show etiquette

so i got hardmanned at a Girls show tonight (http://www.soulstrut.com/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/GetOnMyComp_gm.jpg)

so anyway this dude & girl standing in front of me were talking during the songs, like shouting into each others ears -- real stupid conversation shit -- a foot from my face, and it was kind of throwing off my whole vibe. so after like four songs i said "if you guys are gonna talk during every song, do you think you could go back to the bar" (with a little snark) and he stared me down all hardman style like he was mike tyson. anyway, i don't go to shows ALL that much, especially ones that are like <200 people, and i'm not sure if i was being a dick for asking them to stfu or if it's kind of people's way of expressing that their not digging the band and i should just stfu and move.

i ended up moving because lol @ the idea of me fighting someone, but who was in the wrong?

*all rise for judge judy*

It's because you were at a Girls show.

y'all can rate how bitchmade i am on a scale of 1-10 if you'd like, but i just want to know if i'm right or wrong

yeah see like i get the whole "lol this band sucks anyway" but like, why even go to the show?

i wouldnt expect anything to come from shushing people like that at a bar w/o intimidation so in that sense its 'wrong'. shouting over them so much they have to ask YOU to shutup or move: worthy of the prince

etiquette-wise, I agree that the behavior described is annoying & stupid. Personally, unless the show had designated seating, or I had camped out stage-side from the beginning of the gig to get a prime viewing spot, I would likely just shuffle my placement in the crowd a bit & let someone else deal with them.

That said, I do love the fact that manned up & got stared down at a Girls show.

sarge ilu for graemlin

they was wrong and a reasonable motherfucker would have moved

they was dicks

word-- really this thread was just so i could get on some andy rooney soapbox

since i'm a short dude i kind of get attached to any position where i have a good sightline -- i was kind of on some costanza shit tbh but there's never really the threat of physical harm on seinfeld

http://www.virtualsasha.com/images/Andy_Rooney.jpg
GET ON MY LEVEL

yo is it true dickhead got sonned by a j0rdan after a etiquette beef??????

http://www.soulstrut.com/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/son.gif

i don't think you were being a dick, but people shouting into each other's ears like that during songs at a regular club show is as common as people lifting up their cell phones to take pictures. It can be annoying, but it's something that so many people do, it might come across to the people you called out, if they go to shows more often, that you're being oversensitive and/or don't get out much.

Moving is generally the best course of action, though it sucks if you have a good spot and the place is packed enough so that it's hard to find another good spot.

j0rdan i don't want to live in a world where it is okay with talking loudly through a show: its so crazy rude, and shows such selfish disregard for anyone in the room who might want to hear the music, that it bums me out big time when it happens.

i also almost got in a fight, at a magnetic fields show, in such circumstances about a decade ago. this guy and two girls were singing through all the 69 Love Songs material, which was kind of annoying but i felt like a grouch for getting vexed, because hey they're just having a good time. but then they started talking loudly during the songs they didn't know, and my then-gf was getting visibly enraged, so i stood up (we were seated, they were stood behind us) and said, hey, do you mind not talking during the songs? i was real polite abt it, btw.

anyways, the guy, who seemed kind of an upper class ponce if his diction and accent were any clue, got all pouty and said, "why don't you fuck off home and listen to the record there?" which upped my vexation levels a thousandfold, and i said that since i'd bought tickets to see the show, why didn't he fuck off home and have his conversation there?

i sat down at this point, and they pretty much shut up, but between songs i could hear him lisping about how he was going to smack me at the end of the show. i don't think i've been in a real fight since i hit double figures, and thought i could probably 'take him' if it came down to it, but still didn't fancy a scrap. the show ended and i stood up, and the guy and his friends abruptly left w/out saying anything, and an old lady came up and thanked me for shutting them up, but it was a lame scene mostly.

i know, wite guy almost sonned at a mag fields show over a loud-talking beef...

^had a similar experience at one of the 69 love songs shows. seemed like a bunch of people were only there to hear the one about bunny rabbits (which they loudly sang along to) and talked incessantly through the rest

Talking during songs is inexcusable, as is bellowing tunelessly along (unless it's that kind of gig, y'know Pogues or suchlike). I don't know if this has got any better or worse in my many years of going to see live bands, but it certainly happens more if an artist is on an upward career curve, or is in some flavour-of-the-month phase just because the shows are full of people who aren't fans as such, or who've been dragged along etc. Bottom line though is that it's incredibly rude both to the performer(s) and other people who have paid to be there.

As noted, yr never going to meet with anything approaching a polite response if any attempt is made to shut them up. Disgusting savages, all of them.

Something else that pisses me off is when people who have been blessed with the genetic gift of tallness choose to stand directly in front of me and/or Mrs A even though we've staked a claim in a good spot early on. I'm only 5'10" so when some fucker who is well over 6 foot barges in my view is ruined. As is my mood.

My enjoyment of a Tindersticks show a couple of years ago was pretty much ruined by one girl who talked loudly throughout the entire show, including the quiet songs. Stuart Staples doesn't normally say much to the audience but on this occasion he was moved at the end to say "it’s been great playing for you… except for that woman down there." But she didn't hear him. She just kept on talking.

genetic gift of tallness

I am five foot nothing and while I don't think this gives me an instant right to be at the front or anything (nor do I particularly want to any more, for most gigs I am at) I am amazed every gig at how people over a foot taller than me will arrive, note my presence, and then stand exactly in front of me. Happens even if the room is almost empty, though at least then they can be sidestepped (until the next lot). If they seem into the band that's one thing, but if they then get bored and chat and twitter all evening, fuck those guys

(sometimes I think indie women are shorter and less assertive than average and indie guys are taller and more oblivious than average, and curse the cruel fate that throws 10 of us and 200 of them into every gig together. this and other women-be-shopping observations are all I have to think about when I keenly arrive at a gig at the advertised door time to find that it doesn't start for 1.5 hours and it's too dark to reread the free month-old listings rag, etc)

Back to the thread topic, those guys were jerks, don't be intimidated by them maybe going to more shows than you, most regular gig-goers I've known wd agree. Though I've never seen anything good come of a confrontation at the time, but I'd like to think they go home and think "I guess we were a bit annoying" and don't do it again. Past experience suggests not though.

(Once the hippest local band included a guy who was somehow able to get guestlisted for everything and would bellow the same injoke repeatedly at every band who came to town. So glad that guy left town.)

you should never be made to feel like you're in the wrong by asking for a little courtesy and consideration.

xpost: I remember an old acquaintance telling us about the time that she and her friends were shushed at a Tindersticks gig.

"It was SO RUDE! How DARE they tell us what to do? We were at the back, so they could have just moved forwards!"

The worst ones are when the chatter reaches critical mass, and everyone gives up and starts doing it themselves. As someone said upthread, this happens most often when the act is at the "flavour of the month" stage. I've witnessed it at Goldfrapp (around the time of "Ooh La La"), at Rodrigo Y Gabriela, and - perhaps more deservedly, because it was a ditchwater-dull show anyway - at Seasick Steve.

a guy who was somehow able to get guestlisted for everything and would bellow the same injoke repeatedly at every band who came to town

"FREEBIRD!"?

Have confronted people about this more times than I care to remember. A bit of chat is fine - it's a night out, after all; and chatting at the bar is fine - it's the bar. But talking all the way through a show when you're standing mid-crowd is unacceptable. I rarely get threatened, though, by virtue of being very tall and not at all skinny. And because by the time I tip over into telling them to be quiet, my rage is beyond containment. As a tall person, agree with those shorter than me who complain about the behaviour of tall latecomers fighting their way into the middle of the crowd regardless of who's behind me. When accompanied by someone short, I have been known to poor beer down the backs of those who come in very late and stand in front without paying any attention. Which makes me as much of an asshole as them.

The situation was best handled at a Kathryn Williams show in a small stand-up venue, circa 2001, where the chatter had reached critical mass by the third song. (The same crowd had already talked right over the support slot from Turin Brakes.) The venue was jam-packed, and KW's self-admitted fear of crowds in enclosed spaces was kicking in. Between songs, a young guy in front of me motioned to KW that he wanted a word, so she asked him up on stage.

"I've got a request. Can everyone who's here to catch up with their mates over a drink please FUCK OFF DOWNSTAIRS so the rest of us can watch the show?"

Sustained applause. Total silence for the rest of the gig.

I am v tall and try to be aware of getting in the way of shorter people, but it's often quite difficult to find anywhere to stand that isn't in someone's way. If I'm at somewhere like the Forum or Shepherd's Bush Empire I'll just stand in front of the mixing desk so there's no-one behind me.

Or I find some other tall bastard and stand behind him cos there's usually space there cos no-one else can see. But that can lead to a huge clump of lanky gits which probably just makes it worse.

But if I am there it is because I am watching the show not talking to people so pls don't hate me.

Lanky gits do tend to clump, 'tis true...

Sorry Colonel, I don't really hate the tall people. 99% of you are fine, just the ones who stand in front - I mean exactly in front like they deliberately lined up elbows, this is what makes it really odd how often it happens - of the smallest person for several metres even when there's plenty of other space, and then don't even seem interested.

I (used to) go to a lot of gigs more or less out of curiosity, so if I'm there just to see what's what and someone who likes the band wants to stand in front of me, no problem there. Though I tend to lurk near the back unless I like what I'm hearing or am really excited to see them. Actually there's often a spot at the very back where the shallower angle lets you see one or two band members between the heads, which is more than we shortarses get from most of the crowd.

I go to tons of shows and it drives me nuts when everyone seems to be talking during the bands, but refreshingly I don't seem to see it super often -- maybe it's the shows I go to (either so small that there's not enough of the audience to out-chatter the band, or so big that the band drowns out anyone who is talking). I'd say what Jordan did was avoidable but I kinda applaud him for doing it, I totally fantasize about doing that kind of thing but never do. closest I got was at a movie once when a guy would not stop talking next to me, and I turned to him like I was going to say something important or friendly and just went 'SHUT THE FUCK UP' and amazingly he did for the rest of the movie, which was such a great moment.

If you are in an assigned seat and can not move, then yeah, tell them to stfu.

If you can move, then move. always easiest first best choice.

I turned to him like I was going to say something important or friendly and just went 'SHUT THE FUCK UP'

heh. I did this too, at a seated GYBE gig. the exact same words, the exact same effect.

I genuinely intended to be polite to the endlessly chattering gimps next to me, but all my pent-up rage just fell out of my face.

The first time Brian Wilson did Pet Sounds in London - the OPENING FUCKING NIGHT, his first involved gig here since before the old queen died and all - there were two fellas a couple of rows bag talking at normal conversational volume throughout. Finally leapt out of my seat and pleaded with them to let the music talk. One of them told me he'd been waiting 40 years for this night and I was not going to ruin it for him by making him be quiet. That he had paid for his ticket and he intended to savour every minute however he chose.
WTF do you say to people like that, who know they're ruining it for others but completely don't give any sort of a fuck?

killing's too good for 'em...

Typical Londoners. You wouldn't get that anywhere else in the UK.

Hard to know how much of an asshole one will be. I loathe bullying, so the staring-down bs just makes me want to goad them into action. The key is for them to swing, and you not be embarrassed to dodge or back off, so that it's obvious to security that those people need to be kicked out, and you get to stay. I've only accomplished that twice in 25 yrs of shows. Usually they'll back off. Another tactic is to push past them and say you figured they wouldn't mind since they don't seem into the show, ha ha. My best experiences are showing up early and staying right up front. If I come late, I hang in the back, since I'm 6'1"+. Also, it's helped that bands I've seen lately are way too loud to even attempt to talk over.

I have heard people complain that they went to a gig where the band was so loud that they couldn't even have a decent conversation...

i prefer talking to people over going to concerts but its pretty lame that these people are paying $15 to talk in a loud bar

Stevie ... they were Glaswegians who'd come down to London for the opening night.

last gig I went to (and I don't get to many these days) featured someone shouting I LOVE THIS SONG! repeatedly throughout about three quarters of the songs. AAAAAAAH.

Ah, right. Good job you didn't try and fight them, then. Although, my name's not Stevie. xp

Sorry anagram. Misread which post I was replying to.

I was not going to ruin it for him by making him be quiet. That he had paid for his ticket and he intended to savour every minute however he chose.

This level of selfish asshattery just boggles my brain. What a frightful human being.

At most other events (theatre, cinema, etc), you'd be able to get an attendant to give them them "you're spoiling it for other patrons" warning, but when faced with that kind of gibbering selfishness I doubt even that would work.

The biggest problem for me is that the talking itself is super distracting, then yr own irritation adds to this, THEN one's indignance and rage takes over with a final result that you're completely removed from the moment of enjoying the music, and it can take an age to get back into that mindset EVEN IF the yapping fuckwit does shut up when asked to. Which they rarely do, ime.

Last year I went to see Neko Case at a seated show, and one girl in the audience was yelling shit loudly at the stage after every song -- nonsense stuff like "Neko, I want to have your baby!" to which Neko rightly responded with, "Uh, I think you're a little confused" -- until Neko finally asked her to please not ruin it for everyone else. Audience girl then called her a bitch, so Neko stopped the show and asked security to remove her, to thunderous applause.

There was a pretty classic discussion about this here several years ago, btw, but no phrases I'm putting into the search engine ("Talking At Live Shows," etc.) are turning anything up. Maybe it was just part of a bigger thread, I'm not sure, but somebody else can find it. Definitely also delved into the phenomenon of tall people standing in front of short people at shows, fwiw.

Tall people look over the heads in a crowd and go "Oh look there's a hole in the crowd, nobody there!"

So they go into the spot, and see it's populated by shorter people.

And then go "oh. Oh well, it's better than over there" and STAY!

The guy in front of you who insists on taking camera phone photos the whole time is just as annoying. I once had to watch an Animal Collective show through the camera of the jerk in front of me because it was packed and I couldn't move.

Also annoying to stand near: the freaky dancer.

Damn hippies.

Dealt with to some extent on this thread (but apparently there was an earlier one that talked about it more, because I mention it here too):

people who doesnt like to go to shows , although they love music, and live in a place where it's available - c/d?

Last year I went to see Neko Case at a seated show, and one girl in the audience was yelling shit loudly at the stage after every song -- nonsense stuff like "Neko, I want to have your baby!" to which Neko rightly responded with, "Uh, I think you're a little confused" -- until Neko finally asked her to please not ruin it for everyone else. Audience girl then called her a bitch, so Neko stopped the show and asked security to remove her, to thunderous applause.

I actually really enjoy between song heckling, especially if it's at all witty. Though maybe this girl was just more obnoxious than anything. But if I could be disappointed in Neko case and her fans, if that were at all possible, I might be after reading this.

I hope I never attend a show with you Master Jim. Between song heckling is almost never "witty".

And even if it is, you have to choose your marks. For one thing, you don't do it after every song. For another, Neko Case?

COVID made people forget how to act in public. it eroded the concept of a 'public' almost, in the sense that it kind of got rid of society for awhile and made people more insular and selfish.

there is also essentially an entire generation who went through their teens and/or early adulthood during the pandemic and aren't equipped to act normal or peaceable because they never got a chance to learn during that time you absorb these basic norms

Three of us at a gig tonight, and shortly before show time a tall person comes through and stands in front of us. My mate very politely asks if he could let us stand in front of him, he turns out to be an excellent person and we all buddy up for the rest of the gig. Yay humanity, there is hope.

(Mdou Moctar at Leeds Brudenell BTW. Just fucking phenomenal.)

I’m a 6ft tall person who sometimes hears people huffing & puffing behind me at gigs. Which on the one hand, i get it and I try not to stand right in front of people who are way shorter than me, but on the other hand I’ve gotta stand somewhere. With that in mind, I would be so happy if someone tapped me on the shoulder and said that instead of loudly going “oh of COURSE, it ALWAYS happens to me, can you BELIEVE this guy??” Good for your friend.

6’1”. I try to stand in front of a pillar/column/wall whenever I can

Not because of shorties, but because I feel anxious if I don’t have my back to a wall for some reason.

6'2" and yeah, I stay in the back. Even at jazz shows where everyone's sitting at tables, I take a table in the back of the room.

tall as well and would usually just hug the back/perimeter. i always felt my fandom for the band i was seeing was not as big as the rest of the crowd so i was always happy to give them that space. a few years back i saw nick cave playing an outdoor venue by a castle and it was much more enjoyable soaking in the entire scene perched on a hill than the fanatics wanting to get their hand touched by their wannabe-jesus.

there is also essentially an entire generation who went through their teens and/or early adulthood during the pandemic and aren't equipped to act normal or peaceable because they never got a chance to learn during that time you absorb these basic norms

mmm, I dunno, I generally see extreme politeness and accommodation from that age range.

yeah, i'm going to bet that young adult covid gen is going to be the most courteous concert attendees going forward.

COVID made people forget how to act in public.

100% believe this to be true not based on shows but on train etiquette. I've called people out at least 3 times this year for not stepping off the train to allow people to get off/board the train. I think being at home really screwed with, among other things, people's spatial awareness.

I'm 5'10" + in most shoes and I know that's not that tall but I've been tutted at before. It's not my fault people are short! I'll move if there's an obvious space but otherwise I don't really think about it too much.

If someone asked me to switch places with them of course I would.

At the airport right now and though this is a different context and energy, some of that “how to be in public” stuff applies here too. A lot of people never got the memo explaining that if you’re going to do a video chat with family, headphones are a considerate thing to wear.

Mike T-Diva, thank you for that anecdote.

pretty much the main reason i have headphones on 99% of the time when i'm in public (especially public transport) is to be able to block out dummies who aren't using them / can't regulate their conversation volume

I can't remember the last time I had to do this...

I'm at the Hollywood Bowl last night, David Gilmour is playing the beginning of "Wish You Were Here." Three rows behind us Mr. Mojo Magazine is deep into a discussion with Mr. Guitar Player Magazine that our entire section could hear. I had to stand up, turn to them, and announce "this is possibly the last time any of us here are going to see this happen, so please use your indoor voice"

It worked. Still... goddamn boomers.

^^^ hero

Agreed. I hate that shit.

There is one venue in particular near me, which, due to the clumsy layout, causes the sound from the stage to get somewhat blocked by obstacles, and I always hear people bark loud, disruptive conversations that are loud enough to ruin sets - even over loud metal. I always have to park myself side stage to avoid it but that doesn't always work.

Drives me insane. Not more than the time someone I barely recognized walked over to me in the middle of my favorite song of the set

HEY HOW'S IT GOING NEANDERTHAL WHAT'S UP

Saw PJ Harvey earlier this month, was on the floor in the general admission area close to the front and mid-song someone woman grabs my shoulder to pull me out of her way to "get back to where she was"

People really struggle with boundaries at shows.

Lol sleeve

At the Tindersticks gig at the New Century, Manchester, there were signs about not letting people in until songs were finished. I can get saying "You can't go to your seat yet - wait for an appropriate moment." In practice, staff were stopping people exit to use bathrooms - felt incredibly wrong on health grounds (loads of people might need to go to the loo for medical reasons) but, also, if you're selling shit loads of beer, people are going to have to piss.

so please use your indoor voice

"but we're outside"

I try to be in the front but even there, where the music is loud, people, who paid good money for their ticket, shout at each other sometimes. I know I attract them by trying to make an audience recording but FFS sometimes

I even have a few friends who've tried to yap during songs where i've had to say CAN I LISTEN TO THE GODDAMN SONG PLEASE?

I go to a lot of shows alone for this reason lol

As soon as you try recording anything people 100% start to talk around you (even though they can't possibly know) and wherever you happen to stand immediately turns into the designated corridor for people who need to go to the front/back/left/right/bar/toilet the instant you press the record button. How some shows get recorded nicely anyway, I'll never understand.

the official* signal for "please stop talking and listen to the music being performed in front of us" that i use is 1) tap ear with index finger 2) point at stage 3) if necessary holdindex finger to lips to indicate "STOP TALKING"

* official = the one i use

the behavior I find the funniest is when people make the obligatory gesture to try to convince everybody they're totally engaged in the show, i.e., song ends and they cup hands and cheer weekly or throw up a devil horn, only to go right back to yammering seconds later

*weakly

I even have a few friends who've tried to yap during songs where i've had to say CAN I LISTEN TO THE GODDAMN SONG PLEASE?

ugh I have a v good friend that I don't usually go to gigs with but I did this year and she kept yelling about how great the gig was constantly and I was like ffs yes I know I'm also watching it you don't need to keep shouting that. it was a bit embarrassing tbh

A few shows I've been at this year have had some form of early entry/VIP ticket tier. Pay more and you don't have to wait in line. OF COURSE this has led to confrontations where the person who paid more is annoyed that someone who didn't also made it to the front of the stage. Capitalism and the ticket gouge are really making monsters out of a few people

xps above, re: yapping

My friends and I were shushed once by the guy behind us at a Cocteau Twins show once. Fair enough, but the reason he wanted us to pipe down was that he was secretly recording the show so he could sell his bootleg tapes.

Overheard the following angry exchange at a show tonight

"Ho ho ho"
"Shut the fuck up!"

The band was Mannheim Steamroller

You went to see Mannheim Steamroller? How was it?

a good friend of mine once went to see trans-siberian orchestra at 3:30pm on a weekday out of fascination (free tickets from work). ideal setting to see TSO

what i want to know is; HOW were they playing in St Paul at the Xcel Energy Center that day when they were ALSO playing in phoenix that very same day... did someone in TSO management grow cynical about their art? did they think it was acceptable to dilute the product? did they really think someone ELSE could play like al pitrelli?

Overheard the following angry exchange at a show tonight

"Ho ho ho"
"Shut the fuck up!"

The band was Mannheim Steamroller

I want to imagine that that was stage banter

I remember when the worst behavior was everyone taking pictures for their fucking blogs like they were journalists with press badges.

(FWIW went to Yaelokre tonight w the kids and the crowd was great. Maybe the future is bright!)

You went to see Mannheim Steamroller? How was it?

― beard papa, Sunday, November 16, 2025 1:10 PM bookmarkflaglink

Corny but it was fun! I was taking my mother as a birthday present.

so...I used to only see this at local shows, but what the hell is up with a national act coming through town, people staying through the local openers, and leaving before the headliner comes on?

granted, this was a VERY SMALL national act with not a huge following, but last night, the last local opener played and there were 30 people in the room (yes, I counted). they cleared the stage for the headliner, and only about 15 were left, possibly 10 by end of show. the opening bands themselves all left as did their fans.

idk, for all of the "YOU SHOULD COME EARLY AND SUPPORT ALL OF THE OPENING ACTS" shaming that goes on in my town, it feels really weaksauce for openers to basically act like the show is their show.

it wasn't even an 'it's late' thing - the headline set started at 9:30 and was over by 10:15!

If there are 15 people in the room, is that still a national act, or just a local act in the wrong city?

I'm going to see La Luz tomorrow night and I ain't sticking around Portugal the Man because I'd rather go home and eat Chinese food

If there are 15 people in the room, is that still a national act, or just a local act in the wrong city?

― enochroot, Thursday, December 11, 2025 11:52 AM bookmarkflaglink

I mean they're on Profound Lore, and feature ex-members of Iron Reagan, a fairly big band in the scene. but they're a newish band that haven't really broke big yet.

i suspect it's more a reflection of the fickle fairweather scene in Central Florida because this happens here frequently and then I talk to my friend in Philly and he'll tell me hundreds of people were there for the headliner for the same tour.

xpost I wouldn't see Portugal the Man even if it only cost a bucket of pee

If you're in a band opening for someone, I think you should absolutely stick around for the headliner. When I was in high school, I remember that some of my friends got a chance to open for a bigger band at a club in the city. And we were super excited for them, but apparently, they dipped out after breaking down their equipment. My understanding is that this did not reflect well on them and caused a minor local kerfuffle.

As far as the audience goes, if I'm there to see the opener, I at least make a good-faith effort to check out the headliner. But I went to a show like that last year, and peaced maybe 5 songs into the bigger band's set.

Lastly, just to poke a little fun, I sussed out the national act Neanderthal is talking about. They are coming to town in a few days, playing a pie shop (named Pie Shop)! Which, to be clear, I think it's super cool that there is a nearby bakery that is also a music venue, but also let's be real, it is a pie shop.

i love that. non-traditional venues for the win.

my friend told me he saw the band Malignancy in a seafood restaurant once.

is this a metal band? pie shop with 15 people feels very much like a metal show. esp if in the basement.

or avant garde jazz

Let's hope nobody mentions Cherry Pie. Not even this situation would Warrant stooping that low.