False Metal: The Financial and Farcical Return of Heavy Metal

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http://www.lotfp.com/content.php?editorialid=55

I cant actually get the damn thing to load. But i'm told its worth reading.

Everyone else i show it too can get it to load.

Is it any good?

― Brigadier Lethbridge-Pfunkboy (Kerr), Wednesday, 7 June 2006 00:16 (nineteen years ago)

False Metal is an extensive look at the publicity machine that controls the popularity of heavy metal. From Black Sabbath and the dawn of heavy metal to the cover of today's glossy heavy metal magazines, False Metal uncovers the layers of propaganda, secrecy and misdirection to find out what is going on behind closed doors. By examining the evidence gathered from over 175 sources, the truth is revealed: The financial health of heavy metal is controlled by people with no regard for the music or its fans. False Metal is required reading for everyone who believes in the integrity of heavy metal.

Apparently its a very long article and the PDF is available to download.
So i'll get someone to d/l it and mail me it.

― Brigadier Lethbridge-Pfunkboy (Kerr), Wednesday, 7 June 2006 00:17 (nineteen years ago)

Sent you the PDF. I haven't read it myself yet.

69 pages, baby!

― helmut was a krautrocker (helmut was a krautrocker), Wednesday, 7 June 2006 00:27 (nineteen years ago)

Thanks Piotr.
I guess I won't be reading it tonight/this morning if its that long.

― Brigadier Lethbridge-Pfunkboy (Kerr), Wednesday, 7 June 2006 00:31 (nineteen years ago)

Pretty much unreadable line by line after page three. Should be a master's thesis. Sees conspiracies where none exist. Obsessed with "hipster metal" and The Sword. Takes on the air of the far right gun lobby writing about the Bilderbergers, the Council on Foreign Relations and New World Order.

>>Lester Bangs, the only American journalist to fully embrace [Black >>Sabbath] recognized that the profound reactions

Needs better sourcing.

― Urnst Kouch (Urnst Kouch), Wednesday, 7 June 2006 00:49 (nineteen years ago)

Wasn't this the site complaining that Lordi were false metal? aka, THEY ARE MISSING THE POINT.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 7 June 2006 01:08 (nineteen years ago)

>>Metal was more of a commitment back then; a genuine >>lifestyle….There were no chat rooms, no downloads, no cross->>country emails. You had to wait two months to get correspondence >>from Europe or Japan, but dammit, we did it because we loved the >>music and we loved one another as metal fans.

Voice of Dana Carvey as "old man:" When I was kid we ate our shoe leather and liked it. Eee-eeh.

― Urnst Kouch (Urnst Kouch), Wednesday, 7 June 2006 01:23 (nineteen years ago)

damnnnnnnnn, did you check out that quote from the Pitchfork review, George? remind you of anything:

"You might not have known it from looking at the audience, but when the Chicago instrumental band Pelican performed at the Knitting Factory in late July, it was playing metal. Instead of long hair and all-black outfits, the crowd was displaying the trappings of brainy, slightly nerdy indie rock. Young men wore artistically cropped hair and tight-legged jeans, and there was even a smattering of young women in librarian glasses and worn-out Chuck Taylor sneakers."

― scott seward (scott seward), Wednesday, 7 June 2006 01:54 (nineteen years ago)

CONSPIRACY.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 7 June 2006 01:55 (nineteen years ago)

Urnst OTM.

― ng-unit (ng-unit), Wednesday, 7 June 2006 02:09 (nineteen years ago)

MUSIC INDUSTRY ONLY CARES ABOUT MONEY SHOCKAH

― Alan Conceicao (Alan Conceicao), Wednesday, 7 June 2006 02:10 (nineteen years ago)

Okay, after leafing through this, I have to say; this is one of the worst articles on music I've ever read. Not only is the entire premise ridiculous, not only does it feature laughably bad historical revisionism, but its rambling, can't stick to any particular point for more than 5 seconds, and looks less like a college thesis (as someone mentioned above) and more like a pretentious senior year of high school music appreciation term paper.

― Alan Conceicao (Alan Conceicao), Wednesday, 7 June 2006 02:14 (nineteen years ago)

i just don't get why anyone who loved "true" metal would even care what the fuck major labels/mags/etc said or did. it's something to do, i guess. like punk fans who still moan about green day or whoever. and i definitely see myself in some of the things he brings up. i DO hate when newspapers do the whole "hey, metal is fun/smart/weird now!" thing. and bands like the darkness DO rile me up really good. oh, there are other things. but people who used to laugh at stuff who then go on to latch onto that stuff...that happens all the time to people who listen to enough music and who have a semi-open mind. i don't care if people change their stripes. you should be able to change your stripes whenever you feel like it. i've made fun of stuff and ended up loving it.

dude ignores a lot of stuff too. he never once brings up albert's book, which a lot of metal fans LOVED. and i defy him to read my shit in decibel and tell me that i'm propping up some half-assed scene of retro-metal acts. i don't give a fuck about scenes. i barely leave my house. if the sword played on my lawn i might go see them. MAYBE. i still have never heard the sword. or pelican, for that matter. i feel like i've heard them though.

― scott seward (scott seward), Wednesday, 7 June 2006 03:02 (nineteen years ago)

The person ignores reality, not just stuff. That's the problem. There's this huge tangent about the punk rock like attitude of NWOBHM...its just conveniently left out that Def Leppard was one of the vanguards of that movement. Ozzy gets taken to task for marketing, but not Iron Maiden?

Its selective bullshit by someone I assume is in high school and listening to metal to for a sense of elitism. Its rank.

― Alan Conceicao (Alan Conceicao), Wednesday, 7 June 2006 03:51 (nineteen years ago)

I don't feel like reading this now. Perhaps later when I come back.

― Brigadier Lethbridge-Pfunkboy (Kerr), Wednesday, 7 June 2006 07:13 (nineteen years ago)

I got as far as the character assassination attempt on Dave Grohl before giving up. It reads like all the most glaring dullards on the Southern Lord board writing a cultural studies dissertation, one sentence at a time

― DJ Mencap (DJ Mencap), Wednesday, 7 June 2006 08:05 (nineteen years ago)

I thought this thread was about The Darkness

― Geir Hongro (GeirHong), Wednesday, 7 June 2006 08:07 (nineteen years ago)

In 2002, two Relapse Records artists, Mastodon and High on Fire, were accepted as legitimate metal
bands by influential indie hipsters and the words “heavy metal” have slowly become a positive
reference point in the industry as a result. These Relapse acts gathered momentum in urban alternative
weeklies across the nation, and in the last quarter of the year Pitchforkmedia bestowed its blessing on
metal by reviewing Surrounded by Thieves and Remission—cranking the buzz up to new levels.
Pitchfork’s celebration of High on Fire’s “ambient, minimalist metal” and Mastodon’s “pre-algebra”
level “mathematics” was an important turning point in the history of metal which was expanded upon
by Dominique Leone in a Probot review a few months later:
For all its populist strains—metal can be all things to all people; party music, headfuck therapy
music, protest music, even background music—this is a genre which simply isn't “pop.” And
that's no judgment against metal (or pop), just one of its most important characteristics…Metal
is better than music. It can be a surrogate for every job you don’t get, every girl who ignores
you—or it can just be the noise you put on when you're bored.
The phrase “all things to all people” brings grimaces to the face of advertisers, because in a day and
age of fragmented and finicky demographics, brands can no longer be everything to everyone. But in
this context it was a clarion call for the hip to latch onto to metal and make it over into a genre fit for
the discriminating indie rock fan by targeting a particular market. In Leone’s formulation, heavy metal
is an interchangeable sound that is no different than Belle & Sebastian, Tangerine Dream or XTC.
Metal had no inherent meaning or folkways for Leone—it could be bubblegum, disco or ambient as far
as SHE was concerned, since these could be “surrogates” for any of the situations rattled off in the
Probot review and the embrace of metal as just another form of music to be molded into something hip
for alternative audiences has had a concrete effect on the genre.

haha

― Brigadier Lethbridge-Pfunkboy (Kerr), Wednesday, 7 June 2006 10:18 (nineteen years ago)

I'm not sure I can read on for the next 27 pages.

― Brigadier Lethbridge-Pfunkboy (Kerr), Wednesday, 7 June 2006 10:19 (nineteen years ago)

Rap, reggae and crunk were Caramanica’s beats, and he needed background information from
savvy insiders, so the reporter who would be normally writing up celebratory pieces about Kanye West
employed Decibel magazine as an authority on art metal. Decibel’s fingerprints were all over the
article: Albert Mudrian, the editor, crowed about the “self-awareness” of the artistes creating “art
metal” and John Darnielle, a columnist for the magazine who specializes in doling out unimaginative
satiric wit when he is not playing alt-folk in the Mountain Goats, was the piss-poor source of balance in the article, responding to the issue of “tribal” metalheads looking askance at these bands being
presented as heavy metal with the comment: “People want to listen to harder stuff, but don't want to
venture far beyond their own backyard.”

Ok they've slagged off j0hn so im not reading further.
I'd far rather read his articles/postings on metal than this guy.

― Brigadier Lethbridge-Pfunkboy (Kerr), Wednesday, 7 June 2006 10:23 (nineteen years ago)

Oh no why did I go on
Rod Smith, a colleague of Bonazelli’s from Seattle Weekly who made the move over to Decibel
with him, also has no hard and fast beliefs about music and bends in the breeze with a consistency that
is plastic to the core. In the pages of Seattle Weekly, Smith devoted no attention to metal in any form,
focusing on the work of experimental musical auteurs Robert Henke, Paul Wirkus, and Oren Ambarchi
because he was a diehard aficionado of Krautrock, textural ambient techno, stark minimal house,
abstract electonica, psychedelic drone and other esoteric genres. After joining the Decibel staff, Smith
lowered his obscurantist standards and pounded out pedestrian prose praising the work of Trivium,
Lacuna Coil, God Forbid and Soilwork in what he must regard as hack work only worth the time and
effort because of the Knut and Gojira promos he gets to pocket. Moreover, Smith’s sudden embrace of
“metal” lays bare the dynamics of the current indie facelift transpiring. There was no overt declaration
echoing Bonazelli’s “born-again metalhead” claptrap issued from Smith’s keyboard, but he was only
drawn to metal now because the word was losing all prior meaning in a whirlwind of postmodern
marketing:
Metal is changing, faster than even me. Granted, my 20th-century self might have been less
likely to embrace Meshuggah’s rhythmic conundrums or Opeth’s transdimensional prog
excursions, and probably would have denied Pelican genre status altogether. After all, postrock
was post-rock, no matter how big the guitars.
Metal is not “changing”—the genre is being effaced in some quarters and replaced with other genres
that have about as much to do with metal as Milli Vanilli. Pelican is one example, and Smith is astute
enough to understand that the band’s music is nothing more than robust shoegazing post-rock that
shares more in common with A Minor Forest or Tortoise than any heavy metal band. Yet Pelican is
featured in Decibel, classified as metal by underground journalists with inferiority complexes, and
embraced as metal by much of the unthinking metal masses who ask no questions, so Smith, the elite
consumer of high-end soundscapes, who rapturously writes about self-indulgent artistic wankery
designed to induce “enormous sensory stimulation to mitigate our general obliviousness,”

He listens to music other than metal. he's not a real metaller!

I've never read Decibel as I cant get it here(unless perhaps I go into Glasgow to Borders)

Is it actually worth seeking out?

― Brigadier Lethbridge-Pfunkboy (Kerr), Wednesday, 7 June 2006 10:31 (nineteen years ago)

However, mainstream journalists are
taking their cue from the ground Kemado, Decibel and Action! PR have assiduously cultivated and are
presenting these bands as authentic representatives of heavy metal instead of the catchall category
“heavy music” used in the retail sheet. Wolfmother, more White Stripes than Black Sabbath; Witch, J.
Mascis’ Grohl-like alleged- return-to-his-roots folk-psyche project; Pelican, pure and simple post-rock,
and Saviors, screamo-refugees jumping on the retro-trend are all now considered “classic heavy metal”
by the mainstream as hundreds of bands across the globe plying traditional and true metal are derided,
ignored and dismissed as stupid “D&D metal,” whether or not they deal in sword and sorcery themes.
This was not enough, though, these superficial and shallow “invaders” are smug indie rockers at heart,
and a mocking, vapid retro ethos permeates the movement. The art and logowork adorning Invaders is
a reworking of the first Metal Blade Metal Massacre compilation, facetiously linking the bedroom
venture of a young and idealistic Brian Slagel to the conceived-in-an-office investment opportunity
orchestrated by Kemado.
While the liner notes, supplied by “metal historian” Ian Christe, who was
more than willing to pawn off early ‘90s alternative as metal in Sound of the Beast and earned his
57
hipster credentials by writing for Wired during the heady days of “the new economy,” relates an ironic
tale acknowledging the opportunistic transformation of indie rockers into metallers:
The unenlightened epoch of hairlessness became a fleeting memory as their second-hand
sweaters grew holes, unraveled, and were fashioned into gnarled headbands….

At the metallic
palace, first a nod of worry and confusion, then recognition as old foes were welcomed to the
throng. “Invaders are amongst us,” came the sentry’s cry. First the patches of allegiance were
examined. Suspicious eyes regarded faded Drive Like Jehu stickers, yet the skeptics clawed
beneath and found Metallica and Hawkwind emblems that renewed their trust.
Although the turgid and tendentious prose is hip and detached, the core message of crowding out
others as “legions grow” and a “time of destiny” approaches in which ironic hipsters who view metal’s
“battlefield as a playground” will be triumphant comes across in a stark and sardonic voice.

― Brigadier Lethbridge-Pfunkboy (Kerr), Wednesday, 7 June 2006 10:42 (nineteen years ago)

Decibel, seeking recognition and approval from the mainstream no matter the price, and lacking the
convictions to even view these developments as an insult and a threat to the livelihood of real heavy
metal bands.

I wonder what band this guy was in thats got him so pissed off with the industry and its championing of "false metal" like Pelican to the detriment of "the livelihood of real heavy metal bands"?

― Brigadier Lethbridge-Pfunkboy (Kerr), Wednesday, 7 June 2006 10:45 (nineteen years ago)

This is like a metal Maximum Rock n Roll minus the (intentional) funny.

― Marmotdeth (marmotwolof), Wednesday, 7 June 2006 10:49 (nineteen years ago)

I wonder what band this guy was in thats got him so pissed off with the industry and its championing of "false metal" like Pelican to the detriment of "the livelihood of real heavy metal bands"?

-- Brigadier Lethbridge-Pfunkboy (pfunkbo...), June 7th, 2006.

Grim Reaper?

― latebloomer's potater chip of the proletariat (latebloomer), Wednesday, 7 June 2006 10:52 (nineteen years ago)

Metal is not “changing”—the genre is being effaced in some quarters and replaced with other genres
that have about as much to do with metal as Milli Vanilli.

Chuck, did Milli Vanilli have a metal song?

― Brigadier Lethbridge-Pfunkboy (Kerr), Wednesday, 7 June 2006 12:25 (nineteen years ago)

Wait, what's "real metal" again?

I got back into metal after being into it in middle and high school (stuff like Metallica and Therapy? mostly, though some slayer and Morbid Angel too) because one of our local clubs basically went all-metal, all the time. Part of that is because the guy who took over booking was in a bunch of bands that either were on or played with folks on Amphetamine Reptile records (which I guess doesn't have "real metal"), but that meant bringing in people like Orange Goblin and The Impaler as well as obviously joke bands like Christpuncher.
I enjoy a lot of the classic stuff, but could not give less of a shit if it's "real metal" or not. Caring about the authenticity of your metal is like admitting that you've never had a fulfilling sexual relationship ever.

― js (honestengine), Wednesday, 7 June 2006 12:27 (nineteen years ago)

Wait, what's "real metal" again?

Anything that isnt Hipster Metal it would seem.

― Brigadier Lethbridge-Pfunkboy (Kerr), Wednesday, 7 June 2006 12:32 (nineteen years ago)

Writer's block. The suffocating algal bloom that can suddenly infest even the healthiest, most free-flowing fonts of creativity. And now it has struck me, its most unlikely victim! I simply cannot figure out where to go with this song I am writing. The first line is good: "I will kiss you with your intestines wrapped around your face. / I hate you so much I love you, you cheap disgrace." After that, however, I am at a complete loss. The tortured life of the genius is not to be envied, Diary.

EXCERPTS FROM THE DIARY OF AN ASPIRING DEATH-METAL FRONTMAN.
BY JESSE SINGAL

pt 1 - http://www.mcsweeneys.net/2005/7/8singal.html

pt 2 - http://www.mcsweeneys.net/2006/3/17singal.html

― marbles (marbles), Wednesday, 7 June 2006 13:21 (nineteen years ago)

I've only read the first couple of posts on this thread, but I am interested by the idea of something serious being written about metal and how it works. What is interesting about it as a genre is the way it is based around ideas of rebellion and so on, despite being very corporate. Pop is corporate too, but it does not pretend to be otherwise.

One day the kids will unite and reject the music of The Man.

― DV (dirtyvicar), Wednesday, 7 June 2006 14:07 (nineteen years ago)

just like in that Jack Black movie

― Washable School Paste (sexyDancer), Wednesday, 7 June 2006 14:23 (nineteen years ago)

gene simmons is an asshole.

― marbles (marbles), Wednesday, 7 June 2006 14:28 (nineteen years ago)

er, metal is hardly monolithic. most metal is put out by small labels with very stingy tour/publicity budgets (if they have a budget at all for these things). most metal musicians never get to quit their day jobs. even the successful ones. and most who do quit their day jobs have to tour constantly in order to afford to. it is very much a labour of love for tens of thousands of people. people can do it for decades whithout ever seeing any real money. i don't know how "corporate" that is. Opeth is a very successful(in underground terms)/critically lauded metal band from Sweden with a solid fan-base in the United States. Here are some numbers for you:

Artist/Event: MÖTLEY CRÜE
Venue: Dunkin' Donuts Center
City/State: Providence, R.I.
Date: March 8, 2006
Gross Sales: $373,545
Attendance: 6,321
Capacity: 9,210

Artist/Event: OPETH
Venue: The Big Easy
City/State: Spokane, Wash.
Date: March 10, 2006
Gross Sales: $13,056
Attendance: 886
Capacity: 1,500

x-post

― scott seward (scott seward), Wednesday, 7 June 2006 14:31 (nineteen years ago)

That only proves that Opeth sucks even more than Motley Crue.

― Siegbran (eofor), Wednesday, 7 June 2006 15:14 (nineteen years ago)

Naw, what Scott's saying is that the argument in the 'article' is amusing from the standpoint of an assumption that alt metal or hipster metal or whatever metal bands are draining off dollars from the xyz metal. Those figures show Opeth as a marginal band that is probably running a tab and breaking even in the US only occasionally.

I don't read Decibel a lot but I find it humorous that it would be on the receiving end of an accusation that the bands extolled in it are on the end of some money-making operation. The Ed Geins and Zatokrevs are all working at substantial loss if they want to make records. Most of them probably have to pay for their own recording costs, which is the practice now for almost everyone, even if they're on an indie. I doubt Pelican makes money. And if you're The Sword, whom my friend saw as an opener at the Khyber in Philly with 40 people in the room tops, you're definitely not making any.

― Urnst Kouch (Urnst Kouch), Wednesday, 7 June 2006 15:21 (nineteen years ago)

I've always insisted that nothing says metal more than taking in a show at the Dunkin' Donuts Center.

― Grey, Ian (IanBrooklyn), Wednesday, 7 June 2006 15:24 (nineteen years ago)

I wonder where Bathtub Shitter comes down on the false metal scale? Well, here's the easy equation: If you get reviewed by the New York Times, Pitchforkmedia, Decibel and some old stodgy places, you're false metal. If you only are reviewed in letters carried by passenger pigeon to the four corners of the world between metal fans who love each like they love their music, you're not.

― Urnst Kouch (Urnst Kouch), Wednesday, 7 June 2006 15:33 (nineteen years ago)

I like the idea of a Jeff Foxworthy-like routine with this (please read in David Spade's Foxworthy voice)...

If Aquarius Records had to make you your own bin card... you might be false metal

If youuuuuu have gotten a phone call from Kemado Records asking to send them a demo... you might... very well... be false metal

If youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu have ever been mentioned in Arthur, even as a joke... there is a tiny possibility that you, in fact.... might be false metal

― Whiney G. Weingarten (whineyg), Wednesday, 7 June 2006 15:49 (nineteen years ago)

"You Wrote a 69-Page Paper About False Metal (You're Gay)"

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 7 June 2006 15:50 (nineteen years ago)

decibel has a new false/not false feature in the reviews section. to go along with the decibot nu-metal album analyzer (a robot reviews new nu-metal releases, so that we don't have to)

it should be noted that decibel provided a link to this dude's manifesto in an issue months ago.

― scott seward (scott seward), Wednesday, 7 June 2006 16:27 (nineteen years ago)

"That only proves that Opeth sucks even more than Motley Crue."

hahaha, i think it proves that new underground metal that is hyped up the wazoo doesn't stand a chance against girlz, girlz, and more girlz.

― scott seward (scott seward), Wednesday, 7 June 2006 16:30 (nineteen years ago)

these are kinda fun:

Artist/Event: TOOL
Venue: Auditorium Theatre
City/State: Chicago, Ill.
Date: May 13, 2006
Gross Sales: $214,133
Attendance: 3,726
Capacity: 3,726

Artist/Event: TOOL
Venue: Memorial Hall
City/State: Kansas City, Kan.
Date: May 11, 2006
Gross Sales: $168,036
Attendance: 3,025
Capacity: 3,025

Artist/Event: ROB ZOMBIE, LACUNA COIL
Venue: NOKIA Theatre
City/State: Grand Prairie, Texas
Date: May 5, 2006
Gross Sales: $162,756
Attendance: 4,429
Capacity: 4,429

Artist/Event: AVENGED SEVENFOLD, COHEED & CAMBRIA, EIGHTEEN VISIONS
Venue: Aragon Ballroom
City/State: Chicago, Ill.
Date: May 10, 2006
Gross Sales: $113,438
Attendance: 4,125
Capacity: 4,500

Artist/Event: MINISTRY
Venue: House of Blues
City/State: New Orleans, La.
Date: May 8, 2006
Gross Sales: $23,910
Attendance: 797
Capacity: 1,000

Artist/Event: QUEEN + PAUL RODGERS
Venue: DCU Center
City/State: Worcester, Mass.
Date: March 10, 2006
Gross Sales: $542,233
Attendance: 7,714
Capacity: 11,229

Artist/Event: QUEEN + PAUL RODGERS
Venue: HSBC Arena
City/State: Buffalo, N.Y.
Date: March 17, 2006
Gross Sales: $294,415
Attendance: 7,127
Capacity: 12,311

Artist/Event: QUEEN + PAUL RODGERS
Venue: Mellon Arena
City/State: Pittsburgh, Pa.
Date: March 20, 2006
Gross Sales: $241,514
Attendance: 6,981
Capacity: 12,916

Artist/Event: STATUS QUO, DEEP PURPLE
Venue: Newcastle Entertainment Centre
City/State: Newcastle, Australia
Date: May 13, 2006
Gross Sales: $262,891
Attendance: 2,714
Capacity: 4,778

― scott seward (scott seward), Wednesday, 7 June 2006 16:32 (nineteen years ago)

Status Quo raking it in, motherfuckers!!!

― scott seward (scott seward), Wednesday, 7 June 2006 16:32 (nineteen years ago)

Artist/Event: GUNS N' ROSES, BULLET FOR MY VALENTINE
Venue: Hammerstein Ballroom
City/State: New York, N.Y.
Date: May 12, 14-15, 17, 2006
Gross Sales: $739,668
Attendance: 12,872
Capacity: 12,872

Artist/Event: AVENGED SEVENFOLD
Venue: Cobo Arena
City/State: Detroit, Mich.
Date: May 12, 2006
Gross Sales: $144,004
Attendance: 5,529
Capacity: 11,442

Artist/Event: THE CULT, CONTROLLER CONTROLLER
Venue: Bell Centre
City/State: Montreal, Quebec
Date: May 27, 2006
Gross Sales: $109,435
Attendance: 2,295
Capacity: 3,903

Artist/Event: THE CULT, CONTROLLER CONTROLLER, THE BANGKOK FIVE
Venue: Calgary Stampede
City/State: Calgary, Alberta
Date: May 20, 2006
Gross Sales: $98,045
Attendance: 2,719
Capacity: 4,970

Artist/Event: THE CULT, CONTROLLER CONTROLLER, THE BANGKOK FIVE
Venue: Plaza of Nations
City/State: Vancouver, British Columbia
Date: May 18, 2006
Gross Sales: $87,053
Attendance: 2,318
Capacity: 4,000

Artist/Event: THE CULT, CONTROLLER CONTROLLER, THE BANGKOK FIVE
Venue: Shaw Conference Centre
City/State: Edmonton, Alberta
Date: May 21, 2006
Gross Sales: $55,738
Attendance: 1,137
Capacity: 4,000

Artist/Event: H.I.M., AIDEN
Venue: State Theatre
City/State: Detroit, Mich.
Date: May 16, 2006
Gross Sales: $51,678
Attendance: 2,098
Capacity: 2,900

Artist/Event: ROB ZOMBIE, LACUNA COIL
Venue: House of Blues
City/State: Anaheim, Calif.
Date: April 26, 2006
Gross Sales: $41,157
Attendance: 1,080
Capacity: 1,080

Artist/Event: MOTÖRHEAD, MY RUIN, MELDRUM
Venue: House of Blues
City/State: Anaheim, Calif.
Date: March 10, 2006
Gross Sales: $26,275
Attendance: 1,050
Capacity: 1,050

Artist/Event: CHILDREN OF BODOM, GOD FORBID, THRU THE EYES OF THE DEAD
Venue: House of Blues
City/State: Anaheim, Calif.
Date: April 10, 2006
Gross Sales: $24,177
Attendance: 1,050
Capacity: 1,050

Artist/Event: SOULFLY, MANNTIS, THINE EYES BLEED, INCITE
Venue: House of Blues
City/State: Anaheim, Calif.
Date: April 21, 2006
Gross Sales: $19,763
Attendance: 859
Capacity: 1,050

Artist/Event: SOULFLY, THINE EYES BLEED, INSIGHT, GIZMACHI
Venue: Bogart's
City/State: Cincinnati, Ohio
Date: May 16, 2006
Gross Sales: $6,006
Attendance: 344
Capacity: 750

Artist/Event: CHIMAIRA, ARCH ENEMY, NEVERMORE, GOD FORBID, HATE ETERNAL
Venue: House of Blues
City/State: Anaheim, Calif.
Date: April 8, 2006
Gross Sales: $17,224
Attendance: 1,050
Capacity: 1,050

Artist/Event: SEVENDUST, NONPOINT, SOCIAL BURN, ONE
Venue: House of Blues
City/State: Anaheim, Calif.
Date: Feb. 28, 2006
Gross Sales: $14,043
Attendance: 657
Capacity: 1,050

Artist/Event: YNGWIE MALMSTEEN
Venue: House of Blues
City/State: New Orleans, La.
Date: May 26, 2006
Gross Sales: $8,840
Attendance: 442
Capacity: 1,000

Artist/Event: IN FLAMES
Venue: The Big Easy
City/State: Spokane, Wash.
Date: May 18, 2006
Gross Sales: $7,983
Attendance: 570
Capacity: 1,500

Artist/Event: ILL NINO, GOD FORBID, SILENT CIVILIAN, BLEED THE SKY, EYES OF FIRE
Venue: Coca-Cola Roxy Theatre
City/State: Atlanta, Ga.
Date: May 13, 2006
Gross Sales: $4,230
Attendance: 309
Capacity: 820

Artist/Event: THE DARKNESS, AFTER THE FALL
Venue: The Big Top at Luna Park
City/State: Sydney, Australia
Date: April 13-14, 2006
Gross Sales: $180,952
Attendance: 5,000
Capacity: 5,000

Artist/Event: THE DARKNESS, AFTER THE FALL
Venue: Palace
City/State: Melbourne, Australia
Date: April 6-7, 2006
Gross Sales: $159,276
Attendance: 4,000
Capacity: 4,000

Artist/Event: THE DARKNESS, AFTER THE FALL
Venue: Metro City
City/State: Perth, Australia
Date: April 4, 2006
Gross Sales: $98,137
Attendance: 2,500
Capacity: 2,500

Artist/Event: THE DARKNESS, AFTER THE FALL
Venue: Thebarton Theatre
City/State: Adelaide, Australia
Date: April 8, 2006
Gross Sales: $72,265
Attendance: 1,800
Capacity: 1,800

Artist/Event: THE DARKNESS, AFTER THE FALL
Venue: The Arena
City/State: Brisbane, Australia
Date: April 11, 2006
Gross Sales: $64,073
Attendance: 1,600
Capacity: 1,60

― scott seward (scott seward), Wednesday, 7 June 2006 16:35 (nineteen years ago)

oof:

Artist/Event: PRONG, SKUMLOVE
Venue: House of Blues
City/State: West Hollywood, Calif.
Date: July 30, 2005
Gross Sales: $745
Attendance: 149
Capacity: 1,000

― scott seward (scott seward), Wednesday, 7 June 2006 16:40 (nineteen years ago)

Prong are still going?

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 7 June 2006 16:41 (nineteen years ago)

wait, who brought the pig's head? give them an extra 50 bucks:

Artist/Event: SUFFOCATION, CRYPTOPSY, DESPISED ICON, ABORTED
Venue: Commodore Ballroom
City/State: Vancouver, British Columbia
Date: Oct. 18, 2005
Gross Sales: $6,455
Attendance: 304
Capacity: 990

― scott seward (scott seward), Wednesday, 7 June 2006 16:43 (nineteen years ago)

shit, you guys, ditch the pig's head, cattle decapitation are playing tonight:

Artist/Event: SUFFOCATION, CRYPTOPSY, CATTLE DECAPITATION, ABORTED
Venue: House of Blues
City/State: Anaheim, Calif.
Date: Oct. 11, 2005
Gross Sales: $12,807
Attendance: 493
Capacity: 1,000

― scott seward (scott seward), Wednesday, 7 June 2006 16:46 (nineteen years ago)

weekly gig?

― Washable School Paste (sexyDancer), Wednesday, 7 June 2006 16:49 (nineteen years ago)

No, ersatz Queen in Worcester at an eye-popping half a million plus. They've been all over VH1 and PBS, so they're getting the false metal crowd and the upper middle class middle-aged yuppie hipster metal audience, which is distinct from the collegiate hipster metal audience. Because those wretched slobs have no money.

Where are you getting those gate statistics?

― Urnst Kouch (Urnst Kouch), Wednesday, 7 June 2006 16:53 (nineteen years ago)

Prong are still going?

And still operating at loss, or so the gate says. Even at the height of their popularity, they were treated shabby.

http://www.dickdestiny.com/blog/2006/05/reruns-continued-another-in-frequent.html

― Urnst Kouch (Urnst Kouch), Wednesday, 7 June 2006 16:56 (nineteen years ago)

And knowing the Airport Music Hall in Allentown as I did, Prong most likely weren't paid. Which makes their House of Blues gig a small step up.

― Urnst Kouch (Urnst Kouch), Wednesday, 7 June 2006 17:01 (nineteen years ago)

"Where are you getting those gate statistics?"

blabbermouth. via billboard, i think.

― scott seward (scott seward), Wednesday, 7 June 2006 17:05 (nineteen years ago)

er, billboard via blabbermouth, that should be.

― scott seward (scott seward), Wednesday, 7 June 2006 17:06 (nineteen years ago)

Prong owes me $20 from 1988.

― Ian Christe (Ian Christe), Wednesday, 7 June 2006 17:17 (nineteen years ago)

i'm reviewing the new scott walker album for the next issue of decibel. i can't remember if he's false metal or not. he uses a side of beef to make handclapping sounds on the new album. that's pretty metal.

― scott seward (scott seward), Wednesday, 7 June 2006 17:18 (nineteen years ago)

Prong actually thanked me in the notes to their first album! (Since I'd recommended their debut EP *Primitive Organs* in *Creem Metal.*)

>decibel has a new false/not false feature in the reviews section.<

Yeah, but they didn't bite on the monthly Non-Extreme Metal roundup I offered them. (I love the magazine, and especially love that they let Scott write half the review section. I just dislike their self-imposed limitations, which is why they'll never be *Creem Metal.*)

As for this essay guy, it totally hurts my feelings that he does not mention *Stairway To Hell* (which includes the Velvet Underground, New York Dolls, and Boston as metal!) But I hope he gets a chance to read my MTV Urge metal blog someday. Today I wrote about Survivor! (And sorry, there's no URL. You gotta download some software, or something. Actually I have no idea how it works. I got it for free.)

― xhuxk (xheddy), Wednesday, 7 June 2006 17:19 (nineteen years ago)

I had completely missed you were doing that now, Chuck. (Shows what I know!)

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 7 June 2006 17:21 (nineteen years ago)

I just walked over to the Earache offices and got the new Deicide album. It's very metal.

― pdf (Phil Freeman), Wednesday, 7 June 2006 17:24 (nineteen years ago)

>i'm reviewing the new scott walker album for the next issue of decibel<

Then it would probably be more appropriate to call it beef rock or Clara Petacci-core (or the psychology of terrorism metal) for Decibel, than when Ann Powers ran the since-it's-awful-it's-good-for-you Walker cliche over the cliff on Saturday:

http://www.dickdestiny.com/blog/2006/06/wham-bam-british-glam-def-leppards.html

Ignore the first part of the entry. It's false metal.

― Urnst Kouch (Urnst Kouch), Wednesday, 7 June 2006 19:02 (nineteen years ago)

Did you know, xhuxk, you're blgging a blog? It said so here at some other blog on blogs. I extract:

>>He's blogging the Metal Informer blog

Do you have broadband? Because that's what Urge formally requires. I'm interested but so far it's screened from Google and I'm not much for Windows Digital Rights Management software, which what they claim to be using.

― Urnst Kouch (Urnst Kouch), Wednesday, 7 June 2006 19:14 (nineteen years ago)

>Do you have broadband? <

Heck if I know! I have digital cable; is that the same thing?

And what blog blogged about my blog blogging?

― xhuxk (xheddy), Wednesday, 7 June 2006 19:18 (nineteen years ago)

ha, never mind. google to the rescue. (and that's rhino bucket in the photo, by the way):

http://www.coolfer.com/blog/archives/2006/05/more_notes_on_u_1.php

― xhuxk (xheddy), Wednesday, 7 June 2006 19:20 (nineteen years ago)

>I have digital cable; is that the same thing?<

Yes, almost.

― Urnst Kouch (Urnst Kouch), Wednesday, 7 June 2006 19:22 (nineteen years ago)

I just walked over to the Earache offices and got the new Deicide album. It's very metal.
-- pdf (newyorkisno...), June 7th, 2006.

It would've been more metal if you had done it yesterday.

― Edward III (edward iii), Wednesday, 7 June 2006 19:34 (nineteen years ago)

ack, that windows media player v. 11 is messing with my porn hobby

― rizzx (rizzx), Wednesday, 7 June 2006 19:43 (nineteen years ago)

we're suing urge for ganking our name! we were the first people to inform people about anything!

― M@tt He1geson (Matt Helgeson), Wednesday, 7 June 2006 19:59 (nineteen years ago)

It's jass metal but Tommy Bolin's archival we-dug-this-up-from-the-earth-he-rotted-in Whips and Roses is good for the first three cuts, at least. It's Teaser related, but not as balanced or pro-mixed for the AOR crowd as was the style then. This has lots of guitar wank. It's not the kind of jass metal the hipsters would like but maybe you would if you liked Jeff Beck's Wired or Stanley Clarke's Vulcan Princess.

― Urnst Kouch (Urnst Kouch), Wednesday, 7 June 2006 21:25 (nineteen years ago)

Prong actually thanked me in the notes to their first album!

You, me, and Jimmy Gestapo!

― Ian Christe (Ian Christe), Wednesday, 7 June 2006 22:13 (nineteen years ago)

Of course they did.

― Urnst Kouch (Urnst Kouch), Wednesday, 7 June 2006 22:55 (nineteen years ago)

The "Pictures at an Exhibition" performance by ELP at Wight in '70 released as a dual disc right now is metal -- moreso than most of the stuff in the so-called treatise. Way more crucial than Scott Walker's Clara Petacci-core. That and the new Damone.

Wolfmother back to being promoted as a 9.99 buy. Meaning the first wave of hype failed them and the label. They're prob'ly stuck just around 100,000 sales +/- 20,000, which has everyone hitting the panic button considering the bar tab.

― Urnst Kouch (Urnst Kouch), Thursday, 8 June 2006 07:22 (nineteen years ago)

http://news.yahoo.com/s/fwd/20060608/en_fashion_fwd/kiss_rocks_on_with_new_fragrance_and_coffeehouse

― marbles (marbles), Friday, 9 June 2006 15:29 (nineteen years ago)

serve "KISS Frozen Rockuccino, the most caffeinated and refreshing coffee beverage on the market, as well as a full array of cookies brownies and cupcakes," but will also function as "an official KISS Army recruiting office."

"Every army needs food and drink and the KISS Army is no exception!" said Gene Simmons. "Even the non-enlisted will find our treats and java rockin' good!"

I wonder what they do for IEDs.

― Urnst Kouch (Urnst Kouch), Friday, 9 June 2006 16:38 (nineteen years ago)

It's not _the_ Scot Walker is it?

― mei (mei), Friday, 9 June 2006 18:51 (nineteen years ago)

He invented Clara Petacci-core on his new album. In last Sunday's LA Times he was a dead ringer for Bill Nighy. Maybe Bill could play him in a movie about a genius who invents Clara Petacci-core.

― Urnst Kouch (Urnst Kouch), Friday, 9 June 2006 18:57 (nineteen years ago)

I actually kinda enjoy the excerpts you guys are posting. He's basically accusing metal of becoming the new indie. Maybe he's right (though the financial motive does seem tenuous).

― Frank Kogan (Frank Kogan), Friday, 9 June 2006 21:49 (nineteen years ago)

two months pass...

This is like a metal Maximum Rock n Roll minus the (intentional) funny.

-- Marmotdeth (marmotwolo...), June 7th, 2006.

OTFM

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Saturday, 12 August 2006 15:27 (nineteen years ago)

i finally got around to reading this. WOW. dude nearly puts Jann, Vas, and Sami to shame! talk about an axe to grind(core)!

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Saturday, 12 August 2006 15:30 (nineteen years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/conspiracy-theorist-fp-inde.frontpage_thumbnail.jpg

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Saturday, 12 August 2006 15:35 (nineteen years ago)

with longer hair

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Saturday, 12 August 2006 15:35 (nineteen years ago)

"The financial health of heavy metal is controlled by people with no regard for the music or its fans."

Doesn't this descrbe most record companies ever?

― Ice Cream Electric (Ice Cream Electric), Saturday, 12 August 2006 15:45 (nineteen years ago)

btw here's the profile of the guy who wrote the article:

Name: Dave Burns

Position: Columnist

Contributor Since: January 2006

Birthdate: March 9, 1973

Quote of Relevance: "While there is a lower class, I am in it; while there is a criminal element, I am of it; while there is a soul in prison, I am not free." -Eugene Debs

Five Songs of Note: : Manowar's Spirit Horse of the Cherokee, Iron Maiden's The Aftermath, Gamma Ray's Strangers in the Night, Znowhite's A Soldier's Creed, Vio-lence's I Profit

Other Activities and Interests: Menacing motorists on my mountain bike, frolicking in the snow, hiking in the woods, watching movies, drinking coffee and smoking cigarettes. U.S. history 1877-present: labor, radical (right and left), social and intellectual. Literature (Tolstoy, Dostoevsky, Hugo, Zola, London, Sinclair, and Algren). Philosophy (Socrates, Diogenes of Sinope, Seneca, Voltaire, Jefferson, Marx and Tolstoy). Cheese (Swiss, Cheddar, Provolone, Chocolate, Munster, Co-Jack, Bleu, Omelets, Curds, Melts, and Pizza). Kim Stanley Robinson. Tad Williams. Conan of Cimmeria. Pittsburgh Steelers.

Email: boswell1973 at yahoo dot com (remove '_nospam' before sending)

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Saturday, 12 August 2006 15:56 (nineteen years ago)

Why did I read it? why did I even start the thread?
If I had read the article 1st I am sure I would've fallen asleep and not been able to start it.

― Brigadier Lethbridge-Pfunkboy (Kerr), Saturday, 12 August 2006 16:16 (nineteen years ago)

No hipster cheese for that guy!

― DJ Mencap (DJ Mencap), Saturday, 12 August 2006 16:38 (nineteen years ago)

six years pass...

Menacing motorists on my mountain bike

― NINO CARTER, Saturday, 29 December 2012 15:43 (thirteen years ago)

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