Who are the least intelligent musicians?

Drummer of Gay Dad.

I would nominate most of the bands from "The Decline of Western Civilization: The metal years"...

Drummer of Rough Cutt, going by his interview segment on the b-side of that Hear'n'Aid charity single from the 80s sometime.

to add to what i said, i don't mean ozzy, alice cooper, kiss necessarily, but bands like London and Lizzy Borden

Gene Simmons hands down

Phil Anselmo

Isn't Kelis notoriously dim?

Phil Anselmo should walk this.

http://newsimg.bbc.co.uk/media/images/40076000/jpg/_40076357_dolores203.jpg

It was the fearful night of December 8th.
He was returning home from the studio late.
He had perseptively known that it wouldn't be nice.
Because in 1980, he paid the price.

John Lennon died. [X6]

With a Smith & Wesson 38,
John Lennon's life was no longer a debate.
He should have stayed at home,
He should have never cared,
And the man who took his life declared,

He said I just shot John Lennon.
He said I just shot John Lennon.
What a sad and sorry and sickening sight.
What a sad and sorry and sickening night.
What a sad and sorry and sickening sight.
What a sad and sorry and sickening night.

Ah, ah ah ah, ah...

I just shot John Lennon.
He said I just shot John Lennon.
What a sad and sorry and sickening sight.
What a sad and sorry and sickening night.
What a sad and sorry and sickening sight.
What a sad and sorry and sickening night.

Ah, ah ah ah, ah...

Who will save the war child baby?
Who controls the key?
The web we weave is thick and sordid,
Fine by me.

At times of war we're all the losers,
There's no victory.
We shoot to kill and kill your lover,
Fine by me.

War child, victim of political pride.
Plant the seed, territorial greed.
Mind the war child,
We should mind the war child.

I spent last winter in New York,
And came upon a man.
He was sleeping on the streets and homeless,
He said, "I fought in Vietnam."

Beneath his shirt he wore the mark,
He bore the mark with pride.
A two inch deep incision carved,
Into his side.

War child, victim of political pride.
Plant the seed, territorial greed.
Mind the war child,
We should mind the war child.

Who's the loser now? Who's the loser now?
We're all the losers now. We're all the losers now.

War child. [X2]

http://mog.com/pictures/wikipedia/534957/Tc_band.JPG

I would like to state my vision,
Life was so unfair.
We live in our secure surroundings,
And people die out there.

Bosnia was so unkind.
Sarajevo changed my mind.
And we all call out in despair.
All the love we need isn't there.
And we all sing songs in our room.
Sarajevo erects another doom.

Sarajevo, Sarajevo, Sarajevo, Sarajevo.
Bosnia was so unkind.
Sarajevo, Sarajevo, Saraje-
Bosnia was so unkind.

Sure things would change if we really wanted them to.
No fear for children anymore.
There are babies in their beds,
Terror in their heads,
Love for the love of life.

When do the saints go marching in? [X4]
Walk on tip toe...

http://img2.timeinc.net/ew/dynamic/imgs/070516/dolores/dolores_l.jpg

We'd better think about the things we say
We'd better think about the games we play
The world went round, around and round

We'd better think about the consequences
We'd better think about the global senses
The time went out, the time went out

What about Chernobyl?
What about radiation?
We don't know, we don't know

What about deprivation?
Gluttony, the human nation?
We don't know, we don't know
For me love is all, for me love is all
For me love is all, for me love is all

Time is ticking out

Looks like we screwed up the ozone layer
I wonder if the politicians care
And time went out, and time went out

What about our children then?
Is there nothing left for them?
We don't know, we don't know
For me love is all, for me love is all
For me love is all, for me love is all
Ahh they need oxygen, ahh they need oxygen
For me love is all, for me love is all
For me love is all, for me love is all

Time is ticking out yeah
The time is ticking out

J Simp?

Here NV, this thread did a lot of the work for you:
Dolores O'Riordan has released a solo album, who knew? Who knows if it sucks?

http://todalamusica.files.wordpress.com/2007/08/dolores2.jpg

Suddenly something has happened to me
As I was having my cup of tea
Suddenly I was feeling depressed
I was utterly and totally stressed
Do you know you made me cry
Do you know you made me die

What's great about Dolores is that no matter how stupid your parody is, the real lyrics are funnier.

There is a strong case for her being objectively the worst lyricist of all time.

Wow, I'd have to agree. Mitigating factor: no whale hearbeats

Joe threw another tantrum
He could not to be understood
He cries like baby Samson
His English is not good

Joe's boss of the kitchen
But on the outside he knows
Low man on the totem's
Wearing giveaway clothes

Joe he fights the good fight
He wears a white uniform
The waiters are all artists
Out chasing unicorns

Joe works fourteen hours
After ten he starts to booze
He gets very sentimental
Oh he sings the buddah blues
He sings the buddah blues
My name Joe my name Joe
There is a king in Thailand
And he plays the jazz drum
He has a fine and healthy son
Oh no I'm not the one
My name Joe
On the wall by the time clock
Joe's beaming from a photograph
Someone drew across his face
The waiters began to laugh

Joe picked up a hatchet
And he tenderized the wall
And when he got through
Time clock wasn't punching anymore

The waiters ran for cover
The maitre d' began to lisp
The drunkard in the corner
Said his lettuce was not crisp

Owner called immigration
Said there's someone you should know
He's an illegal alien
And I think his name is Joe
Oh I know his name is Joe
My name Joe my name Joe
There is a king in Thailand
And he plays the jazz drum
He has a fine and healthy son
Oh no I'm not the one
My name Joe
Came the man from immigration
Said I've got a job to do
Easy questions easy answers
Just point me to the kitchen crew

He asked Leroy from Harlem
He asked Cisco from Mexico
He asked the white trash from Tennessee
That all said my name Joe

My name Joe my name Joe
The maitre d' he sputtered
The kitchen crew they roared
And while they were arguing
Joe slipped out the back door

On the beach Joe tries to listen
To the heartbeat of a whale
How it echoes his own heartbeat
And the distance he has sailed
Oh the distance he has sailed
My name Joe my name Joe
There is a king in Thailand
And he plays the jazz drum
He has a fine and healthy son
Oh no I'm not the one
My name Joe

yeah, thats true, but that doesn't necessarily make her stupid, does it? and gene simmons, he might be a dick, but he doesn't strike me as particularly dumb either.

Phil Anselmo, on the other hand...

or scott stapp or keller williams

Are there specific examples of Phil Anselmo being dumb, or is it something one concludes from years of watching him in action?

racist dude in pantera

Geir actually OTM!

DW: Ricky Gervais told me there's a story that Liam thinks Spinal Tap are a real band. Is that true?

NG: Yeah, he thought they were real people. We went to see them play in Carnegie Hall. Before they played, they came on as three folk singers from the film A Mighty Wind. We were laughing and he said: 'This is shit'. We said: 'No, those three are in Spinal Tap. You do know they are American actors?' 'They're not even a real band?' 'They're not even English! One of them is married to Jamie Lee Curtis.' 'I'm not fuckin' 'avin that,' he says, and walks off right up the middle of Carnegie Hall. He's never watched Spinal Tap since. He'd seen the film and loved it and thought they were a real band.

haha that actually makes me like Liam. how could someone be that clueless?

yeah, liam comes across pretty thick, there. but, i don't believe that he's really so stupid at all. i think that he just has a warped sense of what a cool way to project yourself onto the media is, that's all. beneath that, he's probably not so dim.

http://www.sleazeroxx.com/bands/motleycrue/motleycrue1.jpg

Gene Simmons hands down

He may be morally reprehensible, but he's not stupid.

true. tommy lee however...

He may be morally reprehensible, but he's not stupid

I once read an interview about ten years ago where he admitted to loving Lang and Pabst films.

a case should be made for sid vicious, but im not making it

Does Sid qualify as "musician"?

Wait how long has Monica from Friends been in the Cranberries!?

xpost to alex

good point.

for that matter, Steve Jones isn't exactly MENSA material either

Scott Weiland, though even less of a musician than our friend Sid.

Glenn Danzig. I seriously love the guys music, but when he opens his mouth, if it isn't for singing, it isn't worth listening to.

right about danzig. if it weren't for things that i've read that he's said in interviews and such, i'd probably love his music. but, i just can't get past what a turd he is. (me not being able to get past what a turd danzig is and to the music is my own personal, stupid hang-up, i know).

Good call on Danzig. Also, Paul Stanley. He's so...vacant? He reminds me of Miss America contestants, like talking and thinking are chores for him.

I think part of the dilemma here is that the genuinely dim don't seek the spotlight- they live in fear of being put on the spot. So we're stuck combing through those with enough savvy to garner attention, yet look asinine in the process. We're cataloging the drug-addled, the willfully ignorant, and those with delusions of wisdom. Do those count as lack of intelligence? I dunno.

OTM bendy

No mention of Fiddy yet, huh?

Also - Bob Stinson? I say that with love.

God, i hadn't really thought of rappers. Ja Rule and Nelly to thread

Well, the thread asked for "musicians," so...

Bob Stinson a good example, but he ends up being more of an idiot-savant than conventionally unintelligent. Also, because he was an instrumentalist and not a vocalist/lyricist, he hasn't left us with any looseleaf poetry to stare agape at.

Kanye is pretty dumb.

Insects:

http://www.sublimefrequencies.com/item.asp?Item_id=15

Lyrics ought not be a criteria though. For instance, the dude from the Offspring is one of the worst lyricists I've ever heard - yet, isn't he like a biophysicist or brain surgeon or something?

Conversely, Dylan - a stone cold genius - has written some howlers that could almost pass for O'Riordianesque

Mickey Thomas of the Starship was generally considered a dim bulb.

Also: Jesse Camp?

Nicko McBrain. I love him dearly....and he more than makes up for it for all his enthusiasm...but the whole running down the security guard with a car thing kinda qualifies.

Dolores O'Riordan is Bono, not Larry.

"this bass goes to eleven. its one louder."

Based on what I've seen on television: Scott Stapp, Vanilla Ice

Avril doesn't seem to bright

Madonna has also been co-writing most of her material.

Again, so? Madonna's obviously a pretty smart cookie, but this obviously has absolutely zilch to do with how smart performers are. (Some performers would seem a lot smarter if they used more outside writers.)

I had thought about nominating GG Allin myself. (Billy Milano, too, though I honestly have no idea how smart or dumb he really is. He could be a genius, for all I know. And I'm not even sure I could cite anymore whatever used to convince me he wasn't the sharpest tool in the shed. Is "dumb" and "dumbass" the same thing?)

I can't make my mind up if she's irritated, or thick, or whatever in this clip:

Avril Lavigne on Popworld

Alex Zane is a prick though, maybe that's got something to do with it.

I don't think Iggy Pop is "playing" dumb.

Scott Stapp = WINNER

Mark Rica@rdson, you should read Open Up and Bleed.

I kinda agree with xhuxh here

I don't think Iggy Pop is "playing" dumb.

And I don't think he "is" dumb, either.

Iggy has played the role of a cretin throughout his career (he named his band "The Stooges" for fucks sake), but has done so self-consciously and is certainly no dummy.

Billy Milano, on the other hand...

Iggy is dumb, but Jim is smart?

im sticking with my original answer.

The Thai Elephant Orchestra.

WAIT NO JINGLECATS

ladies and gentlemen, for your consideration I give you...

http://www.mtv.com/shared/media/news/images/p/Puddle_Of_Mudd/sq-wes-squat-wood-barn-uni.jpg

Wes Scantlin!

lock thread, we have a winner!

ALL these folks were smart enough to have faith in themselves and their vast reserves of god-given talent -- you all r hat0rz

seriously!

except for the god-given talent part

sorry about talking trash about the jinglecats, dude

Wild Man Fischer

The least intelligent musician is likely the nicest musician.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uxdqC8kZlQo

kevin federline?

I have this gnawing feeling that there's some extremely obvious answer to this question, but...

Pete actually comes off relatively clever in this one:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Quba72Xli8o

Maybe I am just surprised to see him up and at 'em.

I think we have a winner in K-Fed

http://homepage.mac.com/onehundredbhq/.Public/jordy.jpg

I mean: http://homepage.mac.com/onehundredbhq/.Public/jordy.jpg

Iggy has played the role of a cretin throughout his career (he named his band "The Stooges" for fucks sake), but has done so self-consciously and is certainly no dummy.

http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/411MBS8F16L._AA240_.jpg

Look, he's gotta be an idiot--sez so right on da cover, see!!

MOMUS

Yeah, well it says "Virgin" on the cover as well...

hahah...

MOMUS

-- That one guy that hit it and quit it, Thursday, 22 November 2007 11:51 (14 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

(CHILD MOLESTATION ZING DELETED)

don't get me started on pete doherty again, please!
i almost linked to that video of him queuing for an oasis album earlier, actually.
he's a bit of an immature fuck-up, obviously, but i don't think it means that he's actually very unintelligent or anything. . .
i'll start holding back on pete, now.

Pete Doherty is a great songwriter, which suggests there must be something there inside his head after all.

The same thing applies with Michael Jackson, who might otherwise also seem a contender.

He isn't a great songwriter Geir, your standards are slipping!

Michael Jackson is a really tough one to call.

No one is going to beat K-Fed though, surely?

xx-post

that's mostly just a matter of taste. i really feel "fuck forever" is an undeniably great song, though.
anyway, if you can get past the hype and the drugs, you should be able to see that pete's a very thoughtful and charming guy. that clip roxy posted up there is pretty funny evidence of it.

Don't know that he was "dumb", but Euronymous's IQ probably didn't fluctuate much after death

Euronymous didn't seem very stupid to me (His brother was in my high school class, so I'm not totally ignorant here). Varg Vikernes doesn't seem particularly bright though.

I dunno, I think Euronymous tended to miss "irony" judging from some interviews--but then again, I never met the guy, so I can't judge for sure.

Varg Vikernes is now just nothing more than a media whore.

Satanists are taking themselves way too seriously to be able to understand irony.

Billy Milano, on the other hand...

His comments about Serj Tankyan a few years back were also humorous.

His comments kind of damaged my viewpoint of Speak English or Die, as the lyrics no longer felt like tongue-in-cheek political incorrectness. But I still love it anyway.

Surely a band with Phil Anselmo and Billy Milano will happen one day.

They'd have to hire two additional stage hands just to hand them the mics while they stumble around on stage, intoxicated...