Gangsta GOP: Conservatives to Pay Rappers 50 Mill to Rap4Votes

Coming at the heels of the recent announcement by marketing firm Maven
Strategies to pay popular rap artist to spit lyrics about the virtues
of McDonalds, in particular the Big Mac sandwich, other marketing
firms have taken note. It has become glaringly obvious to Fortune 500
companies and Madison Avenue advertising agencies that the best way to
sell a product is to employ the rhyming services of Hip Hop artists.

The successful marketing campaign behind Seagrams Gin via North
Carolina artist Petey Pablo who drove sales through the roof after he
rapped about it in his song 'Freek-A-Leak' has helped open the flood
gates. That particular song was played a whooping 350 thousand times
last year on commercial radio outlets and reached closed to 1.5
billion people (yes you read that correctly- 1.5 billion) world wide
with its enticing message. That's far better marketing penetration
then anyone could hope for with traditional advertising.

Enter the Tokeback Institute out of Resslin, Virginia. This is an
ultra conservative marketing firm that specializes in mainstreaming
right wing values that are being championed by the current Bush
administration. They pride themselves on being the marketing gurus
behind getting Americans to buy into the policies supporting the War
in Iraq as well as the new love and desire for 'High Morals'.

The secretive conservative institute now has set its sights on Hip
Hop. They not only want to, but fully intend to follow in the
footsteps of McDonalds and Seagrams Gin and will began paying popular
rap artists as much as a million dollars plus bonuses to rap about
conservative policies. It's called political product placement.

"We don't want them to change their style of dress or basic
mannerisms, we just want them to do what they do best except push our
various policy messages to their fans", said CEO John L. Kressler.
Our substantial contacts within media will insure that are seen and
heard".

"We are set to offer popular artists like 'Fiddy Cent', Fat Joe,
P-Diddy or The Game 50 million dollars to rap about some of our key
issues like renewing the Patriot Act, Abstaining from Sex and loving
the wisdom and integrity of George Bush.

"50 Million buckaroos is a lot of Bling Bling for these rap guys"
Kressler said. "what the heck we'll even throw in a couple of Maybach
automobiles and a case of Hennesy if that will help seal the deal. If
they can sell expensive basketball shoes and convince my good
Christian son to act like and little gang banger from the inner city,
they can sell the importance of joining the army which now needs new
recruits".

Kressler continued, "I am by no means a rap fan, but my kids are. I
have a son who is 14 years old who not only tries to dress like his
favorite rapper Fiddy Cent, but he has actually adapted some of his
habits, values and mannerisms. He walks around the house mimicking
this new African American rap style of speech in which everything
rhymes with the letter z. For example his name is Sam but he insists
on his friends calling him Sam-izzle".

Kressler laughed, "We are a conservative average ordinary white family
from Virginia, but because of this rap music my kids are turning out
Black.".

It is with this revelation that Kressler and his Tokeback Institute
decided to start approaching popular rap artists with offers they
simply can not refuse. "We can be very convincing when we have to
be", he smiled. 'Maybe it's money we offer, maybe it's a new
expensive car filled with all the latest gadgets and bling bling.
Maybe we can help get them out of legal trouble"

Kressler was of course referring to the recent rash of artists who
find themselves afoul of the law including Lil Kim who is looking at
20 years jail time after being convicted for lying to a grand jury.

"Let's just put it this way," Kressler chuckled "We can get you out of
jail is you start rapping for us conservatives."

Kressler went on to explain that the more trouble with the law a
rapper has the more credibility he or she has in hawking his message.

"Nobody believes a goody two shoes, he said. "But take a guy who has
been in jail or looks like he's is going to jail and his fan base will
follow him to the ends of the earth. So although this doesn't fit
well with our traditionally family values we clearly understand that
within the rap world, jail time and confrontations with law
enforcement are important criteria for success."

"My son Sam calls them 'Ghetto Superstars'. I call them the 'missing
ingredient' to winning over the inner city for the GOP. Everybody
knows a popular rapper in trouble with the law holds far more
influence than a Jesse Jackson or any other inner city leader",
Kressler asserted. "They keep it real which is important in the age
of Reality TV".

Kressler also noted that in addition to paying 50 million bucks to
popular artists to Rap for Bush, his firm is in the process of
recruiting, training and eventually releasing their own cadre of
conservative rappers. He explained that he was becoming increasingly
disturbed by the increasing number of gangster rappers who were
spreading lies and falsehoods about George Bush.

Kressler was referring to rapper Jadakiss who accused the president of
being part of a conspiracy to knock down the World Trade center
towers. "That was not only a big lie but totally irresponsible", he
quipped. "What we intend to do is bring forth our own rap army that
are on par with any other artist on the scene, the big difference is
they will speak the real truth. We want a conservative equivalent to
Public Enemy, dead presidents or Immortal Technique. Our institute
has been studying their records and overall technique and methodology
for delivery compelling political messages."

One technique being utilized by Tokenbach's new conservative rappers
is to take popular songs and rewrite them with conservative values.
For example, one group which call themselves Gangsta GOP have just
finished mastering a song called 'Fight The Liberals' which uses the
same rhythm track as 'Public Enemy's 'Fight The Power'.

Group founder and lead rapper Sinister X noted that what we heard will
be the second release for Gangsta GOP or GGOP for short.

The 6'6' dreadlocked Sinister who wears a huge red, black and green
microphone tattoo on his left arm explained that he's from
Brownsville, Brooklyn and had been in and out of jail all his life
before he found his way to the GOP side of things.

"I used to be a thug who terrorized the hood', but now I'm a
revolutionary who is riding thick for the GOP". He noted that the
groups first single is actually a dis or response record to Jadakiss
and his popular song 'Why'.

"Our song is called 'Why Sell Out', explained Sinister X. 'We wanna
know why the young comrade is espousing lies and trying to appeal to
the left which never ever does anything for our people. He's wrong
for misleading our brothers and sister. We had no choice but to dis
Jada on wax and let him know we coming at him GOP style.

He noted that people should be on the look out for a another group
supported and sponsored by the Tokenback Institute out of California
called CCC which stands for Compton's Conservative Comrads. They are
remaking NWA songs with a a soon to be released album tentatively
titled 'Straight From the GOP'

Kressler ended by promising that within the next 3 months the
Tokenback Institute will have several conservative rappers like GGOP
on commercial radio that will totally change the music landscape. In
the meantime, they will be enticing artists with nice fat paychecks to
show their love and go conservative.

If you wanna peep the new single by Gangsta GOP you can download the
single by going to our music archives.

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