I need some help from a big fat music writer or three... are you the chosen one?

I'm looking to find a pair of writers to help guest review a set of songs I've put together to be put up on Th' Tofu Hut and I'd like to ask if anyone on ILM would be interested. No money, but a lotta exposure, free music and plenty of gratitude.

There's a catch tho': the theme is FAT TUNES; all the songs are weight oriented and what I'd like to do is have a group of hefty writers on hand. I already have a "chubby chaser" and a prominent and political member of Fat?So! on board (I'm not going for the freakshow effect; the songs and the posts will be very "healthy at any size"/fat positive); what I want is a few big beefy musicgeeks. Any of you fellas or ladies in the realm of the genuinely obese, you're the voices I'm looking for.

Here's the rules, just so's we're all on the same page.

If you're in, I'm gonna mail you a cd out (free o' any charge) come Monday. Fairly shortly after I put the disc in the mail, I'll be expecting a track by track review (long, short, dismissive, hyper-critical, free form, cartoon form, in Latin, whatever) by email. Be creative; find a strong voice, do something different. Or don't. Review it as booty call music, listen to it with your grandma, do a Christgau imitation or just be straight up critical. Whatever works for you. Please be something more than EXTREMELY terse; reviews of a few words a track get a little boring.

When reviewing this disc, I'd like you to put fat issues in the
forefront. The series, as it runs on th' Hut will be about both the
music and WEIGHT, so if you have personal experiences or commentary
about how the track encompasses current paradigms as regards the
portly... please share!

As to how I identify you, I leave that up to you. You will
have opportunity to give an introduction; I request that you start
your review with a paragraph about yourself. If you choose to use a
pseudonym, that's fine too.

I'm hoping to see a review about a week after the CD is mailed, but no later than ten days. This has the potential to be a pain in the ass, so make sure that your schedule will allow for enough time to do this. Optimally, give the disc about three listens and respond. If you don't email me a timely review, I'll lambast ya, so play nice. If you run into unforeseen problems, email me to let me know so that I DON'T lambast you and then find out that the reason you didn't submit was that you were in a car accident. Gosh I'm all red faced!

Once you've mailed me your review, it will be posted on the site. I
reserve the right to commentary and editing for the sake of clarity
but I promise to tread lightly. All rights to the review are still
yours, yadda yadda yadda if you care about that sort of thing.

Do you fit the description? Want to give it a go? Great. All I'd like you to do is contact me at the address below with a quick paragraph of "Why I wanna do this and what I have to add" and I'll mail you a sample track for review. If you get it back quickly and well written, you're in.

Drop me a line ASAP!