A Rap-Disliking Douchebag

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Maybe this is just unnecessary antagonization. But I can't fight the feeling that writing like this should be stopped. It's not even the fact that this dude doesn't listen to rap. What does he add to any discussion of the year in music that isn't covered by a year-end list. This guy and his editor: full-strength douchebags!!

"I Am An Asshole Who Doesn't Like Rap Music"

The Year I Didn't Discover Rap
by Alan Baban

I’ve been spurred on by various acquaintances, who, after years of enduring my “‘holier-than-thou’ indie rock posturing” (aka one frickin’ mixtape) and having discovered a relatively meager point of musical vulnerability, conspired to plug in their light guns and shoot me down quicker than you can say "Clap Your Hands Say Backlash Yeah."

So, I don’t listen to that much rap. Okay, I don’t really listen to any rap, but that Cadence Weapon album a couple of weeks back kept me from indulging in a Destroyer itch for a couple of hours. My friends keep on reminding me what I’m missing, but for every reference to an affable lyric (“I’m not a businessman / I’m a business, man” sticks), the same douche recounts to me some stale backstory. Just this last month, I’ve heard some this one about Cam’Ron contorting his being a victim of gun crime into a spiked act of self-promotion at least five times. But even with all this extraneous critic-speak junk, I’d hate feeling that my only solid exposure to rap has been an ill-fated stint as a young Marshall Mathers fan and The Blueprint. I came to the conclusion, amid the non-frenzy that predictably precedes the final minutes of each year that 2005 would be the year I would "discover rap." As with most New Year’s Resolutions, the idealism got lobotomized, and I was left with the gradually less palatable substituents of "2005 is the year I will discover rap starting tomorrow," "2005 is the year I might discover rap starting next week," and, finally, "2005 is the year I will decide whether I want to discover rap next year."

So, what was the problem? Well, I never anticipated 2005 to actually yield this many resoundingly great records. Between the New Pornographers, Sufjan, Sleater-Kinney, Malkmus and Wolf Parade you had an indie rock banquet. Did I mention Bloc Party? Amazing. How could I expect myself to "discover rap" when I had yet to fully suss out the fluctuating subtleties of a treasure trove of my favourite acts? And who the hell expected Face the Truth to be, well, good? 2005, for me at least, held an embarrassing abundance of surprises, the greatest and, yes, most infamous blindside being CYHSY. But what about Ryan Adams turning in one and half albums only marginally less impressive than Heartbreaker? And that damn Kelly Clarkson song that made me want to listen past the first 20 seconds? Her fault, not mine.

But if anything hindered my attempts to bring rap into the fold this year, then it was Spoon. They nailed it. What always gets me is how intrinsically perfect those eleven songs must have been before being fed into the Eno’s meatgrinder and skewered up into some tasty morsels, with just about the right amount of rubber to chew the fat with. For a record entrenched in studio wizardry, Gimme Fiction still sounds inspired and exciting, the way the George Harrison-esque frayed bizarro asides on "The Beast and the Dragon, Adored" eventually give in to the chopped clap’n’board, every unruly additive exterminated, reveals a band as much in love with the development of its craft as its song writing.

If next year is anything like 2005, then I might just have to give up on rap once and for all, unless we get some weird Chuck D / Iron & Wine collaborations. The thing is, I love indie rock, even if the indie rock that gets bandied about these days as "indie rock," isn’t particularly independent, nor does it petulantly anchor itself to rock’s medulla as if our cerebral hemispheres were nothing more than bruised crash helmets. The way Alec Ounsworth’s voice languishes rhythmically around his final incantation of “child stars” or the colossal weight of Brownstein’s guitar around the 2 minute mark of "Rollercoaster" – this is not such fuel for clinical exercises in critical parsing, this is, first and foremost, liberating music, and not some candy floss metronome jig for my feet. Every year will have its fair share of new order Franzalikes and assorted trailblazers, but 2005 seemed to be a year of unprecedented fruition if you sifted long enough through the corporate quagmire. It also kept Natalie Portman’s effusive “this band will change your life,” surely the stuff of nightmares, out of your head long enough to say "I’m vibin’ wit’ this." Ok, I’m sorry, that was pretty lame.

― regular roundups (Dave M), Tuesday, 27 December 2005 06:06 (twenty years ago)

Yes, Alan, it truly was.

― regular roundups (Dave M), Tuesday, 27 December 2005 06:12 (twenty years ago)

at least he's honest.

― Eisbär (llamasfur), Tuesday, 27 December 2005 06:20 (twenty years ago)

and PEEEEEEEEE-YUUUUUUUUUUU does his taste in indie STIIIIIINK!!

― Eisbär (llamasfur), Tuesday, 27 December 2005 06:21 (twenty years ago)

I wish the internet would finally eat its own asshole and die already.

― Whiney G. Weingarten (whineyg), Tuesday, 27 December 2005 06:32 (twenty years ago)

the worst sentence ever written, ladies and gentlemen:

But if anything hindered my attempts to bring rap into the fold this year, then it was Spoon. They nailed it.

― gear (gear), Tuesday, 27 December 2005 06:32 (twenty years ago)

here's your guy:

http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendID=26665884

― gear (gear), Tuesday, 27 December 2005 06:34 (twenty years ago)

Well, he has the writing chops and underdeveloped opinions of any other 17-year-old I've met, so I certainly can't make fun of the guy.

But this "everyone's a music writer" shit makes "everyone's a DJ" seem like a swell idea.

― Whiney G. Weingarten (whineyg), Tuesday, 27 December 2005 06:41 (twenty years ago)

Holy shit! His myspace page is just... wow! I wish I could point this kind of thing out to my 18/19 year old self to get rid of the anxieties about agreeing with so-called music "authorities" on matters of taste much much sooner.

― regular roundups (Dave M), Tuesday, 27 December 2005 06:56 (twenty years ago)

The only thing I'll say to play devil's advocate is that I didn't think 2005 was a very strong year for rap.

But this guy blows.

― Abbadavid Berman (Hurting), Tuesday, 27 December 2005 06:57 (twenty years ago)

Haha!! Hurting, I can count on you for support. Agreed about 2005, from what I heard at least. Still, it's not like he only has to listen to '05 rap, I barely did. In fact, I would call this the year I "discovered" rap, and new stuff was definitely in the minority. I had too much catching up to do, between Biggie and Rakim and the entire Wu-Tang Clan.

― regular roundups (Dave M), Tuesday, 27 December 2005 07:02 (twenty years ago)

conspired to plug in their light guns and shoot me down quicker than you can say "Clap Your Hands Say Backlash Yeah."

PLEASE SIR, MAKE THE LAUGHING STOP

― NoTimeBeforeTime (Barry Bruner), Tuesday, 27 December 2005 07:05 (twenty years ago)

What's even weirder about that line is why not just "Clap Your Hands Say Backlash"? The "Backlash Yeah" doesn't even make sense.

― Abbadavid Berman (Hurting), Tuesday, 27 December 2005 07:07 (twenty years ago)

Yeugh -- picking apart C- blog writing at 2am on a work night is really scraping the bottom.

― Abbadavid Berman (Hurting), Tuesday, 27 December 2005 07:07 (twenty years ago)

Anyone who refers to indie's "eat its young" proclivity in the first line of an article should just be shot. The backlash -- thar she blows! Fuck.

Yeugh -- picking apart C- blog writing at 2am on a work night is really scraping the bottom.

I was reviewing some literature for work a few minutes ago and I needed to vent :)

― NoTimeBeforeTime (Barry Bruner), Tuesday, 27 December 2005 07:10 (twenty years ago)

Don't sweat it, that was more a shot at myself than at you.

― Abbadavid Berman (Hurting), Tuesday, 27 December 2005 07:14 (twenty years ago)

That's exactly how I interpreted your comment, but the OTM'ness of it made me question what I was doing on this thread too.

― NoTimeBeforeTime (Barry Bruner), Tuesday, 27 December 2005 07:30 (twenty years ago)

Wait! Don't lose the faith! This is work that needs to be done! Remember, we're not the pathetic ones. Right?

― regular roundups (Dave M), Tuesday, 27 December 2005 07:44 (twenty years ago)

SingingSaw has 2 friends.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Tuesday, 27 December 2005 11:25 (twenty years ago)

They're Tom and The Breeders.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Tuesday, 27 December 2005 11:31 (twenty years ago)

No, no - everyone on ILM needs to read this thread.

But this "everyone's a music writer" shit makes "everyone's a DJ" seem like a swell idea.

-- Whiney G. Weingarten (christopher...), December 27th, 2005.

LOL, OTM, etc.

Dr. Frankenstein- we've found the monster.

Etc.

― jsoulja (jsoulja), Tuesday, 27 December 2005 11:32 (twenty years ago)

Been listening to rap for longer than this guy's been alive. And even if I hadn't been, who cares what he thinks? Although Spoon did make a pretty good record.

― Austin Still (Austin, Still), Tuesday, 27 December 2005 11:34 (twenty years ago)

i hope this guy dies!

― tommy, Tuesday, 27 December 2005 11:38 (twenty years ago)

i don't understand this at all. why would an indie guy feel compelled to write about rap on any level? or defend the fact that they're not into it? how many rap fan's are writing guiltily about the fact that they "just can't get into indie", it's baffling.

― jed_ (jed), Tuesday, 27 December 2005 11:55 (twenty years ago)

And what about folks like me who go the whole year without listening to new rap or new indie rock?

― pdf (Phil Freeman), Tuesday, 27 December 2005 13:33 (twenty years ago)

I don't think this guy should "die" (XPOST) for being an idiot. He should simply be ignored.

50 Cent should die, though. Right now. Please.

(This not being a comment on hip-hop in a larger sense- I'm just talking about 50 Cent.)

― jsoulja (jsoulja), Tuesday, 27 December 2005 13:42 (twenty years ago)

please can we make the barrel a little smaller I am afraid I won't be able to hit the fish

― Mr Straight Toxic (ghostface), Tuesday, 27 December 2005 14:12 (twenty years ago)

The big fish is ruining the pond for all the little fish....

― jsoulja (jsoulja), Tuesday, 27 December 2005 14:42 (twenty years ago)

I don't get it

― Mr Straight Toxic (ghostface), Tuesday, 27 December 2005 15:53 (twenty years ago)

oh wait now I do! I wasnae talkin' about 50 Cent, I was referring to the thread's original target

― Mr Straight Toxic (ghostface), Tuesday, 27 December 2005 15:53 (twenty years ago)

oh. yeah I'm not really paying any attention to that guy. I'm more interested in discussing issues like quality control, in both hip-hop and music crit blogs....

― jsoulja (jsoulja), Tuesday, 27 December 2005 16:16 (twenty years ago)

Hold on...I recognise this guy...likes indie music...wears glasses...trying to write a novel...likes Annie Hall - holy shit - it's me 25 years ago. I wouldn't call me an asshole then - I was pompous and pretentious though - and if I had access to the internet (instead of just the school magazine) I would probably have written this kind of thing. It ain't so bad.

I think the weird thing is why he seems bothered. You don't like rap? Why should you? You don't have to like everything. I .m not keen on operetta. Having said that the Dangerdoom album is one of my favourites of the year. I wonder if he heard that?

― Ned T.Rifle (nedtrifle), Tuesday, 27 December 2005 16:19 (twenty years ago)

these threads always make more sympathetic to the target of abuse than towards the clowns on parade.

― keith m (keithmcl), Tuesday, 27 December 2005 16:46 (twenty years ago)

oh. yeah I'm not really paying any attention to that guy. I'm more interested in discussing issues like quality control, in both hip-hop and music crit blogs....

I'm always baffled by the blogs/sites that rise to the top.

The music sites and blogs that people talk about the most (esp. on ilx) don't have the best writing or best opinions.

They either:
a) Have been around the longest
b) Are run by people who have the time/initiative to update them every day.

As bad as you think Rolling Stone and Spin are, at least they have some of the best music writers on the planet. They don't pick their staff by who can write the most reviews in a day.

I've heard people talk about CokeMachineGlow. And the writing on there is sub-zine. Why aren't people talking about Keith Hariss's blog? Or MelissaMaerz? Or [insert any other quality magazine writer with, cleary, better things to do than write for free all day]?

― Whiney G. Weingarten (whineyg), Tuesday, 27 December 2005 16:56 (twenty years ago)

the most pernicious aspect of the blog thing has been people feeling like they have to share their opinion about music they don't really care one whit about. i don't care about your illinformed opinions about a whole genre you discovered yesterday, holmes. (it's times like this i am glad no one in the "blogosphere" gives a flying fuck about dnb.)

― u saved me (dubplatestyle), Tuesday, 27 December 2005 17:00 (twenty years ago)

Fish in the barrel comments OTM, and I'm sorry for being the instigator of that. As has been said, though, this isn't all about this kid. It is about the quality issue and proliferation of a ridiculous amount of opinions on the internet. Jess, you like DMB? Just kidding.

― regular roundups (Dave M), Tuesday, 27 December 2005 17:34 (twenty years ago)

I'm sorry guys, I know it was a great year for bluegrass, but I'm too busy listening to tejano right now.

― mike h. (mike h.), Tuesday, 27 December 2005 17:57 (twenty years ago)

Ha ha ha!

― regular roundups (Dave M), Tuesday, 27 December 2005 18:36 (twenty years ago)

Did I mention Bloc Party? Amazing.

ROFFLE

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Tuesday, 27 December 2005 18:40 (twenty years ago)

Dude, he's 17.

The question isn't "Why are his opinions bad?" It's "Why are his opinions suddenly valid?"

― Whiney G. Weingarten (whineyg), Tuesday, 27 December 2005 18:41 (twenty years ago)

I'd like to shoot this rap-hating scumbag in the genitals, then forcefeed the entire Ghostface catalog down his racist, rockist throat. The fucker.

― The King of Flop Threads, Tuesday, 27 December 2005 19:13 (twenty years ago)

Seems about as bad as any music writing I've ever read.

― Desperate Assbitches, Tuesday, 27 December 2005 19:21 (twenty years ago)

http://www.heathenangel.co.uk/d12howcome.html

― $#@!!, Tuesday, 27 December 2005 19:23 (twenty years ago)

It's not that he hates rap, it's just that indie rock is SO BLINDINGLY AWESOME OMG PINNACLE OF ALL CREATIVE ENDEAVOURS AND POSSIBILITIES IN MUSIC.

You seriously expect The WU to compare to The BLOC? Why even compare?

It certainly proves that internet access doesn't automatically broaden young peoples horizons after all :/

― Merry Christmas (fandango), Tuesday, 27 December 2005 19:27 (twenty years ago)

Razorlight follow up previous hit single “Stumble and Fall” with this upbeat slice of guitar led pop as a precursor to forthcoming album “Up All Night”. Although it’s an absolutely fantastic tune to dance to and there’s some great harmonising on it, I can’t help feeling that it’s not the best song to advertise their album with. You constantly expect it to speed up and really get going but it never does. Plus it doesn’t even begin to compare with their previous offerings. However, if the audience at their recent Leeds gig is anything to judge by, I doubt it’s really going to matter, it’s going to sell by the bucket load anyway!

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Tuesday, 27 December 2005 19:29 (twenty years ago)

Man, there was me missing The Vibe, and someone has managed to encapsulate its spirit perfectly in webzine form!

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Tuesday, 27 December 2005 19:29 (twenty years ago)

"I Am An Asshole..."

2005: The Year I Didn't Discover There Are More Genres In Existence Apart From The Rap/Rock/Dance Axis Than Time To Even Be Able To Listen To Them All.

[write some bullshit in this space later about the advantages of not ever looking beyond your nose, bookmarked weblogs or immediate class/race/cultural boundaries]

― Merry Christmas (fandango), Tuesday, 27 December 2005 19:42 (twenty years ago)

To be fair, I know lots of douchebags with great taste in music.

― Huk-L (Huk-L), Tuesday, 27 December 2005 19:47 (twenty years ago)

the most pernicious aspect of the blog thing has been people feeling like they have to share their opinion about music they don't really care one whit about.

blog thing -> ILM (or at the very least, every thread about Arcade Fire and MIA)

― NoTimeBeforeTime (Barry Bruner), Tuesday, 27 December 2005 20:14 (twenty years ago)

i didn't realize this guy was 17. now this thread feels a bit mean and icky.

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Tuesday, 27 December 2005 20:21 (twenty years ago)

Skipping 88 messages at this point... Click here if you want to load them all.

"Indie guilt" is the prevalence of excuses in the indie music scene that seems to appear whenever other music is mentioned. I can't think of any other music-listening group that is so introspective about what they're not listening to. It's the guilt that causes writers to draw weird comparisons between pop hooks and supposedly transcendent qualities of music to explain why they like some Britney single. It's the occasional fear that indie is some sort of "alternative" or a farm league for the big labels -- and there's something wrong with it. And, fleetingly, it's somehow tied into the "scene cred" crap that I hear thrown around, although I have no clue how since I likely have none.

Someone else can likely define this better, and I hope they try.

― mike h. (mike h.), Thursday, 29 December 2005 16:50 (twenty years ago)

Indie Guilt: C/D

― jaymc (jaymc), Thursday, 29 December 2005 16:55 (twenty years ago)

I can't think of any other music-listening group that is so introspective about what they're not listening to.

haha try reading ilm

― Mr Straight Toxic (ghostface), Thursday, 29 December 2005 17:15 (twenty years ago)

bunch of music critic-wannabes we are, though

― mike h. (mike h.), Thursday, 29 December 2005 17:16 (twenty years ago)

you all need new hobbies.

― u saved me (dubplatestyle), Thursday, 29 December 2005 17:17 (twenty years ago)

But I live for stamp collecting. YOU CAN'T TAKE THAT AWAY FROM ME.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 29 December 2005 17:19 (twenty years ago)

when did ILM get taken over by MORONS?

― u saved me (dubplatestyle), Thursday, 29 December 2005 17:19 (twenty years ago)

http://www.staticmultimedia.org/

― GET EQUIPPED WITH BUBBLE LEAD (ex machina), Thursday, 29 December 2005 17:20 (twenty years ago)

there are still 2 days until everyone makes good on their resolution to QUIT ILX FOREVER.

― jed_ (jed), Thursday, 29 December 2005 17:21 (twenty years ago)

when did ILM get taken over by MORONS?

-- u saved me (wt...), Today. (tracklink) (later)

*Yawn!*

― regular roundups (Dave M), Thursday, 29 December 2005 17:23 (twenty years ago)

*Yawn!*

-- regular roundups (daphima@g(amma)mail.com), December 29th, 2005 12:23 PM. (Dave M)

pffft

(c - . -) zZzzZZzzzzZz

― DR. O. RLY? (eman), Thursday, 29 December 2005 17:30 (twenty years ago)

― Yawn (Wintermute), Thursday, 29 December 2005 17:31 (twenty years ago)

you all need new hobbies.
-- u saved me (wt...), December 29th, 2005. (later)

says the guy who seems to have actually read, and for all I know participated in,

when did ILM get taken over by MORONS?
-- u saved me (wt...), December 29th, 2005. (tracklink) (later)

― Mr Straight Toxic (ghostface), Thursday, 29 December 2005 17:35 (twenty years ago)

^____^ - xpost

― DR. O. RLY? (eman), Thursday, 29 December 2005 17:36 (twenty years ago)

let's not fight, john. it's the holidays.

― u saved me (dubplatestyle), Thursday, 29 December 2005 17:36 (twenty years ago)

haha jess I was just pokin you in the ribs man

― Mr Straight Toxic (ghostface), Thursday, 29 December 2005 17:37 (twenty years ago)


/:=0-=
   /

xxpost

― Yawn (Wintermute), Thursday, 29 December 2005 17:39 (twenty years ago)

i do think the title of the next mountain goats album should be a rap-disliking douchebag, however.

― u saved me (dubplatestyle), Thursday, 29 December 2005 17:39 (twenty years ago)

";-)"

― u saved me (dubplatestyle), Thursday, 29 December 2005 17:39 (twenty years ago)

is that the title of the first song?

― s1ocki (slutsky), Thursday, 29 December 2005 17:41 (twenty years ago)

also known by fans as "the smiley suite"

― s1ocki (slutsky), Thursday, 29 December 2005 17:41 (twenty years ago)

it's john's kiss-off to his fanbase.

― u saved me (dubplatestyle), Thursday, 29 December 2005 17:41 (twenty years ago)

Uh...

Thanks Jess or whoever for killing this thread. Sorry we're not all as bored with ILM as you are. I know rule #1 is not to take things here too seriously, but I have a hard time seeing the difference between trolls and the "old" ILM-ers who shit on threads like this because they themselves have already heard/been through this argument and think everyone should be where they are with the whole thing. It's like a senile grandfather who's a total prick to his grandkids and makes them listen to his asinine ramblings because even after all his experience he's still somehow deeply unhappy with himself. The fact that those of you I'm talking to will like that description just makes it worse.

― regular roundups (Dave M), Thursday, 29 December 2005 17:43 (twenty years ago)

hahaha!

― s1ocki (slutsky), Thursday, 29 December 2005 17:44 (twenty years ago)

no one is shutting down yr ability to make obvious observations, duder.

― u saved me (dubplatestyle), Thursday, 29 December 2005 17:44 (twenty years ago)

my delete finger weighs a ton.

― u saved me (dubplatestyle), Thursday, 29 December 2005 17:45 (twenty years ago)

Oh yeah, I forgot! The South Korrean hip hop group Drunken Tiger is sorta decent.

― Cliftonb, Thursday, 29 December 2005 17:48 (twenty years ago)

c/mon you started this thread to zing pn some dipshit teenager

"seriously"

― mr nu ilm (lovebug starski), Thursday, 29 December 2005 17:48 (twenty years ago)

A Rap-Disliking Douchebag

1. Alpha Tired Of Guys Who Say Bitch At Least Once Per Song
2. Going Someplace Quiet
3. Quis Custodiet Custodies Ipsos
4. I Probably Misremembered That Latin, My Bad Yo
5. Hast Thou Considered The Merch Table
6. Still Tippin'
7. Long Spoken Word Polemic About The Sorry State Of The Discourse Around Rap
8. Skit: Sound of Toilet Flushing
9. Long Spoken Word Bet-Hedging Polemic About How the Rock Discourse Is Little Better
10-13. Beehoven, Symphony No. 5

― Mr Straight Toxic (ghostface), Thursday, 29 December 2005 17:50 (twenty years ago)

also available on cassette

― Mr Straight Toxic (ghostface), Thursday, 29 December 2005 17:51 (twenty years ago)

< 3 < 3 < 3 < 3 < 3 < 3 < 3 < 3 < 3 < 3 < 3

― u saved me (dubplatestyle), Thursday, 29 December 2005 17:51 (twenty years ago)

Yeah, okay.

― regular roundups (Dave M), Thursday, 29 December 2005 17:57 (twenty years ago)

Is he really seventeen? Well, a big part of music writing is trying to work out why you like what you like, so give him credit for getting the 'indie guilt' thing out of his system at an age when you should be getting it out of your system (as opposed to mid-to-late twenties, when you really ought to have a better sense of self). He probably just didn't grow up listening to r+b / hip-hop, so at his age, it's harder to just suddenly pick it up. Unlike some others he makes no claims to objectivity, he's just trying to work out where he's coming from. Big whoop.

― patrick bateman (mickeygraft), Thursday, 29 December 2005 18:15 (twenty years ago)

But why does he have to do it in public?

― regular roundups (Dave M), Thursday, 29 December 2005 21:19 (twenty years ago)

xxpost Geir, I'm really intrigued by your classification of Coldplay/Keane as outside of the genre "trifecta." Initially, I would not have considered either of them to be as such. I would probably have considered them both to be examples of "pop," exceptions to a couple of the qualifications I laid out earlier. But I think you might be right. Hmm...

Depends on your definition of pop. If you share my genre definition (which is based on certain musical elements rather than popularity), then Coldplay and Keane are way more pop than Britney Spears is. :)

(At least Keane I would classify as pure classic melodic pop, whereas Coldplay do have some rock/indie elements in addition)

― Geir Hongro (GeirHong), Thursday, 29 December 2005 23:55 (twenty years ago)

I suddenly have a vision of the subject of this thread coming here and meeting Geir.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 29 December 2005 23:56 (twenty years ago)

"Dad!"

― gypsy mothra (gypsy mothra), Friday, 30 December 2005 00:00 (twenty years ago)

Ha ha ha, I like it.

― regular roundups (Dave M), Friday, 30 December 2005 00:48 (twenty years ago)

"Gayer Dad" ?

― blunt (blunt), Friday, 30 December 2005 01:03 (twenty years ago)

Tom, take a good look at the links at right of your article. More than half are Pitchfork staffers and superfans like Stylus and Chris Nelson. Who let you all into the Village Voice? I find myself asking, "Could this once-relevant bastion of literate music criticism matter less in 2005/6?" It's a shocking and disheartening thing, seeing scenester flakes play with its reputation, writing about the reaction to Pitchforkmedia.com's ridiculous "Top 50."

It may pain you to consider it, but the fact is many literate people consider bullsh*t like Clipse to be embarrassing and false. And while they may not be expressing this in terms florid enough for your approval, the dope, guns and f***ing in the streets arm of hip-hop reeks of the worst unsubstantiated bravado and meaningless "rebel" cool, things only a thirteen year-old could find intimidating or impressive.

[And Tom, what are even saying in that penultimate paragraph? "If you don't have anything overeducated to say, don't say anything at all?" You don't have to take "simple" criticism seriously? Wake up from the liberal-arts dream, dude. This is New York City. And your list sucks.]

That you and your gaggle of well-fed pals are so incapable of calling a duck a duck is only evidence of a sad, totally unexamined (and frankly racist) effort to prop up laughable hip-hop loudmouths as poets, to transitively transcend your sheltered insecurity by basking in their (completely phony) overconfidence and "hard" image. Cocaine! Holy s***!

You can't king-make a jester like Jeezy. Yours and so many of your peers' fantasies of and condescension toward nonsense like "trap-hop" absolutely jumps from the page. And apparently you don't even know it, can't see it, and will continue to make fools of yourselves, a la Nick Sylvester's increasingly-used and outrageously racist Amos n' Andy voice (see Pitchfork singles list entry #16).

Posted by: Chris Ott at December 29, 2005 10:36 AM

― jaymc (jaymc), Friday, 30 December 2005 21:19 (twenty years ago)

ott is an imbecile obv, but that blog post is pretty embarassing

― cancer prone fat guy (dubplatestyle), Friday, 30 December 2005 21:23 (twenty years ago)

these are the treacherous waters we now navigate in the brave new world of paid blogs, i guess

― cancer prone fat guy (dubplatestyle), Friday, 30 December 2005 21:24 (twenty years ago)

There's nothing embarrassing about the content of Tom's post, but as you say, it maybe wasn't the best place for him to host his rant.

― jaymc (jaymc), Friday, 30 December 2005 21:30 (twenty years ago)

that blog post, the comments, and Ott's response = the blind shooting the blind.

― Shakey Mo Collier (Shakey Mo Collier), Friday, 30 December 2005 21:30 (twenty years ago)

oh there's plenty embarassing about the content of that post. the biggest thing being is that tom is smart enough to find both a location and a way to express his (muddled) thoughts more appropriate than the ones he chose.

― cancer prone fat guy (dubplatestyle), Friday, 30 December 2005 21:33 (twenty years ago)

its just lame that neither side seems able to engage the music on their own, individual merits - they both drag in all this non-essential baggage re: genres, racism, "indie guilt", posturing, etc. That shit does not matter. Appreciating hip-hop or indie (or more specifically popular rap vs. "undie"/backpacker stuff) is not an either/or proposition.

― Shakey Mo Collier (Shakey Mo Collier), Friday, 30 December 2005 21:50 (twenty years ago)

I learned that too late, tell you that much.

― disco violence (disco violence), Friday, 30 December 2005 22:19 (twenty years ago)

OTM Shakey.

xpost

― regular roundups (Dave M), Friday, 30 December 2005 22:20 (twenty years ago)

"you mean you like Goodfellas AND Brazil? WTF man"

― disco violence (disco violence), Friday, 30 December 2005 22:22 (twenty years ago)

Hah, this is incredibly funny! I know this guy, and I'm the one that started talking to him about the intricacies of rap, which he's never been into. I thought that perhaps by recommending some good records I'd open his mind, but he just used the 'affable' lines to write an article. Oh well.

― B, Sunday, 8 January 2006 18:56 (twenty years ago)

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