Eddie Van Halen - YOU'VE FINALLY GONE TOO FAR! FUCK YOU!

unless someone wants to change his name to David Lee Van Halen

sickening

JOHN
Max.

Terminator nods. Speaks into the phone.

TERMINATOR
Hey, Janelle, what's wrong with Wolfy? I can
hear him barking. Is he okay?

JANELLE
(filtered)
Wolfy's fine, honey. Where are you?

Terminator unceremoniously hangs up the phone. Turns to John.

TERMINATOR
Your foster parents are dead. Let's go.

rofl. but i think the Terminator asks if Woofie is okay...it always threw me though, because it is Ahnold's lips with furlong's voice..still, rofl

Denardo wins easily.

I didn't care for Van Halen after Roth left. Now I mourn them with Anthony leaving.

Posted at 10:38PM on Nov 2nd 2006 by Jones

LMFAO.

i just wanna say that putting Eddie @ #70 is mean.
It's cruel, it's a really hurtful thing to do.

That list should be titled... "100 most influential guitarists... ( as seen by jan wenner's elitist, left-wing corporate hippie music snob editors.)

and even if that were the case, Eddie is one of the top 3 greatest, most influential guitarists Ever. 1. Jimi 2. EVH 3. oh, *beep* it. Robert Johnson.

Looking at the list, joan jett is not a greater guitar player than eddie. Johnny Ramone @ #16- Jack White @ #17? Tom Morello of Rage @ #26?

Tom, i'm sorry bro. your not a better guitar player than Eddie.

that list reflects the most influential guitarists. i would under stand that joan jett was/is an influential female guitar player, but her chops surpass eddie's? please.

Now, Jimi was the greatest ever. He changed guitar playing. but eddie is right up there. He changed modern guitar playing and influenced every guitar solo thru the 80's. (Listen to some cheezy 80's pop tune with the ripping guitar solo... )

The rock n roll hall of fame is run by Jan Wenner - ( who started rolling stone magazine ) and writer Dave Marsh ( who coined the term punk rock and wrote for RS for many years.)

The rock n roll hall of fame is their own personal, RnRHOF. dicks.

Now Van Halen has appeared 4-5 times on the cover. But for some reason, they ( eddie mostly ) just don't get the props they/he deserve.

The original line up should be in the hall. for sure.

but That's why Van Halen isn't in the Rock and Roll hall of fame.

it's run by two *beep* holes.

http://www.roadrunnerrecords.com/blabbermouth.net/news.aspx?mode=Article&newsitemID=49721

Also, in his Stern show appearance referenced above, he made the point that having Wolfie in the band would be a call back to when he and his brother played their dad as kids. In his defense, the brand name is the family name of the players involved, and it ain't like Don Henley bringing his kids onstage and calling it the Eagles.

This quote really swirled me into a "WAHT!":

But then of course the longer we spent in the studio, you know we had two or three different producers in there trying to work with us and Dave would just come in with tapes of the CHEMICAL BROTHERS, all different kinds of weird stuff and say 'Hey, let's do a song like this,'

OK, I don't dislike the Chemical Brothers, and I completely defend the Roth years of Van Halen, but this is as terse and solid a reason as ever to never invite Roth back into the band ever again.

On curing his tongue cancer without chemo or radiation:

Eddie Van Halen: “I cured my cancer in a way that’s not exactly legal in this country. I’d tell you, but I don’t want to go to jail. When you drink your damn draino it just holds it at bay. It comes back. Cancer is like a cockroach. It just comes back stronger. I’m tearing apart the immune system of the cockroach and seeing how it ticks. I’ve opened up my own pathology center. Some of us open tequila bars in Mexico, I’m curing cancer. They cut a healthy piece of my tongue off and grew healthy cells outside of my body and tested them. I’m missing a third of my tongue. They butchered me. I didn’t quit smoking after I got tongue cancer cause smoking didn’t cause it.”

http://www.rollingstone.com/rockdaily/index.php/2006/09/14/eddie-van-halen-goes-bananas-on-howard-stern-the-full-highlights/

THANKS DAD.

LOL. It would be pretty wild if it turned out he did cure cancer and we all had to turn around and feel bad for laughing, though.

HS: “Diamond David Lee Roth never wanted piano in Van Halen.”
EVH: “You mean cubic zirconia?”

(Susan OTM obv.)

uh, zing?

https://www.instagram.com/p/B5U4BahFyvw/?igshid=1bjbsca5omi18

I can barely see the road from the heat comin off of it....VOOOSH

don't sully the Miura

this seems as good as any to bump…

when he died, it occurred to me that it was a missed opportunity for him to do a solo record. He and his brother were unusual for the lack of extracurricular activity: they didn't really play with other people, sometimes EVH would play with a high profile, unchallenging pickup band, but "eddie Van Halen" is a household name way beyond Steve vai or Joe Satriani, so if he wanted to do something different than heavy rock with his brother, he probly could have gotten Warner Bros to go along with it, he could have gotten literally any high profile sidemen, and it would be easy to market and publicize before 1991.

But he didn't want to do anything other than play with his brother. although it was suggested that they change the name of the band in 86, "van Halen" ultimately was the name of 1.) a family band (even moreso starting in 2007), 2.) whatever he felt like doing.

But the other day I listened to VHIII for the first time since reviewing it when it came out, and that record is what happens when a sober EVH tries to make mature rock music. He said that when he quit drinking in the mid 90s, he suddenly realized he didn't like Sam and Dave-style "partying and pussy" lyrics, also given that he and the band distanced themselves from the hair metal milieu as soon as Dave left the band (unlike Kiss and Aerosmith, who were eager to associate with that movement) and also given that in the early 90s he liked Nirvana ("give me the mexican's guitar!") and saw seattle shit as more serious minded.

Although Sam would try to provide "serious" lyrical content during his time with the band, it would be dunderheaded…and so when they fell out, Gary Cherone would do what Eddie wanted, and there is no doubt that EVH came up with some of the lyrics on VHIII. Again, the result is what Eddie thought was a mature rock record, and thus is pretty much what a EVH solo record would have ended up as. Would you think that EVH would want to stretch himself compositionally? Maybe you would, but presented on this record, his idea of different kinds of song structures, unencumbered by the needs of Sam and Dave, are completely bereft of novelty and are dull dull dull.

I urge anyone reading these words —or maybe a challenge is more suitable to the task at hand— to listen to VHIII and report back here with your impressions. "how Many Say I," the closing track, is among the more dumbfounding, Shaggs-level listening experiences I could possibly recommend to anyone.

Was tempted to take you up on this offer until I saw the average track running time. Why would any VH song need to last eight minutes?!

because EVH thought longer track lengths are serious minded.

I haven't heard that record, but one of the three new Sammy songs on the 2004 compilation (Best of Both Worlds - the Cherone era neatly excised) was blatant Soundgarden/grunge pastiche, with a heavy "philosophical" lyrics. It followed a new song where Sammy screams "she puts cream on my banana!", so maybe Eddie realized you can't exclusively cater to the meaningful lyrics brigade.

Sam and Dave-style "partying and pussy" lyrics

this confused me for a moment until I realized you meant the Van Halen singers

Coming to ya
on your booty hole

massive lol

Van Halen in its first iteration was a source of unabashed joy for millions. I'm sorry Eddie couldn't feel that.

aren't there supposed to be a bunch of synth recordings he did solo in his studio that have never been released? i swear i read that

jazz odyssey

As I have understood, there was people that encouraged Eddie Van Halen to make an instrumental record but he never really had all that much interest. EVH did do the music for the film Twister but that apparently never caught his fancy or was the wrong type of work as he never did anymore.

Got to wonder if that jam record that Brian May did with him getting savaged by Eric Clapton might have made him a bit insecure on doing that kind of thing.

Got to think considering the popularity that Vai and Satriani had doing instrumental records that an Eddie Van Halen version of that could have been really popular, especially if maybe it had a couple of guest appearances type things. I just don't know that Eddie for all his skills was as musically curious as some.

It was probably just more fun to booze, do drugs and jam in his home studio.

Veronica - I tried. I made it through the first song, a ponderous acoustic thing, then the first minute and a half of Gary. Honestly would rather watch water evaporate

Didn’t he, at one point, say he didn’t really listen to new rock or pop, other than Peter Gabriel’s ‘So’?

I thought that Mike Varney contacted him about doing something for Shrapnel, but maybe that was just idle guitar chat back in the day

The VH III videos are funny in a "Are they trying to sell themselves as the Chilli Pep's cooler, older brothers?" kind of way.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lT8RdKN8u9w

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wAZG2UX8ONQ

The latter being a tie-in to Lethal Weapon 4 is a little too obviously appropriate.

Just imagining if Roth had been on the latter track trying to add his usual spoken-word skeeziness

"Ooh
It's a four alarm blaze, baby
I got second degree burns from the heat
Hey, watch how you handle that fire hose"

Come on, Dave, give me a break

EVH very much tried to control the media reaction to VH3 in the lead up, he was mega sensitive

In his Guitar magazine interview promoting the album, he talked over and over about how MATURE the lyrics were compared to the stupid old albums, lamented that they once had lyrics like "1-900-SPANK!", made sure to repeat how much more mature the songwriting was and how dumb it was back in the 80s.

It was fairly desperate, and then he kept referring to the song he sang as his Tom Waits song multiple times

I wonder if Dave has ever been to one of Sammy’s airport restaurants.

I still remember every track cos as a kid I liked it.

"From Afar" being a more 90s Hagar-esque ballad than Hagar could have done himself

"Dirty Water Dogs" had a decent chorus.

"Ballot or the Bullet" was the only song that "rocked" but the lyrics could have come from an email chain letter

he didn’t really listen to new rock or pop, other than Peter Gabriel’s ‘So’

I listened to the iTunes previews of all the songs on Van Halen III, and "Once" struck me as attempted Gabriel (albeit with a Hagar-soundalike singer).

There was a viral pic of Eddie and Wolfgang at a Tool show, which seems on-brand.

Once is dream-Muzak

Speaking of WVH, he recently explained that the streaming deals for Different Kind of Truth have expired, and DLR is blocking them being renewed because "he thinks the album sucks."

Lol

True dat

I urge anyone reading these words —or maybe a challenge is more suitable to the task at hand— to listen to VHIII and report back here with your impressions. "how Many Say I," the closing track, is among the more dumbfounding, Shaggs-level listening experiences I could possibly recommend to anyone.

Most Anthemic Music you know

I wrote about this album at length back in 2018, when it turned 20. It's not good.

I still haven't heard it but I want to as it may hold a fascination similar to its prog cousin Calling All Stations (which at least has a few good songs)

DLR is blocking them being renewed because "he thinks the album sucks."

Surprised he can outvote Alex and WVH.

Listened to VHIII. I haven't heard most VH albums even now - the only Sagar one I know is FUCK - so I can't really contextualise the band faults as well but damn that did it go on and on and on. Ultimately wasn't a case of songs not knowing how to end as really where to go anywhere at any point, a tuneless contraption of signifiers and unexplained diversions. I enjoyed some of the weird peripheral bits (e.g. Primary or the end of Josephina) for reminding me of Diver Down. "Once" might work if it had a more sympathetic singer maybe?

Sagar lol

well, now that Unperson has unearthed the fact that EVH wished to emulate Tom Waits, I should amend my challenge to you guys that you should only listen to "How Many Say I," a truly misbegotten recording, but thrillingly so, almost shagg-esque, how-on-earth-did-he-think-he-should-release-this? level. It's nice to know that a recording artist post 1978 other than Nirvana and PG's So (many times he said that was the last record he cared about) made an impression on him, although in my experience for many years Waits and Elvis Costello were held up by dullards as proof that they were really into quality, non commercially minded artists, and not, notably, pop/hip-hop crap.

"well, now that NEANDERTHAL has unearthed the fact that EVH wished to emulate Tom Waits,"

Sagar lol

Bob Seger-Hagar

Ever since I learned EVH’s mom was Indonesian I see it in every photo of him. Dude was half Asian, so cool

According to WVH's WTF episode, the only VH guy he's on good terms with right now (aside from AVH) is--ironically--MA.