HEAVENFEST: Which of the Xtian Rock Bands Has the Most Terrible Name?

ha, "Which of *these*"

The Ineloquent

^ if you're going to be a "The ___" band, you'd better make the "___" fucking count. This one is FAIL on every level.

But what's with all these bands putting K's in place of C's?

yeah i was wondering that too? does it mean something?

The Devil Wear Prada is pretty wtf.

The answer is The Color Morale.

I the Mouth Breather is delightfully shit

A Plea for Purging aka Enema Entreaty

Voted The Ineloquent tho, it has a timeless lack of quality.

The winner is clearly Everfound, as if the world needed another "Ever-" band, they'd have done better with Superfound even.

god damnit

lol god isn't helping their hosting efforts at the moment:

Service Temporarily Unavailable
The server is temporarily unable to service your request due to maintenance downtime or capacity problems. Please try again later.
Apache/1.3.33 Server at www.heavenfest.com Port 80

A Plea for Purging-- because it sounds either like the name of a neo-Nazi pamphlet or an Afterschool Special.

I "DJ Joel" sure about this event?

WHAT NOT TO BRING

* No beer, alcohol or illegal substances of any kind; anyone found under the influence of or in possession of such will be escorted off the property and/or turned in to law enforcement officials.
* No bicycles, scooters or motorized vehicles will be permitted into festival grounds (this includes, but is not limited to: golf carts, ATV’s, motor scooters and powered skateboards. ALSO NOTE: Open skateboarding is in designated areas only. Skateboarders under 18 must provide signed waiver from parent or guardian to participate in open skateboarding. DOWNLOAD IT HERE
* No fireworks, balloons, permanent markers or spray paint.
* No folding chairs other than low-seated concert or lawn chairs (no more than 12” off the ground)
* No glass containers, no cans (stainless steel thermos, ok)
* No hard-sided coolers (soft-sided coolers 12” x 12” x 12” or smaller acceptable)
* No pets or animals on the festival grounds OR left in your car. Please check the yellow pages for kennels in the Longmont, CO area.
* No weapons, guns, knives, pocket knives, pepper spray, etc.

NEED TO KNOW

DRESS CODE
MODESTY is the key word. While the style and fashion these days seems to be "less is best," we do not want to be guilty of causing another person to stumble. Girls: Bathing suits are NOT permitted except in the swimming area, and must not be a bikini. Tank tops are fine but bellies must be covered (even though the fashion now is to show it off). Shorts and/or skirts need to be long enough and shirts big enough. SHIRTS and shoes MUST be worn by all at all times.
clear

LITERATURE DISTRIBUTION
Literature distribution is only permitted from official booths located in the booth areas, regardless of the type of literature. Please understand that this rule will be strictly enforced.

Sounds like a lot of fun. No, really.

No beer, alcohol or illegal substances of any kind

Seriously, why would anybody want to go to this?

Thank fuck you can god out in your tank top though

I can imagine most of them being boring, strum strum strum ain't god great blah blah blah, but The Devil Wears Prada, I can't imagine what they'd sound like and I want to know. So much potential.

wtf you missed out Tom Ewing band!

A Plea For Purging

The eating disorders festival is NEXT weekend.

sadly can't make out The Devil Wears Prada's lyrics under the death metal growling. Which I guess will do for lols.

The Devil Wears Prada are a pretty good metal band, and their new EP is an EP about zombies. (Insert obvious Jesus joke here.)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bBfAOfYXVKY

DJ Joel Olsteen

Re: clothing

Back on the bus, we can see your wrists, you godless wenches!

http://img.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2008/04_02/OntoBusesAP_800x629.jpg

i don't know, in some ways i hate to laugh at this stuff -- all band names are dumb, for the most part. But these seem dumb in a special way.

another one i forgot to include: IN THE MIDST OF LIONS

these names are literally all terrible! it's pretty sad when "DJ JOEL" is the least embarrassing name on the list

it's also amusing how many of these could be euphemisms for menstruation:

The Kry
A Plea For Purging
The Color Morale
The Crimson Armada

'The Color Morale' is a particularly ugly sounding collection of words.

Kut is Dutch for, well, er, c*nt.

Kutless = quite a good name imo

Or would Kutless = cutless = uncircumsized? O_o

Kutless is obviously a discount hair salon.

everfound is a terrible terrible name and may be the worst-sounding of all these besides DJ Joel

that's just my guess I haven't heard any of these bands

Should have been DJ Judas, though. Turns for money.

I dunno man "The Color Morale" is pretty fuckin' terrible

just googled 'em -- apparently they have a song called "Humannequin"? ugh -- video looks/sounds like a tepid corporate Attack Attack! clone

(only worse than that sounds)

sadly can't make out The Devil Wears Prada's lyrics under the death metal growling. Which I guess will do for lols.

― Merdeyeux, Saturday, July 31, 2010 6:29 PM (2 hours ago) Bookmark

Nothing more metal than sharing a name with an Anne Hathaway film.

it doesnt matter what genre they are all that matters is that they keep makin beast songs and lifting up the christian faith

definitely the devil wears prada vs the ineloquent

Me I kind of like The Ineloquent. Though The Inarticulate would be better.

devil wears prada, ive heard them, and they're utter shite.

i must say that Thousand Foot Krutch look like the biggest bunch of tools, and their music is fukkin awful, and MAN I HATE FUCKING CHRISTIANS.

i must say that Thousand Foot Krutch look like the biggest bunch of tools, and their music is fukkin awful, and MAN I HATE FUCKING CHRISTIANS.

don't fuck 'em then.

huh, weird, didn't mean to post that twice.

and yea i was ready for that, stan, thanks.

np :-)

"Heaven Fest" is a pretty terrible name in itself

("Nothing but pounding beats of worship will be coming from this Dome Tent!" - on Techno Stage)

testify your head against the wall

Automatic thread bump. This poll is closing tomorrow.

oh man, new username.

as in:

if Casting Crowns really is some kind of a stupid pun on Counting Crows, then it is the worst name

They paved paradise and put up a cathedral.

Cast my vote for I the Breather, but can I just

Big Wiggly Style

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1 Year Interactive Membership
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Set of TDWP drum sticks
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Copy of With Roots Above and Branches Below LP Record

And a quote from the band

It's the same concept as our lyrics 'emeralds hold no hope' and many many others. What we believe it to mean is that possessions don't matter at all and someday everyone will realize that this is true. When standing before God, he won't care about your sweet Prada scarf or Gucci shoes or whatever.

...but he might ask where you got those sweet Vic Firth TDWP drumsticks!

http://www.mismart.com/thewallyshow/teegallery/Tpix/april-19-2000.jpg

here's the headline in the local paper today:
Heaven Fest: A God time

lol

Too bad it wasn't a VU fan at the copy desk:
We're Gonna Have a Real God Time Together

haha.
had a tough time deciding, but went with THE COLOR MORALE because it is just mystifying.

yeah I mean "the devil wears prada" at least has, like, the word DEVIL in it, + obvious allusion as basis for name

whereas "the color morale" reads like computer-generated poetry

"The Crimson Armada " <-- these guys sound like they would be the decemberists of the christian rock scene. or maybe the dragonforce.

Voted for the Devil Wears Pandas, always hated that name.

Automatic thread bump. This poll's results are now in.

They meant to call themselves The Eye Breathers but they were tripping on the spirit of Jesus and wrote it down wrong.

as the lead singer was telling a promoter the name of his band, he caught one right In The Breather

I voted for Plea for Purging myself but upon reinspection I can't believe that "Hundredth" didn't get more, uh, love.

If I found a 60s sci-fi book called "I The Breather" in a thrift store I would buy it and daydream of naming a band after it. This thread is making me glad that (as far as I know) there isn't one and I didn't, because it is a pretty damn terrible name.

The two with 0 votes were kind of robbed because they have their own distinct smell of awfulness, but I can appreciate the competition was stiff. I suppose with those two, if you imagine yourself at a festival asking the person next to you who's on next, the obvious reply is only "oh. I'll go to the bar" and not to laugh uncontrollably until you have to be carried to the first aid tent

a woman I went to high school with just posted a Kutless video on Facebook

she says this is "her current favorite":

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ni7Y2IJUHaE

;_;
http://www.denverpost.com/breakingnews/ci_17664233
HeavenFest Christian music festival moving from Longmont to Loveland
Such bullshit.

[all of these band names still make me lol]

Figured The Ineloquent would have something to say about this.

http://www.heavenfest.com/program/the_lineup.php

^ line-up for this year. Poor kj52, he probably had to settle for that name after he tried 'ken jones' and got a message to say it was already taken.

hmm, not quite as many awesome band names. though Skillet is pretty good. And SANCTUS REAL.

Shit just got SANCTUS REAL

SUPERCHICK! This band looks dangerous.
http://api.ning.com/files/9lgYqQ5zJkhGjsmVtuk6l965UU*83VK3Jddh3m-38u-7PUsJid4UdFrSBHkqmyB2KeixR5IvZARjfeiQaRItGVplE17q*QAp/1116.jpg

all these guys fill me with v. unchristian thoughts

I covet that dude's ollie-ing ability

hoping the dignified guy in the suit just happened to be standing there when the photo was taken.