Schlocky AOR "Soft" Rock: Destroy or Annihilate?

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As a continuation of the "Eagles: Destroy with Firebombs or Nuclear Weapons" I'd like to offer a chance to vent at all the duller than dishwater with a layer of moldy pondscum on top (no)cock rock AOR bilge that filled the "Soft Rock" airwaves.

Your Targets: Reo Stationwagon, Journey, Air Supply, Toto, Chicago (especially the Peter Cetera Version), Styx and any of other ones like them that are so forgettable I can't recall their names and I'm losing IQ just trying to.

And to quote Ronald McReagan: "Attack, Attack, Attack and when in Doubt, Attack Again!"

― Lord Custos, Thursday, 24 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

And what makes "Soft" Rock so hateful. And how can a Rock be "Soft" anyway. I say, If you sound like Neil Diamond, you are not playing anything even remotely close to Rock. Note that Led Zeppelin never covered "the Pina Colada Song" and Iron Maiden probably doesn't even know the words to a single Barry Manilow song.― Lord Custos, Thursday, 24 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Sorry about the tags. I wasn't rational when I wrote that.― Lord Custos, Thursday, 24 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago) I think ... it's just ... yawn ... mmmpphh ... Oh, sorry. It's just so soulless and dull that I fell asleep just thinking about it. "When people ask what kind of music you like" - my answer is - anything that challenges you. Whatever makes you think. This stuff just lies there like, like ... jello with mini marshmellows? I don't like anything "Nice". ― Dave225, Thursday, 24 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago) Awww fuck forgot to undo his bold tags too.― Dave225, Thursday, 24 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago) Time to use that good old Chuck Eddy standby - but obviously its challenging you (more than most 'challenging' music probably) cos you hate it so much. I dont like it for the same reason I dont like much indie rock - the straining male American rock voice really turns me off. ― Tom, Thursday, 24 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago) what's wrong with neil diamond?― ethan, Thursday, 24 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago) Air Supply are deeply underrated.― Dan Perry, Thursday, 24 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago) I'd prefer Air Supply to be deeply under six feet of earth.― Dave225, Thursday, 24 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Also, Neil Diamond wrote "I'm A Believer", which gives him a free pass for just about anything.

― Dan Perry, Thursday, 24 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Air Supply are deeply underrated.

Hmm...dare ya to sing an a capella version of "I'm All Out of Love" at your next recital.

― Ned Raggett, Thursday, 24 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

the straining male American rock voice really turns me off.

Just out of curiosity, do you have more tolerance for Brit voices in the same vein?

― fritz, Thursday, 24 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

More tolerance I think, but still not much. Actually no, I have less because most straining British rock voices affect this horrible transatlantic accent cos they think it makes them sound more real.

― Tom, Thursday, 24 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Back in 2000 via Scratch Records I found the naffest rock music site on the web melodicrock.com it's difficult to comprehend that all this is still actually going on 2002 ! look at the those dodgy front cover sleeves, poodle hair styles, news stories of dodgy old AOR/ heavy rock twats - it's like the very worst of 1989 frozen intime.

a typical news story this week

It's official - Atlantic Records have parted ways with Mr. Big. The label will not be following through with a worldwide release of the band's recent (excellent) studio album Actual Size. But the good news is that the band is free to negotiate with new labels to get the album released in various territories.

Mr Big ! in 2002 - they were total f-ing crap in 1989.

― DJ Martian, Thursday, 24 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

what's an example of who you're talking about? I'm trying to imagine the midAtlantic voice you describe. Travis and that? Phil Collins?

― fritz, Thursday, 24 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Mick Jagger.

― Tom, Thursday, 24 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Oh, but when Mick does American accents it's campy not for cred! Maybe initially he was trying to sound authentic, but he got over it.

How do you feel about Americans who try to sing like Brits?

― fritz, Thursday, 24 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Like who?

Yeah Mick Jagger is far from the worst but that's the template.

― Tom, Thursday, 24 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

like who?

Billy Joe from Green Day said he was trying to sound Brit, Joey Ramone a little bit (claimed he always wanted to sing like Peter Noone and The Wombles!). Can't really think of others. Probably some of the more Beatles-influenced bands. Chilton and Chris Bell from Big Star a little bit, maybe?

― fritz, Thursday, 24 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I'd also give Neil Diamond some points for "Solitary Man" and "Cracklin' Rosie". Maybe "Girl, You'll Be a Woman Soon" as well. I think he has a good voice, too.

As for all the soft rock bands, I'm having a hard time imagining an easier target so it's not very interesting to knock them around. I think it is notable how memorable a lot of the songs are. Every name on the list above produces instant recall of a chorus or two (or more). No blanking, no memory struggles. I like to think that means that those bands did something right, but maybe not. Either way, I don't mind them. Not at all.

― Oliver, Thursday, 24 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Neil rocked hard in the early days. "Cherry Cherry", "The Boat That I Row", "Thank the Lord for the Nightime", "Brother Love's Traveling Salvation Show". Lay off Neil!

Other anglo-accented yank singers, sort of: Robert Pollard, Russell Mael.

I like "Sister Golden Hair" by America.

― Arthur, Thursday, 24 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Deep Purple covered Neil Diamond.

Journey's "Don't Stop Believin'" is awesome. Sherriff's "When I'm With You" is pretty good too. On the whole I'm not that big on this stuff but I don't understand why you're so worked up over the ballads of 20 years ago. At least the Eagles still dominate classic rock radio. I've never knowingly heard an Air Supply song. It's been years since I've heard Chicago, Styx, or REO Speedwagon. At least raise your blood pressure over Creed or something.

Was Grace Slick actually have a UK accent? She sounds like it on "White Rabbit." Geddy Lee sometimes sounded like he was copping a British accent too.

― sundar subramanian, Thursday, 24 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Of all of these, the only ones that really deserve death are REO, Styx and Kansas. Toto and Chicago are just so willfuly commercial that they're almost irrelevant, Journey is so unintentionally funny that they score points (didja catch that "Behind the Music"? Best EVER!), and Air Supply really *is* deeply underrated. So, to sum up, total nuclear war on REO, slow painful disembowling to Styx (Dennis DeYoung's been getting disembowled on record for their entire career anyhow), and genital torture to Kansas, who were there a God never would have existed in the first place.

― Jay, Thursday, 24 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

"Dust In the Wind" and "Carry On Wayward Son" are fine by me. More than fine in fact. They're the only Kansas I've knowingly heard. They are not soft rock.

― sundar subramanian, Thursday, 24 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I like "Meet Me in the Middle" by Ambrosia or America or Argent or whomever.

― Kris, Thursday, 24 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

The singer with Rancid is the worst of the Yanks-sounding-British offenders. heavy Clash damage, both musically and vocally.

― nickn, Thursday, 24 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

America is another group that is deeply, DEEPLY underrated. I want to get their "Best Of" compilation.

― Dan Perry, Thursday, 24 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

My favorite note on America was Randy Newman saying "A Horse With No Name" was about a kid who thinks he's taken drugs.

― Ned Raggett, Thursday, 24 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

America were unbearable when they tried to sound like Neil Young and fine when they tried to sound like Badfinger.

― Arthur, Thursday, 24 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I'm surprised ethan hasn't shown up to defend Styx yet.

― Sean Carruthers, Thursday, 24 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

America is another group that is deeply, DEEPLY underrated. I want to get their "Best Of" compilation

I actually saw one of those K-Tel type commercials for this very thing.

― Kris, Thursday, 24 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

i like neil diamond much more than styx.

― ethan, Thursday, 24 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Someone on Talk Sport's "Human Zoo" the other week played Mr Big's "To Be With You" over the phone. I actually saw a reference to them looking through Simon Price's 24-hours-with-MTV thing in Melody Maker in 1993, where it was claimed that they were "opting for a rawer sound", which if true would've been *the* most pathetic attempt to go grunge ever.

Oliver is scarily spot-on about how memorable the choruses to these songs tend to be, however much you hate them.

― Robin Carmody, Thursday, 24 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

This thread is screaming for dave q's insights.

I'll be back with my own soon enough.

― Tadeusz Suchodolski, Thursday, 24 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

for years i thought that Mr Big thing was a piss take. i had no idea they were a real group.

but what about 10cc's I'm Not In Love? especially after use in things like the Virgin Suicides.

― Wyndham Earl, Thursday, 24 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

America is another group that is deeply, DEEPLY underrated. I want to get their "Best Of" compilation.

Even "Muskrat Love"?

― Tadeusz Suchodolski, Friday, 25 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I like "Meet Me in the Middle" by Ambrosia or America or Argent or whomever.

That would probably be "Sister Gold Hair" by America (which, amazingly to me, certain ILMers have just confessed to liking). The thing kinda sounds like a C-version Nick Lowe song, so I guess I can theoretically understand the appeal. But I don't wanna willingly listen to it.

Journey sucks. Totally. No redeeming quality whatsoever. Same with Styx (bite yer tongue Mr. Padgett), Mr. Big, and Kansas (I just don't understand you sometimes, Mr. Subramanian). And what's this B.S. about Air Supply being "underrated"? Will give tiny points to REO Speedwagon for "Keep On Lovin' You" (the best song Boston never recorded, at least till MBV or "Smells Like Teen Spirit" came along) but nothing else. And chicks seem to like Chicago, so feigning indifference (as opposed to seething, irrational hatred) might be smart.

Otherwise, can't really be arsed to have an opinion one way or the other. Why get worked up about dentist's office music?

― Tadeusz Suchodolski, Friday, 25 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Oh yeah, REO Speedwagon deserves some consideration for the following lyrics -- "They think they're full of fire / She thinks they're full of shit" -- from "Tough Guys." That almost erases the stink of calling an album You Can Tune A Piano, But You Can't Tuna Fish.

Enough of that.

― Tadeusz Suchodolski, Friday, 25 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

REO better than Journey? Come ON! I liked the way Neal Schon would construct guitar parts by coming up with one cretinously simplistic phrase and repeat it over and over to make the songs 'anthemic'. I imagine "Walks Like a Lady" is the trailer-trash idea of 'suave', too. ("Ready for some blues!" 'Captured Live' would be perfect if it wasn't tarnished by that shit new-wave abortion "Party's Over") (OK, "Wheel in the Sky" might be - conceptually, lyrically, musically, everything - the WORST SONG EVER RECORDED, but how could anybody with functioning lymph glands dis "Open Arms"?)

Chicago's long death agony has always fascinated me. Here's a band of jazz and classical music students, seven of them, all writers. 20 years later, a series of albums where every writing credit goes to Diane Warren or somebody, nobody from the original band is audible, and the horns have been replaced by the worst excessive 80s bulimic production ever. How does shit like this happen? What kind of contracts did these idiots have? It's not like they had no choice, they sold millions in the 70s. There's a thread in itself, albums that seemingly have no artist input whatever. Although I do know people who like this stuff (and hate the 70s stuff) a LOT. Unlike even shamefaced fans of Shania Twain etc (who use the 'guilty pleasure' excuse), these fans are quite militant about their lack of taste. "Y'know why I like this music? Cuz PEOPLE LIKE YOU HATE IT. Yeah, that's right, whaddya gonna do? I happen to like nice music that doesn't sound like ferrets being eviscerated, which is what all your shit sounds like. So go hang out with the rest of your maladjusted friends and listen to that weirdo crap, and I'll stick with Chicago XXIV thank you!" Serious!

― dave q, Friday, 25 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Another recurring trait in soft-rock fans is a propensity to buy albums solely on account of the pictures of the artists on the cover. AOR fans do this even more than the boy-band crowd. If somebody in the picture is wearing a denim jacket, an angry-yet-pensive expression, and longish hair that looks like it's been shampooed and styled for 6 hours even though the guy's trying to look like a biker, in it goes into their car stereo, where it stays until they know all the words, which they can then write on their Valentine cards.

― dave q, Friday, 25 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)