The truth of it is that I was drawn back to the thread upon seeing Justin Haywood on VH1 performing "The Other Side of Life." Now that I am here...
The Marissa Marchant Cliff Notes, Installment 1
Saturday, 8 October 2005
Preamble: While I believe that a complete and clear summation of the previous thread would be a huge disservice to all parties involved, a fond rumination -- even a chronological rumination -- on the last month and a half of Marissa madness could potentially be beneficial, and is thus forthcoming.
My personal sentiments on each occasion will appear in brackets follow the event.
The scene: Marissa has taken her web site and songs off the net, in all likelihood because of you. She is moving to a new home, and waiting for her new Avalon.
Aug. 23: Forksclovetofu asks for a deck of cards, or perhaps a pig picture. [Mood: Pensive]
Aug. 24: Marissafan2 reminds us what the Fan Club logo looks like: subtle, effective. [Moody: Giddy]
Aug. 30: While we have enjoyed a week of brotherhood, there has been no sign of our artist. We enjoy some wine, but secretly we are hurting and missing Marissa. [Mood: Barren]
Aug. 31: We delve into Marissa's past messages, on the Cat Stevens fan site, Voy Forum, and the All Fishing Message Center. (?!) [Mood: Reflective]
Sep. 7: Confounded (me) proposes a Charlie's Angels party for the Fan Club. It is one of our dear leader's favorite flicks, you know!! [Mood: Party!!!]
Sep. 8: First appearance of our leader on new thread, two weeks after it began. She is in good health and back on the net because of you at 85 wpm. 20% of sentences are complete, 70% fragmentary and 10% never you. [Mood: Ecstacy]
Sep. 8: Marissa questions the intent of the Fan Club, as well as where the funds are going. [Mood: Coke party!!!]
Sep. 8: General discussion of Amy Grant, Shawn Colvin, Bruce Hornsby, Bela Fleck, Edgar Meyer, Yo Yo Ma. [Mood: Totally bored]
Sep. 8: Joseph Cotten and Confounded (me) doubt the veracity of the new Marissa. [Mood: Tokin' into paranoia]
Sep. 8 (an eventful day, yes?): An explosion of nasty messages regarding Marissa (from fake aliases like Darren Holmes and Priscilla Hernandez). Many reflect Marissa's own staccato typing style, and are figures from her past. [Mood: OMGWTF]
Sep. 9: Yo Yo Ma posts on the Marissa thread for the first time. [Mood: 'Hey, what's up, Yo Yo?']
Sep. 12: Ryan has a rich father, yet he is not yet famous. Marissa, what is he doing wrong? [Mood: OMGWTFAGAIN]
Sep. 13: The weakling Baaderonixx tries to get Marissa to leave her fan club and go to ILE. [Mood: 'You are a big weakling, Baaderonixx.']
Sep. 13: Edgar Meyer, Bela Fleck's collaborator, posts on the fan club site. He is surlier than he needs to be! [Mood: Cool to the touch]
Sep. 14: Kingfish Superman Ice Cream encourages Marissa to start a blog, but Marissa is cool with already having her own Fan Club. [Mood: Yeehaws.]
Sep. 15: A fake Confounded posts a message saying, "Confounded, there only accomplishment is to post a photo of a pig." [Mood: 'Marissa, you are good at many things, but disguising your identity is not one of them.']
Sep. 15: The weakling Baaderonixx attempts to start a rival Fan Club. Confounded and Pablo toy with this club like two cats toy with a mouse. Then they leave it for dead. [Mood: Rulin'!!!]
Sep. 17: Forksclovetofu offers Marissa one million dollars to sleep with her wife, but Marissa only laughs. [Mood: It's cool]
Sep. 19: Marissa posts a picture of the young Justin Hayward of the Moody Blues, declaring him her new romantic interest. A generation of men is saddened. [Mood: Saddened, again for the first time.]
Sep. 19: The illustrious Pablo Alphonse shows the Fan Club the new Marissa Marchant hoodies. [Mood: Happy!! Stoked!!]
Sep. 20: Marissa has Justin Hayward on the mind, big time. [Mood: Jealous]
Sep. 23: Confounded and Pablo plan the annual MMFC party. It will be a pizza and coke party at California Pizza Kitchen, and it is agreed that Pablo will cut the lines because his name is "Pablo Alphonse" and that's pretty cool, right? [Mood: Party!!!!]
Sep. 26: Pablo et al reason with Marissa to give us the details of her new site (it is apparently under a new name). We fail. We want to hear the re-recording "Emu". [Mood: Okay]
Sep. 26: Confounded explains to Marissa that he is different than all the other guys. (He is.) [Mood: Truth-lovin']
Sep. 28: Confounded writes a song for Marissa, about Marissa. It is gorgeous. (It is.) [Mood: Passionate]
Sep. 28: Marissa doubts the identities of several members of her fan club, but she presents zero evidence. [Mood: Rulin']
Sep. 28: 1001 posts! [Mood: Rulin' in your schoolin'!!!]
Sep. 29: Marissa's thoughts on libido. She has the high libido problem. [Mood: Horndoggies at the gate]
Sep. 30: Day of comic genius from Pablo and Confounded. [Mood: Genius]
Sep. 30: A pig would appear to be jumping from a small wooden dock into a rural lake. [Mood: OMGWTF]
Oct. 3: Marissa feels spurned by Justin, and dismisses him. [Mood: Hopeful]
Oct. 3: Someone says Justin Hayward is a decent six and half inches down there. [Mood: Okay]
Oct. 4: Confounded posts a picture showing that Justin Hayward has multiple chins. How can you love a man with multiple chins? [Mood: Truth-lovin']
Oct. 4: Marissa believes all in her fan club are fakes -- this hurts their feelings. She says Confounded (me) is Lyin' Dan or Brian Moore, or both. [Mood: OMGWTFSAD]
Oct. 4: Marissa's last post ever. Confounded's last post ever. SURPRISE! Everyone comes back 20 minutes later. [Mood: Surprise]
Oct. 4: Confounded (me) admits that he tries to make himself look good, but basically he is scum. Marissa breaks down in an introspective moment. Copious saliva exchanged. [Mood: Stoked]
Oct. 6: Nicolas Quemener Q&A [Mood: Blah]
Oct. 6: Pablo Alphonse, the Latin Lover, talks the French. [Mood: 'WASSUP PABLO!']
Oct. 7: Lyin' Dan shows up. He's pretty cool. [Mood: 'Hey, what's up, Lyin' Dan?']
Oct. 7: Pablo posts his picture on the net. He looks pretty cool. [Mood: Pretty cool]
Oct. 8: Forksclovetofu bids farewell to the thread after 1327 loving messages.
That is the past... all we have now is our future!!!
― Confounded (Confounded), Wednesday, 12 October 2005 18:22 (twenty years ago)