A close friend was just killed. What should I listen to?

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A friend of my family (my father's best friend, who I know very well) was killed today.

Maybe it's odd that I'm thinking about music right now. To be honest, I don't much care; I'm thinking about music now more than ever.

Any tips?

― Jack L., Thursday, 15 September 2005 01:37 (twenty years ago)

Sorry, I'm being unclear right now, for (maybe) obvious reasons. What I meant wasn't that I don't care about my friend who died (I do), but that I don't care if it's "right" or "appropriate" to be thinking about music at a time like this.

― Jack L., Thursday, 15 September 2005 01:40 (twenty years ago)

Chelsea Girls

― poortheatre (poortheatre), Thursday, 15 September 2005 01:42 (twenty years ago)

blue oyster cult - "don't fear the reaper"...i heard it right after my grandmother's funeral, kind of freaky. also, lynyrd skynyrd "simple man"...an acquantance was killed, and my friend was telling me how that was his favorite song, and right afterwards i heard it on the radio. there's a good chance that you're sort of in a state of shock...stay with what makes you comfortable, and whatever holds real meaning for you. talk to some people. be with people you care about.

― viborgu, Thursday, 15 September 2005 01:58 (twenty years ago)

spliff/valium + Aphex Twin - Selected Ambient Works II

― biz, Thursday, 15 September 2005 02:33 (twenty years ago)

Do you want something that'll uplift you and battle the feelings that come with death, or something to fully embrace it and plunge in head first?

If it's the latter, I suggest Songs: Ohia. Especially the song "Black Crow."

If it's the first, well, this new Devendra Banhart album "Cripple Crow" is really good. Like someone said on the thread for it, it's comforting sounding. Obviously it's not overly twee or anything.

― Mickey (modestmickey), Thursday, 15 September 2005 02:36 (twenty years ago)

Atmosphere then Ceremony.

― biz, Thursday, 15 September 2005 02:44 (twenty years ago)

Don't seek out anything in the hopes of it making you feel some way that you might think you're "supposed" to feel. The rawer emotions come at their own pace. For now, I suggest to listen to something you've heard hundreds if not thousands of times, just to know that while so much else changes, something has stayed the same.

― Joseph McCombs (Joseph McCombs), Thursday, 15 September 2005 02:45 (twenty years ago)

This thread reminds me of the scene in "To Die For", when Nicole Kidman (very innapropriately) plays "All By Myself" at her husbands funeral.

Don't mean to make light of your situation Jack, but sometimes humor can be helpful at such times.

― Bobby Peru (Bobby Peru), Thursday, 15 September 2005 03:20 (twenty years ago)

I am very sorry to hear this.

I can't remember what I listened to right after my father died. It was probably just more Sonic Youth or whatever I'd been listening to at the time.

My serious recommendation, for whatever it may or may not be worth to you, would be the song "Gone Again" by Patti Smith, followed by "Beneath the Southern Cross" (also PS) for the line "Cross over, boy, cross over." Some time after my dad died these songs helped me grieve it.

Take care.

― xero, Thursday, 15 September 2005 03:32 (twenty years ago)

Ween - Push Th' Lil' Daisies

― huell howser (chaki), Thursday, 15 September 2005 03:35 (twenty years ago)

For some reason my first thought was The Cure - Three Imaginary Boys. I guess it's kinda comfortable.
I've secretly hoped that when I die my friends will all get together for a big wake and drink themselves silly listening to Pavement.
Agreed with xero, take care of yourself.

― wmlynch (wlynch), Thursday, 15 September 2005 03:36 (twenty years ago)

Four places to start:

Neil Young & Crazy Horse ... Everybody Knows This is Nowhere
Modest Mouse ... The Lonesome Crowded West
Built to Spill ... There's Nothing Wrong With Love
Al Green ... Call Me.

I find these albums all very comforting in low times. Esepecially the first one.

Take care.

― Chris O., Thursday, 15 September 2005 03:37 (twenty years ago)

Yeah, a very ILM response, but also give MBV's Loveless a whirl, too.

― Chris O., Thursday, 15 September 2005 03:38 (twenty years ago)

Do take care. A lot of these suggestions are fine, but they do reek of "expectedness" or "good for you"ness. When my best friend died a few years ago I didn't do a thing differently listening-wise. After September 11 I spent a lot of time with 'Love and Theft,' 'Bo Diddley in the Spotlight' and 'We Want Miles.'

― Rickey Wright (Rrrickey), Thursday, 15 September 2005 04:18 (twenty years ago)

neil young should be good in these kind of circumstances. for example on the beach.

― alex in mainhattan (alex63), Thursday, 15 September 2005 04:29 (twenty years ago)

listen to emmitt rhodes.

― youn, Thursday, 15 September 2005 04:32 (twenty years ago)

The Five Stairsteps - "O-O-H Child"

― Voodoo Child, Thursday, 15 September 2005 04:39 (twenty years ago)

"Sweetness Follows" is what I listened to the day my grandfather died (1993) and my grandmother died (2001). By R.E.M. I don't mean R.E.M. killed my grandparents. I mean they did "Sweetness Follows."

― Justin, Thursday, 15 September 2005 04:40 (twenty years ago)

sorry, I spelled his name wrong, but I guess this is not a time to care about spelling, or a time not to care about not caring about spelling. but i do. ugh.

― youn, Thursday, 15 September 2005 04:46 (twenty years ago)

Oh and Brian Eno - Another Green World.

― wmlynch (wlynch), Thursday, 15 September 2005 04:51 (twenty years ago)

Don't know what kind of music you like... but "China Doll" and "It must Have Been the Roses" by the Grateful Dead might help you out.

― luecke (luecke), Thursday, 15 September 2005 06:19 (twenty years ago)

I'm sorry to hear this. :-( I guess I can only say: Listen to whatever comforts you the most.

― nathalie (stevie nixed), Thursday, 15 September 2005 06:29 (twenty years ago)

Couldn't listen to any music after Laura died. Nor after Liz was killed.

I keep having a go at Hornby but when he talks about death in High Fidelity he's pretty OTM - after his partner's dad has died, the chaps in the record shop debate about what tracks would go on a "Laura's dad tribute" compilation tape. Then Hornby says: "A thousand hours of music in this shop - and not a second of it comes close to describing the way Laura must be feeling right now."

― Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Thursday, 15 September 2005 06:37 (twenty years ago)

When a friend of mine died recently i put on "Galagolithic Mass" and a bunch of baroque requiems. That about nailed it.

― Jacob (Jacob), Thursday, 15 September 2005 07:48 (twenty years ago)

Hey, thanks everyone for the kind words and advice. Bobby, I don't mind the humour at all - that was a good laugh, thanks. I think the consensus was generally to listen to things, for the moment, which I'm really comfortable with. So, my listening last night and this morning has been principally filled up by comfort favourites:

Al Green - Call Me (hadn't thought of that one, Chris, thanks)
Radiohead - Kid A
Bruce Springsteen - Nebraska
Brian Eno - Ambient 1: Music for Airports
New Order - Ceremony (yes, just the one song, the Substance version)

Anyway, thanks. Take care everyone.

― Jack L., Thursday, 15 September 2005 11:30 (twenty years ago)

Fleetwood Mac - Landslide
and basically all of "Rumours," though it's mainly about relationships, straddles pain and affirmation well.

― Confounded (Confounded), Thursday, 15 September 2005 12:26 (twenty years ago)

Glad you chose Music For Airports.
When one of my best friends died I listened to The Stooges' "We Will Fall" and it seemed just right.
"No no one really dies/they just pass over" - Legendary Pink Dots

― sleeve (sleeve), Friday, 16 September 2005 01:15 (twenty years ago)

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