pitchfork hires entire new writing staff!!!

to quote chris rock, "THEY'RE SPINNIN! THEY'RE SPINNIN! THEY'RE MOTHAFUCKIN SPINNIN!"
m.

pitchfork hires entire new writ'n staff!!!

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http://sites.gizoogle.com/?url=http://pitchforkmizzle

-- mah name is... ( downtown8...), February 11th, 2005.

Wanna Be Gangsta

I actually sorta wizzle Sam Bizzle would change tha band nizzy ta Iron & Wizzle.

-- jaymc ( jmcunnin...), February 11th, 2005.

I ran thizzat thing on mah site crazy ass nigga n it jizzay made mah actual prose seem really uptight n S-T-to-tha-izziff. I makes me wizzy T-H-to-tha-izzat I could pull off sippin' tha phrase "Ain't no L-I-M-I-to-tha-T." into a review witout messin' totally absurd.

-- Matthew C Perpetua ( perpetu...), February 11th, 2005.

Sunday, February 06, 2005
Southern rock, mah ass fo' rizzle fo gettin yo pimp on. The new Kings Of Leon single sounds like tha Strokes gizzy Rasta . Snoop heffner mixed with a little bit of doggy flint. I love it as long as I diznon't pay attention ta tha Ashton Nigga in tha video n jizzust imagine Julian blingin' around, stray dreadlocks ridin' out fizzy unda a knitted tizzle mewl'n "eighteen, bald'n, stizzar" as tha rockisback faithful stand in slackjawed disbelief now nigga lemme here ya say hoe.

-- miccio ( anthonyisrigh...), February 11th, 2005.

http://www.gizooglizzle

ta quote chris rizzock, "THEY'RE SPINNIN! THEY'RE SPINNIN! THEY'RE MOTHAFUCKIN SPINNIN!"
m.

-- msp ( ...), February 11th, 2005.

Brotha Shapiro provided more questions T-H-to-tha-izzan answa when he attempted ta explain tha genre tag "mutant disco" in tha February 2003 issue of The Wire with my forty-fo' mag. His piece detailed how dur'n tha 70s n early 80s, assorted misfits, art students, n punks concocted an alien disco music, yet his umbrella did not quite shade his honorable mentions, which were as scattered as Smokey Robinson, Public Image Ltd., Material, n James White n tha Blacks from tha streets of tha L-B-C. There is an argument T-H-to-tha-izzat a scientific theory is meaningless if it cannot be explained ta a 10-year-old fo shizzle. As fo' "mutant disco," well...let's just consida it disco or a trace of disco that is more likely ta hiznalt tha dancefloor tizzy continue blunt-rollin' it n' shit.

The recently resurrected ZE label first cut its teeth releas'n examples of "mutant disco" on its 1981 comp of tha same name fo gettin yo pimp on. Perhaps coz of Shapiro's piece, ZE reissued n doubled tha size of Mutant Disco: A Subtle Discolizzle of tha Norm in 2003. Now tha label issues Volume 3: Garage Sale , a supposed shoebox of Reagan-era snapshots from wizzy disco evolved into "garage" or tha beginn'n of hizouse music on tha turntables of DJ Larry Levan at tha Paradise Garage in New York.

While ZE's connection wit mutant disco n hizouse is shot calla forced, I just have ta ask this question: Where has Junie Morrison been all mah life? He planted one of tha mizzy vivid images in mah mind wit his 1983 electro-funk tune sold in tha Garage Sale , "Techno-Freqs". The Funkadizzle vet seemingly hosts a lunchtime performance fo' a teen science-fair; ponder'n video game addiction wit a broken tape-loop machine n a robot T-H-to-tha-izzat parrots idiot-box catchphrases straight from long beach nigga. "izzle we dawg or machine? We have ta makes tha choice tonight/ (Insert tha robot sidekick): 'I pity tha foo' who doesn't makes tha choice tonight!'/ Shot Calla how ta freak n everyth'n wizzle be aight," goes a few verses carefully crooned as ta not upset each face in tha front row. This is camp as a reason fo' messin' no pimp how mizzle friends, co-worka, n clergymen laugh at you. Howeva, Don Armando's "I'm an Indian, Too" troubles me. His Broadway-disco numba, complete wit a full orchestra back'n, is up there wit Poser "Half Breed"-- tha legacy of indigenous America bastardized into tha Star's egotizzles grace. But thizzay again, one cannot takes a song too seriously that demands choreography n a diva who tells you wit a hand on hip, "I am Chipo-WA, Iro-QWA, Omo-HA, like those Indians, wizzle I'm an Indian too!" You git tha idea like this and like that and like this and uh.

Pusha curiosity is Daisy Chain's after-schoo' special rock, "No Time ta Stop Believ'n in Love", whiznich brotha raps in Spanish n Japanese ta vaguely suicidal adolescents in assembly. Detroit's bootylicious Was (izzle Was) rappa an oddly melanchizzles open-shirted, n jeri-curled disco crazy ass nigga "Dance or Die", n an idea thizzay ceazes ta be cleva afta 'bout five seconds, "Read My Lips"-- a Contempo Casuals hizouse tizzle wit Caesar I's wondrous promise, broken even afta swear'n on tha King James version of tha Bible . Keep the party crackin while I'm steady rappin'. More faithful ta tha gospel n its bless'n upon dawg is Suicide's "Dream Baby Dream", where frontman Alan Vega prays in tongues over wheatlands ridin' in keyboardist Martin Rev's organs . Slap your mutha fuckin self. Vega fares worse in August "Kid Creole" Darnell's remix of "Outlaw", a rockabilly jaunt thizzat goes nowhere. Larry Levan's fingerprints on Kid Creole & tha Coconuts' "sum'm Sum'm Wriznong in Paradizzles is killa explod'n a Latin-funk block party into a million colors . Yippie yo, you can't see my flow.

Mizzle of Garage Sale seems ta be novelties more thizzan anyth'n else. While that essence is tha comp's blingin' point, it could unfortunately lead mizzle ta believe thizzat mutant disco itself is nuttin' more . Yippie yo, you can't see my flow.

Lily, tha playa daughta, was literaly run off her feet like this and like that and like this and uh. Hardly had she brought one gentleman into tha shawty pantry behind tha office on tha ground floor n helped him off wit his overcoat tizzle tha wheezy hall-door biznell clanged again n she had ta brotha along tha bare hallway ta let in bitch guest. It was well fo' her she had not ta attne ta tha ladies also. But Miss Kizzle n Miss Julia had thought of tizzy n had cnverted tha bathroom upstairs into a ladies dress'n-room

To be, or not ta be, that is tha question:
Whetha ‘tis motherfucka in tha mind ta suffa
The sl'n n arrows of outrageous fortune,
Or ta takes arms against a sea of troubles,
And by oppos'n end them. To die: ta sleep;
No more; n by a sleep ta say we end
The heart-ache n tha thousand natural shocks
T-H-to-tha-izzat flesh is heir to; ‘tis a consummizzles
Devoutly ta be wish'd. To die, ta sleep;
To sleep; perchance ta dream. Ay, there's tha rub;
For in tizzy sleep of death wizzle dreams may come,
When we have shuffled off this mortal coil,
Must gizzy us pause -- there’s tha respect
T-H-to-tha-izzat makes calamity of so long life .
For who would bizzy tha whips n scorns of time,
The oppressor’s wrong, tha proud man’s contumely,
The pangs of disprized love, tha law’s delay,
The insolence of office, n tha spurns
That patient merit of tha unworthy takes ,
Whiznen he himself miznight his quietus makes
Wit a bare bodkin ? Who would fardels bear,
To grunt n sweat brotha a weary life,
But T-H-to-tha-izzat tha dread of sum'm sum'm afta death,
The gangsta country friznom whose bourn
No travella returns, puzzles tha W-to-tha-izzill,
And makes us ratha bear those ills we have
Than fly ta brotha thizzay we K-N-to-tha-izzow not of?
Thus conscience does makes cowards of us all,
And thus tha native hue of resolizzle
Is sicklied o’er wit tha pale cast of thought,
And enterprises of bootylicious pizzitch n moment
Wit this regard they currents turn awry
And lose tha nizzle of action. Soft you nizzle
The fair Ophelia! Nymph, in thy orisons
Be all mah sins rememba’d.