2009 Eurovision UK Entry

...which is being picked in a short series of programmes starting on BBC1 about now. And it involves Graham Norton. And Andrew Lloyd Webber. How do you solve a problem like Eurovision?

Stop taking the piss out of it and accept the fact that the country is governed by cocks who've ensured we'll be hated Europe-wide for the next couple of hundred years.

Oh dear, this is going to be an expensive waste of time to get the same result as before.

I'm sure all of the Eastern Europeans who've returned home with hugely positive experiences of UK life might vote for us. Eighth or something.

Anyone else get the teeny tiny feeling that this whole thing is fixed?

I mean, the audition process. That it skewed very slightly in favour of people who do "musical theatre". And that the people who send in their DVDs were wasting their time in more ways than one.

Our selection system has been a farce for years. Lloyd Webber can actually write/steal a tune on occasion, but in terms of presenting them he hasn't had a bleeding clue since Ladies and Gentlemen Miss Elaine Paige died.

rrrrrraaaagghhhh...
This is a load of scripted shite! It's very simple. Get. Someone. Who. Is. Already. Famous. In. Europe. Except that won't happen, because no-one who is established will risk their career getting destroyed by the UK media if they don't win.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/eurovision/ycny/acts/

Where've you seen him before?
He's currently a resident singer at Ruby Blues and Players in Charing Cross.

Where have you seen these people before? They've all previously auditioned for Andrew Lloyd Webber musicals! So that whole thing about maybe picking a finalist from one of the thousands of DVDs sent in was just bullshit!
And who the hell is Jade, who, seemingly, just suddenly bypassed the whole selection process and got into the final six? What's the betting that this person is LW's pick, and he's going to rig it so that she wins? ie, public vote for bottom two, LW picks who goes.

Where've you seen them before?
They were signed to an agent when they were thirteen and appeared as extras in a few TV shows such as "Home is where the Heart is" and "Playing the field"

They also made it to X Factor Boot Camp 2008.

Here's them making a mess of "Cum On Feel The Noize"

Oh dear. This is on now. Grating, shrill, awful...

public vote for bottom two, LW picks who goes.

GN has just explained that this is actually what it is going to happen. The whole thing's basically a fix, right? Oh, and GN and ALW making cheap cracks about Andy Abraham? Classy...

This show has basically been bloody awful...

BUT - Diane Warren on the lyrics? OK, things might have just got a bit more serious.

"We've been joined by Lemar!" Lemar seems as surprised as anyone by this development.

"Hi, I'm Lemar. I'm surprised that I haven't been asked to represent the UK in Eurovision, because I've had hits in Europe and people from other countries actually know who I am and therefore might vote for me. Oh but wait a minute, I don't want to represent the UK 'cause if I don't win the media will ruing my career! And Graham Norton will make snarky remarks about me in 2010!"

Jade, from what I've seen, appears to have stolen Cheryl Cole's hair and mannerisms.

Why doesn't they just get Lemar to do Eurovision rather that showing these dudes up for not being very good? (ha, xpost)

Have only seen the group songs, but that appears to be enough to convince me that I don't care about this X-Factor-with-a-shiter-prize thing. I'll probably still watch it though :-(

Jade blatantly being positioned as WINNAR!!! - performed last, given the most contemporary song, etc..

If the UK want to perform better than usual, they should gather together a bunch of immigrants from Croatia or Bosnia and let them make a really naff Balkan-folk-tinged piece in 5/4, sung with exaggerated, dramatic and over-sentimental semi-operatic male vocals in Serbo Croatian. They they may even end up in the Top 10.

because I've had hits in Europe and people from other countries actually know who I am and therefore might vote for me.

surprised by this - do you not just mean the other countries who routinely do badly in Eurovision?

can't imagine a Lemar Eurovision song sounding that different from 'Even If' at any rate

Well maybe Lemar is a bad example, as he hasn't had any hits in mainland Europe. But if the BBC are going to continue having acts on to sing while they count up the phone votes, then I can imagine that there'll be several weeks where I'm thinking "why not send them?"

This is on now. FFS they are all performing "Save All Your Kisses For Me". They're all shouting to be heard above each other. And singing in several different keys simultaneously. Shoot me now.

They're performing "Boom Bang A Bang" - Lulu's German ompah song, which will probably be about as contemporary as whatever ALW is writing.

And who the hell is Jade, who, seemingly, just suddenly bypassed the whole selection process and got into the final six? What's the betting that this person is LW's pick, and he's going to rig it so that she wins? ie, public vote for bottom two, LW picks who goes.

Well there we go, it happened. Jade was in the bottom two, ALW saved her. Except that he doesn't have any more say, it's entirely down to how the public vote.

Our song is sub-"That's My Goal". It is also entirely possible that it's sub-"Wenn Yoo Bee Leeve".

Andrew Lloyd Webber has said he is worried that one of his Eurovision finalists may not cope well with representing the UK in Moscow.

The composer said that if the public voted for the wrong act he "might not go" to Russia in May, adding: "I really can't be a miracle worker."

He said he would have to "spend quite a lot more time" with one of the acts.

Three acts - The Twins, Jade and Mark - will each perform his Eurovision song My Time on BBC One's live show.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/entertainment/7861547.stm

"Rocky power ballad"
Er, no...
Duncan looks like a used car salesman. Lulu looks like someone's mad aunt.

(xpost) Nice bit of backtracking/arsecovering there from Webber...

more like making sure jade wins

"My Time" sounds like the name of a chocolate biscuit.

FIX

I don't know if it's a fix, but certainly ALW looked relieved.

Here's Finland's entry for the 2009 contest:

It's by a local Eurodance act that last had a hit in the 90's, and the song sounds like it's from the 90's too. I guess it's okay though, and at least Finland is not sending yet another heavy metal act this year.

The winning song won the local semifinals only by a narrow margin, the second place went to a deaf rapper who raps in sign language:

I guess sending him to the Eurovision contest would've been kinda different and cool, but the song isn't that memorable, and I'm not sure if he should've won because of sympathy votes only.

"I can do more with my right hand then you" lol

'My Time' is very ALW's time ie 1988. perhaps then it might've done well. surely not now.

Georgians refuse to Put In, get shit-canned.

http://www.cbc.ca/arts/music/story/2009/03/10/eurovision-georgia-dropped.html