In Praise of.....The Record by FEAR

Inspired on its placement on this thread....

Would trade your music collection for every album Robert Christgau declared a "Must To Avoid"?

....and this quote handily cited by Miccio....

The Record [Slash, 1982]
I know why Belushi liked this band--Lee Ving sings like a Punk Brother. And in the tradition of Belushi, who was such a great actor he convinced me he really was a childish glutton, Ving convinces me that he really does hate (and fear) "queers," "sluts," etc. As a moralistic square, I protest--especially given music that at its most original echoes either Mars or the Dead Kennedys. C+

...I thought I'd uninvitedly climb up that soapbox onto a high horse and declare my undying adoration for The Record by FEAR. SCREW YOU, Christgau, and your jackass grading system! And riddle me this, Batman....how is it that he reviles FEAR for their cartoonish idiocy yet gave License to Ill by the Beastie Boys an A+? (Look it up in his record guide, if'n ya don't believe me). Man!

But anyway, fuck that guy. This thread's not about him. This thread is a tip of the hat to that gorgeous, wanton slab of ludicrous xenophobia, The Record, which is only truly offensive if you take it seriously (think: Andrew Dice Clay). Whether Lee Ving and company really are those guys is almost a moot point (given the fact that non-idiot Flea was in briefly in the ranks of FEAR suggests that a healthy percentage of FEAR's schtick was just that....schtick. I think Lee Ving is a furious right-wing'er, but I'm not sure how much of that is played up for his onstage persona. But once again -- it doesn't matter. Why doesn't it matter? Because it's a great fucking record (in my opinon), that's why. Would I play it at the U.N.? No, but that doesn't make it any less hilarious and any less rockin'.

FEAR didn't even really fit in with the rest of the Punk/Hardcore folks....they simply hated EVERYbody. They were equal opportunity hatemongers. Moreover, unlike lots of their L.A. punkster peers, FEAR had the rare distinction of actually knowing how to play, and play reasonably well (funny how Christgau couldn't resist throwing in a meaningless No Wave allusion to New Yorkers in Mars? FEAR and Mars couldn't sound less alike). The DK's and FEAR have a bit more in common, I'd agree (no workaday Hardcore soundlikes in the DK's either). Not unlike the Misfits, FEAR featured a vocalist who could truly sing and a guitar player (where are you today, Philo Cramer?) with actual style. And yes, they were idiots -- but certainly no more so than the similarly inclined mooks in Guns'n'Roses (who'd later cover them).

Then, of course, there are the actual tunes. "Let's Have a War," the opener, ought to have clued in the sheepish that the nihilism and vitriol on display here were hardly the stuff of intellectual insurrection. Is "Beef Boloney" incredibly juvenile? Sure, but so what? It rocks. "I Don't Care About You" is sheer obnoxious genius as is "I Love Livin' in the City". The hits keep comin'. (Though their cover of "We Got to Get Out of this Place" could've easily been jettisoned without comprimising an otherwise great record).

Anyway, I'm blathering, but The Record is great. If you find it offensive, I'd suggest lightening up. By taking FEAR at their word, you're only empowering those who find the message positive and serious. Skrewdriver they're not.

Or am I completley talking out my ass? Discuss.