If R.E.M came over to your house...

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and said "We'll give you a million dollars if you have orgasms with us" would you do it? I wonder this myself sometimes. What if they said, "if you are unable to achieve an orgasm with Michael Stipe, Peter Buck and the bass player with glasses, you can't have the million dollars" would you still just go for it?

Because if you did, they might just admire your gusto enough to reward you with money. Imagine that bass player and Peter Buck both having an orgasm either inside of you, or on you. Consider that well when you answer this thread.

― Tom Cochrane, Tuesday, 1 February 2005 03:36 (twenty years ago)

is this a sequel to that fan-fiction article thing?

― chris andrews (fraew), Tuesday, 1 February 2005 03:40 (twenty years ago)

Calum, you're going into weeeeeird directions now...

― donut christ (donut), Tuesday, 1 February 2005 03:40 (twenty years ago)

Can I just ask them to play an impromptu acoustic version of "Disturbance At The Heron House" instead?

― Matthew "Flux" Perpetua, Tuesday, 1 February 2005 03:40 (twenty years ago)

Couldn't we just have Tofurky instead?

― Matt Chesnut, Tuesday, 1 February 2005 03:40 (twenty years ago)

I would ask them to play "Life Is a Highway"

― Matos-Webster Dictionary (M Matos), Tuesday, 1 February 2005 03:43 (twenty years ago)

I would read them If You Give a Pig a Pancake and then pat them all on the head.

― Michael Daddino (epicharmus), Tuesday, 1 February 2005 03:45 (twenty years ago)

I hate "Life Is A Highway", but the hoops I'd jump through to hear an R.E.M. version, it's not even funny.

― Bimble... (Bimble...), Tuesday, 1 February 2005 03:51 (twenty years ago)

Can I just ask them to play an impromptu acoustic version of "Disturbance At The Heron House" instead?

do skin flutes qualify as acoustic instruments?

― miccio (miccio), Tuesday, 1 February 2005 03:51 (twenty years ago)

The cops can't get in the doors.

― James Mitchell (James Mitchell), Tuesday, 1 February 2005 03:57 (twenty years ago)

That bass player from R.E.M. and Peter Buck both having an orgasm either inside of you, or on you -- Classic or Dud?

― Mickey (modestmickey), Tuesday, 1 February 2005 03:57 (twenty years ago)

That bass player from R.E.M. and Peter Buck both having an orgasm either inside of you, or on you -- Classic or Dud?
I.. I. what?

That's a "Taking Sides" question, surely? Well, now I read it again, maybe not.

― retort pouch (retort pouch), Tuesday, 1 February 2005 04:03 (twenty years ago)

REM were so awesome to me when I was a teenager in the mid'80s that I once had a dream where I was at a party and Mike Mills and Michael Stipe showed up and they were both like six foot seven or so.

― Tim Ellison (Tim Ellison), Tuesday, 1 February 2005 04:11 (twenty years ago)

This is a straight-forward question, yet I'm just getting cock-eyed answers. Ok, let's sweeten the deal. Michael Stipe is wearing a hat that is jut a carved out watermelon, and Peter Buck legally changed his name to Peter Fuck for the occasion. The bass player with glasses has been trying to disinfect his mouth with kerosene. In fact, all three of them have been doing this.

Would you refuse REM?

― Tom Cockram, Tuesday, 1 February 2005 04:14 (twenty years ago)

Ah. Thank you.. that makes a LOT more sense now.

― donut christ (donut), Tuesday, 1 February 2005 04:16 (twenty years ago)

I don't know what's sadder.. Calum copycats, or Calum not using alliteration.

― donut christ (donut), Tuesday, 1 February 2005 04:17 (twenty years ago)

It's clear that my name isn't Calum.

― Tim Cookrain, Tuesday, 1 February 2005 04:22 (twenty years ago)

and Peter Buck legally changed his name to Peter Fuck for the occasion

welcome to your first ilx lol!

― Masked Gazza, Tuesday, 1 February 2005 04:27 (twenty years ago)

aaron w., are you around?

― ken taylrr (ken taylrr), Tuesday, 1 February 2005 04:53 (twenty years ago)

I would read them If You Give a Pig a Pancake and then pat them all on the head.

Might be the funniest thing I've EVER read on here.

― Bryan Moore (Bryan Moore), Tuesday, 1 February 2005 09:49 (twenty years ago)

Oh man, best thread ever

― Bryan Moore (Bryan Moore), Tuesday, 1 February 2005 09:51 (twenty years ago)

Can I just ask them to play an impromptu acoustic version of "Disturbance At The Heron House" instead?

That would bring you to climax?!

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Tuesday, 1 February 2005 10:09 (twenty years ago)

You don't sound surprised.

― mark grout (mark grout), Tuesday, 1 February 2005 10:10 (twenty years ago)

In the late 80s, I went through a phase of dreaming that Michael Stipe was my best friend. But never in THAT way. (Although... the "Man In The Moon" video... *HOT*)

― mike t-diva (mike t-diva), Tuesday, 1 February 2005 10:52 (twenty years ago)

That watermelon hat sounds kinda cool.

― Matthew "Flux" Perpetua, Tuesday, 1 February 2005 12:35 (twenty years ago)

What if REM literally came over your house?

― Tim Cookrain, Tuesday, 1 February 2005 16:50 (twenty years ago)

sticky rain

― chris andrews (fraew), Tuesday, 1 February 2005 22:34 (twenty years ago)

I would ask them whether they refer to it as Fables of the Reconstruction or Reconstruction of the Fables.
I would ask each of them what they favorite U2 song is.
I would ask them whether they miss IRS.
I would ask them if they still consider themselves Bulldogs.
I would ask them if they felt the affinity they share(d) with B-52s, Pylon, The DBs, The Feelies, and so forth is similar to their perception of how Elephant 6 in its heyday was, particularly now that the Elf Power people have that commune.
I would ask them what it's like to have so much money they never have to distinguish themselves ever again, and then I would ask them if they wanted to go in on a garlic/pepperoni pizza (we could get Michael a small cheese), roll a joint, and listen to some music while we play cards.

― the killers & suede are so intense!, Tuesday, 1 February 2005 22:44 (twenty years ago)

Um .....

― ffirehorse, Wednesday, 2 February 2005 00:21 (twenty years ago)

I would become their drummer, ... without question

― beatology, Wednesday, 2 February 2005 00:59 (twenty years ago)

To answer the question: I really don't think I could.
But I really thought about it! For just a minute there!
I considered it! And that, in some ways, was more unpleasant than having to read the two-hundred pages about shit eating in "120 Days of Sodom" and I never thought I'd push my gag reflex any further!
So thanks for stuffing your dirty thoughts in my brain! Really!

― Forksclovetofu (Forksclovetofu), Wednesday, 2 February 2005 01:08 (twenty years ago)

First I want a live rocking out medley of Harborcoat/radio free europe/ 7 chinese bros./ Strange.
Do the deed on me not in me
Take the million.
and throwm' the fuk out of my house.
Everybody hurts....sometimes.......

― brg30 (brg30), Wednesday, 2 February 2005 01:32 (twenty years ago)

Michael Stipe in the "Pop Song '89" video... HOT HOT HOT!

― Lord Custos Epsilon (Lord Custos Epsilon), Monday, 7 February 2005 05:23 (twenty years ago)

ask them why they played crap after "document".
they peaked with "fall on me"

― La Camilla Henemark, Monday, 7 February 2005 06:38 (twenty years ago)

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