Most Horribly Rong One Star Rating from the 1982 Rolling Stone Record Guide, Part 2

Steely Dan- Gaucho

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X?! Jesus Christ. "The Idiot?" What did they give "Low?"

Steely Dan- Gaucho

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― I can sit in my car all day, and that doesn't make me a car. (HI DERE), den 21 april 2009 01:25 (20 minutes ago) Bookmark

Just cause I wondered, in summation from John Milward's 1977 review:

Low serves as a moderately interesting conduit through which a wider audience will be exposed to Bowie's latest heroes, and in this sense is an interesting addition to his recorded catalog.

Tough not to choose either my favorite X or favorite Motorhead, but Sladest is just too much too ignore.

Steely Dan- Gaucho

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― I can sit in my car all day, and that doesn't make me a car. (HI DERE), den 21 april 2009 01:25 (20 minutes ago) Bookmark

― sonderangerbot, Monday, April 20, 2009 11:46 PM (13 minutes ago) Bookmark

The Slits- Cut

wow. would like to read the review for that.

I know those 2 Kristofferson albums are not his best--but even Silver Tongued Devil only got 2 stars. What did they have against Kris? Seems like the type of artist they'd dig--didn't they have him on the cover? I guess Country Rock was on the outs by '82.

mx-80 is pretty dope

Uriah Heep- Demons & Wizards

^^seriously if you don't think "easy livin'" ALONE isn't worth more than one star, u succccccccc

What did they have against Kris?

The fact that he should never have attempted to sing his own songs, having been blessed with one of the stiffest voices in human history? Just a thought.

Too many albums I love up there to decide right now. I may have to wind up flipping a coin or something.

Anyway, since somebody asked:

The Slits, Cut: "After being together three years, this English all-female group finally made a record; it reveals no singing ability, a rudimentary handling of musical instruments and rather poor reggae-influenced songwriting. Yet this do-it-yourself incompetence is precisely the point, claim the group's admirers. Obviously, then, for hard-core Anglophilic ass kissers only. -- W.K."

And I guessed right about Kristofferson, turns out. "S.H." starts out going into a bit of detail about what an important and mold-breaking songwriter Kris was, then writes this: "But as a performer, he is a questionable talent. Even when the material is as strong as it is on his first two albums, Me And Bobby McGee and Silver-Tongued Devil, Kristofferson's aphoristic tales soon wear thin, as does his rough singing style -- which is minimal, to put it charitably." I dunno, sounds right to me.

haha, thanks for that xhuxk.

Seems like the type of artist they'd dig--didn't they have him on the cover?

Again, I don't get why people on these threads keep taking these books (the first two editions, I mean) as speaking for RS, the magazine. If anything, they speak for Marsh, who, whatever his faults, was hardly your typical RS writer. (And I'm not sure the magazine's review section was generally typical of the zine as a whole, either.)

Damnit, those are my two fave Donna Summer albums! What's this world coming to?

x-post Yeah, but anything RS kind of had to have the Wenner seal of approval--maybe not this book, though that seems weird--and he seems like a dude who probably liked Kristofferson.

God, why did I get rid of my copies of these books, I forgot how much comedy gold is in them.

Gotta go with Wild Gift.

I might be wrong, but knowing Marsh's ego, I'd be kind of surprised if he'd have agreed to do these books if Wenner had oversight over them. Also not sure Wenner was as hands-on review-section-wise in those days as he's occassionally apparently been in recent years. At least not here: Hell, Billy Joel gets a couple one-stars, and a bunch of twos, you know? (Though who knows, maybe internal RS politics had something to do with the five stars for, say, Boz Scaggs' Silk Degrees. Which is a pretty decent yacht-rock album, regardless.)

The Numan/Sparks ratings are so obviously rong that they're hardly worth mentioning, I guess.

Another possible poll (not that I'm volunteering): Worst five-star album in the first two RS guides.

wrongest of the wrong imo:

Kris Kristofferson- Border Lord
Kris Kristofferson- Jesus Was a Capricorn
Love Unlimited- Best Of
Motorhead- ST
Motorhead- On Parole
Gary Numan- Tubeway Army
Iggy Pop- The Idiot
Queen- II
Queen- Jazz
Queen- The Game
Rolling Stones- Goat's Head Soup
Frank Sinatra- Watertown
Slade- Sladest
The Slits- Cut
Sparks- A Woofer in Tweeter's Clothing
Sparks- No. 1 in Heaven
Steely Dan- Gaucho
Donna Summer- A Love Trilogy
Thin Lizzy- Night Life
Thin Lizzy- Fighting
Thin Lizzy- Black Rose
Wall of Voodoo- Dark Continent
X- Wild Gift
X- Under the Big Black Sun

all i remember from the RS guides is that the '92 one led me to some foul dadrock at the age of 16

horrified by the kris kristofferson bashing here. "Border Lord" is one of his ten best songs, and if you hadn't noticed, that includes some of the best country songs ever written.

Wild Gift for me, whose presence here is a total shock: didn't it do VERY well critically in '81?

Gaucho I'm not so surprised.

I don't ever wanna hear Kristofferson sing his own songs.

Most underrated album: Springfield's Success Hasn't Spoiled Me Yet, which as a hasty recorded followup to a forgotten power-pop masterpiece is pretty good.

These lists are actually kind of refreshing. Yay for having a strong opinion on something, wrong or not. Now it seems like everything ever produced is cannonized and so where's the fun?

Queen's Jazz meant so much to me then & to my ears still holds up so well that it's the one I want to rep for most, but there are so many gems in here it's very hard to winnow it down

Marsh hated X; thought they were artsy-fartsy beatniks addicted to L.A. decadence. (Which they were; it's just they were good at it. And yeah Wild Gift placed second in Pazz & Jop in 1981. Marsh clearly belongs in the Challop Hall of Fame.)

So does anybody really think Klaatu or Third World deserved many more than one star? (Serious question; if they have fans, I've never met them. Then again, I've never heard those albums; maybe they're great.)

Too many to choose from. Fuck a Rolling Stone.

Let's Get Small?

One of the best comedy records of all time. What in the hell.

xp "much more than one star," I meant obv.

Anyway, I'm gonna vote for a Nazareth album; just haven't decided which one yet. They're both great. (As are the MX-80 and Slade and Sparks and Uriah Heep and Thin Lizzy and X and Slits ones people have mentioned, and others. Love early Motorhead, too.)

Still not sure I've ever heard Jimmy Spheeris.

Donna Summer's The Wanderer (better than Four Seasons of Love, not as good as A Love Trilogy) gets five stars, for what it's worth. Her best albums (both doubles) get three and four.

To show you how much I love/hate him, his write-up of The Wanderer in RS made me run out and buy it a decade ago, and I'll still defend the record as her best post-Bad Girls thing.

So does anybody really think Klaatu or Third World deserved many more than one star?

the prog-rock kid who played guitar in my high school band made me listen to the klaatu album one afternoon in about 1987. i remember having to feign appreciation, but not at a "this record deserves one star!" level. probably more like a 2-star record.

I'll still defend the record as her best post-Bad Girls thing.

Assume most people who care about such things would agree with you on that. I definitely would. (Maybe some people prefer She Works Hard For The Money??) Where I differ with Marsh is in his thinking that The Wanderer towered over her disco LPs.

Not much surprise what I'm voting for, I guess. But damn if I wouldn't add at least another 75-or-so stars to the non-MX-80 Sound albums up there.

I don't know as many of these albums; I voted for Gaucho but think Goats Head Soup is pretty great too. Oh, and Legendary Hearts too.

I gotta confess that Uriah Heep is one of those bands whose name scares me off, though.

Steely Dan- Gaucho

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― I can sit in my car all day, and that doesn't make me a car. (HI DERE), den 21 april 2009 01:25 (20 minutes ago) Bookmark

― sonderangerbot, Monday, April 20, 2009 11:46 PM (13 minutes ago) Bookmark

― Gerard (Le Bateau Ivre), Monday, April 20, 2009 7:00 PM (2 hours ago) Bookmark

Sladest.

voted Minnie

Steely Dan- Gaucho

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Guys, this isn't exactly breaking news. Conventional wisdom from about 1980 to 1995 held that Gaucho was the worst Steely Dan record and that The Nightfly confirmed that Becker had been coasting on nostalgia and Fagen's talent for years. Since then, the record has undergone a serious critical rehabilitation, leading to its modest overvaluation today, probably (even though I love it).

All that said, there is a whole lotta rong-ness in part two of this list, and it's kind of hilarious how many records I was surprised I came to love b/c of this book's dismissal of them (Gaucho being one). I always thought The Idiot was supposed to be some wasted piece of crap.

Let's Get Small?

One of the best comedy records of all time. What in the hell.

― Mark, Monday, April 20, 2009 9:45 PM (1 hour ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

yeah ILX is really the only place I know where Gaucho isn't (rightfully) looked at as a less than wonderful last gasp of SD's original run.

I've noticed that too. Always thought it was not awful (three stars maybe?), but are there actually earlier Steely Dan albums here that Gaucho's apologists think are worse? Or is just a matter of people thinking that the Dan could do no wrong?

we've had it out with the SD discography on quite a few threads where there were people that implied it was their favorite or one of their favorites. hell, it got 9 votes here: POLL: Best Steely Dan album

Patti Smith- Radio Ethiopia

!

people that implied it was their favorite or one of their favorites. hell, it got 9 votes here

That's hilarious. So, please tell me these are people who never heard any other Steely Dan albums, right?

¯\(°_o)/¯

not to pick on Alfred, but i'm sure he'll defend the choice if he feels like it

Wait, Goat's Head Soup???

Always thought it was not awful (three stars maybe?), but are there actually earlier Steely Dan albums here that Gaucho's apologists think are worse? Or is just a matter of people thinking that the Dan could do no wrong?

― xhuxk, Monday, April 20, 2009 11:45 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark

I'd rather listen to Gaucho than Can't Buy a Thrill any day.

I don't know, Scott. Marsh says in the review that Lynott's vocals and songwriting were always Van-like; he's just saying "Boys Are Back" also sounds like Springsteen -- that he's taking the Van influence that was always there in a Bruce direction. His wording's confusing maybe, but it still strikes me as bizarre that anybody would deny that. But then I've thought the song sounded like Springsteen for three decades, and I can't stop now.

I also think "It's Hard To Be A Saint In The City" on Bruce's first and best album kinda sounds like Thin Lizzy! So who knows, maybe they influenced each other.

So, do people not think Lynott was inspired by Bruce or Van when he did "Boys Are Back"? I love Thin Lizzy (and like that song as much as anything Bruce ever did), but I've never much doubted that myself.

To close the circle in this thread, I always thought "The Boys Are Back In Town" sounded *much* more like Steely Dan than Bruce.

i'm basically saying that phil did van as springsteen before springsteen! hahaha. listen to diddy levine. LYRICALLY, it's an irish springsteen song two years before bruce's debut. i mean, bruce stole from dylan as much as van, but i'm wondering now too if he was a big fan of early thin lizzy. and i know that springsteen had early demos and stuff that sounded like the stuff on his debut, but phil never heard that.

basically, what i'm saying is that phil never had to hear a springsteen song to come up with the boys are back. he had been writing like that for years.

this is phil in 1972. still a year away from that springsteen debut:

Uh
Betty was worried about the lover that she has married
and she didn't know what to do
He'd been hit by a hammer on the head and he lay dead
an' all her worst fears had come true

Chorus
Call the police
Call the police
Call the police
Call the police

Johnny was a joker and a very heavy smoker
and he never ever broke the law
Thin Miss Lizzy was a-kept very busy
and sometimes very dizzy, we knew what for

repeat chorus
And take 'em all away
Lock 'em up
repeat chorus
repeat chorus
repeat chorus
repeat chorus

Louie was a loner and a big time Al Capone-er
doin' all his dipping from the door
He knew a shady dealer who had done a dirty DJ,
the sooner he could even the score

repeat chorus

And lock 'em up
Help ya have a birthday, say
Take 'em all away

xp Okay, yeah, that makes sense. The Bruce similarity might be just a matter of coincidence in other words; I can buy that. Though I also wouldn't be surprised if Phil heard and liked those first few Bruce LPs. They seem right up his alley if you ask me. Still wonder if Bruce's early supposed metal/ hard rock band Steel Mill sounded like Lizzy, too.

whatevs, it's a totally weird backhanded compliment! like saying the black crowes are the best absorption of the rolling stones' chuck berry influence to date ...

actually, it's kinda obvious to me now that phil lynott was simply ripping off lifter puller in 1971:

And with her child in her arms
She went looking for a fling
Besides, she didn't like the name Mrs. King

The first time that she heard Damper Dan
Was on the radio
Crooning at a volume that was way, way down low

Diddy was surprised to hear that Damper's name was Dan
Soon after he was a calling
And he asked, begged and pleaded for her hand

Damper's heart was dampened
When Diddy answered "no, no, no, no, no"
But if she changed her mind, she said "Dan, I'll let you know"

With her child in her arms
She went looking for man
Besides, she didn't like the name Damper Dan

Janice the smiling daughter grew up to be a teenage queen
Through all of her mother's lovers
She kept the name Levine

Behind the picture house she first made her scene
With a boy called Allister
Who was dating a friend called Celine

And Celine wasn't mad when Janice came in between
But Allister got scared when he heard
And he joined the USA Marines

i got that from one of those shoddy lyrics sites. i always thought he was saying DAPPER dan. which makes more sense. DAMPER dan is certainly weirder though.

i don't doubt that phil was a fan of the boss though. and stuff like dancing in the moonlight always reminded me of springsteen. just didn't like the idea that someone might think that phil was stealing his van morrison from springsteen's stealing of van morrison. um, if that makes sense. he had no reason to.

Only difference is that Thin Lizzy's awesome, and Bruce sux.

^ Elephant in the room

Thin Lizzy vs. Bruce Springsteen poll, t-minus 30 seconds.

Oh no no, I fear there are Springsteen fans on ILM

"Diddy Levine" otm

i like bruce okay. i like the hits. i like hearing him on the radio. kinda like how i feel about the clash. i love the hits, and have no desire to listen to entire albums.

Just to rerail a tiny bit, that Sparks album is fucking genius and I don't understand how it could get one star except under some disco-phobia bullshit.

Billy Altman doesn't even mention No 1. In Heaven by name in his review, which is basically just a rehash of his writeup in the '79 edition with an empty perfunctory sentence about their "recent work" constituting "sustained smarm" added. Since he didn't give any of their earlier albums a score higher than two stars in the first place (and mostly one stars), seems more like Sparks-phobia than disco-phobia to me. (Not that Altman was much a disco fan, I don't think. Just doubt he even checked the credits to note that Moroder was producing them now.)

wasn't Altman a Creem dude? i've been reading that Rick Johnson Reader book that came out a year or so back, and he seemed to like Sparks just fine back then. (not that all Creemers liked the same shit, just sayin'.)

Yeah, he was in Creem. Probably not the only Creemster in this record guide, either. (Have no idea what he thought about Sparks elsewhere, though. And I need to get a copy of that Rick Johnson book one of these days.)

oh man, xhuxk--it is fucking GENIUS!!! (well, judging from the record reviews, anyway--haven't gotten to the other stuff just yet.)

Minnie Riperton- Come To My Garden

^^^this album is fucking gorgeous.

i do. for klaatu anyway. i love pretty much all their albums. if tim ellison still posted, he would vote for them too.

The first two are five star albums for me. Then they lost it somewhat, but not even their later material is remotely close to being one star material.

(That's Steel Mill in 1970 in Richmond - my wife's uncle provides the introduction)

That's hilarious. So, please tell me these are people who never heard any other Steely Dan albums, right?

Steely Dan's my favorite band, I have probably logged more hours listening to them than to anybody else. Gaucho is my #3.

sorry to belabor the point but OMG that Slits review! does anyone else not hear a skank-rock symphony when they listen to So Tough? the giggly-gossipy intro? the monumental call-and-response vocals? the mounting sense of panic attack that runs throughout the whole thing? the vivid portraiture of Ground Zero with the Sex Pistols, with Malcolm stroking John's ego and the band bullying Sid while also exploiting the wild druggie hooligan mojo that he added to the proceedings*? (message to Bimble: #1 reason to love the Slits = they always have something nice to say about Sid Vicious)...aaagh!

*disclaimer: this is a very personal and subjective interpretation of the lyrics to the aforementioned song...

the prog-rock kid who played guitar in my high school band made me listen to the klaatu album one afternoon in about 1987. i remember having to feign appreciation, but not at a "this record deserves one star!" level. probably more like a 2-star record.

So then the Klaatu one-star rating is less "horribly rong" than "ever so slightly rong" (please no polls).

FYI, the dude who wrote that Slits review was one Wayne King, "a dedicated Who archivist."

I'd offer a word of defense of Love Unlimited, but I've tried that before here.

If this best of Love Unlimited features Under the Influence of Love then no additional defence is necessary. One of the most joyous records ever made.

Patti Smith- Radio Ethiopia

!

― Sundar, Monday, April 20, 2009 11:56 PM (2 days ago) Bookmark

Lots of good albums on this list but this jumped out as especially WTF

I mean, it's not "Horses," but one star? Plz

I think Radio Ethiopia was the one that Lester Bangs gave a bad review (which led to his falling out with the PS Group.

yeah, it'd be interesting to divide these up in regards to which reviews are just "lol this band suxx" and which ones are major disappointments in light of previous albums to the reviewer. Maybe it's obvious.

While googling Lester Bang's review of Radio Ethiopia, I found his review of Easter, which turns out to be a must-read.

http://www.oceanstar.com/patti/crit/7805bang.htm

Bangs'

BANG!!!

his review of Easter, which turns out to be a must-read.

reads like lester's envious of his ol'pal. also reads like he a)listened to the album once and b)spent 15 minutes writing the review. even "geniuses" hack it out sometimes.

Frank Sinatra- Watertown

it took balls to give this one star

even "geniuses" hack it out sometimes.

true, but even Lester hacking it out is still quite a thing to behold...

Automatic thread bump. This poll is closing tomorrow.

Minnie Riperton- Come To My Garden

^^^this album is fucking gorgeous.

― BRTO (Mexican Sleeping Pill), dinsdag 21 april 2009 20:58 (3 days ago) Bookmark

YES. Is there any way we can read this batshit insane one star review?

"Riperton had a multi-octave voice, which made her the Yma Sumac of progressive soul. "Lovin' You" from Perfect Angel was a hit in 1975, but everything from then until her death from cancer in 1979 was donwhill."
- Dave Marsh

That's it. But hilariously, Come to My Garden is the ONLY one to receive one star. Perfect Angel gets three, the rest two.

Automatic thread bump. This poll's results are now in.

hah steely dan, how predictable

thank you pfunkboy, for posting what needed to be posted but seemed too obvious for most to post...

(i really really need to get out of here before I get sb'd...)

Holy shit, three votes for Hard Attack besides my own. I'd thought that Out of the Tunnel might get a token nod...)