into Lenny Kravitz then.

(Seriously, if they don't like rap or R&B, and lots of people don't, there isn't a lot of black stuff from the 90s to choose from)

has he changed his ways? he's in his 50s now