Stop Lou Pearlman: Archie, Jughead et al about to be molested!

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WITH RESERVATIONS. Oh, Sugar. Ah, Honey, Honey. Singing along, are you? That's good, because The Archies are coming back, according to a USA Today article by David Lieberman. Lou Pearlman, author of The Backstreet Boys, 'N Sync and O-Town, thinks there's plenty of brand equity left in Archie, Jughead, Betty and Veronica. His plan is to cast the The Archies with real humans, put together a Monkees-style TV show, and go platinum, baby.

Yes, there will be "sponsorships, merchandise sales and commercial tie-ins." Yes, the pop bubble has deflated somewhat, but Pearlman sees it moving younger, and "we're in the pocket," he says. No, this isn't about marketing, insists Strauss Zelnick, who helped swing the deal between Pearlman and Archie Entertainment: "This is about music," he says. Adds Chuck Grimes, business affairs manager for Archie: "It'll be incredibly successful in Middle America. That's our audience."

Next step for Pearlman is "to conduct a nationwide search for performers who can play the parts and put them through his Orlando-based pop-star boot camp, where his wannabe idols learn to sing, dance and how to behave in public." And, yes, we will be treated to a re-make of the 1969 hit, "Sugar, Sugar." The Archies actually date back to the 1940s. A revival of "Josie and The Pussycats," which recently provided the basis of a major motion picture, is also in the works." -- Tim Manners, editor@reveries.com

― Kerry, Wednesday, 16 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

NOOOOO!!!!

― Kerry, Wednesday, 16 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

This'll sort the bubblegum fans out from the ironists, ha ha!

Probably won't be as good as the Tweenies though.

― Tom, Wednesday, 16 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Did anyone else think there was a bit of a Betty and Veronica thing going on in 'Mulholland Drive'?

"The Archies actually date back to the 1940s." Erm, not exactly - Archie COMICS date back to the 1940s, the group are strictly a sixties invention.

'Waldo P. Emerson Jones' by The Archies is one of my fave songs - how will they update lyrics like:

"Took his chopper up to Woodstock And he wormed his way backstage Oh he's Waldo P. Emerson Jones Oh he says he knows the Beatles, S&G and Jimmy Page Oh he's Waldo P. Emerson Jones" ?

― Andrew L, Wednesday, 16 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I like "author of The Backstreet Boys, 'N Sync and O-Town"

― Dare, Wednesday, 16 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

He writ it well.

― Ned Raggett, Wednesday, 16 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Actually, this whole thing reminds me of Allan Carr grinding to a halt with Can't Stop the Music and Where the Boys Are '84.

― Ned Raggett, Wednesday, 16 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

. No, this isn't about marketing, insists Strauss Zelnick, who helped swing the deal between Pearlman and Archie Entertainment: "This is about music,"

How much more of a bullshit line can you give? Even the Archies in the 60's were about marketing - and yet we regard it as a sacred cow in comaprison to anything this "fat guy with nugget rings" does.

― Dave225, Wednesday, 16 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I like "author of The Backstreet Boys, 'N Sync and O-Town"

What about "auteur behind The Backstreet Boys, 'N Sync and O- Town"?

― Michael Daddino, Wednesday, 16 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Personally speaking, I can't wait, being a huge Archie comix fan. Hell, I even liked the Josie movie.

― Sean Carruthers, Wednesday, 16 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Two besides:
1) It can't be any worse than the 1990 TV movie based on Archie and the gang.
2) Even if it is, Archie Entertainment probably deserves a little molestation after their vicious crackdowns on Internet domain names they thought violated their trademarks, most of which were common names. Veronica, indeed.

― Sean Carruthers, Wednesday, 16 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

http://www.kuci.org/~brianm/ile/Betty.jpg

― The Spirit of Kodanshi, Wednesday, 16 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Kodanshi, you rock my world. Is this what's meant by "... mess around with existing pop (or any other genre) forms and break them down...?"

― nickn, Wednesday, 16 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Brian, you are so naughty. Where did you get that. I remember seeing a whole pile of really sick Archie rewrites elsewhere on the net, mostly involving talk about group sex (though I should note that the artwork was never changed).

― Sean Carruthers, Wednesday, 16 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

It was forwarded to me by a sick friend.

― "Brian"? Who is this "Brian" you speak of?, Wednesday, 16 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Nice try. But your secret is clear.

― Ned Raggett, Wednesday, 16 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I wonder if Emerson Jones is related to Jughead Jones?

― Mandee, Thursday, 17 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

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