Rolling Worst Songs of 2009 (formerly 'I AM SO FUCKING APPALLED')

Give me Asher. Give me Katy. Give me Lady fucking Gaga. Just don't, DON'T, DO NOT give me this.

jesus weeping christ:

once upon a time
in the early days of rhyme
rap was just an aoddity
not today's commodity
a sure form of self expression
not violence and wealth obsession
so please let me take this chance
to change your mind and make you dance!

who's hot, who's not?

well, i wanna take you back to the brooklyn streets of the 1970's
where kids played beats by stomping their feet
and became the first mc's
cause you know what they were rapping about positivity
despite the fact that they were living an a greature poverty

now all we ever seem to find is another greedy fool with an empty mind
why?

we got a hunger for a real donation
true mc's with imagination
go back in your memory
way back before the money
tip your hat to the old school
straight up, too fresh and so cool

this is a love song, this is a love

they walked down staircases in their fat shoelaces
and they had smiling faes on
cause you know that their flow caused a hippity show
breakers breaking till the break of dawn

had the party shaking to the tracks they wre making
these guys could do no wrong
they rocked the house keeping all the words
up party-moving all night long

now it's not about bouta bouta wha'da ya got
but what you gotta gotta gotta to give
giving to the people i the hottest of hot
so start thinking about the love you can live

AABB ABAB...

this..thing......it makes me want to curl up into the fetal position

lol those are the actual lyrics to the actual song, wow

^possible stylistic predecessor.

sorry rev but that was hysterical, i'm sure i'll hate it if it's ever a hit but i was smiling and lolling all through the last 4 minutes

favorite part is either "this is a love song, this is a love HOO" or the bass solo

I got about two couplets and stopped it all like "ARE YOU FUCKING SHITTING ME?"

nevermind i just remembered "cause you know that their flow caused a hippity show"

haha wait these guys are from Montreal!?

Lineup

Kim Ho: vocals, guitar
CowBella: keyboard, vocals, percussion
Sid-Z (Sid Zanforlin): drums, vocals
Gina Simmons: bass, vocals

My dad was on Zanforlin but had to stop because of the side effects.

Siouxsie and Budgie are looking good!

waaaait a second, this isn't the side project for the singer from Hot Springs, is it? because they're great and this is fucking horrific.

ok, no, that's some other ill-conceived Mtl hip-hop project.

Its like they don't know anybody with better judgement

got one line in :o

we haven't even dealt with dan black yet :(

actually until and unless this creature thing becomes a hit i can ignore it

dan black, however, is Receiving Hype, and is actually genuinely more appalling, and i apologise to you all but you have to hear this:

the keffiyah. it's like he's deliberately goading me.

x_X

is that the emoticon for "blinded by tears of rage"?

that's the emoticon for "that was so shocking that I am dead now"

I just want to say that I tried to give ILM a warning about that Biggie cover on the 'wonky pop' thread - just so like if I fuck up massively in the near future and I need a reason for ppl's goodwill

if i were to arrange all the acts who have irked me beyond endurance in 2009 alone, based on their music and trying to ignore their terrible personalities, it would go

katy perry > lady gaga > la roux > asher roth > animal collective > dan black

i hate pop music

Why do white people criticize one another for being white?

Hope he does 'You're Nobody (Til Somebody Kills You)' next over a Hey Ya sample.

hahahahahahahahaha that dan black thing

maybe i'm just in a really good mood today but this stuff is all just making me lmao instead of getting mad or anything

Creature sounds like Blondie.

Who signed these assholes?

also, dan black. can england just stop making music for maybe like two years?

dan black is gonna pay for ruining my karaoke staple >:(

maybe i'm just in a really good mood today but this stuff is all just making me lmao instead of getting mad or anything

me too. Dan Black >> Emily Wells

gonna kill that dude

that Dan Black vid sounds like Collective Soul

2009: the year electrodribble broke rev's brane

busily constructing homemade dan black sized guillotine

the worst part is that he probably thinks that people that hate what he's doing are just being boring rap snobs about it, when in fact people hate what he's doing because it's fucking garbage.

you people are curmudgeons. why do old people always hate music made for young people?

if you guys were 12 years old you'd love this song.

But I'm not and I'm listening to Moderat instead, happily.

These young people are talking about when these old people were young people.

i want to fucking kill that dan black dude

i posted this to another thread awhile ago but this is up there for worst songs of 09:

xxxAfricanQueenxxx (5 days ago) Show Hide Marked as spam | Spam
wow tht song touched me a lot !

Pothatuu (2 days ago) Show Hide Marked as spam | Spam
My daddy touched me a lot!

lollllll

ok once it occurred to me that "daddy" looked kind of like herm edwards i totally lost my shit.

you know, other parts of the internet have things like "anonymous" to deal with people like Dan Black

dan black > katy perry > animal collective > lady gaga > asher roth > brokenCYDE

i posted this to another thread awhile ago but this is up there for worst songs of 09:

I guess we can just make this the "rolling worst songs of 09" thread?

I like what this thread is becoming.

rev, i thought of starting that thread actually

weird, I think it's the "gl=GB" in the URL

Enjoy the lyrics

Punch 'em in the dick! Punch 'em in the dick!
Motherfuckers talk shit -- Punch 'em the dick!

Yo! Look at that chump! See the way that he struts?
Don't kick him in the rump, go nuts on his nuts!
Just pop a squat, start lettin' off the shots
Like knock-knock-knock, just cold-cocked his cock!
To all the cock-knockers, nut-crackers, ball breakers,
Peter-beaters, keep on boxin them baby-makers
With a sock to the jock, better make that a double
Just a couple rounds of knuckles beneath the buckle & he'll buckle!
If you're in trouble, give him some urine trouble,
Hand him his balls and tell him, "Better learn to juggle!"
Turn his pebbles into rubble, make him wonder what mighta been
Make it so the south will never rise again!
Now every man claims to be the toughest and the meanest
But watch your crotch cuz soon the losers will be the wieners
And the winners in all the gladiator arenas
Are always the ones who go straight for the penis!

Chorus

I'll give your willy a welt like you aint never felt,
Soon as I've knelt, I'ma pelt ya below the belt
Like BANG! Bust 'em in the wang like it aint no thang
Now you really can't hang!
But you ain't gotta be a dude, shit I'll dick-punch a chick
Cuz I don't discriminate when I punch em in the dick!
Whether Suzy Homemaker or a floozy home-wrecker
I'ma deck 'er in the pecker motherfecker!
It could be yo' mama, better be no drama,
You could be the Dalai Lama, I'ma still put it on ya
With a right, left, right, left - you're dick-punched!
Then you say, "Goddamn my shit's crunched!"
Scrotum? Hell it damn near killed him!
I don't care if you live in Bodom, man, forget about children!
You ain't gotta know Kung-Fu to bust some ninja shit
Fuck Sun Tzu, you wanna learn the art of war?
Just punch em in the dick!
Chorus

We got a brand new dance, it's called, "Punch his
ass right in the dick." (x2)

Any o' you snotty kids be talkin' shit,
I'ma drop a fist on your naughty bits
I got punches a plentiful, you bet yer rear end it'll
Sting when I start swingin' on ya genitals,
Cuz then it'll swell up, all outta proportion,
Lookin' like an eggplant forced in through your foreskin
Nevermind abortion, forget vasectomy,
I got yer birth control: POW! Nut check, homey!
Yo, I'll punch God in the dick, I'll punch Mary in the dick
I'll punch Jesus Christ in the dick
I'll punch Cheney in the dick, I'll punch Powell in his colon,
I'll punch George in his bush, I'll punch Condoleeza Rice in the dick!!!

Chorus

Fitna punch 'em in the dick
Watch me punch 'em in the dick
Love to punch 'em in the dick
Born to punch 'em in the dick
Forever punch 'em in the dick
Sucker punch 'em in the dick
Fruit punch 'em in the dick
Hawaiian punch 'em in the motherfuckin' DICK!

About a hundred new usernames will come from those

i will not be listening to anything called "punch him in the dick"

I... this... I mean...

wait

We got a brand new dance, it's called, "Punch his
ass right in the dick."

Yo, I'll punch God in the dick, I'll punch Mary in the dick
I'll punch Jesus Christ in the dick
I'll punch Cheney in the dick, I'll punch Powell in his colon,
I'll punch George in his bush, I'll punch Condoleeza Rice in the dick!!!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZPHU5gA8oP8

the musical cockpunching knowledge of some dude is deep and impressive

That was totally worth five minutes of my time.

this reminds me of "HPNTZ" except I may actually hate it more:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=flX509t4qHQ

initially i was disappointed this wasn't a robbie williams cover but by 2:00 omgwtflol this is sooooo much better than that.

thank you, ciroc!

"Angles" is good up until the second the autotune comes in.

prefer curves to angles

If Diddy is going to do Kanye's autotuned-Phil Collins thing except actually get it right, I can dig that.

well, "Last Night" >>>>> 808s, but seriously that "Where I'm From" beatjack is fucking horrible

Getting mad at Diddy for doing a beatjack at this point is kinda 1990-and-late

just saying man, that's one of my favorite beats ever and what he did to it is more awful that anything i could've imagined him doing

Aight, I can see that. I've always liked "Where I'm From" but never had any special attachment to that, so I wouldn't really read any sacrilege into it the way you would.

that it

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SyQ----YaoY

In all honesty, nothing on this thread is as offensive as this, due to the fact that I currently hear this song a couple times a week whereas I've only accidentally heard HYPNTZ once outside this thread:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x19NZlo9Qr4

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cr9AFvhxs24

song away as in 'get that song away' amirite

id never heard it before until you posted it

huh

so a pox on you

Sorry man. Been spending too much time at my mums/grandads and they both have fucking radio2 on all the time; also think it's been used as an advert (or have at least heard on the telly a couple times). It's fucking ghastly and since I had to - eurgh - stuck in my head earlier, I had to post it here.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MxGMU1slnwo

alright so that "one time" song isn't really bad at all, it's just the video that does it in. the visual of that kid singing the song makes its brokenCYDE-meets-aaron carter vibe unbearable - that and the grinding 12 year old girls

stfu dream stan :)

post very much in character, certified dream-hater

i like lots of his songs and ER is one of my fav albums of the year! but jeez there's gotta be a limit.

my post should have had a smiley face after it too, but i didnt want to internet make out with you

Obvious pick but it needs to be on the thread anyway:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=loeQBGBB_98

I was gonna post some videos but they're all for charting songs which means there are prolly people on here who like them..

Jadakiss “Who’s Real”
Britney Spears “3”
Ke$ha “TiK ToK”
Pitbull “I Know You Want Me”
Flo Rida “Right Round”
Kristina Debarge “Goodbye”
Asher Roth “I Love College”
Seether “Careless Whisper”

These will all be in my personal worst list for this year and I felt they were all decently appalling for one reason or another.

Actually in this one case, fuck it.. this is pure vomit..

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7P80U3crTng

"tik tok" definitely merits a spot here. i mean i really like trashy famewhore songs about getting wasted but it's so incompetent.

and yet it is a hit! how did that happen.

the Pitbull song is one of my top 5 for the year

ok "3" can be removed from my list.. it's not "Worst of the year" .. it's just really dumb.

i dunno, maybe this is too boring and lolindie for the thread, but that fucking "these girls fall like dominoes" song, jesus christ.

I can't load the full thread, has anyone brought up the "You're a hot mess and I'm lovin' it hell yes" song? Jesus God does that grate on the ears.

thanks to this thread I've now listened to three Blue October songs, this is pretty much the worst thing ILM has ever done to me.

Brazilian band U.K. makes video inspired by Twilight saga. Emo meets Brokencyde

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ABOWYClmt8s

Emo meets Brokencyde

That's a far stretch!

hahahaha @ 1:50.

this isn't from this year but what. the. fuck

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yuUphbx-Tu0

"Juicy" came on a playlist last night when I was smoking weed and I thought "wait a minute wasn't there some terrible Biggie cover from five years ago" and I googled and googled and nothing came up until I literally googled "terrible cover of hypnotize by an english dude" and there it is! It was SO LONG ago

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w7JXjcW9xjs

In retrospect this is a perfect musical death rattle for "the 2000s"