"critics should not make records" - the balance sheet

xpost

Chris Roberts' band Catwalk! (They were awful.)

Nick Kent (Subterraneans)
Charles Shaar Murray (Blast Furnace & the Heatwaves)
B Geldof ("Love Like A Rocket")

Pro:
Vivien Goldman - "Launderette," still one of my favourite singles from the early '80s.

(But I would say that, wouldn't I?) ;-)

who was the nme journo who formed fabulous? simon dudfield? they only had one single out but it was terrible!

lester "fucking" bangs

what was bangs' band called again? the delinquents? now they WERE bad.

DJ T.

Whos worse, McCormick or Bono?

and yes .. i am one of those that would put Regular Fries in the Pro gang, but i will keep quiet about it, i am very aware of my faults.

I also quite liked a few things by CR's next band, Scalaland.

And... The Foxgloves.

crocus behemoth aka david thomas

steve morris

morrissey

anti:

ira kaplan

could go either way:

david keenan

xpost

not that i'm against the practice.

Be fair, the guy genuinely needs the money.

No!

"Where do you go to my lovely.."

or it it "Lovey"?

envelope

pro:
metal mike saunders
gregg turner
richard meltzer
george smith aka dick destiny
frank kogan aka the main guy in red dark sweet
john petkovic aka the main guy in cobra verde and death of samantha
deborah frost aka the main lady in the brain surgeons

i totally agree that joey sweeney is an anti-, though

and i like the lester bangs and the delinquents album

I like Lester Bangs's "Jook Savages" pretty well--he was onto something.

Pro:
Vivien Goldman - "Launderette," still one of my favourite singles from the early '80s.
SO GODDAMN MUTHAFUCKIN OTM, Marcello! Vivien was wondrous -- see also the excellent "Her Story" and "The Window" on the Flying Lizards' debut. I need to find some Chantage, too, since she was with them.

Anyway:

Pro: Charlotte Pressler, Patti Smith, Lou Reed (he wrote a piece or two of criticism between leaving the Velvets and getting his solo career going). (Also pro many of the people mentioned upthread.)

anti:
jim testa
jack rabid

haha

Goldman was also involved in B-Side's Odeon 12".
Must. Hear. This.

always wondered what sort of a record Glenn TWAS might have made.

and actually, i haven't listened to any of liz armstrong's records for a while, to be honest; i'm not sure how much i'd like them if i heard them now. (either way, she could be a pretty great writer.)

From his Annual Xmas Album Round-Up:

Julie Andrews
Christmas with... (Legacy/SONY)

As old-style Christmas CDs go, this one is amazing. Andrews is the perfect singer for this genre, and much of her material is drawn from relatively obscure traditional carols: "In the Bleak Midwinter," "See Amid the Winter Snow," etc. The orchestral arrangements, by Ian Fraser, are unusually tasteful and...not boring! Not boring at all! Wow! The album was recorded in 1982, but this is its first CD edition. The song "Rocking" is a new one for me–it's sung in second person to the baby Jesus; in other words, you are Jesus. "We will serve you all we can / Darling, darling little lamb." I like this being-Jesus thing.

'N Sync
Home for Christmas (RCA)

"The Christmas Song," etc., from another street-harmony fake–hip-hop New Kids on the Block ripoff no one over 12 could put up with. I lived in Boston during the New Kids era, and it wasn't pretty. They put a lot of money into hush funds. I wonder if these kids are running around brutalizing their neighbors too. Anyway, you don't need this if you have any other records. It's what the Brits call "blue-eyed soul," and don't kid yourself it's harmless. Honey is made by bees.

Lovemongers
Here Is Christmas (2B)

Formerly the arena-rock band Heart, the Lovemongers give us yet another mainstream rock XCD. And a great one it is! Thrill to the brilliant melodic and linguistic inventiveness of the sisters Wilson in the most important musical development ever! The gramophone, the violin, Sgt. Pepper—these are nothing before the astounding achievement of Ann & Nancy's mind-blowing new album. But the world will explode if too many people find out, so don't buy it.

Mary-Kate & Ashley
Cool Yule: A Christmas Party with Friends (Kid Rhino)

In a 12-page booklet, six pages of advertising. This should be enough to make me refuse to write about this vile concoction starring two identical blue-eyed, "cute" Aryan twins (who won WWII?). This unbelievably irritating record cashes in on the popularity of these kids, but they have almost nothing to do with the featureless, generic music. The ads are for six books, five other CDs, video games, a fan club, a video, Mattel dolls and two websites. If you're planning to spend hundreds of dollars on neurotoxins for your children, why not skip directly to Ecstasy? They'll love you and hug you for hours!

Rosie O'Donnell
A Rosie Christmas (Columbia)

Amazingly, not only not awful, it's excellent! This charity album features duets between television personality O'Donnell and a singing gaggle of celebs, including Celine Dion, Elmo the Muppet, Donny Osmond, Cher (on which O'Donnell gets the "Believe" sound effect!), Billy Joel, Gloria Estefan, Lauryn Hill, Rosemary Clooney, 'N Sync and Sir Elton John. It's produced much like a sequel to A Christmas Gift for You from Phil Spector, and it has one nifty moment after another, somehow without becoming exhausting. The producer is Ric Wake, and he should be really famous. Half the songs are new, but the regurgitated chestnuts are, uniformly, at least forgivable. I'm stunned. This is one of the best records I've heard this year.

From his Annual Calendar Round-up:

Trouble! International Leatherman Calendar

A product of the Leather Archives & Museum, a nonprofit organization, this catalog of depravities is a great way to support a tax-deductible charity. It contains black-and-white photos of male-male analingus, masturbation, fellatio, three-ways and general posing. The models are not classically beautiful, though they are wearing leather fetish gear. Important dates in history include April 8, 1974, when "Members of the American Psychiatric Association agree with trustees to stop listing homosexuality as a mental disorder." Good thing they didn't see this calendar first. A handy enclosed order form lets you order Zeus videos such as Copsucker, Cajun Mantoy, Pain Pig Pickup and Bear Fuck Party.

Success SK24 Desk Pad

A no-frills option that includes Daylight Saving Time dates (why don't they all?) and every legal or Judeo-Christian holiday that might affect business, as well as red-letter day April 23, Professional Secretaries Day®, this is even larger than my blankokalender zum selbstgestalten and much more genuinely industrial-looking. There are three lines at the top for notes, and 12 minimonthlets at the bottom. Each day has seven lines to fill and tiny numbers ticking off the year's elapsed and remaining days. If you use it while lying on the floor, like me, it's the cheapest calendar here, but if you buy a desk to hold it up, it's the most expensive.

Bananas in Pajamas

Follow the Bananas in Pajamas, who have legs, eyes and perpetually smiling mouths—but no noses—from home to the beach, the campsite, the mountaintop, the park and then back again, where they recline in beanbag chairs in their rec room. Learn fun facts such as "It's party time in Cuddles Avenue" and "Lulu loves visitors!" (Lulu is a bear in pink-plastic clogs, and her visitors are two Bananas and a rat named Rat in a Hat.) If you buy this for your children, they will be dead by February.

Miscellaneous Quips:

...Collins's purpose in life is to champion great songwriters and songs. What does it matter if her versions are not definitive? All the better–you'll buy the original. That's how half the world discovered Leonard Cohen, Joni Mitchell, Randy Newman and even Stephen Sondheim and Bob Dylan. Every one of her albums is like a great compilation sung by your favorite English teacher, the dotty one who liked your poetry.

..."The Christmas Song" is played seriously by the king of musicomedy, but also on display is the neglected virtuoso showcase "All I Want for Christmas (Is My Two Front Teeth)," a No. 1 smash in 1948. God, I wish it was 1948.

...the CD comes with its own visual stimulus in the form of a Vari-Vue record cover showing the Teletubbies dancing in four stages between which you shift by slanting your viewing angle. As every acidhead knows, you can change your viewing angle either by tilting the object up and down or by tilting yourself up and down. Which means if you dance, the Teletubbies dance along. It's horrible.

And lastly, from his Guide to Mini-Golf Courses:

Nellie Bly Park Miniature Golf Shore Pkwy at 25th Ave, Bklyn (718-996-4002). Subway: B to 25th Ave. Bus: B6 stops at park. By car: exit 5 from Belt Pkwy. Noon–midnight, Tue, Thu 11am–midnight; $5, children and seniors $4. Named after the Brooklyn suffragette, this course—also dubbed "The Fun and Happiness Place"—has a hostile staff straight out of an AIP teen horror flick. The parking lot is dotted with indefinite tow-away zones. The first hole is adjacent to a shooting gallery that emits heart-stopping bangs at irregular intervals. There is chewing gum stuck to the lumpy playing surface. One of the obstacles is an outhouse. Each hole has a name and dumb comment on the scorecard: "Windmill—It's a Breeze," etc. Most patrons are disturbingly fat. I spotted one child in a Power Rangers yarmulke.

Vivien Goldman keeping busy-- in 2019 wrote Revenge of the She-Punks, A Feminist Music History from Poly Styrene to Pussy Riot; and now a new album Next Is Now

I kinda like it (true to her postpunk and dub roots )