MUSIC IS THE MIRACLE - Eurovision 2009, Semi-Final #1, Tuesday 12th May

isn't Hadise some kind of superstar? i am quite sure she is, like the Turkish Madonna. she'll probably be top 3 in the final.

Think I went bit overboard other thread, so briefer summary this time:

Through - Montenegro, Belarus, Sweden, Armenia, Turkey, Israel, Portugal, Malta, Bosnia (though with this last one I'm really not getting what people see in it).
Maybe - Andorra, Switzerland, Romania, Finland.
No - Czechs, Belgium, Bulgaria, Iceland.

Montenegro - Oh God it's Ralph Bloody Siegel Again. Montenegro have yet to qualify from a semi, so they're obviously getting desperate. Andrea is totally upstaged by her hyperactive white-suited backing dancer on this one (yes, white suits STILL the big ESC fashion story).

Czech Republic - it's a gypsy in a superhero costume, basically. Partly sung in Romany, so Yay for Giving A Voice to Oppressed Ethnicities. Bit of a mess, but lovably so.

Belgium - sounds blah until you clock the lyrics and realise that this is a post-modernist murder song, sung by a delusional Elvis impersonator. Loving the "girly mouth" put-down. Sadly no-one's going to be clocking the lyrics, so it's Bye Bye Belgium.

Belarus - soft metal, accompanied by a boil-in-the-bag Caspar the Friendly Ghost.

Sweden - listen, she's got SERIOUS operatic chops: Glyndebourne, the Wigmore Hall, Paris, Vienna, Rattle, Barenboim, names names NAMES, darling. So why she's slumming it with this alarming excursion into High Camp is anyone's guess. Voice of an angel, shoulders of a docker.

Armenia - adorable. A touch of the Lene Hagendazovich's going on there.

Andorra - whatevs.

Swizterland - Stadium Indie that you can get with, extraordinarily enough. I do hope this qualifies. Gets my vote, anyhow.

Turkey - hotly tipped rump-shaker.

Israel - my God, what is it with Israel and the Peace Anthems?

Bulgaria - bizarre castrato carcrash, not a hope in hell.

Iceland - the quintessence of "nice". Awful blue frock.

FYROM/Romania - is your extended toilet break.

Finland - won the vote at the "Douze Points" night at the Retro Bar, ergo Kiss of Death (remember DJ Bobo?). Fantastic on record, but a weak performance may leave it floundering.

Portugal - LOVE this. Portugal have few natural allies, but hopefully the good draw will save them.

Malta - plucky perennial fan-fave tryer, back for the third time, has never placed outside the Top Three, so watch her. Pity she didn't switch to the walloping dance mix, though.

Bosnia - dead cert qualifier, butcho Balkan bomabast par excellence, watch for the mid-song Soviet Socalist Realist tableau vivant.

oh Malta sends the singing tent. a-gain. looking forward to that.

Armenia's is my overall fave

Montenegro and the Czechs have both sent their best entries so far. The problem the Czechs have is that theirs is still dreadful (Montenegro's isn't much better than average, really, but they've mis-stepped so badly up til now that they might actually have a chance with this one).

Really, really don't know which way to fall on Sweden. It's kind of a gigantic mess; but yesterday, the chorus basically ate my brain. Any time I was trying to remember how another song went, Malena barges right in with all that "fiddur niddur freezer fwahhhh, van friedel needle twahhhh" gubbins.

Portugal for sleeper hit of the contest, I reckon. It's got a certain kind of charm to it; what with this and the fado lass from last year, it feels as though they might actually be finding their groove in the competition.

Belgium's guy has this quiff that's meant to make him look like Elvis; however, being of a certain age (as I am), he's reminding me more of Speedo from Rocket From The Crypt. If it were to turn out that Belgium's entry was actually Rocket From The Crypt, I would be quite happy, but I suspect that will not happen.

xpost: I tend to get multiple simultaneous Eurovoision earworms, all mashed up with each other. Sweden's one of the worst offenders in that regard, as is "our" Jade.

That Belgian guy is quite a well-respected rockabilly revivalist, so I'm told.

he is the third Dewaele brother

Switzerland. Nice indiepop song. But it doesn't win. Too Western....

Automatic thread bump. This poll is closing tomorrow.

So yeah, this is the actual correct thread for the evening's festivities...

Two of my favourites - Sweden (sorry) and Switzerland - bombed at yesterday's dress rehearsal. The dead cert qualifiers are apparently Armenia, Bosnia, Turkey. Portugal and Malta are also looking safe - but it's in the semis that "political" voting can cause the most havoc, due to lower voting figures and disproportionate guest-worker patriotism.

The Swiss entry is gonna hinge on bloke's voice being intelligible enough; the video for the song suggested he is a man with the grumbles, and that probably didn't go down well. Though his grumbles probably don't have shit on Malena, who basically sounds like a traction engine when she's not being all operatic. I have come to love the Swedish chorus, but I fear that everything that isn't that will wind up alienating the audience.

Trying to think how other operatic Eurovision entries did - I remember Slovenia (I think) had the girl with lights on her hand, and she made final but didn't do much more, and the same was true of The Sad Clowns Of Latvia a couple years ago. I'm sure I've forgotten at least one other opera thingy, though...

They still running it so that the only voting nations are the ones in that particular semi?

Also, this year had better not see FYROM return to their heyday of limping through the semis for no apparent reason; would reckon their song is enough of a dog for that not to happen, though.

They still running it so that the only voting nations are the ones in that particular semi?

Um, more or less - but the Big Four + the host nation are each allocated one semi in which to add their votes. It's the UK's turn to vote tonight...

I read from somewhere that this year the points come from the combined results of the popular vote and a local "panel of experts". Is this true? If it is, was it done to hinder the Eastern European and the Nordic voting blocks?

Ah, Wikipedia confirms it:

In response to some broadcasters' continued complaints about politically charged, neighbourly and diaspora voting, the EBU evaluated the voting procedure used in the contest, with the possibility of a change in the voting system for 2009. Contest organisers sent a questionnaire regarding the voting system to participating broadcasters, and a reference group incorporated the responses into their suggestions for next year's format.[33] Telewizja Polska (TVP), the Polish broadcaster, suggested that an international jury similar to the one used in the 2008 Eurovision Dance Contest be introduced in the Eurovision Song Contest to lessen the impact of neighbourly voting and place more emphasis on the artistic value of the song.[34] A jury would lead to less political and diaspora voting as the jury members, mandated to be music industry experts, would also have a say in addition to "random members of the public".[35]

It has since been confirmed that for the contest final, each country's votes will be decided by a combination of 50% televoting results and 50% national jury.[36] The method of selecting the semi-final qualifiers will remain the same, however, with nine countries in each semi-final which qualified based on the televoting results, and a tenth coming from the juries.

Based on past practice, the juries are liable to favour a) pan pipes (slim pickings this year), b) gypsy fiddles (an embarrassment of riches!) and c) stately ballads (because smoochy songs are classier than boppy songs, obv).

Such a pity this year's Irish entry decided not to sound like an Irish entry, then. I was looking down a list of their past entries on Wikipedia - you'd never believe one country could produce so many earnest men in jackets and jeans.

Didn't Ireland once win the contest 3 times in a row under the old "expert panel" system?

Haha, x-post!

Here's Liam Kelly coming second in 1990:

Liam Reilly, even.

IT ON

WTF is this Carl Sagan/Russian fairytale BS?

Russia - land of the mystical try-hards.

"tell the BBC3 people to drop Eastenders"

Oh. Children. Yay.

i am tired of Russia already.

Is this guy going to be doing the commentary? Where the feck is Graham Norton?

Well, at least the French language appears to be getting the shittier end of the stick...

They defeated a dragon? When that happen?

wot we cannot vote tonight. :(

It's Paddy O'Connell! He's... actually quite good at this, y'know? Been doing the semis for years on BBC Three now.

And they said Wogan was a sarcastic pisstaker...

That might go through. First observation - stage is huuuuuge. Think the Monties sacrificed on-stage people for backing singers there.

Eugene Hutz!

this is not organic enough for a Gypsy orchestra (ok what can you expect)

not enough sweat.

Those Turks in the front row really unimpressed by the Czechs. Like, reaaaally unimpressed.

Belgium - OPEN YOUR MOUTH WHEN YOU SING PLEASE.

this Belgian guy reminds me of someone. (worst joke possible)

i kinda like it.

photoepilepsy alert!

This is much less terrible than the video suggested, but fuck me dude cannot enunciate to save his life and it's one more year of hurt for the Belgos.

OWWWW BELARUS OWWWWWWWW

guitarist from the Darkness.

I'm sure that guitar has five multicoloured buttons on the neck...
Also, f-ing heck that's a big auditorium

it gets really hair metal now. nice.

*since*

Oh dear. Chiara's voice is sounding a bit rougher than usual... but she can project it a bit, can't she? That might see her safe...

Oh dear. Chiara's voice is sounding a bit rougher than usual... but she can project it a bit, can't she? That might see her safe...

yeah she's fully confident she'll advance, this is like 50% of her usual quality... ai!

To be fair to the audience, most of them are a bit far away from the stage, mainly because there seems to be a perimeter around the stage for camera access. And a front row made up of equal parts cheerleaders and heavy Russian bouncers.

tune seems to lack a bit of natural flow as well

maybe because someone couldn't be bothered to write enough lyrics and just c&p'd the first half?

B&H: and people say that Coldplay look like twonks...

Bosnia really dissapoint here. too slow. they were so great last year. this should not advance.

This would be so much better if Mark E Smith was singing this

"He's going to press her magic button" - <3 <3 <3 paddy

Right, prediction time - going through will be...

Turkey
Armenia
Iceland
Malta
Belarus
Israel
Portugal
Romania
FYROM
The Boz-Boz

"IT'S JUST A BUTTON FFS!!!"

(xpost) I'd put Finland in there instead of Malta

pro tip: get the female presenter to do the French bits from now on...

LOOK AT RUSSIA

FUCKING LOOK AT FUCKING RUSSIA

Hang on, why can't we vote on Thursday?

I bet that Israel's bongos have a dried out pink wafer rattling around inside

xp - Mr Diva explained a few posts back - half the competing nations vote in one semi, the other half votes in the other.

Well at least this time we've actually bothered to promote the UK entry outside of the UK

WE MISSED TATU FOR THAT?

AND AN INFLATABLE TANK

"Every woman tonight gets touched by the hosts"

GET. ON. WITH. IT.

First off, it's...

Turkey. Big fucking shock there.

OK, bit surprised at Sweden's success there.

And Israel through, fairly safely... and Portugal! Yay!

Chiara gets a third final!

And Finland, didn't quite see that happening.

FFS STOP WITH THIS BUTTON BOBBINS NONSENSE

"I'm feeling rather uncomfortable, I don't know about you..."

And the Boz-Boz also through. Eastern European nations haven't done that amazingly... oh, but there's Romania. Hmm.

And Armenia leaves one slot left...

And Iceland! Thank goodness.

8/10 for me, quietly pleased.

Automatic thread bump. This poll's results are now in.

Wait, so Hair Metal Macedonia didn't make it?! A huge injustice ;_;

OK this is sad, not that Switzerland won, but that only 9 people voted. Although I should STFU because I didn't vote either (but only because I didn't get to listen to the songs.

A fantastic draw for the UK, then: Jade's singing 23rd out of 25, sandwiched between the two worst qualifiers from tonight, Romania & Finland. Plus they're both uptempo, so no awkward competition. Plus the other strong ballads (Malta, Iceland, France) are all much further back in the draw.

(NB - Finland sounds FAB on the iPod, just meh on stage.)

Iceland was our shock favourite from tonight's show. Armenia also terrific, and Bosnia v.good.

So, when do we get to talk about Patricia Kaas? I bloody love the French one this year, I do...

glad Iceland got through. Andorra & Macedonia wuz robbed!

I can't believe Finland made it into the finals, Waldo's People were so embarrassing. The chorus of the song is actually quite catchy, but the women performing it had no personality and Waldo himself (the rapping guy) was simply awful. Dude used to be a Eurodance star here 15 years ago, and he tried to look and act like it was still 1994 (with a backwards baseball cap and all), even though he's 41 now. He looked like some drunkie they'd picked up from a sleazy Northern Helsinki pub. (Apparently the theme of the performance was supposed to be "homelessness", so maybe that was intentional?) At least when DJ Bobo was in the contest in 2007, he had enough sense not to "rap" like he did back in the 90s.

Portugal was head and shoulders above everyone else here, and I voted for them. They had the cutest singer too. I'm kinda hoping they'll win this whole thing.

i still think that Finnish guy looks like Rob from Rob & Big.
http://cache.thephoenix.com/secure/uploadedImages/The_Phoenix/Music/Features/REALTV_mtv_07-double_022.jpg

Ignoring the hosts, the worst bit of the night was comfortably when the two Israeli singers crossed over to their biscuit tins. Yeeeesh.

Agreed on Iceland - her vs. Our Jade in battle of solid singers allied to concrete donkeys of songs will be worth watching in the final. Worth noting that before they read out Iceland's name as the last qualifier, it was the one that was being chanted for - possibly the best-received song in the hall last night.

Don't think anyone can really feel robbed from last night's run - Belarus and Andorra may be a bit miffed at having got nudged out for Romania and Sweden, but their absence from the final isn't really much of a loss (though the Andorrans will perhaps be wondering if they've much of a future in the competition, what with still having never made the final. Same for the Czechs and possibly Montenegro).

Yeah, Montenegro have never qualified either. Not even Lord Ralph of Siegel was able to save them last night.

Tuomas OTM re. Waldo's People. My partner worked regularly in Finland in the early-to-mid 1990s, and he was cringing in horror-struck recognition. Also, Crap Rap Dude's backwards baseball cap was pulled down so low that it made his little ears go all sticky-outy.

Was a bit disappointed by Portugal, actually. Love it on MP3, but the vocals were a bit shaky and the presentation erred towards the twee and over-eager. Especially bongo man and ukelele man.

Patricia Kaas will save us all!

though the Andorrans will perhaps be wondering if they've much of a future in the competition, what with still having never made the final

they're bound to run out of people to send soon enough anyway.

It was only a few years ago that the Andorrans sent the landlady of their local guest house. Apparently, her after-hours sing-songs on Friday nights in the lounge bar were quite the draw....

Interesting how so many Western entries made it through. It seems the 50/50 split between people and jurys may put an end to the Eastern European dominance.

Dude used to be a Eurodance star here 15 years ago, and he tried to look and act like it was still 1994

Eurodance is just starting to perform better in Eurovision, as the current 30 year-olds who used to like Eurodance when they were kids are now in their late 20s/early 30s and have started sitting at home watching television on Saturday nights instead of partying every weekend like they did 10 years ago.

xxp - Was that... "Sense Tu"? Gosh, that was a horror.

Interesting how so many Western entries made it through. It seems the 50/50 split between people and jurys may put an end to the Eastern European dominance.

Yeah, but remember that the juries don't really come into play until the Saturday night final. At the end of each semi, 9 songs are selected solely by televotes, and the 10th song is "saved" solely by jury votes.

it's a western conspiracy!

Iceland and Finland voting for each other helped both get through (is my guess) i wonder what the minimal amount of points needed to get through was. (ok more than 12....)

Just ran quickly through this semi; BiH song not very very great, but visuals were like a Laibach video, and I'm a total sucker for that.