Jokester Amazon Reviewers

He's no Henry Raddick.

But her opinions are OTM

if only MTV Rocks knew what "muzak" actually was...

Under My Skin ~ Avril Lavigne
Price: $13.99
Availability: Usually ships in 24 hours

83 used from $2.85
Club Price: $9.99

1 of 9 people found the following review helpful:
OMG OMG!!!!!!!!, May 5, 2005
THIS IS THE MOSE PUNK ALBUM OF ALL TIME!!!! Avril is a goddess on the guitar and writes music better than ANYONE else. She is also da best s8kt0r in history. Her lyrics are genius. All the 5 star reviewers here are genius and cultered, just like myself. Like many people, I love talented musicians. And where do you find those? TRL of course!! You should get this if you want good music. If you want good music then also get:

-Nirvana (music became good after them and Kurt is second to only avril on guitar)
- Good Charlotte, Blink 182, Simple plan (brutal punk rock)
- g-unit (there is no greater team of musicians with more overall talent)
- Vanilla Ice (created Rap and hip-hop. Ice Ice baby!)
- Kenny G (he's sold more albums than any other instrumental "artist", so therefore he is better)
- Ashlee Simpson
- Limp Bizkit (created metal)
-Linkin Park
-Metallica (St Anger may be the best metal album ever that doesn't feature Fred Durst)

Heh.

David Hasselhoff albums to thread!

ooh ooh - the reviewer has conflicting opinions about metallica!

these aren't funny at all, says i.

Oh I don't know, 'brutal punk rock' made me laugh

"Also I'd just like to point out that Chris Martin is a better pianist than Vitalij Kuprij, based solely on the fact that he has a hot wife."

That was funny!

about "leaders of the free world":

5 out of 5 stars Glassy and Saxaphonish, September 15, 2005
Reviewer: Charles Finch from San Rafael, California United States
This album is much better than their last eight albums which fell short, due to the overusage of screaming and water noises. This album excels because of its new incorporation of woman singing and reverberating sounds heard on a daily basis (i.e., screaming and water noises). I love it! It takes me back to their earlier days in the 50's when they experimented with doo-whop and wrote 23 second ditties. The only disapointed on this album, their thirteenth, is that he gurgles and spits way too much. Because of that and his usage of the word "fixxer pots", I find the album inapproriate for younger listeners (under 15 crowd). Nevertheless, I will be listening to this for years to come and will no doubt breathe with greater ease. 10 pounds good!!!

The jokers exist in abundance -- thank god. But don't read amazon reviews, duh.

More from the brilliantly named Aids Vs. Cancer:

http://www.amazon.com/gp/cdp/member-reviews/A16WJHPEGL8YVT/ref=cm_pdp_reviews_see_all/102-6643537-9824157

4 Stars = Will Smith: "Will Smith generally generates a good vibe. It does not matter how gangster or punk rock you are, what truly matters is the fact that your favorite television show is the Fresh Prince." (four stars)

1 Star = Led Zeppelin: "I mean really, who listens to a band like this? Oh! I know! Your 46 year old dad who sits around the house all day smoking pot reminiscing the good old days when he used to finger the chick who worked in the cosmetic department at the local Walmart."

The thing is, this jackass is not joking. Check out his reviews of Dr. Dre and Pink Floyd. This guy just has an agenda, but I think he's serious.

"He could not play the guitar what so ever and sang only about racial agression and love."

That Zep review was relevant and well argued.

To morons, yes.

The Macho Man Randy Savage album had some of the greatest reviews in music journalism history.

Thanks for creating this thread -- I've been meaning to introduce you to Howard Tuttleman. Read 'em and weep, there are dozens:

from Amazon.com:

50 CENT ~ GET RICH OR DIE TRYIN’

This guy gets pretty violent sometimes, and I have some suggestions.,

Hey guys. Howard Tuttleman here. I don’t know a whole lot about this hip-hop/rap thing, but I here this guy I know named Joe saying words from it a lot. They are always some kind of threat or put-down. I’m not always sure what to say about this rapping-music, but I guess I can appreciate it because basically ANYBODY could play it, no matter how bad of a singer you are. Heck, 50-Cent was a criminal and even HE made a record. The idea I get of rap is that you think about how you feel and just sort of talk-it-out and try to make it rhyme. At first I really liked this concept because you could pretty-much SAY whatever you want, and if you can’t sing-out those high notes, or if your voice cracks a lot, you have nothing to worry about. You just talk-it-out. Most people I know are pretty-good at talking. So I thought "Wow! This is music for the common-man." But then I started to hear what they were REALLY using this medium for. Talking about yourself to try to level yourself up, and dishing out threats of violence or death to the other rappers who are trying to level-up. A viscious-circle.

Now that would be just fine if they were just talking-around for a joke, but these guys actually shoot at each-other sometimes, and a few have even died about it. This in-turn makes them more famous, but doesn’t that seem like a big-price to pay for fame and fortune?

Now my best solution would be that they should stop trying to yell bad things at each-other, get to know each-other a little better, and maybe sort out their problems over dinner or coffee or something. They should leave the guns at home, too. Then, once they get to know each other they could bring their better attitudes to their songs.

I mean, they’re all in the same business togeter and doing well for themselves. Why not throw out compliments instead of insults? Encouragment instead of threats? This would make the music a lot more accessible to the general-public who can’t relate to killing their colleagues. It would also create a sort of web-of-trust between artists.

I would really like to hear some rapping on the radio along the lines of "Hey there, good job on your last single. It had a good beat, keep up the good work, guy," directed at another rapper. It would make the other rapper more comfortable, so he might even make HIS next rap something like "Hey, thanks man! I like your style too. We should hang-out more. How’s tha family?" Or just a general compliment like "Hey, Nike’s huh? I like Nike too. Where’d you get those ones? Hope you got a good deal, man". They could make it all rhyme of course, in their own special ways.

And as far as rappers telling everyone that they are the best-ever, and how everyone else is terrible, they could show a little modesty once in a while. For example, why not be more like "Hey, I’m pretty confident about my music, but their is always room for improvment. I always strive to be the best, but don’t get me wrong, these other guys are really good and you should check them out too". Or maybe something like "Hey, did you hear this other guy’s album? It’s so good that it inspired me to do better. You guys should really hear it". You know how happy that would make the other guy? This could solve a lot of the violence problems between rappers, and could possibly prevent deaths. Just a few simple steps in commom-curtiousy.

Now I’m not suggesting that ALL of these guy get along or whatever. I mean, some people just don’t get along with each-other. However, instead of talking about how you hate them, you could be a little less hostile about it. Maybe something like "Hey, to be honest I didn’t really dig your new record. But it might not have been your fault. Your band might have been playing the wrong chords or something. You should come over some time and maybe I could give you a few pointers and take you out to dinner". If he handled it like that, the other guy could very well be like "Thanks for the offer. I’m not really a big fan of yours, but you seem like a good guy. What’s your screen-name? We should talk more". Do you see what this could do for the music-industry!?

Now these are just a few ideas I’ve had, and you can throw in yours if you’d like. Like I said, I’m pretty new to this genre of music and maybe there is still something I’m not understanding. It’s just that I’ve heard some of these threats and put-downs and thought how crazy that would be if say, the guy from Metallica sang about how much he hated the guy from U2, and started a blood-feud. Or if like, Tom Petty shot the guy from Weezer to death. That just wouldn’t make ANY sense to rock-fans, but somehow this has become the norm in Rap-Music.

I even heard that some of the rockers even DO make songs for each-other. Apparently David Bowie made a song called "A Song For Bob Dylan". AND IT’S NICE. He doesn’t make fun of him or threaten to kill him. Imagine that. Let me know what you guys think. Later.

PRINCE ~ 1999

What is He a prince of Anyways?! LOL

Don’t know much about this cd as a whole, but I know that when it came out in 1999 (the year) he had to have known that his song (1999) would be laughably dated as soon as 2000 hit. I heard the song in question on the radio quite a bit back at the end of 1999 (the year). When it would come on I would always make this great joke about how his next song would be about partying in the year 2000 (LOL). Well I guess I was right because I haven’t heard a new song on the radio by him ever since. Great job there guy.

Anyways, this song will no doubt turn up on every "Best Songs of the 90’s" cd’s for a long time. I guess it would be fun to listen to if 1999 (the year) was a good year for you or whatever, but really guys, it was only a couple years ago. If they do a "I Love the 90’s" show like they did with the 80’s then the episode about 1999 (the year) will probably make fun of this and talk about how he couldn’t have a reunion tour unless he changed the name of his song 1999 to whatever year the reunion tour was being held in (LOL I should probably send that one in!)

In conclusion, he sounds like a girl sometimes in the song too. Only buy if you have some weird obsession with one year in particular (1999) which I don’t even think was all that great anyways. Or if you want a lesson on how to have a quick hit the cheap way by shouting out the current year like a girl, and using casio keyboards. Later.