The AskMen.com "Music That Enhances Sex" POLL

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Askmen.com sez:

When it comes to sex, you need to make sure you set the scene for the session. And what better way to do so than by using music to enhance the sexual experience?

The kind of music you opt for is entirely up to you, but most guys (and women) will agree that death metal is out of the question. So, depending on the kind of sex you'd like to have, choose your music accordingly.

But rather than opt for an album by a single artist, I recommend opting for compilation albums -- i.e. soundtracks and what have you. For now, here are some suggestions you might want to keep in mind the next time you happen into a music store.

R&B
The great thing about R&B music is that it usually comes with lyrics, so if there's something you want to tell her without actually saying it, you can say it with song. And if not, then let the men and women of this genre help you seduce her.

Electronica
If you like to chill out and go through various speeds and tempos while doing the deed, then this music will serve to give you and your girl exactly what you're looking for. This music, along with a good bottle of wine, can turn your session into something hypnotic.

Dance
Considering you're doing your own horizontal dance, listening to some soft, original dance music will serve to make her sway her hips more so on your penis. Personally, I think this is the best kind of music to have sex to.

Ethnic
If you're the type of guy (or couple, rather) who enjoys trying out new things every so often, why not put on some bellydancing beats or soft Greek rhythms and let her show you what she's made of? If the music makes her feel sexy, she will proceed to show you exactly how sexy. Not to mention, penetration will definitely feel a little spicier. You can always start out the foreplay by dancing together and then you can, oops!, accidentally end up inside her.

Jazz
If you're in the mood to take things slowly up the foreplay department and move into penetration with ease, then jazz is the kind of music you might want to try out.

Bossa Nova
If there's one kind of music that can get any woman in the mood, it's bossa nova. The Brazilian voices and eclectic music will leave any woman feeling happy and perhaps horny, and she'll be enjoying her orgasm in no time. As will you.

So, ILM -- what say you? What kind of music most enhances sex?

Poll Results

OptionVotes
Ethnic 7
R&B 4
Dance 3
Jazz 3
Bossa Nova2
Electronica 1


stephen, Thursday, 29 May 2008 21:07 (seventeen years ago)

I also want to highlight my favorite example of the brilliantly bad writing in this article (and no doubt there are many contenders, this is just the one that made me LOL the biggest):

Considering you're doing your own horizontal dance, listening to some soft, original dance music will serve to make her sway her hips more so on your penis.

stephen, Thursday, 29 May 2008 21:11 (seventeen years ago)

You can always start out the foreplay by dancing together and then you can, oops!, accidentally end up inside her.

gff, Thursday, 29 May 2008 21:12 (seventeen years ago)

AskRapists.com

gff, Thursday, 29 May 2008 21:13 (seventeen years ago)

omg

HI DERE, Thursday, 29 May 2008 21:15 (seventeen years ago)

i love how helpful this article is, in that it says absolutely nothing not known by the vast majority of people

deej, Thursday, 29 May 2008 21:16 (seventeen years ago)

No pigfuck, no credibility

a passing spacecadet, Thursday, 29 May 2008 21:18 (seventeen years ago)

If there's one kind of music that can get any woman in the mood, it's bossa nova. The Brazilian voices and eclectic music will leave any woman feeling happy and perhaps horny, and she'll be enjoying her orgasm in no time. As will you.

^^ deej i honestly did no know this

gff, Thursday, 29 May 2008 21:18 (seventeen years ago)

"this music is so brazilian, it's making me wet"

elmo argonaut, Thursday, 29 May 2008 21:21 (seventeen years ago)

ahh the eclectic sounds of bossa nova

s1ocki, Thursday, 29 May 2008 21:22 (seventeen years ago)

Hmm, this "musio" that the author is writing about sounds intersting. I must go to a "record shop" and look for some of it.

I am using your worlds, Thursday, 29 May 2008 21:22 (seventeen years ago)

as will you, slocki.

gff, Thursday, 29 May 2008 21:23 (seventeen years ago)

it totally depends on the kind of sex ur having obv

The Brainwasher, Thursday, 29 May 2008 21:26 (seventeen years ago)

^^ letter to the editor over here

gff, Thursday, 29 May 2008 21:26 (seventeen years ago)

> If you're in the mood to take things slowly up the foreplay department and move into penetration with ease, then jazz is the kind of music you might want to try out.

Yaaaaasss...Johnnie Mathis is alright, but nothing says 'seduction' like Cecil Taylor.

Oilyrags, Thursday, 29 May 2008 21:27 (seventeen years ago)

This is crying out for parody.

kenan, Thursday, 29 May 2008 21:29 (seventeen years ago)

I'd like to know what they're parodying, actually.

Oilyrags, Thursday, 29 May 2008 21:30 (seventeen years ago)

Who uses the word penis anymore. Honestly.

our work is never over, Thursday, 29 May 2008 21:35 (seventeen years ago)

The great thing about R&B music is that it usually comes with lyrics

Curt1s Stephens, Thursday, 29 May 2008 22:08 (seventeen years ago)

I want to meet these bossa nova chicks, they sound intersting

Curt1s Stephens, Thursday, 29 May 2008 22:09 (seventeen years ago)

This is crying out for parody.

-- kenan, Thursday, May 29, 2008 9:29 PM (45 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

that's what she said

s1ocki, Thursday, 29 May 2008 22:15 (seventeen years ago)

The idea of a spicy penetration opens up a world of possibilities. Why do you feel like tonight, honey? A little cayenne pepper? Perhaps some curry?

kenan, Thursday, 29 May 2008 22:15 (seventeen years ago)

a world of horrible possibilities

s1ocki, Thursday, 29 May 2008 22:16 (seventeen years ago)

"I hope you saved some turkey for me"

robertwolf8080, Thursday, 29 May 2008 22:17 (seventeen years ago)

http://www.metal-observer.com/covers/cov5979.jpg

mookieproof, Thursday, 29 May 2008 22:18 (seventeen years ago)

Indie:

Girls love sharing sweaters, and when you're both in there you can put your penis in her.

Emo:

Put this on the stereo and then cry until she has sex with you. Sobbing, guilt-flecked sex is often the hottest.

Grebo:

Sample her, Loop her, Fuck her, Eat her.

Post-rock:

This smooth music will make it easier to relax as you masturbate.

Romo:

While she admires the crooning, tell her you were in Duran Duran.

I eat cannibals, Thursday, 29 May 2008 22:44 (seventeen years ago)

Jazz flute?

SeekAltRoute, Thursday, 29 May 2008 22:49 (seventeen years ago)

Post-rock:

This smooth music will make it easier to relax as you masturbate.

i laughed until i cried ^

stephen, Thursday, 29 May 2008 22:51 (seventeen years ago)

2x

kenan, Thursday, 29 May 2008 22:53 (seventeen years ago)

I just came to the the conclusion that music DOES NOT enhance sex. Period.

daavid, Thursday, 29 May 2008 22:57 (seventeen years ago)

^^^^What's "Romo"?

daavid, Thursday, 29 May 2008 22:58 (seventeen years ago)

Daddy, what's a Romo.

I eat cannibals, Thursday, 29 May 2008 23:01 (seventeen years ago)

how do you accidentally end up inside someone while you dance with them

max, Thursday, 29 May 2008 23:12 (seventeen years ago)

thats one hell of an accident

max, Thursday, 29 May 2008 23:12 (seventeen years ago)

Haaaaaaaaaave you ever been
to Accidental Penetrationland

BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Thursday, 29 May 2008 23:20 (seventeen years ago)

Dance Accident: new single by Electric Six

robertwolf8080, Thursday, 29 May 2008 23:21 (seventeen years ago)

Post-rock:

This smooth music will make it easier to relax as you masturbate.

still laughing

I am using your worlds, Thursday, 29 May 2008 23:22 (seventeen years ago)

plz Do not spread the word on post rock, I will have to take down my Sea and Cake poster in shame.

kenan, Thursday, 29 May 2008 23:27 (seventeen years ago)

shouldn't you do that anyway

BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Thursday, 29 May 2008 23:31 (seventeen years ago)

Wide open for that one.

You'll understand when you're older. And a chronic onanist.

kenan, Thursday, 29 May 2008 23:33 (seventeen years ago)

:D

BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Thursday, 29 May 2008 23:34 (seventeen years ago)

booty bass

will, Thursday, 29 May 2008 23:56 (seventeen years ago)

My neighbors have loud sex to Terence Trent D'Arby every weekend.

BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Friday, 30 May 2008 00:04 (seventeen years ago)

When baby wants the hardline introduced...

briania, Friday, 30 May 2008 00:17 (seventeen years ago)

Now somebody needs to make the inevitable "Neither fish nor flesh" and "Vibrator" jokes (I'm too lazy.)

Myonga Vön Bontee, Friday, 30 May 2008 00:40 (seventeen years ago)

I like how they helpfully suggest soundtracks & compilations while providing absolutely no rationale.

http://timstvshowcase.com/peeweecd1.jpg

zaxxon25, Friday, 30 May 2008 15:17 (seventeen years ago)

Dude, the theme to "Breakfast Machine" is pretty stirring.

...and then, oops!, you accidentally end up inside her.

kenan, Saturday, 31 May 2008 22:07 (seventeen years ago)

My neighbors have loud sex to Terence Trent D'Arby every weekend.

This is not a half bad idea, really. I support their decision.

kenan, Saturday, 31 May 2008 22:08 (seventeen years ago)

http://images.amazon.com/images/P/B000065UJW.01._SCLZZZZZZZ_.jpg

HI DERE, Saturday, 31 May 2008 22:13 (seventeen years ago)

It occurred to me this afternoon that the first track on my muxtape (shameless plug) would, according to this scale, get mad points. It's jazzy, it's dancey, it's electronic, it's "ethnic" (lol), and the fact that it's in Portuguese earns it at least a few Bossa Nova points as well.

Downside: Not what you'd call a "slow hand," may result in breakage.

kenan, Saturday, 31 May 2008 22:17 (seventeen years ago)

is anyone actually voting on the poll? or just LOLing etc. etc.?

stephen, Saturday, 31 May 2008 22:18 (seventeen years ago)

OHSORRY you're totally right, this is v important.

kenan, Saturday, 31 May 2008 22:20 (seventeen years ago)

yep yep yep!

stephen, Saturday, 31 May 2008 22:20 (seventeen years ago)

I MEAN WHAT IS EVEN THE POINT OF THE POLL IF WE THE ILM HIVEMIND CANNOT COLLECTIVELY DETERMINE WHICH TYPE OF MUSICS IS BEST FOR ACCIDENTALLY PUTTING OUR PENISES INTO WOMEN FOLK

stephen, Saturday, 31 May 2008 22:21 (seventeen years ago)

Automatic thread bump. This poll is closing tomorrow.

ILX System, Wednesday, 4 June 2008 23:01 (seventeen years ago)

VOTE GUYS I HAVE A DATE WITH A "WOMAN" TOMORROW NIGHT AND I NEEDS TOO KNOW

stephen, Thursday, 5 June 2008 00:48 (seventeen years ago)

Major ROFFLE @:
ETHNIC....penetration will definitely feel a little spicier.

I laugh to mask the tears.

VeronaInTheClub, Thursday, 5 June 2008 01:30 (seventeen years ago)

I laugh to mask the tears.

ILM in a nutshell ^^

stephen, Thursday, 5 June 2008 01:31 (seventeen years ago)

Indie:

Girls love sharing sweaters, and when you're both in there you can put your penis in her.

ahahahahah

Charlie Howard, Thursday, 5 June 2008 04:24 (seventeen years ago)

ahhhh this poll is closing soon guys!

stephen, Thursday, 5 June 2008 21:49 (seventeen years ago)

i like a bit of too short or 2 live crew.

mr x, Thursday, 5 June 2008 22:12 (seventeen years ago)

The great thing about R&B music is that it usually comes with lyrics

Hurting 2, Thursday, 5 June 2008 22:12 (seventeen years ago)

Automatic thread bump. This poll's results are now in.

ILX System, Thursday, 5 June 2008 23:01 (seventeen years ago)

Electronica 1

well at least we got that much right

stephen, Thursday, 5 June 2008 23:05 (seventeen years ago)

My favorite part of this is the underlying assumption that all music within any genre is totally fungible. All electronica has varying tempos and is both hypnotic and chill! All jazz moves slowly ("Hey, baby, I just thought we'd have a little wine and listen to this Brotzman album I just picked up while we cuddle…").

Though he's right, R&B usually comes with lyrics.

I eat cannibals, Friday, 6 June 2008 00:33 (seventeen years ago)


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