2004 World's Greatest Dad Awards

The World’s Greatest Dad Award for Most Hilariously Bad Hip Hop Single
The Diplomats – S.A.N.T.A.N.A.

DIP-SET TALIBAN!
All the other year-end list-writers, caught up in the giddy delight of being able to write lines like “The Year of Crunk,” have been trying to sell us the notion that it’s okay to enjoy stupid party-rap again. Sure, Lil’ Jon and his merry Eastside Boys may turn out mountains of hilarious, morally bankrupt, and nearly identical hits, but this year’s real story on bad rap has nothing to do with him. Instead, we turn to notoriously heterosexual rapper Cam’ron’s jaw-droppingly terrible crew, The Diplomats (Or, as they like to call themselves, the Dip-set. They also like to be called the Byrd Gang and the Taliban, as evidenced by the fact that they shout out “Dip-set Byrd Gang Taliban!” or “Purple City Taliban Byrd Gang Dip-set!” or some variation of it on every track). The group is made up of Cam’ron’s amazingly unpromising protégés, most notably the manic young Juelz Santana, whose lyrical style suggests that he’s only vaguely heard of rap in passing. In S.A.N.T.A.N.A., which probably doesn’t stand for anything, the teenage MC sloppily shouts his unearned bravado with all the machismo and Scarface references of a seasoned moron. I cannot even begin to describe the lack of effort apparent in the lyrics; in fact, almost every single rhyme in the song is hilariously clumsy. I can’t even pick the best one, but here’s an example of some particularly relevant lines to give you a whiff of what Juelz is dishing out: “Fuck driving reckless, my mind is reckless / Plus I stay with two time crime offenders.” My particular favorite section of the song, which comes right after he threatens to kill a waiter for forgetting to bring him pasta with his lobster, manages to make Jesus-comparisons while rhyming the same word four times: “Yeah, but I be right back at ya / Twice back at ya, like Christ back at ya / You be like damn That's one nice ass rapper / I kinda like that rapper, I wanna be like that rapper / No, but if you bite that rapper, I might bite back at ya.” And I haven’t even mentioned the production yet. I can’t think of any other word to describe it but “bewildering”; it’s a hyperactive whirlwind of high-pitched voice samples and menacing strings that sounds like it was cobbled together from the soundtracks of lesser Puppet Master sequels. While it may be one of the worst rap singles of the year, it scores off the charts in the “unintentionally funny” category.

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