Defend the Indefensible: Frank Zappa's lyrics

So, when did he write "I sleep in a jar" then?

(Spoken:)
Baby, I love you so much, darling
Why don't you dig me?
I dig you
But you don't dig me
I don't understand what it is
I had my car re-upholstered
I got my hair processed
I got a nice pompadour job on it
I bought a new pair of shoes
I got some new khakis and I met you
And we went out to get a Coca-Cola..."

"The jar is under the bed."

"oh no" is the best lyrical zappa ever.

Oh no
I don't believe it
You say that you think you know
The meaning of love
Do you really think it can be told?
You say that you really know
I think
You should check it again
How can you say
What you believe
Will be the key to a
World of love?

All your love -
Will it save me?
All your love -
Will it save the world
From what we can't understand
Oh no
I don't believe it

I like "Uncle Remus," but I notice it's cowritten by George Duke, and I wouldn't be surprised if the lyric was the part he contributed.

the biggest complaint (and most justifiable) are that many of his lyrics are too blunt, straight-forward, and un-artistic. sometimes that works (e.g., "honey, don't you want a man like me?" -- about a one-night stand b/w two pretty dumb, shallow people), sometimes it doesn't (e.g., "suicide chump" and "dancing fool").

There will come a time when everybody
Who is lonely will be free...
TO SING DANCE LOVE

There will come a time when every evil
That we know will be an evil...
THAT WE CAN RISE ABOVE

Who cares if hair is long or short
or sprayed or partly grayed...
WE KNOW THAT HAIR AIN'T WHERE IT'S AT

(there will come a time when you won't
even be ashamed if you are fat!)

WAH WAH-WAH WAH

There will come a time when everybody
Who is lonely will be free...
TO SING DANCE LOVE (dance and love)

There will come a time when every evil
that we know will be an evil...
THAT WE CAN RISE ABOVE (rise above)

Who cares if you're so poor you can't afford
To buy a pair of Mod A Go-Go stretch-elastic pants...
THERE WILL COME A TIME WHEN YOU CAN EVEN
TAKE YOUR CLOTHES OFF WHEN YOU DANCE

the line about knocking the jockey's off the rich peoples' lawns!

I agree his lyrics have a slapped-together and almost careless feel to them, but to me the measure of how good lyrics are is whether or not I pay attention to them when I'm listening to the song. And for Zappa, I find it hard not to smile when I'm listening to him.

I mean, with all the banal love songs, the I hate-myself-dirges, the tiresome 'let's have a good time' party songs, and the incalculable amount of horrible poetry in popular music, I find it a bit unfair to pick on Zappa for his lyrics.

Better look around before you say you don't care
Shut your fuckin' mouth about the length of my hair
How would you survive
If you were alive
Shitty little person?

...overlaid perfectly over all those little bitty notes is close to genius. But sometimes it totally fell flat. (I'll hunt for examples of that as the day goes on.)

"yo moma"
"keep it greasy"
"flakes"
"joe's garage"

I think of "Mother People" on We're Only in it for the Money.

I put "We're Only In It For the Money" on while I was thinking about all this, and just got a huge laugh out of the lyric/music interface of:

DON'T COME IN ME, IN ME
DON'T COME IN ME, IN ME
DON'T COME IN ME, IN ME
DON'T COME IN ME, IN ME

Fuzzy dice, bongos in the back
My ship of love is ready to attack"

"I don't even care if your dad's the heat."

I always thought he said "I don't even care if your dad's a he."

Yeah, I think that was one of the biggest rock venues in the LA area in the '50s or early '60s.

She was a debutante daisy
With a color-note organ
Deep in the street
She drove a '59 Morgan"

hear hear! the one zappa song that i've found beyond the pale is "jumbo go away" (off of the otherwise impeccable you are what you is), which is about the fat groupie girlfriend of one of the bandmembers -- who has, um, hygiene issues (worms and VD, inter alia) and who gets slapped around a bit.

the song "you are what you is" is 1/2 acceptable and 1/2 questionable. next post, i'll post the lyrics and you can judge which is which (and who is who).

A foolish young man
From a middle class fam'ly
Started singin' the blues
'Cause he thought it was manly
Now he talks like the Kingfish
("Saffiiiee!")
From Amos 'n Andy
("Holy mack'l dere . . . Holy mack'l dere!")
He tells you that chitlins . . .
(Chitlins!)
Well, they taste just like candy
He thinks that he's got
De whole thang down
From the Nivea Lotion
To de Royal Crown

Do you know what you are?
You are what you is
You is what you am
(A cow don't make ham . . . )
You ain't what you're not
So see what you got
You are what you is
An' that's all it 'tis

A foolish young man
Of the Negro Persuasion
Devoted his life
To become a caucasian
He stopped eating pork
He stopped eating greens
He traded his dashiki
("Uhuru!")
For some Jordache Jeans
He learned to play golf
An' he got a good score
Now he says to himself
"I AIN'T NO NIGGER NO MORE . . . HEY! HEY! HEY!"
"I don't understand you . . . "
BWANA MA-COO-BAH
"Would you please speak more clearly . . . "
MERCEDES BAINNNNNNNZ

Who is who
(I don't know . . . )
'N what is what
(Somethin' I just don't know . . . )
'N why is this
(Tell me now . . . )
Appropriot
(That's a funny pronunciation if'n ever I heard one . . . )
If you don't like
(Where'd you get that word?)
What you has got
(Appropriot? The word is not . . . )
Drop it in the dirt
(Drop it yeah . . . )
'N let it rot
(I can smell it now . . . )
Someone else
(Here de come, here de come . . . )
Will surely come
(I told you they was comin')
'N pick it up
(That's right!)
'Cause he wants some
(An' he wants it for free . . . )
And when one day
(There will come a day . . . )
You wonder who
(I wonder too . . . )
You used to was
(Who I was anyway . . . )
'N what you do
(I used to work at the post office . . . )
You'll scratch your head
(But I don't wanna un-do my doo . . . )
'N look around
(Just to see what's goin' on . . . )
But what you lost
(Can't seem to find it . . . )
Will not be found
(A Mercedes Benz . . . )

Do you know what you are?
(I know . . . )
You are what you is
(I'm the kinda guy . . . )
You is what you am
(That ought to be drivin' . . . )
A cow don't make a ham
(A four-fifty SLC . . . )
You ain't what you're not
(A big ol' red one . . . )
So see what you got
(With some golf clubs stickin' out de trunk . . . )
You are what you is
(I'm gwine down to de links on Saturday mornin' . . . )
An' that's all it is
(Gimme a five dollar bill . . . )
YOU ARE WHAT YOU IS
(And an overcoat too . . . )
AND THAT'S ALL IT IS
(Where's my waitress? Yeah . . . )
YOU ARE WHAT YOU IS
(Robbie, take me to Greek Town . . . )
AN THAT'S ALL IT IS
(I'm harder than yer husband; harder than yer husband . . . )
YOU ARE WHAT YOU IS
(I'm goin' down to White Street, to the Mudd Club y'all . . . )
AN THAT'S ALL IT IS
(I'm goin' down 'n work the wall 'n work the floor . . . )
YOU ARE WHAT YOU IS
('N work the pipe 'n work the wall . . . )
AN THAT'S ALL IT IS
(Some more . . . )

--

give me
your dirty love
like you might surrender
to some dragon in your dreams
give me
your dirty love
like a pink donation
to the dragon in your dreams

i don't need your sweet devotion
i don't want your cheap emotion
just whip me up some dragon lotion
for your dirty love
your dirty love

give me
your dirty love
like some tacky little pamphlet
in your daddy's bottom drawer
give me
your dirty love
i don't believe you have ever seen
that book before

i don't need no consolation
i don't want your reservation
i only got one destination
an' that's your dirty love

(righteous guitar solo)

give me
your dirty love
just like your mama
make her fuzzy poodle do
give me
your dirty love
yhe way your mama
make that nasty poodle chew

i'll ignore your cheap aroma
and your little-bo-peep diploma
i'll just put you in a coma
with some dirty love

poodle bites/poodle chews it, etc.

--

aroma + diploma + coma = woot.

i also include "50/50," which lyrically is fine (zappa making fun of shouty early 70s rock-and-rollers like daltrey, plant, gillian, etc.) but kind of annoying as it is sung (which is, i think, the point -- STILL it's annoying).

is that a sears poncho or a regular poncho?

= most classic Zappa line of all time

naww, there's much goodness on you are what you is. "goblin girl" and his troika of political songs -- "the meek shall inherit nothing"/"dumb all over"/"heavenly bank account" -- are lyrically some of his best (the latter three are also QUITE timely).

now, if we were talking about thing-fish as an 80s zappa dud, i would have to largely concur :-)

LL bean. excellent question.

Also "He's So Gay" c/d?

"A mountain is something you don't wanna fuck with
You don't wanna fuck with
Don't fuck around
Don't fuck with Billy, No
And don't fuck with Ethel
You saw what just happened
To the guy with the flies"

His lyrics were mostly a big turnoff for me.

But, since the post-mothers zappa thread recently, I revisited the zappa section of my cd rack and put in the ones I slammed on that thread to see how I felt about them now: Joe's Garage + You Are What You Is. I then went about my business with it just playing in the background. To my surprise, I found myself laughing and really enjoying it.

maybe the secret is to not really pay attention until something catches your ear. I used to put a zappa album on and stare at the ceiling just listening to it and his goofiness drove me nuts. This time, it just sounded FUN TO BE ALIVE. Also, before I used to seriously doubt that he never did drugs, but listening to him last night, he sounds like a very focused caffeine nut. He enjoys the little idiosyncrisies of people and life way to much to be on drugs, even acid. There are some intense and complex acid bands, but few of them plan out the music so unrelentingly as he did. If he was doing acid, his music would be a lot less crazy, actually. And less funny.

So, god damn it, I'm finally ready to answer that question. Does humor belong in music? In Frank's it does!

-- Curious George Finds the Ether Bottle (crump...), March 19th, 2005.

Bobby Brown isn't mean spirited! It's just a story about a chump closet case. Funny little oddities of true life examined honestly for the bizarre humor in it all.

Anyhow, with that in mind: I always liked how Zappa would intentionally mispronounce (or invent) a word, or use improper sentence structure or otherwise use improper grammar just 'cause it plain SOUNDED GOOD that way. (A technique both Zappa and Beefheart borrowed from the bluesmen they idolized. A few favourites:

"They don't do no good/Never be workin' like they oughta should"

"You are what you is/You is what you am/You ain't what you're not"

"Never flush a tampoon!" (OK, that one's pretty juvenile. But at least it was a rhyme with "afternoon")

"Pretty soon there won't be no street/For dummies to jog on or doggies to dog on"

I also personally liked the rhyming of "poncho" and "unconscio". And that "Stomp & smash & bash & crash & slash & bust & burn" line sure rolls off the tongue nicely.

Stevie's Spanking

His name is Stevie Vai,
And he's a crazy guy
Last November, I recall,
He needed a spanking

He decided then
A female specimen
Would be exciting for a night
To give him a spanking

Laurel was her name
She came to Notre Dame
He told me just the other night
He oughta be thanking
Her for the spanking

She was large and soft
And she beat him off
Made him drool upon his dork
And gave it a wanking
After the spanking

Hair brush!
Oh! What a hair brush!
(It's not that he requires grooming!
Guys with light blue hair never do!)

Then did she exclaim:
"There's another game
That we can play with this device,
And then a banana!"

It was slightly green
Vapors in between
Rising up to fill the room
And cook the banana

Later in the dawn,
Laurel carried on
Got right up and dressed herself and
Ate the banana

Truck Driver Divorce

Truck driver divorce!
It's very sad
(Steel guitars
Usually weep all over it)

The bold & intelligent
MASTERS OF THE ROAD
With their Secret Language,
And the GIANT
OVER-SIZED
MECHANICAL
TRANS-CONTINENTAL
HOBBY-HORSE!

Truck driver divorce!
It's very sad!
Oh the wife!
Oh the kids!
Oh the waitress!
Oh the drive all night!

Sometimes when you get home
Some ugly lookin' son-of-a-bitch
Is trying to pooch yer
HOME-TOWN SWEETHEART!

Oh, go ride the bull!
Oh, go ride the bull!
Make it go up 'n down
'N when you fall off,
You can eat the mattress!

TRUCK DRIVER DIVORCE!
IT'S VERY SAD!
Bust yer ass
To deliver some string beans,
Deliver some string beans,
Deliver some string beans,
To
UTAH!

Got a cheerleader here, wants to help with my paper
Let her do all the work, maybe later I'll rape 'er

lolz at rapez & faggits -- roffles, even

Evelyn, a modified dog
Viewed the quivering fringe of a special doily
Draped across the piano, with some surprise
In the darkened room
Where the chairs dismayed
And the horrible curtains
Muffled the rain
She could hardly believe her eyes
A curious breeze
A garlic breath
Which sounded like a snore
Somewhere near the Steinway (or even from within)
Had caused the doily fringe to waft & tremble in the gloom
Evelyn, a dog, having undergone
Further modification
Pondered the significance of short-person behavior
In pedal-depressed panchromatic resonance
And other highly ambient domains...
Arf she said

he was a weird writer! just in the way he constructs lines. what a weirdo! ha. i guess that's what everyone has always said. what a weirdo!

I'm guessing fz was somewhat influenced by his old friend van vliet.