Comments in reviews most likely to put you off buying a record or going to a gig

Anything like that is so ominous, like dance comparisons to rock music. Shudder. That's what scares me even about something like the notwist, when I read the reviews I think, oh god not another wishy washy electronica with lyrics thing. But I'm probably paranoid.

The words "warm" and "funky" in the same sentence, for any music made post-1988. On their own the alarm bells still ring but it's not run away territory.

Tequila-soaked.

Acoustic.

Singer-songwriter.

Acoustic Singer-Songwriter

Camden Town.

*shudder*

and DEFINITELY "pure pop"

"Beatlesesque"

"Americana"

"Nu-"

Jurassic 5 meets Joy Division and lives long enough to see its own legacy in rock

Roy Harper meets Al Stewart does a duet and writes some more songs that entertain bored music fans

"beard"

^

"Once you've shaved your ridiculous beard off, you might enjoy the crisp and clear stylings of these newcomers."

"A great British guitar band."

"Revisits the roots of mid-'80s house."

??????????????

Any time I see the word "eclectic" or "unique," I reach for my revolver.

"I really liked a lot of these alt-country rockers' last album, and this one continues to display versatility, variety and power, with an intriguing dystopian science-fictional bent in the lyrics.”
– Ken Barnes, USA Today

"Lovely country rock harmonies and sweet pedal steel inform semi-surreal epic visions with such titles as "Carbon-Dated Love" ... and “Pale And Troubled Race.” The band has a great, smart sense of humor, but their deep concerns about both man and nature’s darker prospects are never far from the surface."

twee

"alt-"

Ann Powers -- All in the LA Times this week

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This sassy English duo makes hook-heavy, looped-up dance pop that goes down as bubbly as an energy drink, with the same effect.
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This twentysomething Swede is a favorite of critics and Perez Hilton for her self-aware, slightly strange Europop.
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Teens and twentysomethings raised by the Internet have no locks on their hearts and bedrooms. This drives baby boomers, who'd previously owned the market on narcissism, into a fitful frenzy.

Two new pop releases illustrate the benefits of well-wrought oversharing...

This effusiveness makes MMJ utterly lovable. The band overshares, not in a confessional sense, but in the way bands have since Led Zeppelin first trolled the Earth

In these settings, his philosophical musings become more grounded; they seem to come from the flesh, not just a disembodied, blissed-out mind.

On "I Know You're Married but I've Got Feelings Too," her second solo album on the Zoe/Rounder label, Wainwright dares to do what far too few artists can in today's waxed-and-Spanxed cultural climate

Wainwright's voice can be as big as a lioness' roar or as close as a kiss on the neck, and she uses it fearlessly in musical arrangements that are both pop-wise and delightfully strange.

no locks on their hearts and bedrooms

!!

Oh! Even worse, "tweegazers"

A good Xiu Xiu song is like someone vividly describing his pain. A great Xiu Xiu song is like someone actually hurting himself, right in front of you.

Via Pitchfork, naturally.

Also:

After establishing his mission in the very first line of Hissing Fauna, Are You the Destroyer?-- "We just want to emote 'til we're dead"-- Kevin Barnes tries his damndest to fulfill it on the record's 12-minute centerpiece.

Spare me, thanks.

While the band's celestial "oohs" and "ahhs" soar, the song itself is driven and underpinned by soft piano plinking, shimmering but subtle sonic accoutrements, and a booming beat that's more song-of-the-summer than inward indie.

Grizzly Bear FAIL.

Somewhere between his five-volume Christmas album (surprisingly pretty, by the way) and his conceptual work about the BQE Expressway at the Brooklyn Academy of Music (hula hoops, angel wings, and enormous projections of blow-up gorillas played key roles)

Guess who?

It's the song that sold a whole bunch of iPods, and gave "Sesame Street" a chance to learn a new way to count.

1, 2, 3, 4, oh fucking hell your song's a bore.

The quickly alternating currents of chippy disco rhythms and Bolero-style guitar make Murdoch's anxiously told tale of surreptitiously splitting the city for the sticks into a quietly garish operetta.

Operetta? Seriously?

(Unless they actually killed the geese with their amps.)

A+ answer, would LOL again.

Pfork review today:

http://pitchfork.com/reviews/albums/14668-fields

If José González hadn't come along, the global advertising industry would have invented him. A Swede of Argentine extraction with an affinity for African rhythms, González initially drew worldwide-- or at least World Wide Web-- attention when his acoustic Knife cover turned up on a San Francisco-shot commercial for a Japanese high-def TV. The clip demanded a soundtrack with warmth and genuine feeling, but also a kind of cultural open-endedness, and González's wave-lapping "Heartbeats" fit the bill so well it's hard now to imagine other options ever existed. As one of the Bravia ad's producers prosaically put it, the song "makes you feel nice."

"mostly playing material off of The Rainbow Children..."

if you ever get to see him in an improv / jazz situation dooo it. it's fucking cool when he starts playing some wacky squarepusher bass shit in that context.

There is no gif on the interweb which adequately expresses the level of DO NOT WANT contained in that sentence. ;-P

To gain entrance to Jónsi Birgisson's first, private solo performance last March, attendees needed to dress as an animal.

^^^^^^

Also, lately? The combination of the words "this young band," "dreamy shoegaze pop," "reverb" and "New Zealand."

"His son Jack is playing bass"

^^ this is actually one of the least repulsive aspects of the peter hook thing

"His son Jack is playing bass"

I love that shit! i.e.

Having never played with The Zombies in the 1960s, despite having been closely involved with them, he now plays bass with the band's reincarnation in the early years of the 21st century, with his son Steve on drums.

Refers to Jim Rodford btew

Titus Andronicus to Tour With the Pogues

File this one under: Good excuses to get so drunk that you actually start crying. Bellowing Jersey punks Titus Andronicus have announced on their website that they'll open a short U.S. tour for legendary bellowing British/Irish punks the Pogues, leading up to a St. Patrick's Day show in New York. On the Titus website, frontman Patrick Stickles writes, "I have read a lot in the papers that Titus Andronicus might very possibly get many of their ideas from the Pogues, and there is no denying a certain truth to these allegations. So yeah-- pretty fucking psyched about that!" If you have even the slightest interest in hearing a weepy fiddle on a punk song, you're not going to want to miss this one.

"Bellowing" might actually be the word that puts me off in that one.

i.e. that capsule review just heard the Pogues for the first time ever

"reviewer"

Rough Trade on Jawgar Mar - Howlin

Imagine the Chemical Brothers produced by Phil Spector at the Hacienda featuring the dead members of The Beatles and a splash of Tame Impala and you might get some idea of the sound and vision these two have.

"soundtrack to summer"

"The new album by Lamb of God..."

"rock and roll thrill ride"

"His son Jack Wolfgang is playing bass"

anything 'gauzy' or with 'paranoid drumming'

'dreamy/wide-eyed bedroom pop'

never heard "paranoid drumming" before but it does seem to be out there

Osama bin Laden is comparable to a French anarchist known as Ravachol, not a Hitler. Nor is the Muslim world marching to the beat of bin Laden's paranoid drumming. Not yet, anyway -- though, given a few more grossly inept responses like President Bush's war in Iraq, we could wind up facing Islamic terrorism on a truly terrible scale, for which we'd have no one but ourselves to blame.

'Angular' when applied to any band of the last 15 years or so

Underpinned by Josh Fauver's primal bass and Moses Archuleta's paranoid drums, the similarly bleak "Lake Somerset" is a scream-saturated

Storts points to a song such as "So Many People in the Neighborhood," which is set to a pulsing, paranoid drumbeat. The songs tells a story from the point of view of a man who fears, and might harbor violent thoughts about, his neighbors.

In early 2008, surgeons opened up Clark's chest; an infection had caused his heart to swell, nearly killing him. For the next year, his musical activity was limited to laptop and piano. He couldn't lift a guitar. When new music surfaced in January 2010, it was rich in eerie, chopped-up orchestral samples and tinny, paranoid drum hits. And it was explicitly concerned with mortality: Clark's first recording in four years was the soundtrack to Taffety Punk Theatre Company's play suicide.chat.room.

wow wow

that's four more instances than I was expecting

Anything written by, or in the hyperbolic style of, Mark Beaumont.

Some good ones in a promotional thing for sony in the guardian today featuring 'up and coming artists'

' Her sound is a mix of rock and blues - her tracks have featured on TV shows House and The OC'

'features a cameo from wrestler Chris Jericho'

'charge with her own distinctive brand of fragile soul'

'the sort of thing you might listen to equally in the comfort of your living room or the middle of a dancefloor in Ibiza'

'a refreshing 60s-influenced rock n roll sound'

'appearing on Later.... with Jools Holland'

Anything written by, or in the hyperbolic style of, Mark Beaumont.

Haha, OTM.

Anything where the artist in question is described as a 'troubadour'.

'a refreshing 60s-influenced rock n roll sound'

"at last! something that sounds like the 60s!"

"...sound like <insert band name here> on drugs!"

if it just said "drugs" that would be kinda fun. bit of intrigue, like

"sounds like senokot"

? - makes you feel all loose and free?

"lo-fi" tends to turn me off

Any mention of Brian Wilson as an influence.

Any mention of Eric Clapton

"pure vibes"

anything that involves a "unique blend of x, y, and z" especially where one of those elements is funk and/or jazz and/or an "ethnic" style of music (which it usually is).

but really any time music is described as expressly combining two or more styles, it suggests to me that the music does so clumsily, in a way where the elements are too easily discernible.

"Phil Anselmo's vocals"...

"Approximately a million times smarter than most electronic music" - This is Fake DIY

^in a 'book this band plz' email I just got