In the Box with Uriah Heep's MICK BOX! Early Seventies hard rox!

For the early Seventies hard rock fetishists on ILM. You know who you are. There's just not enough of this. An impersonator's column centered on Mick Box! If you know the material, side-splitting, some excerpts

http://sm0kehaus.kicks-ass.org/thebloodshot/

IN THE BOX

with Mick Box

Last issue Dodging Bullets proclaimed that we were going to have various unsung Gods of the hard rock underbelly deliver their two cents each issue. Last issue We gave the ink to Uriah Heep’s Mick Box. Due to the delight of our readers, we have forgone the idea to ask other heroes of the rock world to discuss their various dismay. In favor, we offered Mr. Mick Box the duties for as long as he wants them. Worms, I give you Mick Box’s own IN THE BOX…
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‘Ello there you ingrates. Mick Box here. I got a gripe or two about the things as they is. I mean, Th’ Heep didn’t master the art of falsetto choral prog metal only to be cast like stones into the sea.

What is this world coming to when a man can’t mix his lust to rock and roll with his lust for Dungeons and Dragons? You call them nerds, but let me tell you cunts that I was noooooo nerd in 1973. I had the birds lined up around the block and all the while I was spinning the dice. I was a Dragon Master in ’74. Why just last year me and my team The Rainbow Demons took second in the world Roll Players Cup tournament. We lost to Blackmore’s Night.

You kids today should be force fed the Sweet Freedom LP by Hensley, Byron, Box, Kerslake and Thain (aka Th’ Eep). I personally will piss in all your ale for your ungratefulness towards the vast achievements that the greatest band in rock and roll history laid forth. At least until John Lawton come along that is. Oh, Davey! I mean, Lucifer’s Friend was Germanys 10 cent attempt at being Uriah Heep and of course, the only Brit in the band, John Lawton jumped at the chance to replace Byron. What were we thinking? I need a fucking drink! Until next issue, I hope you die a bit more each day. Harsh you say? I’m Mick Box damn you!

NEW FEATURE: Bad Alice Cooper Album Of The Month
 
ALICE COOPER  Flush The Fashion
      AC doesn’t get enough credit for his chameleonic exploits.  Then again, while Bowie was ripping off the hip uptown vanguard of Lou Reed and Neu!, Alice was fixated on the tricks of Meatloaf and Croft Superstars.   He had his ear to the rail at the turn of the 80’s, however, when Devo and Tubeway Army came marching into his life.  He quickly assembled a supporting cast of Italian-American session men, adopted a new militant transvestite chic for the stage, and took an armful of his electro-new wave lp’s down to the lab.  What we get is an inebriated but spirited hodgepodge of approximations that today he doesn’t recall recording.  Alice showcases his knack for timeless throwaway rhymes that sporadically appear to lead to some notion of sense, before abandoning course into the ninny non-sequential rants of an eighty-pound blackout alcoholic.  But he’s got a lot on his mind, and wastes no time railing against cyborgs, gay bars and nuclear contamination, while ruminating on the virtues of police brutality and exceeding recommended dosages of aspirin. Many topics touched on by Gary Numan himself, though Alice curiously paws at them with a washed-up drunken whimsy.   In fact, the degree to which his synth pop is so off-the-mark and decidedly un-bleak, makes this lp is a bit of an anomaly.  And I wouldn’t doubt if future generations judge him more reverently for this madcap stab at de-evolution than his famously snarky rock anthems to high school and fucking dead people.   Clocking in at a lean 30 minutes, this tour de force of garage-damaged Casio-core is a shoe-in sensation for your next dance party.  (Also recommended if you can track it down: the Paris-only TV special which features Alice lip-synching these tunes in such exotic locales as subways, alleys, and junkyards, all one-shot videos with a total production value of thirty bucks or so)

THE BLOOD SHOT – Straight Up
...On our second CD we toss aside the garage punk for good, retaining the ‘Raw power” but putting the friggin’ pedal to the heavy metal. Most of this was recorded by me in our own home studio because engineers would laugh when I told them to make us sound like Foghat! I do not kid about such things. I made us sound like Foghat! Foghat rules! So do we! Check it out and then call me a liar! You won’t though. You’ll be utterly stunned and sexed up and feel like you’ve been hit by a rock and roll truck!