T/S: Akon vs Crazy Frog AKA What are the WORST singles of 2005?

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I can't think of a worse release than the two in the thread title (Akon's being the exectable "So Lonely" obv). Please include new-fangled "downloads" in your derision.

― CharlieNo4 (Charlie), Monday, 21 November 2005 08:01 (nineteen years ago)

Both great. Worst single of the year probably "The Fucking Bike Song" by Katie Kahlua. And anything by Coldplay, obv.

― THIS IS THE SOUND OF ALTERN 8 !!! (noodle vague), Monday, 21 November 2005 08:21 (nineteen years ago)

yes, that's "exectable". sorry, too early to think.

― CharlieNo4 (Charlie), Monday, 21 November 2005 08:22 (nineteen years ago)

ps noodles, you're on crack.

― CharlieNo4 (Charlie), Monday, 21 November 2005 08:23 (nineteen years ago)

Not nearly often enough, Charlie.

― THIS IS THE SOUND OF ALTERN 8 !!! (noodle vague), Monday, 21 November 2005 08:29 (nineteen years ago)

I like Akon.

― deej.. (deej..), Monday, 21 November 2005 08:36 (nineteen years ago)

"Lonely" is fine. Worst single of the year for me: "Fuck Forever".

― MC Stylised Vadge (edwardo), Monday, 21 November 2005 08:37 (nineteen years ago)

i love walking around singing "aaaaaakon and young jeeeeezzzzaaaayyyy"

― sovietpanda (sovietpanda), Monday, 21 November 2005 08:46 (nineteen years ago)

"Lonely" is a clever and lovely re-working of 50s "Teenager in Love" style balladry. The Crazy Frog is a giddy, gabba-inflected hit of stupid pop buzz that didn't outstay its welcome and croaked up a couple of cherishable bootlegs. If I'm looking for worst singles I'll go for the pompous and mediocre over innocuous novelty any day.

― THIS IS THE SOUND OF ALTERN 8 !!! (noodle vague), Monday, 21 November 2005 09:15 (nineteen years ago)

didn't ha.

Bootlegs?

― mark grout (mark grout), Monday, 21 November 2005 09:18 (nineteen years ago)

"Lonely" is a clever and lovely re-working of 50s "Teenager in Love" style balladry.

he's a simpering prick and i can't abide his dreadful schtick. and that fucking chipmunk sample! oh my god.you're right of course, crazy frog's probably not worth getting het up about, though.

pompous and mediocre

ah well in that case, any number of dreadful indie untunes, from Starsailor to Babyshambles. Not even worth wasting typing time, though.

― CharlieNo4 (Charlie), Monday, 21 November 2005 09:40 (nineteen years ago)

1. James Blunt 'Yer Beautiful'
2. Oasis 'Lyla'
3. Akon 'Lonely'
4. that Bright Eyes one
5. Alanis Morrissette 'Kerazy'
6. KT Turnstile 'The Other Side Of The World' (or whatever it's called)
7. Black Eyed Peas 'Don't Lie'
8. Westlife 'You Raise Me Up'
9. Anthony & The Johnsons ft Boy George 'You Are My Sister'
10. Crazy Frog 'Axel F'

― Sororah T Massacre (blueski), Monday, 21 November 2005 11:15 (nineteen years ago)

11. One World Project - Grief Never Grows Old
12. Razorlight - Somewhere Else
13. Bodyrockers - I Like The Way You Move
14. Feeder - Feeling A Moment
15. Weezer - Beverley Hills
16. Fatboy Slim - The Joker
17. Feeder - Tumble And Fall
18. Manic Street Preachers - Empty Souls
19. Bryan McFadden & Delta Goodrem - Almost Here
20. Ocean Colour Scene - Free My Name
21. Nelly ft Tim McGraw - Over And Over
22. Embrace - Looking As You Are
23. Erasure - Breathe
24. Rooster - Staring At The Sun
25. Angel City - Sunrise
26. Usher - Caught Up
27. U2 - Sometimes You Can't Make It On Your Own
28. that Nickelback one
29. Rooster - You're So Right For Me
30. 2Pac ft Elton John - Ghetto Gospel

― Sororah T Massacre (blueski), Monday, 21 November 2005 11:21 (nineteen years ago)

31. Pussycat Dolls - Don't Cha
32. 50 Cent - Candy Shop

― naus (Robert T), Monday, 21 November 2005 11:35 (nineteen years ago)

actually, U2 might win this, purely by dint of having released SO MANY awful tunes this year...

― CharlieNo4 (Charlie), Monday, 21 November 2005 11:44 (nineteen years ago)

15. Weezer - Beverley Hills

this is their best song.

― Theorry Henry (Enrique), Monday, 21 November 2005 11:55 (nineteen years ago)

33. The Killers - All These Things I've Done

Wins for 'Worst Lyric of the Year'

― naus (Robert T), Monday, 21 November 2005 11:58 (nineteen years ago)

i think it's either of the oasis singles or 'ghetto gospel' for me. and westlife.

― Theorry Henry (Enrique), Monday, 21 November 2005 12:00 (nineteen years ago)

x post

You are forgetting "The Fucking Bike Song". That's a fact. It's a thing you can't deny. The lyric is so bad my toes have not uncurled since I first heard it. This hurts.

― THIS IS THE SOUND OF ALTERN 8 !!! (noodle vague), Monday, 21 November 2005 12:01 (nineteen years ago)

Is that the one that goes:

There are twelve trillion bikes in Beijing,
That's the Truth,
It's something you can't deny,
Like our love

????

If so, then yes, that is my pick for werst single (closely followed by Pussyscat Trolls)

― Chewshabadoo (Chewshabadoo), Monday, 21 November 2005 12:17 (nineteen years ago)

*explodes*

that fucking melua song...aaaaaargh! makes dido's "insights" sound like Nietzsche.

― CharlieNo4 (Charlie), Monday, 21 November 2005 12:20 (nineteen years ago)

'trillion' would make it better (i.e. sounds like a bicycle bell). but it's 'million'

― mark grout (mark grout), Monday, 21 November 2005 12:20 (nineteen years ago)

Blunt, by a 2nd home in the country mile.

― Hairy Asshurt (Toaster), Monday, 21 November 2005 13:53 (nineteen years ago)

melua
blunt
powter
coldplay (thankfully kept off no.1 by crrrrrazy frog)

― dumdum, Monday, 21 November 2005 14:42 (nineteen years ago)

Depressingly, the Westlife single, despite being a version of a song by Daniel O'Donnell and/or Brian Kennedy, isn't any worse than their other nadirs, just equally so.

No, my vote is currently for Bob Sinclar's 'Love Generation'. He's the Jack Johnson you can dance to!

― William Bloody Swygart (mrswygart), Monday, 21 November 2005 15:06 (nineteen years ago)

Actually, no, I've just remembered - Bedouin Soundclash. Pure bottled nausea.

― William Bloody Swygart (mrswygart), Monday, 21 November 2005 15:24 (nineteen years ago)

My Chemical Romance - "I'm Not Okay"

Plus that Darkness ticket to hell song, everything by Green Day, "My Humps", and Coldplay's and James Blunt's last ones.

― Pvt. Dave Goes To Far (scarlet), Monday, 21 November 2005 19:23 (nineteen years ago)

S'gotta be "Nine Million Bicycles". Not even the combined efforts of Jack Johnson, Goldie Lookin' Chain, and the Test Icicles could reach this nadir.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Monday, 21 November 2005 20:10 (nineteen years ago)

is there some kind of secret way that certain threads are coded "BRITISH REPLIES ONLY PLEASE"?

― Al (sitcom), Monday, 21 November 2005 20:20 (nineteen years ago)

"Beverly Hills" simply due to the unconsensual overexposure I've experienced over the past year.

― Thermo Thinwall (Thermo Thinwall), Monday, 21 November 2005 20:51 (nineteen years ago)

i heart Beverly Hills, though i hate myself for it (and using the phrase "i heart")

i'll say "Just A Little Bit", which makes me depressed because i really liked several tracks off the new 50 - "Get In My Car", "This Is 50", "Piggy Bank" et al.

also can we kill Destiny's Child - "Girl" and THAT FUCKING VIDEO ARRGH WHAT HAPPENED TO THEM???

― yuengling participle (rotten03), Monday, 21 November 2005 21:28 (nineteen years ago)

I forgot I heard Eminem's "farewell" single yesterday and it was clunkingly, embarrassingly AWFUL. Every track he does about his kid is shit, isn't it?

― THIS IS THE SOUND OF ALTERN 8 !!! (noodle vague), Monday, 21 November 2005 21:37 (nineteen years ago)

Uh, dude, have you guys heard the R&B cover of "More Than Words"? Wins in a landslide, and I really like the original. It's painful to hear.

― Eppy (Eppy), Monday, 21 November 2005 22:28 (nineteen years ago)

that's by Frankie J, btw

― Al (sitcom), Monday, 21 November 2005 22:39 (nineteen years ago)

My Humps with Axel F right behind it.

― Candicissima (candicissima), Monday, 21 November 2005 22:57 (nineteen years ago)

lady lumps sound like cancer.

i'm sure someone's already made that observation but i've been avoiding the "my humps" thread.

― deej.. (deej..), Monday, 21 November 2005 23:04 (nineteen years ago)

Obviously, that Katie Melua bicycle thing. Also James Blunt.

To add a couple of new answers to the thread, "Hospital Food" by David Gray (I thought he had fucked off to obscurity, but apparently not), "Crazy Chick" by Charlotte Church, and some godawful thing I heard on the radio the other day by someone called John Prine which make me want to drive my car into a wall.

― ailsa (ailsa), Monday, 21 November 2005 23:22 (nineteen years ago)

Crazy frog by miles.. Think it's still in the top ten here. Everything else mentioned is bad but easier to avoid.

― Bn1 (Bn1), Tuesday, 22 November 2005 00:35 (nineteen years ago)

AMERICANS: JUST ACCEPT THAT YOUR COUNTRY HAS NOT PRODUCED ANYTHING AS BAD AS KATIE MELUA'S PHILOSOPHICAL RAMBLINGS ABOUT THE TRAFFIC HABITS OF OUR ORIENTAL BRERS, AND STOP POSTING TO THIS THREAD.

kthx

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Tuesday, 22 November 2005 00:56 (nineteen years ago)

For the benefit of our American viewers, Miss Katie Melua performs 'Nine Million Bicycles'

― William Bloody Swygart (mrswygart), Tuesday, 22 November 2005 04:12 (nineteen years ago)

I'm a music editor. Wooooooooo. I'm a music editor. Wooooooo.

I had the Lingonberry breakfast at Ikea, woooooo. My taste is better woooo

― hydrallus (hydraulis2), Tuesday, 22 November 2005 04:17 (nineteen years ago)

For the benefit of our American viewers, Miss Katie Melua performs 'Nine Million Bicycles'

How can you think this even comes close to "My Humps"?

― Edward Bax (EdBax), Tuesday, 22 November 2005 04:42 (nineteen years ago)

Well, "My Lumps" is fun. "Twelve Poxy Bikes" is trite.

― Chewshabadoo (Chewshabadoo), Tuesday, 22 November 2005 12:56 (nineteen years ago)

'my humps' is the BEPs' best song.

― Theorry Henry (Enrique), Tuesday, 22 November 2005 12:59 (nineteen years ago)

You spelt "shite" wrong, Chew.

― THIS IS THE SOUND OF ALTERN 8 !!! (noodle vague), Tuesday, 22 November 2005 13:00 (nineteen years ago)

1. Simple Plan, "Untitled (How Can This Happen to Me)"
2. Akon, "I'm Meester Lonely"
3. Natalie, "Goin' Crazy"
4. Eminem, "Ass Like That"
5. DHT, "Listen to Your Heart"
6. Leo Kottke, "Sweet Emotion"
7. Fiddy, "Magic Candy Stick Shop"
8. Nickelback, "Photograph"
9. Dem Franchise Boyz, "I Think They Like Me"
10. Lifehouse, "You and Me"

― Joseph McCombs (Joseph McCombs), Tuesday, 22 November 2005 17:30 (nineteen years ago)

"Going Crazy" is fabulous and "You and Me" and "Listen to Your Heart" are both at least OK-ish. On point with the rest, though.

― The Good Dr. Bill (The Good Dr. Bill), Tuesday, 22 November 2005 17:32 (nineteen years ago)

oh god i forgot Simple Plan. (if only i could, in a larger and more comprehensive sense.)

― yuengling participle (rotten03), Tuesday, 22 November 2005 21:50 (nineteen years ago)

Yeah, if there's one band that I'd like Eternal Sunshine 'ed from my brain, it would be them.

― Tantrum The Cat (Tantrum The Cat), Tuesday, 22 November 2005 22:33 (nineteen years ago)

One more vote for that Powter guy.

― The Vintner's Lipogram (OleM), Wednesday, 23 November 2005 10:45 (nineteen years ago)

It's the bicycles innit.

― Tom (Groke), Wednesday, 23 November 2005 11:17 (nineteen years ago)

Westlife

Yes, it's no worse than all their other singles. But I'm still gobsmacked by its steal from the Londonderry Air ("Danny Boy") and by implication the blatant attempt to appeal to Oirish sentiment.

― zebedee (zebedee), Wednesday, 23 November 2005 12:02 (nineteen years ago)

Hands off the Weezer and the Bodyrockers song, but I second the others in the thread.

― zeus (zeus), Wednesday, 23 November 2005 12:05 (nineteen years ago)

ooh ooh that awful Audio Bullys Bang Bang piece of crap

― Jeff W (zebedee), Wednesday, 23 November 2005 12:22 (nineteen years ago)

The bikes are bad but Melua is still better than Cullum, this is undeniable FACT.

neither, however, are as painful as rhyming slang blunt.

― The Lex (The Lex), Wednesday, 23 November 2005 15:02 (nineteen years ago)

Oh yeah, Bang Bang could be a contender for the no. 1 spot here, terrible shit.

― zeus (zeus), Wednesday, 23 November 2005 15:29 (nineteen years ago)

If we're talking about dreadful lyrics Melua's bicycles is a contender for the tritest lyrics of the year award, ditto James Blunt (does that bloke write his songs using a rhyming dictionary? I eagerly await his next single "The rain in spain falls mainly on the plain").
The Pussycat Dolls and Black Eyed Peas 'My Humps' have to be neck and neck for the crassest lyrics (unless we see a late chart entry for 'Spreading your camel lips for my one eyed monster' - Maybe it could work as a ballad for Akon).
As for Fiddy Cent, I just find his enormous success inexplicable, his lyrics are as unimaginative and dull as they are boorish. The fact that he chooses to deliver them in a semi-conscious drone is the crowning turd on the sundae.

― Folly Dolly, Wednesday, 23 November 2005 15:50 (nineteen years ago)

Dave Matthews Band - Dreamgirl
Goo Goo Dolls - Better Days
Jessica Simpson ft. Willie Nelson - These Boots Were Made For Walkin'

― jaymc (jaymc), Wednesday, 23 November 2005 16:37 (nineteen years ago)

ooh ooh that awful Audio Bullys Bang Bang piece of crap

Oh Jeffrey, you bastard... It's a contender.

― William Bloody Swygart (mrswygart), Thursday, 24 November 2005 00:08 (nineteen years ago)

Madonna - Hung Up

(in addition to those already spoken for)

― fandango (fandango), Saturday, 26 November 2005 23:51 (nineteen years ago)

GOLD DIGGER!

― mucho, Sunday, 27 November 2005 00:19 (nineteen years ago)

1. robot rock - daft punk
2. don't phunk with my heart - black eyed peas
3. candy shop - 50 cent
4. speed of sound - coldplay
5. soldier - destiny's child

― mike t-diva (mike t-diva), Sunday, 27 November 2005 00:29 (nineteen years ago)

two months pass...

Crazy Frog - Axel F. (Irritating).

Destiny's Child - Cater To U. (How could they go from 'Independent Women' to this bullsheeyite?!)

Rooster - Staring At The Sun. (Not only does the title rip off U2, but the song sounds sooooo much like a third-rate rip-off of Powderfinger. 'Come Get Some' was tolerable, but not this).

Katie Melua - Nine Million Bicycles. (For reasons mentioned above).

― GLC, Friday, 17 February 2006 05:43 (nineteen years ago)

My mother has just started downloading music to her new computer. I spent a few days with my dad and he had to say "Your mother keeps playing that song about the bicycles in China. It's awful. How can I delete it?".

― fuckface bunnykins (edwardo), Friday, 17 February 2006 05:49 (nineteen years ago)

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