oh my god, Brooke Valentine's album Chain Letter is the best thing ever

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"Girlfight" you know about already. (If you don't, I wrote about it here.)

It is still utterly brilliant, but also totally misleading. There is one other vaguely crunk'n'b song on Chain Letter, "Ghetto Superstarz", which is the campest crunk anthem ever: synths like glitterballs, cheerleading noises, massive swooping disco choirs. In the lyrics booklet, there are arrows all around the chorus and the scribbled-in instruction 'sing along!'. It ends in a hilarious character monologue: "I was like, omigod, I didn't mean it though, my legs were open and it just seemed to happen!"

Elsewhere, we get dead ODB rapping over "Sweet Dreams My LA Ex" (yes, that "Sweet Dreams My LA Ex"; no, not a sample or an interpolation but the ACTUAL BACKING MUSIC); a comedy horror song called "I Want You Dead" wherein Brooke fantasises about serving revenge ice cold over plinky-plonk piano and faux-gothick choir action (opening couplet: "I ran your car into a ditch, poked holes in your prophylactics"); a beat breakdown composed entirely of handclaps in the spectacularly high-octane "Taste Of Dis"; skiffle beats; reggaeton guest verses; and the lyric "they be checkin' me out like I'm a website".

The entire thing is massively bizarre, really, it just leaps from mad idea to mad idea throughout, but it also feels like listening to a Greatest Hits compilation because every song sounds as if it could be a huge hit. At times she comes off like an R&B Nellie McKay, except she hits on more men and vice versa.

Apparently she wrote 200+ songs for this album!

― The Lex (The Lex), Tuesday, 15 March 2005 14:26 (twenty years ago)

YSIs?

― The Good Dr. Bill (The Good Dr. Bill), Tuesday, 15 March 2005 14:33 (twenty years ago)

none yet! I would have to rip it etc, and my computer is a bit too full for that right now. and I have to go out in 15 minutes. later though!

I'm listening to the album closer "Whatcha Lookin' At?" right now and it is also bonkers: Eastern vibe which you've heard before PLUS that really camp male choir which crops up on half the tracks PLUS Brooke vogueing around the song like a stripper with homicide on her mind PLUS these absolutely massive drums.

Did I also mention that the ballads are amazing? there is some great Hammond organ action.

― The Lex (The Lex), Tuesday, 15 March 2005 14:37 (twenty years ago)

I suspect Brooke is also a big fan of Broadway musicals, too.

― The Lex (The Lex), Tuesday, 15 March 2005 14:38 (twenty years ago)

At times she comes off like an R&B Nellie McKay

Your description *alone* sounds much more interesting than the actual Nellie McKay I've heard. Most intriguing!

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 15 March 2005 14:39 (twenty years ago)

I used to be waiting for my review copy of this, but now I am SLAVERING FOR IT

― The Obligatory Sourpuss (Begs2Differ), Tuesday, 15 March 2005 14:41 (twenty years ago)

I don't actually know when it is technically released anywhere. I bought it from a dodgy street vendor on Roman Road Market bu there is no listing on www.hmv.co.uk!

― The Lex (The Lex), Tuesday, 15 March 2005 14:43 (twenty years ago)

havent heard the album but OMG, she is fit.

― titchyschneider (titchyschneider), Tuesday, 15 March 2005 14:46 (twenty years ago)

titchy have you seen the "Girlfight" video? She shakes her tits quite spectacularly in it. Even I was kind of in awe.

― The Lex (The Lex), Tuesday, 15 March 2005 14:48 (twenty years ago)

i suspect this album is going to be no way as good as you make it sound but OMGWTFOMGWTF etc, have you seen the artwork for the singles? someone please make her do underwear modelling.

i must see this video ASAP.

― titchyschneider (titchyschneider), Tuesday, 15 March 2005 14:49 (twenty years ago)

i actually didn't like the album that much. the big-name produced tracks feel a bit worn, but the more idiosyncratic ones are much better. i predict it does very well, sales-wise.

― Jams Murphy (ystrickler), Tuesday, 15 March 2005 14:52 (twenty years ago)

titchy: post the cover please!

there is a link to the video in my blog post linked upthread.

― The Lex (The Lex), Tuesday, 15 March 2005 14:57 (twenty years ago)

it is very, very much a pop-friendly album.

― The Lex (The Lex), Tuesday, 15 March 2005 14:58 (twenty years ago)

I'm curiouser and curiouser.

― Forksclovetofu (Forksclovetofu), Tuesday, 15 March 2005 14:58 (twenty years ago)

http://www.brookevalentine.com/

― Forksclovetofu (Forksclovetofu), Tuesday, 15 March 2005 14:59 (twenty years ago)

when i said it would do well, sales-wise, i actually meant to say the opposite.

― Jams Murphy (ystrickler), Tuesday, 15 March 2005 15:06 (twenty years ago)

Y4ncey, you are a mystery.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 15 March 2005 15:07 (twenty years ago)

So I'm still not used to realizing when I read Yancey doing a brooke valentine put-down in Entertainment Weekly that this will carry over to ILM. You all are big fish.

Anyway Lex makes me want to love this album, I must hear it!

― deej., Tuesday, 15 March 2005 15:43 (twenty years ago)

lex, if you go to her site, go to the pictures section, then click the photo second from the left on the bottom row, that is the single sleeve. theres an equally great pic on the back of the single, but its not on the site :(

― titchyschneider (titchyschneider), Tuesday, 15 March 2005 15:44 (twenty years ago)

wait, i'm confused. i'm not a writer, so i don't know how this works, but shouldn't you guys have gotten promos way before the album came out? because it's out, and it's on sale

― The JaXoN 5 (JasonD), Tuesday, 15 March 2005 17:45 (twenty years ago)

I will post yousendits soon, but right now that would involve taking the CD out of my CD player and I kind of can't do that.

Some useful comparisons might be "Whatever Bitch" by Mya and "I Can Be That Woman" by Christina Milian.

The song on the album which everyone will love after they've danced out the bangers is "Dying Of A Broken Heart", which is a perfectly, exquisitely poised ballad.

"American Girl" is insane.

This is an excellent album to make up/imagine dance routines to.

― The Lex (The Lex), Tuesday, 15 March 2005 20:52 (twenty years ago)

Eh... I'll see. My sisters are into that stuff, I'm sure they'll be blasting it non-stop like they did with that Ciara album.

― The Brainwasher (Twilight), Tuesday, 15 March 2005 20:56 (twenty years ago)

Your sisters win! because the Ciara album is fucking wonderful as well.

― The Lex (The Lex), Tuesday, 15 March 2005 20:57 (twenty years ago)

RIGHT!

Four yousendits. No more! Because I want you all to prove Y4ncey wrong re: sales figures. Rest assured that the quality of these four is maintained across the entire album. And I'm deliberately withholding "Taste Of Dis" and "Whatcha Lookin' At?" as INCENTIVE.

Ghetto Superstarz
American Girl
I Want You Dead
Blah Blah Blah (ft. Dirt McGirt)

― The Lex (The Lex), Tuesday, 15 March 2005 21:58 (twenty years ago)

Er. I am not sure that those worked. Let's try that again.

Ghetto Superstarz
American Girl
I Want You Dead
Blah Blah Blah (ft. Dirt McGirt)

― The Lex (The Lex), Tuesday, 15 March 2005 22:01 (twenty years ago)

Um, I'm still getting loads of error messages when I try to post these. I really don't know why.

― The Lex (The Lex), Tuesday, 15 March 2005 22:01 (twenty years ago)

No matter. If those above don't work I've put them up on my blog where they do.

― The Lex (The Lex), Tuesday, 15 March 2005 22:08 (twenty years ago)

eh, I can't say I'm liking this. I do like Ciara, however this is nowhere near as good production-wise, and lyrically it's just so... juvenile. Plus, she isn't as effective a vocalist, though technically she's a better singer.

― The Brainwasher (Twilight), Tuesday, 15 March 2005 22:14 (twenty years ago)

I downloaded "I Want You Dead" and loved it, because I enjoy good music and fun. Then, my computer crashed. But I don't blame you, The Lex; you are my Ciara/Brooke/Teedra-lovin' friend.

― The Obligatory Sourpuss (Begs2Differ), Tuesday, 15 March 2005 22:16 (twenty years ago)

it really can't be emphasised how strong Brooke's sense of camp is. I suspect that many who like R&B only as an adjunct of hip-hop may be bemused at my love for it. I suspect the fantastic plastic pop massive will take her to their hearts, however.

― The Lex (The Lex), Tuesday, 15 March 2005 22:22 (twenty years ago)

Haha, yet another listen and "Taste Of Dis" is actually the best song ever, I didn't yousendit but the world will go nuts for it in a few months anyway.

― The Lex (The Lex), Wednesday, 16 March 2005 00:21 (twenty years ago)

Yay I got the promo today YAY I will listen to it tonight and report back YAY

― The Obligatory Sourpuss (Begs2Differ), Wednesday, 16 March 2005 02:33 (twenty years ago)

(I thought this said "Bobby Valentin." scott's thread has me all overexcited.)

― RS £aRue (rockist_scientist), Wednesday, 16 March 2005 02:34 (twenty years ago)

I want to hear this obv

― Tim Finney (Tim Finney), Wednesday, 16 March 2005 04:17 (twenty years ago)

Lex, i am SOOOO happy you posted those songs. after work i was on my way to BestBuy to pick up a sale copy and i put on the songs i downloaded, and i thought they were the suck so i saved 10$. it was straight american idol crap. sorry.

― The JaXoN 5 (JasonD), Wednesday, 16 March 2005 06:27 (twenty years ago)

Well, I still want to hear the ODB/Rachel Stevens mashup.
Can we get those links a-workin'?

― Forksclovetofu (Forksclovetofu), Wednesday, 16 March 2005 07:23 (twenty years ago)

the links work on my blog, linked a few posts up!

come on people, Brooke needs more love :(

― Lex, not logged in, Wednesday, 16 March 2005 13:08 (twenty years ago)

those four tracks are utterly fantastic what are you guys on?

― lundy fastnet irish sea (cis), Wednesday, 16 March 2005 15:49 (twenty years ago)

Downloaded the album last night. It's like the precise midpoint between "Caught Out There"-era Kelis and the Scissor Sisters. If you're going to write a bunch of songs about superficiality, setting them to insanely approachable music is, without fail, a REALLY neat trick. I can't remember the last time I ran into music where, when I listened to it, I kept thinking "Okay, so I have to make sure I never ever put this on a mix CD for (girl A) or (girl B) or...".

The fact that this album has left me so deeply unsettled is probably a sign that people should be listening to it.

― James.Cobo (jamescobo), Wednesday, 16 March 2005 19:51 (twenty years ago)

This is just a great record. It has all the sheen of disposability, but its songs are sneaky-deep. I'm not sure it's flawless, but I think it is brilliant, and that's good enough for me. Favorites: "Tell Me Why You Don't Love Me," "Thrill of the Chase" (dig that Hendrix/reggae soundclash!), the cheap Jaxx knockoff "American Girl," and "Cover Girl," which has some of the strangest identity politicking on a pop song in a long time -- are we supposed to root for this subservient character or recognize that she's a loser?

― The Obligatory Sourpuss (Begs2Differ), Wednesday, 16 March 2005 20:15 (twenty years ago)

Being on a 56k sucks. I need to hear those samples before i think about buying this.

― deej., Wednesday, 16 March 2005 20:46 (twenty years ago)

"Thrill Of The Chase" is called "Million Bucks" on my copy! (Listen to it on headphones if you can: on the line "I move my body from left to right" the entire track switches from, yes, left to right in the speakers: totally corny but still fun and effective.)

The final verse of "Cover Girl" gives the whole song a really odd twist: like she's using these incredibly superficial images as an amazing metaphor for inner beauty (and the deliberately stylised music - that Hammond organ! - which sounds like it should be soundtracking a sitcom break-up either reinforces it or undercuts it again, I haven't decided which yet). "Long As You Come Home" is the one I find strange: I can't tell whether she's singing from a position of strength or not, because she's a total doormat reading the lyrics but she sounds strong!

otm re: sheen of disposability and sneaky-deepness.

― The Lex (The Lex), Thursday, 17 March 2005 00:36 (twenty years ago)

I've only heard two of the songs, but damn...me likey.

― Quit glaring at Ian Riese-Moraine! He's mentally fraught! (Eastern Mantra), Friday, 18 March 2005 00:38 (twenty years ago)

i like a bit more than half this but there is certainly some filler to its 15 tracks. the camp moments make it feel like a b movie alternative to the christina milian album from last year. BPMs on average are also pretty high for an R&B album.

but.... i may actually prefer the ballads (again like the milian album) - 'long as you come home' syncopated to the horn sample camp lo used a long time ago, 'dying from a broken heart' is quite reminiscent of aaliyah, 'laugh til i cry' on the wilting flower petal style that that bobby valentino track does.

― xcixxorx, Friday, 18 March 2005 00:52 (twenty years ago)

otm re the ballads! I was listening to 'Dying Of A Broken Heart' on the train last night and it really is a lot like Aaliyah's 'I Refuse'.

― The Lex (The Lex), Friday, 18 March 2005 07:26 (twenty years ago)

two weeks pass...

As far as I can see, "Ghetto Superstarz" is right alongside Ciara's "Hotline" as the next big bubblecrunk single (ah hopes ah hopes ah hopes).

― Forksclovetofu (Forksclovetofu), Sunday, 3 April 2005 23:00 (twenty years ago)

Oh my god, I listened to this and it is absolutely immense and tremendous and epoch-making and I love every single bit of it. Where did this come from, HOW could something this momentous not been seen coming?

"Dying Of A Broken Heart"! "I Want You Dead"! Stupendous. All bets for album of the year now off...

― edward o (edwardo), Sunday, 3 April 2005 23:12 (twenty years ago)

seriously?

― The Good Dr. Bill (The Good Dr. Bill), Sunday, 3 April 2005 23:18 (twenty years ago)

This is a bit glorious. American Girl = Britney's Brave New Girl, vaguely, sort of (it is a Girl track, and penultimate, and pretty buoyant and gleeful).

In fact, the whole thing is a bit In The Zone inasmuch as it's a big giant smorgasboard of a thing and initially it sounds all over the place and billions of disparate ideas have been flung at the wall and then after a few plays you are very hooked and realise that virtually all of it sticks and it is pretty joy throughout.

― Alex Linsdell (Alex in Doncaster), Sunday, 3 April 2005 23:25 (twenty years ago)

I'm very pleased that love is being shown!

However, I have a problem which might be a possible request. It has turned out that 'Thrill Of The Chase', as referenced by Sourpuss upthread, is not actually a retitled 'Million Bucks' as I thought it was but a completely different song which is only on promos, and which was replaced by 'Playa' for the album proper. Which irritates me a little as 'Playa' is like the only song I'm not totally feeling.

So: anyone with promos, any chance of a gmail/yousendit of 'Thrill Of The Chase'?

― The Lex (The Lex), Monday, 4 April 2005 00:05 (twenty years ago)

Someone give me a POV for this album so I can investigate before buying it blind.

― djdee (djdee2005), Monday, 4 April 2005 01:12 (twenty years ago)

you guys are totally bonkers

― Jams Murphy (ystrickler), Monday, 4 April 2005 03:01 (twenty years ago)

the songs that Lex originally YSI'd in this thread got me interested but I still wasn't totally sold on it. but after hearing "Playa" f/ Jermaine Dupri I'm pretty convinced I need to buy it.

― Al (sitcom), Monday, 4 April 2005 03:16 (twenty years ago)

Lex, check your gmail. I've sent "Thrill of the Chase".

― edward o (edwardo), Monday, 4 April 2005 03:17 (twenty years ago)

hehe I just noticed that Lex said "Playa" is the worst song. it's great!

― Al (sitcom), Monday, 4 April 2005 03:28 (twenty years ago)

the YSI's are expired...can someone gmail me?

― djdee (djdee2005), Monday, 4 April 2005 03:35 (twenty years ago)

I adore everything I've heard from it. What a wonderful pop confection!

― What we want? Sex with T.V. stars! What you want? Ian Riese-Moraine! (Eastern Ma, Monday, 4 April 2005 13:19 (twenty years ago)

dee I will gmail you.

Brooke's on the front cover of RWD this month in a vile yellowy-green demi-sweater very much like the one Ciara wore in the 'Goodies' video. it looks terrible. although it exposes a lot of midriff.

― The Lex (The Lex), Monday, 4 April 2005 19:38 (twenty years ago)

Rave review (from Eppy) in Stylus today.

― jaymc (jaymc), Monday, 4 April 2005 19:46 (twenty years ago)

this album is GREAT. i can't wait to review it.

― strng hlkngtn, Monday, 4 April 2005 20:55 (twenty years ago)

I'm not sure yet what I think of "American Girl," although it fits in well w that song on the Kiley Dean album doesn't it? The other songs (Ghetto Superstarz, Taste of Dis, Blah blah blah) lex sent me are super-ace.

― Lethal Dizzle (djdee2005), Monday, 4 April 2005 20:57 (twenty years ago)

one month passes...

I finally got this today (Virtually impossible to get in the UK for some reason)

Skipping through for the first time this seems pretty great.

― Hari A$hur$t (Toaster), Wednesday, 11 May 2005 08:34 (twenty years ago)

I was kind of waiting for this to get a Proper release over here (and therefore not cost earth), but, it isn't going to is it?

― Alex in Doncaster (Alex in Doncaster), Wednesday, 11 May 2005 08:45 (twenty years ago)

Yeah i was waiting too but i haven't even seen a video or heard 'girl fight' on the radio yet. I guess they are waiting for summer proper maybe.

I ended up just ordering it from Amazon marketplace and paying a small fortune and waiting a tiny eternity.

worth it so far though.

― Hari A$hur$t (Toaster), Wednesday, 11 May 2005 09:00 (twenty years ago)

I've seen 'Girlfight' on music channels...and on import release in Virgin. I'm sure it will be released here eventually.

Alex, if you live near a market of some sort it's worth popping down to see if there's a dodgy r&b/hip hop stall - I got my copy for a tenner from Streetvibe in Roman Rd Market.

― The Lex (The Lex), Wednesday, 11 May 2005 09:10 (twenty years ago)

GIRLFIGHT IS GREAT!!!!

― Eisbär (llamasfur), Monday, 16 May 2005 19:18 (twenty years ago)

one month passes...

Hearing 'Ghetto Superstarz' for the second time today now - v enjoyable, impressive, amusing.

― Sociah T Azzahole (blueski), Tuesday, 28 June 2005 11:34 (twenty years ago)

Listened to 'Girlfight' again today and decided I actually like it now. Would be up for getting the rest of the album and her phone number.

― Negativa, True Believer (Sheryl Crow in a Britney costume) (Barima), Tuesday, 28 June 2005 12:33 (twenty years ago)

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