rated r

the memory still churns my gut like a cheap vindaloo curry. i was standing in the checkout line at kmart ready to purchase a delightful lycra g-string when the tumult began.

a child of 7 or so, accompanying his father who stood ahead of me in the line, began struggling against the grip of his old man. the child's eyes were intent on the candy so prominently displayed on the stores "impulse" shelves. the father, as i would soon discover, was only concerned with a candy far sweeter. "i'm getting angry daniel. come here. you've already had one of those today." "no!" "come on son. you don't want to spoil your lunch. now let's go. the lady at the counter is waiting for us." and then it came: "no, i don't want to go with you daddy. and i don't want you to put your thing in my bottom again." some men would have tackled the father to the ground then and there. some would have reported him to the authorities. in the words of john travolta in a movie i'm not going to name, "this is a moral test of one's self." well, as you can imagine i quickly changed to a shorter queue. afterwards i drove straight to the beach to try out my new purchase. the surf never felt so good.