Is there any musical genre that can not be Starbuckified?

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Let me take you on a journey, a journey through my thought process this morning, as I was sitting in the Starbucks near my work (yes, I'm contributing to the downfall of local business but they have comfy chairs and I needed to kill some time by reading "American Tabloid" by James Ellroy before getting to the office). They were playing jazz over the STARBUCKS RADIO (which comes complete with fake radio announcers) and I was wondering if the fact that I've never really gotten into jazz was due to jazz being pretty much leeched of any revolutionary/disruptive spirit before I was even born, thus the only context that I've ever really been exposed to it is as background environment music. Then thinking about how the same thing has happened with rock and punk (Starbucks loooooves their Elvis Costello) and hip hop and basically every form of music originally considered revolutionary or incendiary. This isn't really the main thrust of my question though, since I think it's pretty much inevitable and not necessarily a bad thing. What I'm wondering is if there is any genre of music that hasn't been or is impossible to be coopted into the mainstream, and what characteristics it has that has kept it on the outside. Vulgarity and volume aren't really obstacles, they can be sanded down. The only possible example I can think of is hyper-regionalized music like polka or something, though I guess with all the Asian/Middle Eastern samples in hip hop that might not hold water either. Also, I'm overcaffeinated.

― n/a (Nick A.), Friday, 29 April 2005 13:26 (twenty-one years ago)

death-black-trash-indus metal, maybe ?

― AleXTC (AleXTC), Friday, 29 April 2005 13:30 (twenty-one years ago)

polka = starbuckafiable via tejano or norteno, i bet. so probably not that.

also, thrash/industrial starbuckafiable via gothic ambient darkwave metal (or metallica) etc

― xhuxk, Friday, 29 April 2005 13:31 (twenty-one years ago)

hum... guess i can't totally see what starbuckified genre is since i've never been in a starbuck (and doubt i will ever).

― AleXTC (AleXTC), Friday, 29 April 2005 13:36 (twenty-one years ago)

The harder fringes of electronic music, say Tekkno, Saegezahn.

― Jena (JenaP), Friday, 29 April 2005 13:37 (twenty-one years ago)

I think it would be hard to Starbuckify grindcore without making it not grindcore any more.

― Colonel Poo (Colonel Poo), Friday, 29 April 2005 13:39 (twenty-one years ago)

bagpipes

― Amon (eman), Friday, 29 April 2005 13:41 (twenty-one years ago)

You could totally do like an Enigma/Gregorian chant thing with lazy beats but with bagpipes over top and they would play it in Starbucks.

― n/a (Nick A.), Friday, 29 April 2005 13:48 (twenty-one years ago)

Skiffle.

― The Mad Puffin, Friday, 29 April 2005 14:03 (twenty-one years ago)

GABBA

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Friday, 29 April 2005 14:04 (twenty-one years ago)

gabbagpipes

― Amon (eman), Friday, 29 April 2005 14:07 (twenty-one years ago)

One time I went in, they were playing "War in a Babylon". Hadn't heard that in a long time.

― mark grout (mark grout), Friday, 29 April 2005 14:08 (twenty-one years ago)

You guys should've heard Nora Jones before they Starbuckified here. Puts GG Allen to shame.

― 098, Friday, 29 April 2005 14:14 (twenty-one years ago)

ABBA

― Yejoon (Yejoon), Friday, 29 April 2005 14:17 (twenty-one years ago)

Progressive Rock, I would imagine.

― Pashmina (Pashmina), Friday, 29 April 2005 14:18 (twenty-one years ago)

Miami Bass

― M@tt He1geson (Matt Helgeson), Friday, 29 April 2005 14:19 (twenty-one years ago)

If I walked into a Starbucks and heard DJ Assault, I would die on the spot.

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Friday, 29 April 2005 14:19 (twenty-one years ago)

Any kind of music can be Starbuckified if it comes from a name artist, and if you produce it the right way.

You can't listen to music by genre. My wife doesn't like Marshall Crenshaw and Lyle Lovett because she's found a way to reconcile power pop and country; she likes them because they have the same kind of voice. Bill Frisell's music doesn't get used regularly on NPR because someone's making a statement about downtown NYC jazz veterans, he fits because of the sound of the production, the pace of the music, the mood. Hear Music (a fully-owned subsidiary of Starbucks) is progressive in totally ignoring genre, and totally regressive in terms of sticking to the extremely narrow category of music that they've defined of stuff that's easy to listen to and has demonstrable pedigree.

― save the robot (save the robot), Friday, 29 April 2005 14:22 (twenty-one years ago)

Yeah, ABBA is on the right lines. If you imagine a spectrum of taste from cool (obscure) to naff (irredemably mainstream), Starbucksisation works by taking things cooler than S (where S = Starbucks music) and moving them towards S. But it doesn't know how to make things *more* cool, so stuff that is naffer than S is harder to recuperate. Actual Muzak, pan pipe Beatles hits, ultra-trashy Eurodisco, post-Britney teen pop, Yanni-style new age: it is hard to imagine a Starbucks version of these.

(OK, Annie qualifies for some of them)

(Sorry Annie)

― Tom (Groke), Friday, 29 April 2005 14:23 (twenty-one years ago)

Actual Muzak, pan pipe Beatles hits, ultra-trashy Eurodisco, post-Britney teen pop, Yanni-style new age: it is hard to imagine a Starbucks version of these.

Give it time.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 29 April 2005 14:25 (twenty-one years ago)

the musical stylings of saws, or more specifically 'The Singing Saw Shadow Show'

― ève, Friday, 29 April 2005 14:29 (twenty-one years ago)

I was in "The Gap" (for baby clothes) the other week, and was surprised to hear both The Replacements and Pavement, oddly book-ending a couple of R'n'B tunes. Is this normal for Gap? Or was the boss on holiday?

― bg (creamolafoam), Friday, 29 April 2005 14:30 (twenty-one years ago)

Yeah, I heard "Cut Your Hair" in Gap a few weeks ago.

― sleep (sleep), Friday, 29 April 2005 14:37 (twenty-one years ago)

RIO

Zeuhl

― Pashmina (Pashmina), Friday, 29 April 2005 14:38 (twenty-one years ago)

xpost. "Cut your Hair" - Yup, that's the one! I can't remember the Replacements tune though, now that I think of it, it may have been a Westerberg solo song. Whatever next? Big Black in H&M?

― bg (creamolafoam), Friday, 29 April 2005 14:42 (twenty-one years ago)

The Gap frequently plays awesome music.

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Friday, 29 April 2005 14:43 (twenty-one years ago)

Pigfuck.

― Mark (MarkR), Friday, 29 April 2005 14:53 (twenty-one years ago)

Pigfuck haha

"hello sir, how may I..."
"ENTER THE FORTY-NINE GATES OF UNCLEANLINESS!!!1"

― Pashmina (Pashmina), Friday, 29 April 2005 14:55 (twenty-one years ago)

Will we hear Capt Beefheart at Starbucks next?

― Alfred Soto (Alfred Soto), Friday, 29 April 2005 14:56 (twenty-one years ago)

You'll never hear aggressive free jazz a la Ayler, Braxton, Zorn, Machine Gun, etc. in a Starbucks.

― Keith C (kcraw916), Friday, 29 April 2005 14:59 (twenty-one years ago)

"YOU CALL THIS CUP OF SHIT COFFEE?? I'D RATHER DRINK FROM THE DICK OF A GOAT!!!"

― Pashmina (Pashmina), Friday, 29 April 2005 14:59 (twenty-one years ago)

You'll never hear aggressive free jazz a la Ayler, Braxton, Zorn, Machine Gun, etc. in a Starbucks.

But I could easily see them doing a Starbuckified comp of gentler free jazz tracks like Coltrane, Alice Coltrane, Ornette, Susie Ibarra, etc.

― Jordan (Jordan), Friday, 29 April 2005 15:04 (twenty-one years ago)

2 Live Crew

― Amon (eman), Friday, 29 April 2005 15:05 (twenty-one years ago)

I don't think you'll ever hear thrash in these stores either. It's one thing to play "Master of Puppets," but I couldn't imagine them playing Reign in Blood without numerous people complaining.

― Keith C (kcraw916), Friday, 29 April 2005 15:07 (twenty-one years ago)

That's what Apocalyptica is for, right?

― Jordan (Jordan), Friday, 29 April 2005 15:09 (twenty-one years ago)

Right. Which leads to the point that there's a lot of 20th Cent. classical that couldn't be played in a store either.

― Keith C (kcraw916), Friday, 29 April 2005 15:13 (twenty-one years ago)

Man, if there *was* a Starbucks that played all this shit I'd be there every morning.

― Keith C (kcraw916), Friday, 29 April 2005 15:14 (twenty-one years ago)

The Starbucks jazz I heard this A.M. had some mild squeeling in it.

― n/a (Nick A.), Friday, 29 April 2005 15:20 (twenty-one years ago)

If I walked into a Starbucks and heard DJ Assault, I would die on the spot.

Scones
Lattes
Scones 'n' lattes
Scones scones lattes lattes scones 'n' lattes

― Stupornaut (natepatrin), Friday, 29 April 2005 15:42 (twenty-one years ago)

Starbucks' Miami Bass would be JJ Fad/L'trimm, et al. Even some of the quirkier Maggotron can fit the bill, especially being some of it is in Atlantic's possesion.

Why haven't they done a best of Starbuck yet? Feels right...

― PappaWheelie, Friday, 29 April 2005 15:51 (twenty-one years ago)

last retail related jaw droppers

mission of burma in my, local night and day open all hours type shop and girls aloud in H&M which but that's only a jaw drop cos i thought it was The Smithst then I realized and the world caved in on itself and everything made sense.

― elwisty (elwisty), Friday, 29 April 2005 18:03 (twenty-one years ago)

You hear the worst music in Tilly's.

― Gear! (can Jung shill it, Mu?) (Gear!), Friday, 29 April 2005 18:06 (twenty-one years ago)

John Cage, 4'33" ?

― dapes, Friday, 29 April 2005 19:16 (twenty-one years ago)

John Cage, 4'33" ?

*latté noises*

― Open your eyes; you can fly! (ex machina), Friday, 29 April 2005 19:19 (twenty-one years ago)

I can't imagine the harsh industrial noise Merzbow stuff being Starbuckified.

― Open your eyes; you can fly! (ex machina), Friday, 29 April 2005 19:20 (twenty-one years ago)

Ying Yang Twins

― burna, Friday, 29 April 2005 20:47 (twenty-one years ago)

Mike Doughty, "Busting Up a Starbucks"

― j.lu (j.lu), Saturday, 30 April 2005 01:28 (twenty-one years ago)

xpost - i almost said ying yang twins but really the censored radio of the whisper song could get starbucks airtime easily

― Amon (eman), Saturday, 30 April 2005 01:37 (twenty-one years ago)

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