Stupidest Pop Song Ever

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I'm not talking about "worst" pop song here, folks. I'm talking about STUPIDEST. Something so inane and annoying that you just really, really want to smack someone for actually putting forth something so dumb.

For an example, and as my nominee, Neil Diamond's "I Am I Said". This song has always really flipping ticked me off because he seems honestly horrified - horrified - that his chair doesn't respond to him screaming "I am, I said!" Since when do chairs respond? It makes me lie awake at night, irritated - did he expect the chair to say something? Why does this bother him that an inanimate object won't speak with him?

That's the kind of thing I'm talking about.

― Ally, Thursday, 29 March 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Two words: "Thong Song"

― alex in nyc, Thursday, 29 March 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Hey, at least Neil Diamond is horrible in a funny way. Milli Vanilli was just dull and bland, yet excruciating. Easy target, I know, but Jesus Christ, the words to "Blame it On The Rain" ! You can't say those guys weren't going down on their knees begging for it - "whatever you do/don't put blame on you" - talk about a call for action ! Yeah, go ahead, blame it on the rain, that'll really take care of it. That'll show them. Fuck Diane Warren, man.

― Patrick, Thursday, 29 March 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I can't think of any songs that are stupid in such a nonsensical manner, but would you accept "I love a rainy night"? "Dirty Laundry"? How about the theme to Caddy Shack?

― , Thursday, 29 March 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I'll grant that Neil blunder, but somehow "Coming to America" or whatever that one song of his was overtops even that. What the hell was the point of that one?

― Ned Raggett, Thursday, 29 March 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I forget the name of the band, but how about "Yummy yummy yummy I've got love in my tummy"? Stupid, annoying, and creepy.

― Nicole, Thursday, 29 March 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

OOH! How about "Chewy"? Chewy, chewy, chewy, chewy baby whatcha doin' when ya do it to me baby like ya do? Oooh, I love ta lick ya love to hold ya love ta kiss ya when ya do it to me when I want ya to." I don't know if those are the correct lyrics entirely, but that's how the Vindictives sing it. It's the song they brought back to life for the granola bar commercial recently. I don't know who sang it originally. And TURNING JAPANESE!

― , Thursday, 29 March 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

"You can call me Al" by Paul Simon is quite irritatingly stupid. Call him whatever you like, mate, we just don't wanna hear about it, ok?

― Simon, Friday, 30 March 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Another good one I thought of tonight is Who Do You Think You Are by Spice Girls, which is actually a good song but the lyrics make you want to kill Simon Fuller. "I'm climbing the snake of the ladder but you're wrong" - what the FUCK? What Do You Think You're Talking About is more like it.

― Ally, Friday, 30 March 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I like all that stuff. Especially the Neil Diamond. I think Beck has to take the cake here. "Sexx Laws" is pretty bad, but "Where's it's At" is awful similarly. Zepplin singing about squeezing lemons too. On the other hand, we have the sublime "I know what boys like" from The Waitresses. This sounds like a Tanya topic though. Tanya?

― Sterling Clover, Friday, 30 March 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

All pop songs are stupid. Especially the ones with words. But the ones without words are dumb too. At least pop songs are short. Except for Neil Diamond. Those can be long. Which makes them no more or less stupid, but just longer stupid.

― Tanya Headon, Friday, 30 March 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Actually, one of the most stupid pop songs I have ever heard is a current one: The Sterephonics "Mr Writer"!!! If it was a letter to the NME, it would go: <

i>"Fume, Fume...! Re: your so-called 'review' of our concert- were you even at the same gig as us? You think you're so clever, but you're just jealous because we're big and you're a sad inadequate hack!!! Why don't you REALLY review the show, instead of knocking acts when they get the sucess they deserve!!!! Signed, Kelly Jones."

Old Fart!!!!

― Old Fart!!!!, Friday, 30 March 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

You're a pink toothbrush/I'm a blue toothbrush/have we met somewhere before?

― Madchen, Friday, 30 March 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

i'll be true toothbrush - to you toothbrush - when we both use the same tooth pa- ay - aste!

i think that that smurf soundtrack (or is it from some other place?) has some pretty psychadelic numbers on it. but i do think that the toothbrush song is a bit silly. are children's xmas song's pop songs? i hate most novelty songs (all i want for xmas is my two front teeth/i saw mommy kissing santa claus) and find disney soundtracks nerve-grating.

what about pass the dutchy? or that fish heads song?

marianna

― marianna maclean, Friday, 30 March 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

That Captain Sensible one, he said captain, I said what? etc. etc. Repeat forever.

― Tom, Friday, 30 March 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

"mmm mmm mmm mmm"

― Scott Plagenhoef, Friday, 30 March 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Europe - "the final countdown"

― larms, Friday, 30 March 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

i have to say most of the lyrics to the super furry songs ive heard are ridiculous. wherever i lay my phone thats my home. night fever, night fever, night fever, night fever, night fever, night fever.

― joshua l. clements, Friday, 30 March 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I am the eggnog. I am the walnut. Goo goo go chew.

― kate the saint, Saturday, 31 March 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Crash Test Dummies had a couple.

The aforementioned bubblegum tunes are great however. I'm thinking The Archies, The 1914 Fruitgum Company, The Silly Sandwiches and The Pocket Companions are much better than Bob Dylan.

― Steven James, Saturday, 31 March 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I Dream of Jesus by the Dead Milkmen is delightfully useless AND stupid.

― JM, Saturday, 31 March 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Speaking of The 1914 Fruitgum Company, what about "Peanuts-uh-oh-uh- oh-uh-oooh-peanuts!"

― Michael Bourke, Saturday, 31 March 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

"Another Brick In The Wall" is pretty for-kane stew-pede, I think.

― Robin Carmody, Sunday, 1 April 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

"I Dream Of Jesus" by the Dead Milkmen was never a pop song. And you are wrong that song is the best!

― Sergio, Sunday, 1 April 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Sorry, "ABITW" is a whingeing, unspecific, empty drone, the worst kind of self-pitying public schoolboy mindset; the only interesting thing about it is the way the rhythm and bassline pervert disco into some kind of death rattle, but that's nowhere near enough. When I hear the last line of "Time", his saddest and most perfect song, I hear Roger Waters exhausting his brilliance forever.

― Robin Carmody, Sunday, 1 April 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

two months pass...

I've always thought Paul Anka's "(You're) Having My Baby" was the stupidest thing ever. Still very well could be.

― Sean Carruthers, Tuesday, 5 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

"Run Joey Run" by David Geddes.

― , Tuesday, 5 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Does anyone remember a weepy country-pop number called "I've Never Been To Me"? That was vomitous enough, but the woman who sang it had a follow up single duetting with Stevie Wonder, a soggy social- protest tune that contained the line "Someone stole the Beatles' lead guitar". (Well no, actually, the guy just tried to stab him to death but he didn't touch the Rickenbacker!) Anyone remember the name of the singer or the song?