Why does being in a band make boys more popular with girls?

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I've had a few conversations about this but I would like to know exactly why this phenomenon is so pronounced, if anyone can tell me.

― matthew c, Thursday, 7 April 2005 05:31 (twenty years ago)

are you absolutely sure it does?

― shine headlights on me (electricsound), Thursday, 7 April 2005 05:34 (twenty years ago)

Girls dig Ambition.

― Kate's evil twin (papa november), Thursday, 7 April 2005 05:36 (twenty years ago)

only 3 reasons. 1. to be popular which is related to --- 2. b/c they are lame and JUST GIRLS aka can't achieve anything on their own and must live through the glory of their men. 3. they guy is really neat.

its not really a sexist response just dissappointment in my own gender(ok that is sexist but what do i care).

― Susan Douglas (Susan Douglas), Thursday, 7 April 2005 05:42 (twenty years ago)

Kate's evil twin is right - girls dig ambition in men. and i'm saying that usually comes from having no goals of your own. just reminded of all the girls who devote themselves not only to their man in the band but also just get REALLY involved with the band (I think Yoko Ono was accused of that but probably not entirely guilty) - or all the chicks who inexplicably will screw the entire band (ok unless they are really neat/hot). i think teh groupie subject is explored a little in - Almost Famous, but they attribute it to the women loving the music - eh, if you love the music i don't think you really have to go that far. there are other ways to love the music.

― Susan Douglas (Susan Douglas), Thursday, 7 April 2005 05:48 (twenty years ago)

I dont' think its a particularly one sided thing. girls/boys

I think most guys find girls in bands and girls on stage much more sexy and interesting than the average girl. EVERYONE looks 10x more attractive on stage independednt of sex.

its just that social taboos mean that its not as appropriate for female rockstars to have groupie guys. how many guys here would not, given the chance sleep with any female in one a band they like.

― Savin All My Love 4 u (Savin 4ll my (heart) 4u), Thursday, 7 April 2005 05:57 (twenty years ago)

this is true

― Susan Douglas (Susan Douglas), Thursday, 7 April 2005 06:01 (twenty years ago)

very

― shine headlights on me (electricsound), Thursday, 7 April 2005 06:01 (twenty years ago)

If this is true, then my experience must be highly uncommon.

― billstevejim, Thursday, 7 April 2005 06:10 (twenty years ago)

Subliminal message: See how long my fretboard is...well, honey...I'm that long too...and I vibrate just like this does.

― Lord Custos Omicron (Lord Custos Omicron), Thursday, 7 April 2005 06:11 (twenty years ago)

Ask yourself this: Why did Jimi Hendrix (and sometimes Carlos Santana) do cunniligus-like tongue flicks while he played? If you can answer that to yourself, you'll have the answer to your other question.

― Lord Custos Omicron (Lord Custos Omicron), Thursday, 7 April 2005 06:12 (twenty years ago)

most of my crushes are on girls in bands. they just look hot cause they are up there rockin' away.

― Savin All My Love 4 u (Savin 4ll my (heart) 4u), Thursday, 7 April 2005 06:14 (twenty years ago)

In my experience, it depends on who else is in the band...

― mark grout (mark grout), Thursday, 7 April 2005 06:50 (twenty years ago)

being something

― charltonlido (gareth), Thursday, 7 April 2005 08:16 (twenty years ago)

not only 'more popular' but also magically 'more attractive/sexy'

― Sven Basted (blueski), Thursday, 7 April 2005 08:21 (twenty years ago)

Because they want to be the centre of attention and think if only they can hook up with the guy onstage, all the other girls will be jealous of them. Girls are silly.

― dmun, Thursday, 7 April 2005 08:31 (twenty years ago)

for the same reason being a bartender, a waiter, or a DJ makes a man more popular: because you're put on display. you are on a pedestal and your job (partly or fully) is to be looked at. the longer you look at something, the more interesting it becomes, usually.

― Matos-Webster Dictionary (M Matos), Thursday, 7 April 2005 08:49 (twenty years ago)

It's a TOTAL MYTH that girls in bands don't get hot groupie action.

Often one, strangely enough, propegated by rock girls themselves.

― We Are All Full Of Kate (kate), Thursday, 7 April 2005 09:25 (twenty years ago)

Matos fully on the money. Being able to stare at someone on a stage is the start of it, but if a full on crush developes then there are have song lyrics, interviews etc to (madly) read into, there's more information on what this person is about, acurate or not.

― Anna (Anna), Thursday, 7 April 2005 10:06 (twenty years ago)

Prepare to experience this from the other side, Anna. ;-)

― We Are All Full Of Kate (kate), Thursday, 7 April 2005 10:11 (twenty years ago)

I was about to say that threads like this make me hate bands and girls alike, but if Kate is saying that Anna is now in a band then I take it all back.

― Alba (Alba), Thursday, 7 April 2005 10:21 (twenty years ago)

"It's a TOTAL MYTH that girls in bands don't get hot groupie action."

Maybe so, but more likely it's from other girls. I just don't see guys lining up backstage to meet the band. Men may get off on watching certain women with guitars (I remember drooling while watching Maria McKee shimmy her hips years ago), but they rarely say to themselves, "I'm gonna go get me some of that." They rarely cross the line and make a fool of themselves -- they save that for their girlfriends.
Not only do they want the notch in their belts, girls also have this thing in their head that a guy rocking out on stage must be great in bed. They've told me that! Whereas the opposite is more likely true, especially with the more successful bands: How much effort do you think rock stars put into it? I doubt that they're very, uh, generous. They want to be serviced.

Yes, I'm bitterly jealous.

― Jazzbo (jmcgaw), Thursday, 7 April 2005 10:25 (twenty years ago)

My answer comes from direct experience.

Your answer comes from hypothesising.

― We Are All Full Of Kate (kate), Thursday, 7 April 2005 10:26 (twenty years ago)

Girls get hot groupie action from other girls?

― mark grout (mark grout), Thursday, 7 April 2005 10:29 (twenty years ago)

N, you are well known on an internet messageboard, that's very similar to being famous in a band.

x-post are you trying to tell us something? I can't figure it out.

― Ronan (Ronan), Thursday, 7 April 2005 10:29 (twenty years ago)

Girls in bands get hot groupie action from boys. Often boys in other bands. (I think this may often be some kind of weird narcissistic mirror thing, don't know.)

― We Are All Full Of Kate (kate), Thursday, 7 April 2005 10:31 (twenty years ago)

Yes, I was just wondering where Jazzbo's been...

― mark grout (mark grout), Thursday, 7 April 2005 10:32 (twenty years ago)

A couple of girls have told me I'm really "emotive" when I play the drums, and I think that might be another thing girls like about it -- men showing lots of emotion (or at least appearing to) that they otherwise wouldn't in public.

― Hurting (Hurting), Thursday, 7 April 2005 10:35 (twenty years ago)

Bi-curious women and lesbians are everywhere, Mark!

― Jazzbo (jmcgaw), Thursday, 7 April 2005 10:36 (twenty years ago)

i dig girls with synths

― $V£N! (blueski), Thursday, 7 April 2005 10:44 (twenty years ago)

N, you are well known on an internet messageboard, that's very similar to being famous in a band.

Being well known on an internet messageboard of course demonstrates tremendous ambition.

Actually, if girls think that most guys in bands are ambitious then they are pretty deluded, I think.

― Alba (Alba), Thursday, 7 April 2005 10:46 (twenty years ago)

I saw a really cute female drummer a while back but what made her even cuter, for some reason, is that she could really play

― Dadrock, Meshach and Abednego (Dada), Thursday, 7 April 2005 10:47 (twenty years ago)

It's so cute when girls can do things.

― Alba (Alba), Thursday, 7 April 2005 10:51 (twenty years ago)

I guess this thread marks the precise moment in time that I've finally lost all interest in ILM. Ah well.

― We Are All Full Of Kate (kate), Thursday, 7 April 2005 10:56 (twenty years ago)

I WAS BEING SARCASTIC.

― Alba (Alba), Thursday, 7 April 2005 10:59 (twenty years ago)

Get away!

― Dadrock, Meshach and Abednego (Dada), Thursday, 7 April 2005 11:01 (twenty years ago)

yeah, less being impressed with people's actual skills, back to just drooling over their looks please.

― $V£N! (blueski), Thursday, 7 April 2005 11:02 (twenty years ago)

(i don't even know if i am being sarcastic anymore)

― $V£N! (blueski), Thursday, 7 April 2005 11:02 (twenty years ago)

THIS IS HOW NAZI GERMANY STARTED

― Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Thursday, 7 April 2005 11:03 (twenty years ago)

A combination of talent and looks is better than looks alone, n'est-ce pas?

― Dadrock, Meshach and Abednego (Dada), Thursday, 7 April 2005 11:04 (twenty years ago)

But Marcello they didn't have popular beat combos in those days.

― $V£N! (blueski), Thursday, 7 April 2005 11:06 (twenty years ago)

I never get bitter about women fancying other men on the basis of their looks, only on their achievements.

Oh, who am I kidding? I can get bitter about women fancying men for any reason at all.

Hang on - am I back on ILE?

― Alba (Alba), Thursday, 7 April 2005 11:06 (twenty years ago)

(Dadaismus xpost)

Henry Cow, for instance.

― Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Thursday, 7 April 2005 11:06 (twenty years ago)

That Lindsay Cooper, she can blow on my bassoon anytime, knowhorrimean?

― Dadrock, Meshach and Abednego (Dada), Thursday, 7 April 2005 11:08 (twenty years ago)

And she plays the electric bassoon to boot!

― Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Thursday, 7 April 2005 11:11 (twenty years ago)

Some of us look even *more* awkward and unappealing onstage than in real life!

― mike a, Thursday, 7 April 2005 12:03 (twenty years ago)

I have yet to find a girl who plays fretless bass....

― Patrick South (Patrick South), Thursday, 7 April 2005 12:07 (twenty years ago)

I never got any girls from the post rock band I was in back in college, but then I was also socially awkward. Maybe I should have picked pop punk.

Also, girls + cello = boner.

― Yejoon Koh (Yejoon), Thursday, 7 April 2005 12:13 (twenty years ago)

It is covered ina book called The Mating Mind by Somebody Miller. Basically, sexual selection. It's not just being in a band, it's any kind of artistic endeavour.

Except busking.

― PJ Miller (PJ Miller), Thursday, 7 April 2005 12:17 (twenty years ago)

Its not just having goals, but also confidence...if you can rock out with your sock out on stage, you're prolly willing to do other things with confidence.

As the Clitoris told Stan Marsh, "Dude, its all about confidence."

― Big Loud Mountain Ape (Big Loud Mountain Ape), Thursday, 7 April 2005 12:55 (twenty years ago)

Playing in bands has *definitely* made me more popular, period. With boys AND girls. I've met more friends in my life through playing music than through any other channel.

Oh, and re: fretless bass? YOU DONE FOUND HER, BITCH

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Thursday, 7 April 2005 13:43 (twenty years ago)

men are looser in displaying passions/emotions on stage than in real life. men in bands can actually appear more vulnerable sometimes; that can be very attractive too. Mark Kozelek, Neil Young etc.come to mind.

― Susan Douglas (Susan Douglas), Thursday, 7 April 2005 18:14 (twenty years ago)

I think the band-play connection can be overstated, too. A few things help:

1) If your band is actually GOOD.

2) If you're actually GOOD at your instrument.

3) If you're already at least somewhat attractive.

4) If your band is actually POPULAR

5) If you actually have CONFIDENCE on stage.

― Hurting (Hurting), Thursday, 7 April 2005 18:16 (twenty years ago)

I'd like to think I fit at least one or two of those things, and being in a band did get me a little more attention from girls, but it wasn't like this massive change in my life.

― Hurting (Hurting), Thursday, 7 April 2005 18:17 (twenty years ago)

I am living proof that the thread's initial premise is patently false. I have never met a girl who gave two shits that I was in a band (including my wife, who knew me long before I picked up an instrument anyway)

― Shakey Mo Collier, Thursday, 7 April 2005 18:18 (twenty years ago)

I'm with you, Shakey. Sure, there's the occasional drunk woman who's still left hanging around at 2:30 a.m., but even then only about twice in 20+ years for me. (And I didn't partake.)

― Rick Massimo (Rick Massimo), Thursday, 7 April 2005 18:26 (twenty years ago)

Even our lead singer, who's quite a looker, has only gotten hit on after shows a few times that I can remember.

― Hurting (Hurting), Thursday, 7 April 2005 18:29 (twenty years ago)

Yeah, please direct me to these so-called girls.

― jaymc (jaymc), Thursday, 7 April 2005 18:38 (twenty years ago)

I like to think I'm entertaining to watch on stage, but feel like I probably inspire reactions more along the lines of, "what a funny little man!"

― jaymc (jaymc), Thursday, 7 April 2005 18:39 (twenty years ago)

I was dating a girl while in a band and she told me I was never as hot as when I was playing bass onstage. I wasn't quite sure how to take that, but a compliment's a compliment.

― Johnny Fever (johnny fever), Thursday, 7 April 2005 18:40 (twenty years ago)

i simulate sex with my guitar in an extended feedback solo (hitting the delay when we 'climax'). I'd like to think this has *something* to do with it.

― Hari A$hur$t (Toaster), Thursday, 7 April 2005 18:59 (twenty years ago)

I had a girlfriend while I was in a band. She didn't meet me at a show or anything, andin fact only saw me play a couple of times. But anyway, she told me that she was once talking with a female friend of hers, who told her that she, too had just started going out with a bass player (not her first, being a musician herself). They smiled at each other knowingly, and my then-girlfriend's friend said, "What is it about bass players? Is it because they play with their fingers? The whole rhythm thing?"

My then-girlfriend, bless her heart, smiled and said, "bass players listen."

― Rick Massimo (Rick Massimo), Thursday, 7 April 2005 19:51 (twenty years ago)

Hari, so you're saying I should hump my drums?

― Hurting (Hurting), Thursday, 7 April 2005 19:55 (twenty years ago)

hell yes!

what do you think that hole in the front of the kick drum skin is for?

― Hari A$hur$t (Toaster), Thursday, 7 April 2005 20:00 (twenty years ago)

wisdom on this subject from gene simmons:

Terry Gross: Are you interested in music, or is the goal of being in a rock band to have sex a lot?

Gene Simmons: I believe in my heart that anyone who gets up there and says what they're doing is art is on crack, and is delusional, and that in point of fact, what they really ... their modus operandi initially -- perhaps it changed when they started to question their sexuality, but clearly, initially -- it was to get laid and make lots of money. And anybody who tells you otherwise is lying to you. The reason we all wanted to pick up instruments initially ... you know, publicly, anyway -- I will grant you there are those people who really love music and simply want to do it as a private pleasure. The jury is out, I have no comment, but as soon as you get up publicly and want other people to hear it, it seems odd that we really get off on the notion that the opposite sex, the fairer sex -- that's you -- like what we do. And perhaps, if we do it really well, you'll think, "Gee, he's not only talented and bright, but he's kinda cute, too." That's what we're hoping for. Against all odds. And in music, it's the great aphrodisiac that says that even though I'm short, fat, ugly, bald, and ... and I'm hung like a second-grader, but if I'm in a rock band, I've got a better than average chance of bedding you down than if I was a dentist. I didn't make those rules. I come from Israel. I'm ... I'm simply a student at your feet. This is what I've noticed.

― Eisbär (llamasfur), Thursday, 7 April 2005 20:00 (twenty years ago)

"I didn't make those rules. I come from Israel. I'm ... I'm simply a student at your feet. This is what I've noticed."

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I'm just a caveman.

― Hurting (Hurting), Thursday, 7 April 2005 20:03 (twenty years ago)

gene simmons can eat a plate of my shit

― The Sensational Sulk (sexyDancer), Thursday, 7 April 2005 20:10 (twenty years ago)

for the same reason being a bartender, a waiter, or a DJ makes a man more popular: because you're put on display. you are on a pedestal and your job (partly or fully) is to be looked at. the longer you look at something, the more interesting it becomes, usually.

But what about teachers? I don't think teachers are in general more popular with girls, and when they are, it is usually because they're good looking or interesting.

― daavid (daavid), Thursday, 7 April 2005 22:52 (twenty years ago)

I dont' think its a particularly one sided thing. girls/boys
I think most guys find girls in bands and girls on stage much more sexy and interesting than the average girl. EVERYONE looks 10x more attractive on stage independednt of sex.

its just that social taboos mean that its not as appropriate for female rockstars to have groupie guys. how many guys here would not, given the chance sleep with any female in one a band they like.

True! I once saw Pony Up live, and they sucked! But I got a crush on the singer.

― daavid (daavid), Thursday, 7 April 2005 22:57 (twenty years ago)

well, giving pleasure rather than lessons has something to do w/it too

― Matos-Webster Dictionary (M Matos), Thursday, 7 April 2005 22:57 (twenty years ago)

(xpost)

― Matos-Webster Dictionary (M Matos), Thursday, 7 April 2005 22:57 (twenty years ago)

the pleasure point is a good one - (that didnt's come out well!)

― Susan Douglas (Susan Douglas), Thursday, 7 April 2005 22:59 (twenty years ago)

Yeah I guess. I think it has more to do with coolness. Doing what other guys would like to do!

― daavid (daavid), Thursday, 7 April 2005 23:02 (twenty years ago)

The musician signifies someone/thing else, some other place that isn't here and is therefore is the entry point to another identity which *must* be better than the one you're currently loathing and a place must be better than where you are.

― Ian in Brooklyn, Friday, 8 April 2005 04:42 (twenty years ago)

Damn, Ian. Right as I was going to say it:

There's also the idea that someone is "realer" or "more themselves" when they are performing. I mean, actors too, right (even though most of them are picked for their looks, in Hollywood at least)? People see others doing creative (i.e. self-revealing) things and are drawn to that courage or whatever it takes to do stuff like that. It's like the freedom to be able to express yourself more fully that you are able to in normal interactions, and people want to be close to that.

― Dave M, Friday, 8 April 2005 04:48 (twenty years ago)

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