Is "Candyman", lyrically, the worst single of the decade?

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Tarzan and Jane were swingin' on a vine
Candyman, Candyman
Sippin’ from a bottle of vodka double wine

Sweet sugar candy man

Hey, Yeah

I met him out for dinner on a Friday night
He really had me working up an appetite
He had tattoos up and down his arm
There's nothing more dangerous than a boy with charm

He's a one stop shop, makes the panties drop
He's a sweet-talkin', sugar coated candy man
A sweet-talkin', sugar coated candyman

Ooo yeah..

He took me to the Spider Club at Hollywood and Vine
We drank champagne and we danced all night
We shook the paparazzi for a big surprise (a big surprise)
The gossip tonight will be tomorrow's headline (oooh..)

He's a one stop shop, makes my cherry pop
He's a sweet-talkin', sugar coated candyman
A sweet-talkin', sugar coated candyman

Bah Doo Dah Doo Dwee Dop Bob Shoo Bop-Ah Doo Dah Dwee Dop Bow Bop Bow
Hey yeah
Sha Doob-Ah Dee Dah Doob-Ah Dwee Dop Bow
Yeah
Sha Doob-Ah Dee Dah Doob-Ah Dwee Dop Bow
Yeah
Sha Doob-Ah Dee Dah Doob-Ah Zwee Dop Bow

He's a one stop shop, makes my cherry pop
He's a sweet-talkin', sugar coated candyman oh
A sweet-talkin', sugar coated candyman

Woo yeah

Well by now I'm getting all bothered and hot
When he kissed my mouth he really hit the spot
He had lips like sugar cane
Good things come to boys who wait

Tarzan and Jane were swingin' on a vine
Candy man Candy man
Sipping from a bottle of vodka double wine
Candy man, candy man

Sweet sugar candy man
He's a one stop, gotcha hot, making all the panties drop
Sweet sugar candy man
He's a one stop, got me hot, making my uh pop
Sweet sugar candy man
He's a one stop, get it while it's hot, baby don't stop
Sweet sugar

He got those lips like sugar cane
Good things come for boys who wait

He's a one stop shop with a real big Oh!
He's a sweet-talkin', sugar coated candyman
Say What?
Sweet-talkin', sugar coated candyman
Say?
Sweet-talkin', sugar coated candyman
Whoo
Sweet-talkin', sugar coated candyman

Heeey...
Candyman
Candyman
Candyman
Candyman

Candyman
Candyman
Candyman
Candyman

Tarzan and Jane were swingin’ on a vine
Tarzan and Jane were swingin’ on a vine
Sippin’ from a bottle of vodka double wine
Sippin’ from a bottle of vodka double wine
Jane lost her grip and a-down she fell
Jane lost her grip and a-down she fell
Squared herself away as she let out a yell
Squared herself away as she let out a yell

Dom Passantino, Sunday, 20 April 2008 22:46 (seventeen years ago)

lyrically

The Reverend, Sunday, 20 April 2008 22:47 (seventeen years ago)

My daughter was mad into this last summer. Gotta say I fucking hate swing pastiches, after that the sub-Two Ronnies lyrics are not too bad.

Also don't make me get Scouting For Girls up in here.

Noodle Vague, Sunday, 20 April 2008 22:48 (seventeen years ago)

Oh silly me. I thought you were talking about

http://www.vamp.org/Siouxsie/Images/candyman.jpg

...in which case, I was going to say that you were wrong.

Alex in NYC, Sunday, 20 April 2008 22:49 (seventeen years ago)

It was written by Linda Perry, which is weird because usually you associate Linda Perry with really awesome singles by female solo pop stars.

Dom Passantino, Sunday, 20 April 2008 22:49 (seventeen years ago)

Linda Perry's work with Pink is absolutely sterling. Maybe she was on a big Puppini Sisters kick.

Noodle Vague, Sunday, 20 April 2008 22:50 (seventeen years ago)

lol alex in nyc stuck in the 80s lol

banriquit, Sunday, 20 April 2008 22:51 (seventeen years ago)

The video is worse.

William Bloody Swygart, Sunday, 20 April 2008 22:57 (seventeen years ago)

Linda Perry on Candyman

Noodle Vague, Sunday, 20 April 2008 22:57 (seventeen years ago)

He's a one stop shop with a real big Oh!
He's a sweet-talkin', sugar coated candyman

^^^this is the worst part.

Dom Passantino, Sunday, 20 April 2008 22:59 (seventeen years ago)

Plus I'm not down with the beatniks, but wasn't "candyman" beat generation slang for a drug dealer? Is this song about sucking dick for coke in 50s America?

Dom Passantino, Sunday, 20 April 2008 22:59 (seventeen years ago)

Man I will always smirk at a "LOL IT KIND OF RHYMES WITH COCK" moment.

Noodle Vague, Sunday, 20 April 2008 23:00 (seventeen years ago)

what specifically about this song would make it the worst single of the decade, lyrically? i mean at very least

There's nothing more dangerous than a boy with charm

is not a bad line

xps

deeznuts, Sunday, 20 April 2008 23:00 (seventeen years ago)

well "Heeey..." is probably HEEEEEEYYYYYYYYYYeyyyyyyyyyyyyeyEYEYEYEYeeeeyyyyy so i'm sure it's actually the worst

J0rdan S., Sunday, 20 April 2008 23:01 (seventeen years ago)

I WARNED YOU

She's a strawberry milkshake.
She's as sweet as a peach, but she's ice cold.
She never told me, she was leaving.
She left on a friday.
I went out for the day, and she left for the year.
She never told me she was leaving.
So get yourself on that airplane, coz its been far too long since you went away.
Get yourself on that airplane, coz its been far too long since you went away.
She's so extraordinary, she left last january.
And that's the reason I miss you so.
She's a messy creation.
She hit the road, but the road hit back.
Nobody told me, you're an island.
I will wait for a lifetime.
I've been counting the days, since you left one way.
Nobody reaches her island.
So get yourself on that airplane, coz its been far too long since you went away.
Get yourself on that airplane, coz its been far too long since you went away.
She's so extraordinary, she left last january.
And thats the reason I miss you so.
So give me a chance, I want you to know.
I won't love you and leave you, and then let you go.
I need to sort myself, can somebody show me the way.
And nobody knows the way.
Nobody know the way
Nobody know the way
Nobody knows the way
Nobody knows
You gotta give me a chance, and say you'll come home.
I won't love you and leave you, and then let you go.
You're always hard on yourself, nobody knows the way.
And nobody knows the way
And nobody knows the way
And nobody knows the way
And nobody knows the way
Nobody knows the right way
So get yourself on that airplane, coz its been far too long since you went away.
Get yourself on that airplane, coz its been far too long since you went away.
Get yourself on that airplane, coz its been far too long since you went away.
Get yourself on that airplane, coz its been far too long since you went away.
Get yourself on that airplane, coz its been far too long since you went away.
Get yourself on that airplane, coz its been far too long since you went away.
She's so extraordinary, she left last january.
And thats the reason I miss you so

Noodle Vague, Sunday, 20 April 2008 23:02 (seventeen years ago)

Needs "vodka double wine"

Dom Passantino, Sunday, 20 April 2008 23:03 (seventeen years ago)

"She hit the road but the road hit back"

Shit is deep.

Noodle Vague, Sunday, 20 April 2008 23:04 (seventeen years ago)

It depends what you find more offensive, faux-poeticness or faux-naughtiness. It's like Banksy versus a copy of Nuts

Dom Passantino, Sunday, 20 April 2008 23:06 (seventeen years ago)

i read some bloc party lyrics that were worse.

also:

Oh I wish I was a punk rocker with flowers in my hair
In 77 and 69 revolution was in the air
I was born too late into a world that doesn't care
Oh I wish I was a punk rocker with flowers in my hair

When the head of state didn't play guitar,
Not everybody drove a car,
When music really mattered and when radio was king,
When accountants didn't have control
And the media couldn't buy your soul
And computers were still scary and we didn’t know everything

When pop-stars still remained a myth
And ignorance could still be bliss
And when God Saved the Queen she turned a whiter shade of pale
When my mom and dad were in their teens
And anarchy was still a dream
And the only way to stay in touch was a letter in the mail

When record shops were still on top
And vinyl was all that they stocked
And the super info highway was still drifting out in space
Kids were wearing hand me downs,
And playing games meant kick around
And footballers still had long hair and dirt across their face

I was born too late to a world that doesn't care
Oh I wish I was a punk rocker with flowers in my hair

banriquit, Sunday, 20 April 2008 23:07 (seventeen years ago)

OK, yeah, point proven.

Dom Passantino, Sunday, 20 April 2008 23:08 (seventeen years ago)

Banksy vs a Copy of Nuts is a PTHTBM.

Noodle Vague, Sunday, 20 April 2008 23:08 (seventeen years ago)

See also: "Party Like A Rock Star"

Dom Passantino, Sunday, 20 April 2008 23:08 (seventeen years ago)

In terms of points proven and PTHTBM

Dom Passantino, Sunday, 20 April 2008 23:09 (seventeen years ago)

PTHTBM?

The Reverend, Sunday, 20 April 2008 23:14 (seventeen years ago)

Poll That Has To Be Made

Noodle Vague, Sunday, 20 April 2008 23:15 (seventeen years ago)

ah

The Reverend, Sunday, 20 April 2008 23:19 (seventeen years ago)

Cherry That Had To Be Popped

Dom Passantino, Sunday, 20 April 2008 23:20 (seventeen years ago)

lol alex in nyc stuck in the 80s lol

Lol, Banriquut is a tasteless ass-chump Lol.

Alex in NYC, Sunday, 20 April 2008 23:28 (seventeen years ago)

^^^ real talk

Dom Passantino, Sunday, 20 April 2008 23:30 (seventeen years ago)

http://i32.tinypic.com/307xoup.gif

banriquit, Sunday, 20 April 2008 23:30 (seventeen years ago)

which is weird because usually you associate Linda Perry with really awesome singles by female solo pop stars

Maybe you do.

Alex in NYC, Sunday, 20 April 2008 23:31 (seventeen years ago)

http://web.hgtv.com/webhgtv/images/pac/54194/host_over2.jpg

Dom Passantino, Sunday, 20 April 2008 23:33 (seventeen years ago)

http://www.womeninspiration.net/images/raiseone.gif

Alex in NYC, Monday, 21 April 2008 11:15 (seventeen years ago)


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