All new ILE movies poll: THE WORST FILM OF ALL TIME, EVER, WITHOUT ANY QUALIFICATION. Nominations thread.

Message Bookmarked

Bookmark Removed

In the ongoing quest to disseminate pessimism, I've decided to suggest a new poll. Easy 'nuff. So-as I'm not the only voter, and thus wicked lame, please contribute your ideas for the worst movie ever made. If you feel so inclined, submit your ideas as haikus or couplets. I will.

Scoring will be determined.

― Remy (x Jeremy), Tuesday, 15 February 2005 00:15 (twenty-one years ago)

the anniversary party.

― f--gg (gcannon), Tuesday, 15 February 2005 00:17 (twenty-one years ago)

Signs - it was like having M. Night Shymlanan beat me about the head for two hours

― milozauckerman (miloaukerman), Tuesday, 15 February 2005 00:17 (twenty-one years ago)

legends of the fall.

― f--gg (gcannon), Tuesday, 15 February 2005 00:17 (twenty-one years ago)

ps this is ILM

― milozauckerman (miloaukerman), Tuesday, 15 February 2005 00:18 (twenty-one years ago)

If movies were req'd in hell,
they'd be made by Raja Gosnell. (Big Momma's House)

I think that we could agree in plenum
in relation to the movie Venom. (Venom)

― Remy (x Jeremy), Tuesday, 15 February 2005 00:19 (twenty-one years ago)

Pret a Porter? Faraway, so close?

― jed_ (jed), Tuesday, 15 February 2005 00:21 (twenty-one years ago)

The Principal. Game over.

― briania (briania), Tuesday, 15 February 2005 00:22 (twenty-one years ago)

Is the world not polled out yet?!

― Michael F Gill (Michael F Gill), Tuesday, 15 February 2005 00:22 (twenty-one years ago)

oh that reminds me: dr t. and the women!!

― f--gg (gcannon), Tuesday, 15 February 2005 00:23 (twenty-one years ago)

't will be moved, I hope.

also:

On Raja Gosnell: If re. his ability you disagree
I suggest you rent Home Alone part 3.

― Remy (x Jeremy), Tuesday, 15 February 2005 00:23 (twenty-one years ago)

Talented Mr Ripley. A whopping two-hour wank.

― Flash (cowboytrance), Tuesday, 15 February 2005 00:28 (twenty-one years ago)

Dreamcatcher, Dreamcatcher, DREAMCATCHER!

― Bryan Moore (Bryan Moore), Tuesday, 15 February 2005 00:29 (twenty-one years ago)

COLLATERAL

― W i l l (common_person), Tuesday, 15 February 2005 00:32 (twenty-one years ago)

Love Actually.

― Matt Chesnut, Tuesday, 15 February 2005 00:32 (twenty-one years ago)

Dungeons & Dragons, without question.

― Drew Daniel (Drew Daniel), Tuesday, 15 February 2005 00:35 (twenty-one years ago)

The Doors was pretty bad.
Battlefield Earth truly is awful though, i was hoping it would be fun schlocky bad, but no.

― zappi (joni), Tuesday, 15 February 2005 00:37 (twenty-one years ago)

Gigli was pretty goddamned bad.

― polyphonic (polyphonic), Tuesday, 15 February 2005 00:56 (twenty-one years ago)

The one I hated the most was Romeo + Juliet, though.

― polyphonic (polyphonic), Tuesday, 15 February 2005 01:00 (twenty-one years ago)

the reckoning

― f--gg (gcannon), Tuesday, 15 February 2005 01:05 (twenty-one years ago)

Garden State.

― adam (adam), Tuesday, 15 February 2005 01:11 (twenty-one years ago)

Citizen Kane

― Star Cauliflower (Star Cauliflower), Tuesday, 15 February 2005 01:20 (twenty-one years ago)

Pay It Forward!!!

― scott seward (scott seward), Tuesday, 15 February 2005 01:21 (twenty-one years ago)

Taking Lives

― Lingbertt, Tuesday, 15 February 2005 01:36 (twenty-one years ago)

Signs seconded. I literally wanted to find and kill MNS when I walked out.

― Aaron A., Tuesday, 15 February 2005 01:39 (twenty-one years ago)

Duets

― Matos-Webster Dictionary (M Matos), Tuesday, 15 February 2005 01:39 (twenty-one years ago)

Amos & Andrew

― Matos-Webster Dictionary (M Matos), Tuesday, 15 February 2005 01:39 (twenty-one years ago)

Phone Booth, Contact, anything directed by Schumaker or Zemeckis. Or Kevin Smith or MNS.

― Aaron A., Tuesday, 15 February 2005 01:42 (twenty-one years ago)

Freejack.

― Oblivious Lad (Matthew Lazowski), Tuesday, 15 February 2005 01:51 (twenty-one years ago)

Tomcats!!

― Mike O. (Mike Ouderkirk), Tuesday, 15 February 2005 02:07 (twenty-one years ago)

8mm

― tremendoid (tremendoid), Tuesday, 15 February 2005 02:17 (twenty-one years ago)

I think you guys are just cut n pasting Armond White's top ten list here.

and apparently no one has seen Cold Creek Manor! Stephen Dorff terrorizes Dennis Quaid and Sharon Stone! and so on.

― Riot Gear! (Gear!), Tuesday, 15 February 2005 02:33 (twenty-one years ago)

21 Grams

― ryan (ryan), Tuesday, 15 February 2005 02:41 (twenty-one years ago)

Grease
The English Patient

― Mr. Snrub (Mr. Snrub), Tuesday, 15 February 2005 02:44 (twenty-one years ago)

3000 Miles to Graceland

― Riot Gear! (Gear!), Tuesday, 15 February 2005 02:48 (twenty-one years ago)

life is beautiful

― chris andrews (fraew), Tuesday, 15 February 2005 02:53 (twenty-one years ago)

it's "sphere" or "outbreak"
both starring dustin hoffman
inexplicably

― fact checking cuz (fcc), Tuesday, 15 February 2005 03:16 (twenty-one years ago)

200 Cigarettes

― rainbowelf, Tuesday, 15 February 2005 03:22 (twenty-one years ago)

Garden State

― JD from CDepot, Tuesday, 15 February 2005 03:23 (twenty-one years ago)

Actually, it probably is Volcano.

― polyphonic (polyphonic), Tuesday, 15 February 2005 03:29 (twenty-one years ago)

I think you're forgetting that Volcano had a volcano and therefore it had fire. There are several other films listed here that did not.

― Riot Gear! (Gear!), Tuesday, 15 February 2005 03:35 (twenty-one years ago)

i'd say "kate and leopold" but i never saw it, and neither did you.

― f--gg (gcannon), Tuesday, 15 February 2005 03:39 (twenty-one years ago)

Armageddon

MISSION TO MARS

― latebloomer: HE WHOM DUELS THE DRAFGON IN ENDLESS DANCE (latebloomer), Tuesday, 15 February 2005 03:40 (twenty-one years ago)

Conspiracy Theory and possibly irrationally, School of Rock

― Aaron A., Tuesday, 15 February 2005 03:42 (twenty-one years ago)

"i'd say "kate and leopold" but i never saw it, and neither did you"

I saw it! It wasn't as bad as Pay It Forward.

― scott seward (scott seward), Tuesday, 15 February 2005 03:43 (twenty-one years ago)

Reality Bites.

― mike a, Tuesday, 15 February 2005 03:44 (twenty-one years ago)

i liked Signs. i thought it was a great piece of hokey X-filesishness, i thought the fake looking lizard men were GREAT!

i liked the atmosphere of the film...cornfields and things that jump!

― latebloomer: HE WHOM DUELS THE DRAFGON IN ENDLESS DANCE (latebloomer), Tuesday, 15 February 2005 03:44 (twenty-one years ago)

american beauty

― Shmool McShmool (shmuel), Tuesday, 15 February 2005 03:44 (twenty-one years ago)

Conspiracy Theory seconded...I HATE TAHT FUCKIN MOVIE BECAUSE IT COULD'VE BEEN GOOD IF THERE WERE NO STARS AND RICHARD DONNER ATTACHED.

― latebloomer: HE WHOM DUELS THE DRAFGON IN ENDLESS DANCE (latebloomer), Tuesday, 15 February 2005 03:46 (twenty-one years ago)

Papparazi was pretty dire...though quite hilarious!

― latebloomer: HE WHOM DUELS THE DRAFGON IN ENDLESS DANCE (latebloomer), Tuesday, 15 February 2005 03:48 (twenty-one years ago)

Skipping 95 messages at this point... Click here if you want to load them all.

oh and Road to Perdition is almost unbearably awful, you're right. The sort of movie that tries to trick people into thinking it's good. Fucking terrible.

― Riot Gear! (Gear!), Wednesday, 16 February 2005 02:07 (twenty-one years ago)

people: Million Dollar Baby

― Aaron A., Wednesday, 16 February 2005 02:14 (twenty-one years ago)

Sleepless in Seattle

So bad, I listed it twice.

― Pete Scholtes, Wednesday, 16 February 2005 03:02 (twenty-one years ago)

The most thought-provoking comment ever made about Sleepless in Seattle was when someone pointed out to me that if Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks' characters swapped places, it wouldn't be a cute love story, it would be stalking.

― Jessie the Monster (scarymonsterrr), Wednesday, 16 February 2005 03:46 (twenty-one years ago)

Attack of the Clones.
D Darko -- overated, but good.

I Heart Huckabees was fucking awful.

― Star Cauliflower (Star Cauliflower), Wednesday, 16 February 2005 04:06 (twenty-one years ago)

Titus is the only movie I ever walked out of.
Third for Love Actually.
Moulin Rouge makes me violent- not just for the movie itself, which is fucking horrific, but for the obnoxiousness of the people I know who tried to convince me it was wonderful.

― TayBridgeCatastrophe (TayBridge), Wednesday, 16 February 2005 04:09 (twenty-one years ago)

Scary Movie 2 might be the worst movie I have ever seen.

― sleep (sleep), Wednesday, 16 February 2005 04:26 (twenty-one years ago)

I liked Moulin Rouge and Love Actually. And I'm a guy. Does that mean I'm gay?

― Star Cauliflower (Star Cauliflower), Wednesday, 16 February 2005 04:54 (twenty-one years ago)

Sorry, but the Medved brothers book is the duddest of duds. And not just because I think Ivan the Terrible is one of the two handfuls of the greatest of great. Mostly because it's like MST3K without the funny and with the snark hostility turned up to a super-entitled degree.

And quit doggin' on the French artsploitation.

― Eric H. (Eric H.), Wednesday, 16 February 2005 08:13 (twenty-one years ago)

Falling Down

What!? This is one of the classics of the 1990ies! It works on so many levels, even though it's spelling things out for us at times. Robert Duvall is such a fine actor. I just love to see watch him on the screen. He doesn't really have to do much, just run around and talk a little.

― Jay-Kid (Jay-Kid), Wednesday, 16 February 2005 09:18 (twenty-one years ago)

Starship Troopers 2.

it wins handsdown. Pack up your bags and go home - nothing to see here.

― Anko Painting (Anko2), Wednesday, 16 February 2005 10:08 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm not a big fan of romantic comedies in general, though can understand their 'place' in the movie/life rubric and why people would want to see them. But there's something about Sleepless in Seattle particularly that really pushes my buttons, I can't really put my finger completely on it. It reaches beyond Hanks' mewling for his departed wife (usually, they at least try to be more subtle about that level of audience-manipulation factor in the scripts) and even moreso that annoying little kid who instinctively just...knows!!! who is right for his dad and will sabotage anything/anyone that doesn't fit The Plan...to unite his Dad with a woman from some other part of the country whom neither has met.

It's not just that I find the movie's sentiment exceptionally false, even for a romantic comedy, but more that what it's holding up as an ideal for a relationship...that you should "just know" (by instinct or fate or "magic") who the right person is that's "meant for you", and that forming a healthy relationship doesn't require work, trial and error, and substantial emotional investment and constant communication to maintain once you think you have found the right person...it seems to me a rather harmful message. I find it mind-boggling that anyone would be *touched* by the story after having seen it rather than insulted and slightly disturbed.

― Joe (Joe), Wednesday, 16 February 2005 13:45 (twenty-one years ago)

Yeah, Falling Down is pretty good.

― billstevejim, Wednesday, 16 February 2005 15:06 (twenty-one years ago)

Holy crap, Top Gun isn't on here.

― billstevejim, Wednesday, 16 February 2005 15:07 (twenty-one years ago)

HUMAN TRAFFIC

― monia.l (monia.l), Wednesday, 16 February 2005 15:09 (twenty-one years ago)

I've never been so bored and shocked by how bad a film has been

― monia.l (monia.l), Wednesday, 16 February 2005 15:10 (twenty-one years ago)

I think there are more good films in this thread than the ILE Best of the '90s.

http://images.amazon.com/images/P/6300268624.01.LZZZZZZZ.jpg

― Dr Morbius (Dr Morbius), Wednesday, 16 February 2005 15:11 (twenty-one years ago)

YOU'VE LOST THAT LOVING FEEEEEEEELIIIING

Top Gun = so bad it's great

― Jessie the Monster (scarymonsterrr), Wednesday, 16 February 2005 15:12 (twenty-one years ago)

Spy Kids

― Leon the Fatboy (Ex Leon), Wednesday, 16 February 2005 15:14 (twenty-one years ago)

2001! the acting is atrocious and the dialogue so wooden! and whats the deal with men in monkey suits for half an hour! c'mon people theres a movie already out called planet of the apes k thnx.

oh and theres a "light show" at the end! i was half expecting pink floyd to start murdering my ears!

and a giant baby at the end! wtf? kubrick's totally ripping off that simpsons episode when homer goes to space!

― latebloomer: HE WHOM DUELS THE DRAFGON IN ENDLESS DANCE (latebloomer), Wednesday, 16 February 2005 15:24 (twenty-one years ago)

and dont get me started on that red camera Hal 2600!

― latebloomer: HE WHOM DUELS THE DRAFGON IN ENDLESS DANCE (latebloomer), Wednesday, 16 February 2005 15:25 (twenty-one years ago)

Love Actually. Haven't even seen it, but the trailer came on in Blockbuster and a simmering rage began to well up inside me as the gospel choir version of All You Need Is Love played and the smug voiceover smugged away. Being a placid fellow, I didn't lose my rag, but man, was it excruciating.

People are dissing a lot of mediocre and flawed movies but missing out the real dreck, such as:

Batman & Robin (Arnie: "they won't put me in the cooler")
The General's Daughter (another godawful Travolta thing)
An Alan Smithee Movie
K-Pax (Spacey smugfest that even Jeff Bridged couldn't redeem)
Beaches
Mrs Doubtfire (travesty of a fine kids book. Anne Fine was not happy)

I was going to include The John Denver Story but it's actually quite funny for the relentlessly chirpy lead actor and his hair.

― stew, Wednesday, 16 February 2005 15:27 (twenty-one years ago)

Top Gun - no film with a 26-year-old, towel-clad Val Kilmer sneering can be all bad.

― Dr Morbius (Dr Morbius), Wednesday, 16 February 2005 15:27 (twenty-one years ago)

Oh, and 40 Days And 40 Nights. Ok, Sharon Sossamon is almost unbearably lovely, but it really is a crude and jarring attempt to combine filth with romance.
The worst bit is when he spends the night with her but can't touch, so he makes her come by blowing a feather up and down her body...

Gigli does look truly horrendous. "Gobble gobble" aaarrrgggh!

― stew, Wednesday, 16 February 2005 15:34 (twenty-one years ago)

Batman & Robin (Arnie: "they won't put me in the cooler")

"Everybody Chill!"

― latebloomer: HE WHOM DUELS THE DRAFGON IN ENDLESS DANCE (latebloomer), Wednesday, 16 February 2005 15:35 (twenty-one years ago)

yeah i think thats actually the worst film ever

― latebloomer: HE WHOM DUELS THE DRAFGON IN ENDLESS DANCE (latebloomer), Wednesday, 16 February 2005 15:38 (twenty-one years ago)

Yeah, Batman & Robin was a date movie for my 16 year old self (nothing else on in my shitty town). Didn't see her again...

― stew, Wednesday, 16 February 2005 15:43 (twenty-one years ago)

All five of the movies below are FUCKING SHIT:

* BEST DEFENSE - this is a FUCKING SHIT film
* PLANET OF THE APES (Burton) - this is a FUCKING SHIT film
* 8 LEGGED FREAKS - this is a FUCKING SHIT film
* BURN HOLLYWOOD BURN - this is a FUCKING SHIT film
* VERONICA GUERIN - this is a FUCKING SHIT film

― Huey (Huey), Wednesday, 16 February 2005 17:21 (twenty-one years ago)

Harley Davidson and the Marlboro Man

― zaxxon25 (zaxxon25), Wednesday, 16 February 2005 17:45 (twenty-one years ago)

Harley Davidson and the Marlboro Man

No, that movie is classic!

Trenchcoats made of Kevlar...mwahahahahaha!

― Jessie the Monster (scarymonsterrr), Wednesday, 16 February 2005 20:39 (twenty-one years ago)

My Multiplex in Hell

200 Cigarettes

Lost World Jurassic Park

Escape from LA

Requiem for a Dream

The Triplets of Belleville

American Beauty

Oceans 11 (the remake)

Traffic

― Spicy Club Sauce, Wednesday, 16 February 2005 20:50 (twenty-one years ago)

Basic. A film with John Travolta AND Samuel L Jackson has no right to be this shit.

Battle Royale 2 kind of sucked as well.

― ailsa (ailsa), Wednesday, 16 February 2005 20:57 (twenty-one years ago)

Not even the worst of these movies is as bad as the ILX 1990s poll
these movies are all better than those you voted for in the ILE "best of" poll
I think there are more good films in this thread than the ILE Best of the '90s.

Dumb point taken!

― Pete Scholtes, Wednesday, 16 February 2005 22:51 (twenty-one years ago)

anything directed by Schumaker

--Tigerland?

or Zemeckis

--Back to the Future? Cast Away?

or Kevin Smith

--Clerks?

Any Oliver Stone film

--Salvador? Born on the Fourth of July? Talk Radio?

― Pete Scholtes, Wednesday, 16 February 2005 22:52 (twenty-one years ago)

Bicentennial Man

― Mike O. (Mike Ouderkirk), Wednesday, 16 February 2005 23:04 (twenty-one years ago)

Mrs Doubtfire
yeah, and the one where that schmuck is playing a robot with human feelings, too!

― Jay-Kid (Jay-Kid), Wednesday, 16 February 2005 23:16 (twenty-one years ago)

Super Fuzz
Cannonball Run 2

― shookout (shookout), Wednesday, 16 February 2005 23:26 (twenty-one years ago)

Not even the worst of these movies is as bad as the ILX 1990s poll
these movies are all better than those you voted for in the ILE "best of" poll
I think there are more good films in this thread than the ILE Best of the '90s.

Dumb point taken!

I only said it once, for the record, but I'm glad I'm not alone... except for romantically.

― Eric H. (Eric H.), Thursday, 17 February 2005 01:49 (twenty-one years ago)

Funny Farm -- This is a terrible, unfunny comedy starring Chevy Chase and worse yet directed by George Roy Hill, who made quite a few really good movies at one point. It is the worse movie I ever actually paid to see.

― Earl Nash (earlnash), Thursday, 17 February 2005 02:52 (twenty-one years ago)

All of those Fear/The Babysitter/Poison Ivy 2 movies from the early 90s are pretty atrocious.

― jocelyn (Jocelyn), Thursday, 17 February 2005 21:46 (twenty-one years ago)

Total Eclipse (feat. Leonardo DiCaprio & David Thewlis)

― nader (nader), Thursday, 17 February 2005 22:11 (twenty-one years ago)

Scanners,
or
Naked Lunch.

Cronenbourg is a genius? Only if genius means rubbish.

― dmun, Friday, 18 February 2005 00:04 (twenty-one years ago)

you can die.

― latebloomer: HE WHOM DUELS THE DRAFGON IN ENDLESS DANCE (latebloomer), Friday, 18 February 2005 00:07 (twenty-one years ago)

http://movies.infinitecoolness.com/21/scan04.jpg

plus you mispelled his name!

― latebloomer: HE WHOM DUELS THE DRAFGON IN ENDLESS DANCE (latebloomer), Friday, 18 February 2005 00:09 (twenty-one years ago)

No-one mentioned "Sliver" yet? In that case, I will.

― Si Carter (Si Carter), Friday, 18 February 2005 00:20 (twenty-one years ago)

Ah, sorry i spelt his name wrong, but Cronenbourg or Cronenberg, he's still made the same dire films.

― dmun, Friday, 18 February 2005 14:50 (twenty-one years ago)

How the heck did I forget Star Wars Episode i? That might be worse than anything else on this thread.

― Raymond Cummings (Raymond Cummings), Friday, 18 February 2005 16:11 (twenty-one years ago)

Does The Star Wars Holiday Special count as a movie? If so, it's a dead cert.

― Huey (Huey), Friday, 18 February 2005 16:38 (twenty-one years ago)

Battleship Potemkin yo, the storming of the Winter Palace had every cliche in the book.
-- Gordy Stevenson (sonofsteve...), February 15th, 2005.

HAHAHA. Brilliant!

Aw, c'mon - they weren't cliches in fucking 1924!

But that's my only comment regarding the dozen-or-so above films that I like. My choice for worst:

"Crash" (wurst movie I ever paid money to see!) may have turned me off Cronenberg (& R. Arquette for that matter) forever - and I liked everything previous. Never woulda believed that any film could be repellent, unbelievable and deadly dull all at once - a near-impossible combination! - so at least I'll give him credit for that.
2nd würst $ layout: "Howard The Duck", and in fact EVERYTHING w/George Lucas's name on it after, oh, 1981 is a contenda. And every movie in which Michael Douglas plays an executive. And the aforementioned "Con Air" - Has there ever been a worse film w/as many usually dependable actors? (No.)

― Myonga Von Bontee (Myonga Von Bontee), Friday, 18 February 2005 17:01 (twenty-one years ago)

Search party required for Myonga Von Bontee's sense of humour!

― ailsa (ailsa), Friday, 18 February 2005 22:55 (twenty-one years ago)

You must be logged in to post. Please either login here, or if you are not registered, you may register here.