who is Bob Lefsetz?

But I've got to warn you. There are SEA CUCUMBERS!

Oh, you wear reef shoes. But littered on the bottom of the ocean are these...well, CUCUMBERS! But they're alive. And squishy. And they urinate. And it's almost so gross you don't want to go in. You CERTAINLY don't want to step on one.

...

"Dvorak-style amalgam of ex-ATN writers taking the piss" is the FUNNIEST PHRASE I HAVE READ ALL DAY though i don't know why.

He also turns up on the Rhino podcast with hystronic tirades about The State Of Things and endless flashbacks to his life in the 70s when things were So Much Better. In short, he's one of the Ghost World record collectors only with an income.

You know what brings you back, again and again, to Bob Lefsetz? It's the PASSION. Oh, you can try to stay away. You can subscribe to a million other blogs. You can tell yourself that music's changed, or that you've changed, or that you don't understand anymore. But you know what? It's not that you've got older - it's that your generation has lost touch! They've SOLD OUT. And it's the KIDS on the INTERNET with thei iPods and their Blackberries who are reminding you why you got into this WHOLE CRAZY FUCKING BUSINESS IN THE FIRST PLACE. It's the MUSIC! Oh, you can tell yourself it isn't. BUT IT IS. And if you don't listen, you and every other exec LEECHING off the hindquarters of a MEMORY is going to BITE THE FUCKING DUST!

Heheh.
I unsubscribed offa the Lef'Letter again awhile ago.

Seriously though his blog is my fave industry read and has been for a while now.

omg somebody's gotta imagebomb this dude and his ridiculous opinions

Another thread on him. Also, Chuck mentioned and quoted a recent Lefsetz country music and Sirius radio thing on the Rolling Country thread.

His most recent column begins 'I was at the psychiatrist today...'. Magnificent. We are Lefsetz FANATICS at our house. Oh, you can laugh. But that's because you're HISTORY.

How about that T.I. diatribe...Is he right about touring rock bands having more sustained longevity than rappers or pop acts?

But I'll take T.I. over Rory Gallagher and many of the washed-up blooz-rockers and classic-rock dudes he loves.

Is he right about touring rock bands having more sustained longevity than rappers or pop acts?...YES

...he must have a lot of time on his hands and he reminds me of mixerman

Who's mixerman? I think Lefsetz is a retired music biz attorney.

One of his pet themes is that only individuals whom he says audiences perceive as 'real' will have lasting careers. He says this does not include American Idol performers and most rappers and pop acts.

Nelly Furtado Thursday 6/7/07 The WaMu Theater at Madison Square Garden, New York, NY Gross: $316,400 4,992/4,992 (100% Ticket prices: $65.00/$45.00 That was her best gig. In Boston, she did 3,644 out of 6,500 (56.1%). In Sayreville, NJ, she did 1,165 out of 2,050 (56.8%). In Detroit, she did 1,761 out of 2,585 (68.1%). In Grand Prairie, TX, she did 2,375 out of 2,503 (94.9%). In other words, she did SHITTY! And these weren't big halls to begin with, positively small, THEATRES! Her album has sold 1,873,719 copies, it's still number 50 on the chart A YEAR LATER! In other words, record sales don't mean shit. Work with Timbaland all you want. Have a hit on Top Forty radio that fewer people are listening to every day. Most people are not paying attention. They don't think you're REAL! Real acts don't conspire with a multitude of people, the usual suspects, to create their of the moment music. No one's even going to REMEMBER her tracks half a decade from now. No one's even going to PLAY them! (Have you heard Eminem recently?) It's not about music being stolen, that's not the big story in the music business today. It's about the bifurcation in its soul. Touring used to reflect record sales. No longer is this the case. And the real acts, the lasting acts, can all do good live business. The public got the memo, the press has not. As for the major labels? If they want a taste of every piece of the pie they've got to be trustworthy, have the act's best interests at heart. Ain't that a laugh.

so bob thinks the PUBLIC wants REAL, but it's hard to notice that said public has responded to THE REAL BOB himself by leaving ZERO COMMENTS so far on his latest blog post. ZERO COMMENTS on the post before that. ZERO COMMENTS on his LAST FOUR POSTS, in fact. the one before that elicited ONE COMMENT. so maybe everyone's talking about him but NO ONE CARES. most people are not paying attention. in other words, capital-letter posts about THE REAL don't mean shit. on the other hand, matthew fluxblog, champion of the pop, the artificial, the unreal, got 14 COMMENTS on his most recent posts. and 20 COMMENTS on the one before that. and 12 comments for his thoughts on KELLY CLARKSON. take that, bob!

So who's READING these blogs? The Arizona girl you met at UCLA you secretly wanted to fuck? NO! That aging A&R rep with the combover whose ass you wanted to kick cos he thought he was DOWN with the kids? NO-ONE who CARES about MUSIC reads BLOGS! They're too busy LIVING! And what do they want as their soundtrack to life? Music about LOVE - love gained, love lost, love refrigerated briefly prior to baking. LOVE is what keeps us coming back to music. NOT blogs. NOT UCLA postgrad programs. NOT even Arizona girls. And especially not Matthew fucking PERPETUA.

Who's mixerman?

http://www.mixerman.net/diaries_main.php

With just a few changes to the word lists, Lefsetz could pass for a SubGenius spewbot.

ctrl-f HITS not found

Bob always quotes 2 types of e-mail responses he gets (as many folks receive his stuff via e-mail rather than looking at his site)--from retired or current folks in the biz, or from ordinary folks who tell him how much they love 'real' music and then proceed to enthuse about the most bland middlebrow rock. The tone in both types of responses are often pretty amusing.

But I'll take T.I. over Rory Gallagher

Any sane person would. (Which says it all.)

http://youtube.com/watch?v=laBpl0TPaNg

I never heard of this guy until yesterday, but his old timer shtick is kind of entertaining, I read it hearing the voice of Bob "The Kid Stays In The Picture" Evans, and then think of the Martin Landau character from Entourage.

Subscribed a couple of weeks ago after someone mentioned him on the Radiohead thread, I tried, but I just don't get it, unsubscribed again.

Random thoughts that go nowhere, boasting about scoring a tour jacket from a 70's Clapton tour, comments from people who apparently do get what he means, irrelevant grumpy old man stuff, nothing I want to read about several times a day.

Am I missing something or is that it?

His rants against the music biz, while largely predictable at this point, are often entertaining reading. Same goes for his stories of his life and his nostalgia.

omg somebody's gotta imagebomb this dude and his ridiculous opinions

Article on Lefsetz in the Washington Post

The fact that he is "one of the music industry's most influential analysts" speaks volumes. If you pretend you're reading an Onion editorial his pieces are entertaining though.

When I worked at Rhino, I'd hear stories about Bob's refusals to edit his histrionic rants. Consequently, most 'casts were 90 percent wall-bouncing froth over Spirit's Dr. Sardonicus and tear-soaked Aspen weekends in '75 when MUSIC and LOVE were REAL and YOUNG, 10 percent contributions from actual Rhino employees.

He's like Lsetz, the Dean of Music Analysis.

Oh not that guy again. There was also this interesting take on Feist.

ugh.

he reminds me of ben gazzara as jackie treehorn: "we used to have a little thing called production values... FEELINGS..."

That and the Onion editorial comment both made me roffle.

howard_beale.jpg

I kinda like reading his rants as SubGenius devival art but the guy can't be bothered to put the full text of his posts in his RSS feed so screw it.

LOL at his anti-Ticketmaster rant. Welcome to 1994 Bob!

oh man is he ever happy about the new Tom Petty

Mudcrutch vs. Tin Machine

I'm officially starting the trend of calling them The Crutch.

dudes don't harsh The Crutch

dude, The Crutch killed it last nite at the cow palace

Pure seventies. Pure magic.

dude the crutch don't know any other way to rock.

Pure seventies. Pure magic.

this was totally my favorite line

Kind of sums it all up, doesn't it?

White Room

by Bob Lefsetz

The sixties were different. They were light, and dark, and nothing in between. Today we live in the gray. In the onslaught of media, nothing sticks out, nothing is in relief, we're all hiding in our bunkers, trying to figure it all out. But, in the sixties, we ventured out, we wanted to experience IT ALL!

In the sixties there was context. It wasn't like today, where without a major hype campaign nobody knows the story. We only had three TV networks. "Rolling Stone" didn't come on the scene until the end of the decade. There were limited media outlets, and we paid attention. The big breakthrough was FM underground radio, and you were lucky if you had an outlet in your community, where you could hear Cream.

Cream was something you heard about from your friends. You went over to somebody's house and they played you "Sunshine Of Your Love". Pete Townshend eventually sang about one note, pure and easy, playing so free, but really it was one RIFF that people lined up behind. And that riff, the one that got it all started, was the one from "Sunshine Of Your Love".

Listen to "Sunshine Of Your Love" today, you'll be STUNNED how little is on the record. God, it sounds like there were NO overdubs, just a power trio laying it down. Still, it wasn't just the notes Clapton was playing, it was the SOUND of those notes. There was a RICHNESS in this hard rock, a SWEETNESS! This wasn't music for boys only, this was music for EVERYBODY with genitals. It had such a weird effect on you, hearing this sound, you felt it in different parts of your body, your brain, your lower abdomen and your groin. Right after the set-up, after the richness, there's this bit of distortion in the guitar, you feel like you're in it for the long haul, to climax, four minutes hence.

Hearing "Sunshine Of Your Love" you had to buy "Disraeli Gears". And that's when you discovered it, the essence, opening side two.

Today the label picks the track, and what's left of radio takes instruction, it's all a CAMPAIGN, which you're AWARE OF! But listening to FM back then was like listening to XM today. Your relationship is with the DEEJAY! Not his voice, not his inane rap like on Sirius, but his CHOICES! That's why we love people, because of who they ARE! And when you heard "Tales Of Brave Ulysses" on the radio your life was made, the same way when Mike Marrone plays some obscure cut that only I thought I knew it makes my day.

One can argue quite strongly the first Cream album is the best. The sound isn't as good as "Disraeli Gears", but overall the songs are BETTER!

But after "Disraeli Gears", the songs got worse. Except for the unexpected "Badge", NOTHING was the caliber of what came before. Still, there was a huge hit on "Wheels Of Fire", a simple song, but one with a monster riff so exquisite that we were touched once again. It was just the SOUND of Clapton's guitar, it sounded like he was WEEPING! But then Ginger hit the drum, and Jack sang richly. Yes, as great as Clapton was, Jack's vocals were a key element of the band.

The dude who made available the MP3s of the Royal Albert Hall show left three out, the last three numbers of the concert. He hopped to, posted them on the site, and I just downloaded them, and heard "White Room".

I don't understand flying around the world to see a band. That's not what rock and roll is about. Rock and roll is about scraping up every dollar you've got, eating the equivalent of dog food just so you can AFFORD to go to the gig. The gig isn't an afterthought, ONE thing you can acquire, experience, but the ONLY thing!

While we were experiencing flower power in the U.S., the Brits were experiencing rain. The music from across the pond was different from ours. It wasn't sunny, it was dark. Made in the U.K., it was America's dark underbelly. It coexisted with Monkees hits. It was necessary, for balance.

Flying across the pond forty years later has NO darkness. Unless you saved up every last dollar you had and slept on the street in order to go.

And, going was SO much different then. You went ALL THE TIME! Because the tickets were CHEAP! Under five bucks. The concert experience wasn't about preferred parking and alcohol, it was about the MUSIC!

And that music can be heard in Cream's rendition of "White Room" on May 5th.

Eric gets that unique guitar sound. But really, it's Ginger's drums. You can hear the FEROCITY!

And then, on top of it all, in comes Jack.

Oh, he's singing along, all those words you remember. And then you hear it...

"I'll wait in this place where the sun never shines Wait in this place where the shadows run from themselves"

I'm waiting for this place to return. Where business trumps art. Where creativity is revered over music. Where the messiah returns.

Religious zealots think the messiah is going to come from heaven. Down to save us.

But I don't believe that. I don't believe in a higher power. I believe in people. Their ability to triumph, do the right thing, against incredible odds.

Here, just before the show is over, almost two hours into it, having deliv ered upon expectations, Cream FINALLY throws off the limitations and just RIPS! THIS is music-making. When you're no longer going by the rehearsal, when you're just WINGING IT! When you stop concentrating on being together, do your own thing and it all FALLS INTO PLACE!

And a little over halfway through the number, Eric finally takes center stage, he finally WAILS! Not in the way he has for the past thirty years, but the way he did with John Mayall, as a SIDEMAN! In the tradition of great bluesmen, he's taking his LICKS! He's just part of the club.

And all these years later, it's still a championship team.

How many of his letters start out with something about the sixties or the classic era being "different"?

Lefzetz meets Pitchfork, world implodes.

the conceit that he thinks the music list was done dirty because it was all time and not all-time songwriters because they did a 2000+ movie list (which missed all the greats!) is funny. i’m obviously a strong proponent of the idea that any list is beholden to the time, place, and people creating the list, but the entire idea of canon wrecked his mind

he can’t bring himself to address that in the context of this being 2026 and the editorial voice is the nytimes other than to pivot and imply they’re all rabid anti-zionists (they are not)

Widow’s Bay

Did you watch this fakokta show?

I have a policy. If Felice wants to watch something, I will give it a shot, assuming the show has high Rotten Tomatoes ratings and is fully available.

So why am I bothering to piss on Clive Davis, especially upon his death?

BECAUSE HE WAS THE ANTITHESIS OF EVERYTHING I LOVE ABOUT THE MUSIC AND THIS BUSINESS!

But are any of Clive’s acts playing the Sphere?

Thesis, Antithesis, Clive Davis: the Lefsetzian dialectic

Part of a very very long Lefsetz column on how the Rolling Stones should market their new album and get streams --

Now if the Stones really care about this new music...

They'll promote it for longer than this week.

Want to promote it?

Create mania.

Starting live.

Show up and open for acts. For Olivia Rodrigo. For Morgan Wallen (after all, country is the new rock and roll). Play only the new album, and if you think that will bore people, play only four songs. Once again, you should be hyping the new stuff. Such that when people shoot YouTube videos, that's what people will see and that's what they'll hear!

As far as social media...

The oldsters are on Facebook and Instagram, the youngsters are on TikTok. Focus accordingly.

But in truth, it's youngsters who keep a band alive. How do you reach them? WITH A HISTORY LESSON!

Who knows more about the blues?

The Stones should have clips tracing their new material to the Delta blues, or whatever roots they've got. Thread the needle, don't exist in a vacuum. And you must focus on the MUSIC!

All the interviews online, they're talking about Mick's personality, whether we know the real him. About his physical condition and dancing. What has that got to do with the music? Once again, it might sell tickets, but they're not going on the road.

Now tomorrow, the media genuflecting to the Stones, up the band's ass, will be on to something else. That's the way the news business works. Once again, you've got to promote yourself.

And the Stones should do this by appearing to be outsiders.

And stunting.

Stunts? It's so easy. Forget the inane press party in London, the Stones should have worked up two numbers for the Sphere. Either appeared on a dark night or during the afternoon. After all, it's the STONES! And the new music would be helped by the visuals.

What a stupid fucking asshole. These guys are octogenarian millionaires, they don't have to care about any of that shit.

How do you reach the youngsters? WITH A HISTORY LESSON!

when will the Rolling Stones finally find an audience?

as soon as they finally open for Olivia Rodrigo

maybe they can reach out to her through Robert Smith

The oldsters are on Facebook and Instagram, the youngsters are on TikTok. Focus accordingly.

also facebook, sure, but [citation needed] on youngsters not being on instagram

i've often thought about how the Rolling Stones just haven't promoted themselves or given themselves a memorable image for people to remember.

They should have promoted the album an analog horror ARG with found footage of Slenderman drowning Brian Jones.

What a stupid fucking asshole. These guys are octogenarian millionaires, they don't have to care about any of that shit.

this cracked me up because it's so otm. Bob imagines them wishing they had the ear of the youth. they absolutely do not give one tenth of a shit about the stuff Bob imagines as of primary importance

I always forget this guy exists, but that is Onion level parody.

(takes drag of cigar) "Now Mick, baby, darling, you're really going places. You're *this close*, do you know what I'm saying? But your last album, it sold, what, 72k its first week? Mick, forgive me, but that's bullshit. Bull. Shit. That's *nothing*. You want to be in the big leagues, get that big money? You want to be able to retire one day, get a nice car, a pool, someone to wipe your ass when you're old, whatever? Check out Olivia Rodrigo. Do you know her, Olivia? She's a kid, but she's going places, red hot right now. Do you know what her new album sold its first week? Almost half a million. Half a million, with an M! You want those numbers, you got to get off your ass and hustle. I'm just speaking the truth here, saying the quiet part out loud, because I want you to succeed, Mick. You and, whatshis name, the other one, Chris? No, Keith, that's right, Keith. I was thinking of the other guy. If you want to make it, if you want to make it big, huge, if you want to stick around so that your kids and grandkids know who you are are, you gotta play the game, and right now? You're in danger of getting benched. Do you know what I'm saying? Now, I'm going to make some calls, get you some gigs. What you needs is eyeballs and earholes. You know John Mayer? Well, *I* do, and he owes me a favor. I'm going to get you a couple of pop up gigs in a parking lot somewhere, maybe a mall or two, get the word out, get your name out. Dangle some bait, hope the big fish bite. And then we'll reel them in and rake in the cash. You get me? Now, I'm going to pick up this phone, and when I do, you're going to go where the voice on the other end tells you to go. Now get out there, shake your ass and make us both *rich.*"

tbf, they could have hung it up decades ago, but they're still in it. Ego, baby, ego! They care about that shit.

Well, if they want to do it for decades more, they gotta get working!

"I'm not hearing a 'Highwire' here, guys. Pardon my French, but let's work."

I remember when Steel Wheels came out and there was a live TV broadcast in 3D, and they distributed 3D glasses in the newspaper, and I watched that shit, in 3D, and I was *young*. So basically, they should do that again.

I think the Rolling Stones stopped caring about "relevancy" at least since A Bigger Bang in 2005... which was 21 years ago at this point. Like, every Stones tour since then is just a bunch of old dudes having some fun and cashing some checks, an existence they've more than earned

Your lack of vision is disheartening. How are they supposed to know what they care about if they don't even try! I want these guys to succeed! We need this! The world needs this! Their extended brood of illegitimate kids need the security!!

Long story short, I think the Rolling Stones should really go for it, and if they play their cards right, they'll be filling stadiums.

There’s nothing more embarrassing than an old man insisting that the cultural things they found important in their youth should be popular among present day youth, revealing their fear that they are not themselves relevant

Lefsetz should open for Rodrigo. Just give him 20 minutes to get off some hot takes.

You remember back in the '60s and '70s when bands used to have comedians and magicians and stuff open? This would be like that but, you know, less funny and magical.

i'm really enjoying the prospect of seeing the rolling stones getting booed off the stages by irate olivia rodrigo fans

Maybe the Rolling Stones should open for Geese and learn how the music business works.

did Lef ever weigh in on Geese?

In his year-end recap (‘Youngsters’ aren’t into Geese?):

GEESE

The great white rock hope. But if you listen to the album… The singer has an affected voice and despite all the hosannas in the press, the word does not seem to be spreading. Indie rock is what oldster male writers are looking for. Youngsters? Not really.

I would love to see Bob just rant onstage to a sea of confused young people, it’d be like a cross between Abe Simpson and John Cooper Clarke or something.

I think the Rolling Stones stopped caring about "relevancy" at least since A Bigger Bang in 2005... which was 21 years ago at this point. Like, every Stones tour since then is just a bunch of old dudes having some fun and cashing some checks, an existence they've more than earned

This seems a touch over-simplified. I mean, they obviously care enough to get Sydney Sweeney in a video and de-age themselves substantially in another. If MJ could choose to get in the top 40 or not, I think we know what he would choose. He's clearly not above that (neutral tone). If there's any not caring about relevancy, it's based on them not having the access to it they once had. Which leads to different marketing/positioning decisions.

Roblox

Kate (rushomancy) at 5:01 13 Jul 26

i'm really enjoying the prospect of seeing the rolling stones getting booed off the stages by irate olivia rodrigo fans


they wouldn't boo the Stones. the Stones are enough of a brand they would be excited that an Instagrammable, viral type moment was happening

Imagine the marketing potential if Mick and Sabrina Carpenter had a kid.

Bob and his wife can be godparents

Five minutes after "the youngsters" discover them, wikipedia will let them discover rapist Jones and groomer Wyman and probably go back to their Olivia records.
also they will hear the music.

isn't the obvious placement for the stones with yungblud or whatever?

i'm not saying they would become fans they would just like that something was happening that people would be talking about and that they could post pix and videos of and say they were there (if they opened for rodrigo)

the people wearing diapers in the front row would be sympatico with the 80 year old rock band

i saw some "tiny vinyl" at target yesterday. i need the lef to weigh in.

haha what's that? rebranding 45s?

they're 4" singles that are pressed close enough to the center that you can't use them on auto-return turntables

Lefsetz went to see a band but he doesn’t say the name. He describes the opening act he disliked and mentions that the crowd was largely over 30. After citing a few articles about less people going out and then going off on various tangents, he concludes:

Based on last night, based on statistics, I say good riddance to small clubs. First and foremost because the people don't want to go. Second, the talent purveyed isn't worth spending money for...but even worse, it's not worth spending time for. We are all limited, we have a million options, if it's not great, we are not interested.

And this applies to everything.

do people actually pay him for these incredible insights from an old man with shit taste?

it’d be funny if some old rock fan billionaire was bankrolling him Rod Dreher-style but now he’s reduced to his newsletter.

"I saw a band I didn't like. Live music is dead! Dead, I tell you!"

It blows my mind that this sub-relevant dork apparently gets eyeballs/ears. He reminds me of Jackie Harvey from The Onion.

He just wrote a factually dubious, immoral screed defending and agreeing with Boy George’s new pro-Israel song and insisting that there’s no genocide and that Israel is just targeting Hamas

just bad aim