Thread For Pitchfork Web.Archive.org fun

There's undoubtedly been others, but I just scrolled through 10 pages of "pitchfork" threads in the search engine and no such luck finding one.

http://web.archive.org/web/20000816175149/www.pitchforkmedia.com/record-reviews/i/isotope-217/utonian-automatic.shtml

6. "Solaris" (6:11) When I'm back in my old 'hood (Hopkins, Minnesota), cruisin' down Main Street in my convertible Geo Metro, rollin' up to the Burger King drive-thru, yo, check it out, it's real. 'Cause, bitch, I'm a playa-- big balla. Actually, I'm just some white guy who thinks I'm a big balla. In a spaghetti western. This is my soundtrack.

did they remove a lot of the old goofy reviews from the site?

tool - lateralus and amon tobin - supermodified are two that come to mind

also someone reviewed every KISS album when they got reissued iirc

save ferris -- 9.5

http://web.archive.org/web/20070712033409/www.pitchforkmedia.com/article/record_review/21567-it-means-everything

http://web.archive.org/web/20000816173402/www.pitchforkmedia.com/record-reviews/g/go-betweens/bellavista-terrace.shtml

Their lack of commercial success was due in part to hitting their creative peak at a time in the late '80s when lite- metal gods like Motley Crue, Guns N' Roses had a stranglehold on the Top 40, along with perenially tiresome trash like Madonna and everyone's favorite dancing surgical mishap, Michael Jackson.

Then again, will there ever be a place on the American charts for sensitive fellows who write elegant, humanistic pop songs full of metaphor, emotional depth and bleeding heart sentimentality? Somehow the Go-Betweens just didn't appeal to the legions of martini- sipping stockbrokers and Bon Jovi- worshipping hair- rockers that seemed to overpopulate the Earth back then. Big surprise.

All exaggeration aside, though, many of the Go-Betweens' new wave contemporaries, in comparison, amounted to little more than out- of- work hairdressers blindly groping their Casios and pretending to be Japanese. Forster and songwriting partner Grant McLennan burst onto the scene like displaced medieval troubadours, having just traded in their lutes for electric guitars, yet still embracing classical styles.

What's up with the French? Man, it seems like every up and coming electronica band these days is from France. Personally, I don't know anyone from France. Why all the good music? France? Are they sure? What's in France, anyway? They have a big, famous tower. Did they give us the Statue of Liberty? I'm having a lot of trouble with this.

Oh, Daft Punk. They're French. And you probably didn't know it, but these guys have more rhythm than Max Weinberg on fast-forward. You could go into a record store and say, "Christ! For $14.99, this disc should be able to sing and dance!" Unfortunately, that's gonna be left up to you. However, Homework manages to throb, bleep, scratch, trip, hop, freak and boogie. It sounds like an Atari 2600 on a killing spree.

Homework provides sixteen whole tracks of modern-day boom box bass n' drum and unlike your science project, it doesn't require a lot of intricate calculations to figure out how it works. It just does.

ANNNNNND DRUMMMMMROLLLLL PLEEEEEEEEEASE

http://web.archive.org/web/20030401161931/pitchforkmedia.com/interviews/i/interpol-02/

As I step back into the hallway, showtime quickly approaching, Paul Banks walks around the corner, and half-remembers me:

"Wait, you look really familiar."

"Yeah. Ryan." I extend a handshake. "I'm here from Pitchfork."

"Ohhhh!! Man, thanks for putting us on your 2002 list. That paragraph was fantastic!"

Which was a surprising response, since the paragraph in question was something of a piss-take, noting the band's "skinny ties and terrible hair," and referring to them as "art-house darlings" whose "appearance was their most embarrassing aspect."

"Well, you know, it was you guys against Nellyville. He almost had it on affirmative action, but we couldn't forgive the Band-Aid."

these guys have more rhythm than Max Weinberg on fast-forward

how does this even occur to you as something you want captured in print

xp: holy christ I'd forgotten exactly why I hated Pitchfork so much

Walt Mink
El Producto
[Atlantic]
Rating: 10.0

I have stumbled, quite absentmindedly, upon one of the best albums I've ever heard. Walt Mink's El Producto takes some growing on you, but grow it does, and in the largest way ever.

The album's opener, "Stood Up," fades in with the unmatched skill of John Kimbrough's fingers picking away at those old steel strings, and then shoves its seven inches of pop square up your ass. "Overgrown" steps around the corner with its unbelievable catchiness and intricate guitar riffs, and Orestes Morfin's intense drumbeatings. Who knew that when it was written (and rejected) for that hip, Gen-X slacker film, "P.C.U.," it would be such an irresistible chunk of beautiful noise? "Love in the Dakota" is the record's beautiful ballad, a sweetly- strummed storytelling of the plot to Roman Polanski's classic film, "Rosemary's Baby." Guitar, strings, and John Kimbrough's boyish voice blend together in what sounds like a serious case of good music.

Minneapolis has spawned more than its share of great music, but Walt Mink is the best band I've heard leave the city for the big time in over five years. We're trying to get in good with local politicians right now in hopes to pass a law that makes not owning a copy of El Producto a misdemeanor. Um, yeah.

-Ryan Schreiber

lol that's the one Walt Mink album I would unreservedly and unabashedly burn in a fire

Wrens
Abbott 1135 EP
[Ten 23]
Rating: 7.4

Ah, my good old buddies, the Wrens. They're always there to comfort me when I'm feeling crappy. They give me reason to live. Power for living! Well, no, it's not like the band comes over and gives me a boost of self- confidence or anything. Instead, I've got something almost as good-- or maybe even better-- their rockin' music.

Abbott 1135's the title of the band's 6-song EP follow-up to their brilliant 1996 release, Secaucus. See, Secaucus had it all-- pop, rock, country, punk, ballads, love songs, the works. Of course, it also fell just short of 20 tracks, so they had a lot of room to experiment. This EP sees the band traveling in a more standard pop-rock direction with all of their boyish, energetic excitement still intact.

Tracks like the opener, "Pretty O.K." and "North to Nothing" show the band at the top of their game-- relentless, charged and spazzy. "I Guess We're Done" is a nice one that combines equal parts Andy Partridge and Brian Wilson for choco-licious results, and "This Machine" actually has the band experimenting with current electronica trends (albeit just a little). But on two numbers, "It's Alright" and "Fire Fire," the band let their wild n' crazy antics get the best of them and the songs just don't turn out.

Naturally, there were a few throwaway numbers on Secaucus and the band's 1994 debut, Silver, but those albums also showcased a bit more diversity than Abbott 1135. Regardless, I'm looking forward to the band's next album which is due out, hopefully, before I die.

-Ryan Schreiber

OH BOY here's an old favorite:

Everclear
So Much For The Afterglow
[Capitol]
Rating: 8.2

When So Much For The Afterglow opens with a corny, Beach Boys spoof, one can only prepare for the worst. But I'm writing this review to let you know that you don't need to. Those 40 painfully kitschy seconds are the worst you'll endure for the rest of the disc. Right when you least expect it, A.P. Alexakis growls, "This is a song about Susan," and Everclear's trademark So-Cal pop-punk blasts from the speakers in a firey ball of triumph.

Afterglow is overflowing with exactly the same kind of catchy rock and roll these guys cranked out on Sparkle and Fade and their lesser-known debut, World of Noise. Alexakis' lyrics are almost poetic again as he sings about standard rock star stuff like the advantages of being broke and on drugs. The difference between Alexakis and the average rocker, as you probably know, is that he's been through it, so it comes across more like a diary than a fantasy. Yeah, we've heard the sob story a million times, but where modern rock has become infested (and recent associated) with crappy music, Afterglow boasts unfeigned dignity and some damn good songs, too.

-Ryan Schreiber

from the interpol interview linked above

Pitchfork: Cuddleworthy?? You guys?

Sam: Come here, buddy, I'll show you why. <Sam hugs Ryan>

Pitchfork: <Swoons>

LOL

this thread is fun

Is this thread only for stuff that's no longer accessible on the site?

Jesus, that Go-Betweens review. Never saw that one.

The disc goes all over the place, covering some virtually unexplored territory, and occasionally returns to the mid- '80s vein of hellmusic we love to hate these days. The songs even out pretty well, and I have to say, Bilingual is better than I thought it would be. It's embarrasing to admit to liking this record, but somebody's got to do it. I feel pretty confident there are others just like me out there.

(from the pet shop boys - bilingual review someone linked in the other thread)

new sn to commemorate this sure-2-b-a-classik thread

word

Kind of amazed this pitchfork review (which I've probably linked to ILX a million times, but hey) is still on the site while so many aren't.

http://pitchfork.com/reviews/albums/80-10000-hz-legend/

I wouldn't say she was a lost cause, but my girlfriend needed a music doctor like I needed, well, a girlfriend. That is, desperately. Call it a perfect match. She'd spent too many years clubbing to have more than a passing knowledge of non-techno music, and I'd spent too many years shucking to have more than a passing knowledge of monogamous sex. The results have been fast, effective, and largely painless. She's taken to the Pixies, and I've taken to, um, lots of sex.

And that's just the first paragraph!

"largely painless"

at a time in the late '80s when lite- metal gods like Motley Crue, Guns N' Roses had a stranglehold

you can't say "stranglehold" unless you're talking about Ted Nugent imo

Listening to All The Pain Money Can Buy, I can't help but picture Fastball as one of those garage bands which populate crappy '80s teenage sex comedies. You know the routine: the band usually appears three or four times throughout the movie, once practicing, once hanging out with the hero/ heroine, and once near the end of the movie when the band ends up playing at some club or party where a record exec hears them, and they sign a big contract and live happily ever after. And the band never seems to deserve the contract, because the songs they play are horrid cheese- pop ditties probably written by the screenwriter or (even worse) the film's producer.

Is there a 1980s teenage sex comedy featuring a band that does this? Important facts to check.

guns n roses was not metal or lite IMO

Heatmiser
Mic City Sons
[Caroline]
Rating: 7.9

When Mic City Sons opens, and you feel the power of the drums, the bass thumping along, and the guitar, and Elliott Smith commanding you to "Get Lucky," that's what music is all about.

Remember arena rock? Was it the loud guitars, the crazy hair or the "Rock and Roll All Nite" politics that made people fall in love with it? Nah, it was the adrenaline rush you got when all the elements were combined and everybody felt the music in the vodka and blood cocktail running through their veins.

Maybe that's a bit dramatic, especially coming from someone who wasn't even born yet when Highway To Hell came out, but I've seen it, and I've felt it. Arena rock is still alive, whether the Smashing Pumpkins care to admit it or not.

Heatmiser are, by some act of Christ, able to make you feel that very same way, using entirely different elements. Sure, there are still loud guitars, smacky bass lines, and monsterous skin power, but there's no screaming. Where the hell did all the screaming go? It's certainly not here. Doesn't matter though. These guys combine Eddie Haskell and the Scorpions into one solid sound that makes feel like I'm watching Frampton come alive.

-Ryan Schreiber

"more than a passing knowledge of monogamous sex"

http://web.archive.org/web/20030421111230/pitchforkmedia.com/record-reviews/d/donnas/american-teenage-rock-n-roll-machine.shtml

Yeah, you probably remember girl bands like this from when you were in high school, but The Donnas stand out in two respects: their songs actually have enough bite to validate the press attention, and no other band's guitarist looks hotter in tight, pink leather pants.

If American Teenage Rock 'n' Roll Machine doesn't exactly grab you by the nipples the way uber-kids like X-Ray Spex or Bis have in the past, maybe the band's Silicon Valley upbringing is to blame. Here they are, four girls from insanely wealthy families sporting cheap, matching outfits and their best pouty-lipped expressions. The problem is, you wonder if the Donnas bought their trashy personas at Bloomingdales on Daddy's credit card. If you can ignore this historical inconsistency-- and if you don't go digging out any of your old Britny Fox albums-- The Donnas are sure to become your favorite poster girls of pubescent punk.

God knows I have been searching for a band that sounds like a combination of Eddie Haskell and the Scorpions all my life

"the screenwriter or (even worse) the film's producer"
"girl bands like this from when you were in high school"
etc etc

pitchfork has discarded a cornucopia of riches imo

"grab you by the nipples the way uber-kids like X-Ray Spex or Bis have"

lmao these are golden

"Well, you know, it was you guys against Nellyville. He almost had it on affirmative action, but we couldn't forgive the Band-Aid."

*considers digging through his old britny fox albums*

http://web.archive.org/web/20030421092738/pitchforkmedia.com/record-reviews/p/pulp/this-is-hardcore.shtml

There are two types of condom buyers.

1) Loudly walks into the corner drugstore asking, "Yo, wher're the caps at?!" The kid behind the counter asks, "Excuse me?" "You know, Caps... Jimmy Hats, Gloves, McRibs, Sleeping Bags, Mobile Suit Gundams, Slips, Slides, Slip 'n' Slides, Socks, Shoes, Flip- Flops, Backseat Airbags, Cozies, Boil- in- the- bag Rice, Gummis, Gummi Bears, Prophylactics, Shirts, Skins," the condom guy asks. "I need a second layer for the root." The kid replies with a voice as cracky as the littlest Hanson, "Um, yes, uh... Behind the cheap toys, aisle five, next to the rack of reading eyeglasses."

2) Sneaks in on tip- toe. The buyer hunches his shoulders like Quasimodo and darts his eyes around in paranoia like a rookie spy on PCP. The buyer circles every aisle twice to lose the trail of any potential stock- boy or curious customer. The buyer picks up random items like Ace Bandages, Post- It Notes, Saline Solution, and Funyuns with his condoms to camouflage his dirty secret. The buyer never makes eye contact with the cashier.

Fact: The first type of condom buyer is more likely to enjoy Pulp's This is Hardcore.

OMG

The kid replies with a voice as cracky as the littlest Hanson

I miss Brent D so much

everyone's a goddamn poet these days

Pitchfork Web Archive Reviews Reviews

hahahha

I do kind of like the amateurish/unprofessional self-indulgent bullshit because somehow it seems preferable to aloof snark. like at least yr puttin' yrself out there?? I dunno

http://web.archive.org/web/20030403210802/pitchforkmedia.com/record-reviews/s/sebadoh/harmacy.shtml

Lo-fi indie rock is probably the greatest thing since ejaculation, and I'm not taking any chances. I'm loving it full-on. Show no mercy. No holds barred. Full-on, baby. I mean, come on! Home recordings of people mixing the pop sounds of '60s with the firey glam-rock of the '70s! What's not to love? And Sebadoh clearly stand out as indie rock champs along with other home tapers like Guided By Voices and Jack Logan. These are the guys that are going down in history as The Real Shit. Harmacy just further proves Sebadoh are among the rulers of the rock-n-roll wetdream they call "independence."

¯\(°_°)/¯

Oh man that line

xpost

do we have to post that little ascii dude in every indie rock thread now?

Rating: 8======D~~~~~

Nothing posted yet beats a cross between Miles Davis' Sorcerer and the Heroic Doses' debut" on sheer scope. (Which is, of course, not to discount the bounty of execrable material I have in there).

Lo-fi indie rock is probably the greatest thing since ejaculation, and I'm not taking any chances.

I still can't get over how hilarious this line is

Can someone post a direct link to the O'Rourke review please? I haven't laughed this hard in ages.

That Harmacy review should be framed and presented to Ryan S for him to put over his lavatory.

Can someone post a direct link to the O'Rourke review please?

http://web.archive.org/web/20000816183428/www.pitchforkmedia.com/record-reviews/o/orourke_jim/halfway-to-a-threeway.shtml

http://web.archive.org/web/20000816190542/www.pitchforkmedia.com/record-reviews/s/smith_elliott/either-or.shtml

Elliott Smith
Either/Or
[Kill Rock Stars]
Rating: 8.5

Whispering his way into your heart with the voice of an angel, Elliott's new solo record, Either/Or is the type of music you'd hear in Heaven's elevator: While everything's nice and pretty, you're still pretty bummed out that you died.

Smith shares all his personal secrets with us like other Smiths before him. (i.e. The Smiths, The Cure's Robert Smith, etc.) The result is nothing less than Zoloftian genius. I'll put money down that says this is the best album Kill Rock Stars releases for a couple of months.

-Ryan Schreiber

OH MAN

http://web.archive.org/web/20001001131004/www.pitchforkmedia.com/record-reviews/i/incubus/science.shtml

Incubus
S.C.I.E.N.C.E.
[Up]
Rating: 8.7

As all of the varieties of music get smooshed together these days, you start to see a number of interesting hybrids. Y'know it's happening when you have to check three different sections in the CD store for the same CD. What does funk sound like? What does Rock sound like? What is Jazz, anyway? It seems you have to go back ten years to find them in their origin form. Definitely not a bad thing.

Incubus is an excellent example. This CD successfully combines all sorts of shit without sounding like a mess. Here you have a song: it's got a phat-chunk bass beat twanging fast in back, some crazy electro squornks and bleeps coming and going, sudden snatches of full-blown guitar-jam, a rapid-fire Patton-esque vocalist (Brandon Boyd), all the while someone scratching vinyl and a drummer back there hammering merrily along. They keep it sorted out and dynamic and the results are yummy. Can the total be more than the sum of its parts? You decide.

-James P. Wisdom

Totally waiting for Whiney to come along and defend this Incubus album, btw.

http://web.archive.org/web/20001010180925/www.pitchforkmedia.com/record-reviews/b/beach-boys/pet-sounds.shtml

Beach Boys
Pet Sounds (Remastered)
[Capitol Reissues]
Rating: 7.5

The Beatles claim it inspired Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band. Some critics say it's better than anything the Beatles ever released. NME even called it "The Best Album of All Time." I guess I can see how someone might think that... but I don't.

See, at the time of its original release a mere 33 years ago, this was a historic recording, a classic. Brian Wilson's complex vocal arrangements, elaborate recording techniques, and orchestral flourishes were groundbreaking enough to permanantly alter the course of music. On the other hand, a lot has happened for music since Pet Sounds. For instance, compare Pet Sounds to Pink Floyd's Dark Side of the Moon, My Bloody Valentine's Loveless or Radiohead's OK Computer. To these young ears, Brian Wilson's masterpiece just doesn't stand up.

Sure, the genius of songs like "Don't Talk (Put Your Head on My Shoulder)," "God Only Knows," and "Caroline No" is undeniable-- to this day, few people have come close to penning sweeter melodies. But this style of straight- forward pop music, despite its appeal on an instinctual level, has become passe and cliched. If this were not the Beach Boys, but some indie pop outfit on Parasol Records, it might make a few critics' Top 10 lists, if it didn't just vanish into obscurity.

Also, this long- awaited reissue contains both Mono and Stereo versions of the album, a pretty asinine manuever on the record company's part. The Mono version of the album has been available on CD for years-- there's not a Beach Boys fan in the world that doesn't already own it, and anyone interested in purchasing the album at this point will most likely not really be interested in having to skip ahead to Track 15 every time you want to hear the Stereo mix.

Of course, you've got to give the album credit for influencing people like Weezer, Burt Bacharach, and... oh, the Beatles. And it still remains a seminal pop album-- one of pop music's quintessential works of perfection. But, like its creator Brian Wilson, it just wasn't made for these times.

-Ryan Schreiber

"God this Beach Boys album is just so old-fashioned and passe... at least it inspired Weezer. RATING: SEVEN POINT FIVE!!!!"

OH I hate that logic so much!

"If this were not the Beach Boys, but some indie pop outfit on Parasol Records, it might make a few critics' Top 10 lists, if it didn't just vanish into obscurity."

My friend said that kind of thing about The Velvet Underground. It doesn't make sense because if you remove an extremely influential album from history as if it never happened and then pretend it just came out, then you'd be comparing it to a current musical landscape that would be much different due to the absence of that hugely influential album's proper moment in history! You can't remove something historic and assume the same future.

Of course, you've got to give the album credit for influencing people like Weezer

oh my

The Pet Sounds one is so, so much worse than shitcat. I'm always surprised it isn't the go-to pick.

compare Pet Sounds to Pink Floyd's Dark Side of the Moon, My Bloody Valentine's Loveless or Radiohead's OK Computer
compare Pet Sounds to Pink Floyd's Dark Side of the Moon, My Bloody Valentine's Loveless or Radiohead's OK Computer
compare Pet Sounds to Pink Floyd's Dark Side of the Moon, My Bloody Valentine's Loveless or Radiohead's OK Computer
compare Pet Sounds to Pink Floyd's Dark Side of the Moon, My Bloody Valentine's Loveless or Radiohead's OK Computer
compare Pet Sounds to Pink Floyd's Dark Side of the Moon, My Bloody Valentine's Loveless or Radiohead's OK Computer
compare Pet Sounds to Pink Floyd's Dark Side of the Moon, My Bloody Valentine's Loveless or Radiohead's OK Computer
compare Pet Sounds to Pink Floyd's Dark Side of the Moon, My Bloody Valentine's Loveless or Radiohead's OK Computer
compare Pet Sounds to Pink Floyd's Dark Side of the Moon, My Bloody Valentine's Loveless or Radiohead's OK Computer
compare Pet Sounds to Pink Floyd's Dark Side of the Moon, My Bloody Valentine's Loveless or Radiohead's OK Computer

http://web.archive.org/web/20000816185217/www.pitchforkmedia.com/record-reviews/r/ride/tarantula.shtml

Ride
Tarantula
[Sire]
Rating: 5.4

Ride used to be one of the coolest bands on the planet. Although their first EP Smile didn't completely win me over, the thoroughly awesome Nowhere blew me away. Goin' Blank Again was almost equally majestic. Suddenly, Ride decided to give birth to a giant poop log and disguise it as a CD. 1994's Carnival of Light probably ranks as the biggest disappointment from a competent group to ever sour my ears. Now, they're calling it quits, and the swan song is called Tarantula. It's better than Carnival of Light, that's for sure. It's more stomp than swoon as evidenced by the lead-off "Black Nite Crash." Another number, "Castle on the Hill," is good vintage Ride music that made me smile. That's about it, though. A lot of the tunes don't fail to hold my interest, but they also don't give me that huge, superhero glow that songs like "Seagull," "In a Different Place," "Twisterella," and "Leave Them All Behind" did. Oh, well. We'll always have Nowhere.

-Jason Josephes

http://web.archive.org/web/20001009103100/www.pitchforkmedia.com/record-reviews/o/oasis/be-here-now.shtml

Oasis
Be Here Now
[Epic]
Rating: 7.9

Other day, I was dragging my sand-filled shoes through the desert wasteland known as commercial alternative rock, the sun beating on me like a sadist with a whip, my brow the only moist thing in sight. I spotted in the distance some really pompous British guys with guitars who wouldn't give me the time of day, let alone water from their canteens. Some fucking oasis.

These were the rudest folks I'd met in my entire life, and somehow when they turned up the amplifiers, I couldn't resist their instantly memorable rock music. Realising I'd heard this stuff somewhere before (whether it be from their last two albums or old Beatles records), I started to feel guilty. Then I decided. Fuck it.

Oasis' third record, Be Here Now is, predictably, a lot like Definitely Maybe and even more like What's The Story, Morning Glory, but with a lot more pomp. What were formally unforgettable three- to- four minute pop slices are now six- to- ten minute long epics. It's like "Champagne Supernova" altered the course of their journey toward Edgar Winters' part of the universe.

Regardless of whether or not it's "cool" to like them (they're certainly not as safe- to- like as some of my other pleasures, Yo La Tengo or Nick Drake), "D'You Know What I Mean," Be Here Now's first single, is the catchiest song of the year. So take your holier- than- thou, elitist musical tastes and sod off -- Oasis are cool in my book.

-Ryan "Defensive Man" Schreiber

(they're certainly not as safe- to- like as some of my other pleasures, Yo La Tengo or Nick Drake)
(they're certainly not as safe- to- like as some of my other pleasures, Yo La Tengo or Nick Drake)
(they're certainly not as safe- to- like as some of my other pleasures, Yo La Tengo or Nick Drake)
(they're certainly not as safe- to- like as some of my other pleasures, Yo La Tengo or Nick Drake)
(they're certainly not as safe- to- like as some of my other pleasures, Yo La Tengo or Nick Drake)
(they're certainly not as safe- to- like as some of my other pleasures, Yo La Tengo or Nick Drake)
(they're certainly not as safe- to- like as some of my other pleasures, Yo La Tengo or Nick Drake)
(they're certainly not as safe- to- like as some of my other pleasures, Yo La Tengo or Nick Drake)
(they're certainly not as safe- to- like as some of my other pleasures, Yo La Tengo or Nick Drake)
(they're certainly not as safe- to- like as some of my other pleasures, Yo La Tengo or Nick Drake)
(they're certainly not as safe- to- like as some of my other pleasures, Yo La Tengo or Nick Drake)

Just did a quick ctrl+f of this thread and saw that none have yet posted the long, unreadable side-article in which a "Brent S. Sirota" compared Kid A to Finnegans Wake.

The highest honor we can bestow upon Kid A-- yes, there is something that surpasses the trophy of Pitchfork double-digits-- is substantive discussion. Could a band whose fan mail alludes to Pynchon novels, whose liner notes cite Noam Chomsky, whose fiercely literate lyrics ("Riot shield/ Voodoo economics/ It's just business/ Cattle prods and the IMF") seem to presage the recent turmoil over the International Monetary Fund prefer grades to analysis? The recent Pitchfork editorial decision to print reader mail and writer responses suggests that there remains a great deal of room for conversations to go beyond alternating gushes and obscenities. The question of whether one should buy and enjoy Kid A speaks ultimately to a moot point: it will be bought and enjoyed by millions; others may dismiss it as emasculated dreck. But either way, Kid A will not be barred access to a canon of profound music that many hold sacred. Dumpsters of acclaim and denigration notwithstanding.

More: http://web.archive.org/web/20010124044900/www.pitchforkmedia.com/columns/mi/00-10-03/

Totally waiting for Whiney to come along and defend this Incubus album, btw.

― ilxor has truly been got at and become an ILXor (ilxor), Tuesday, September 14, 2010 10:13 AM (50 minutes ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

Man, I'm not gonna lie, I def had some kind words for Incubus back in the day...

ahahaha, totally knew it!

Weak.

http://web.archive.org/web/20000407142108/www.pitchforkmedia.com/record-reviews/h/hawtin_richie/decks-efx-and-909.shtml

Decks, EFX, and 909 is a towering statement of Hawtin's ability to combine hard techno wax, effects pedals, and a Roland 909 drum machine. He utilizes the cream of the genre (Richard Harvey, Jeff Mills, Surgeon, Vladislav Delay) and creates an even more formidable futuresound than the source artists ever imagined. It's as though Hawtin's taking DJ Shadow's ...Endtroducing into new territory. A graph is even supplied with the disc to illustrate how Hawtin blends the album's 38 tracks together.

But be warned! Decks, EFX, and 909 is minimal and tough. However, if your tastes are more educated than the average sun-tanned gurner, and you wouldn't balk at a compilation devoid of arm-raising anthems, you're just the type of receptive head Hawtin wants to play to.

whatever tomorrows brings, I'll be there

Didn't even need to dig out the Archive.org search for this gem:

Stars
Heart
[Paper Bag; 2003]
8.4

Chalk it up perhaps to another case of Pitchfork Canuckophilia, but Stars comes as yet another Montreal act to keep the indie pop dream alive in '03. Less all over the map than the Voltron-like Broken Social Scene, and without the fetishist spice that off-kilters the otherwise straight-shooting pop of The Hidden Cameras, Stars could very easily be overlooked, or avoided like a couple prone to PDA. But as of yet we don't have immigration quotas on music from the Great White North, and Heart is a valuable pop record for those of us whose cardiac muscle hasn't stained completely black like that of, I dunno, Chris Ott.

— Rob Mitchum, August 14, 2003

Rob is such a fucking homer.

u should be honored

I could give a shit from any perspective.

OMMMMMMMMMMMMGGGGGGGGGGG the "Live at the Village Vanguard" animation >>>>>> everything else on this thread

My friend said that kind of thing about The Velvet Underground. It doesn't make sense because if you remove an extremely influential album from history as if it never happened and then pretend it just came out, then you'd be comparing it to a current musical landscape that would be much different due to the absence of that hugely influential album's proper moment in history! You can't remove something historic and assume the same future.

I dunno, this doesn't bother me that much. Something can be historical and demonstrably influential and still not necessarily hold up as an enjoyable listen decades later. In fact, it may seem limp or boring precisely because it was so influential, i.e., subsequent bands have built and expanded upon its template in more exciting ways. Reviewing something like that does present an interesting dilemma. At the same time, Schreiber is pretty much straight-up challopsing in that review.

Which is an irresistible temptation for any young writer.

the long, unreadable side-article in which a "Brent S. Sirota" compared Kid A to Finnegans Wake

^^ this is a real guy. I met him once and thought he seemed nice/cool. I think he may have gone to the University of Chicago, which, if you know about the peculiarities of that place, might be pertinent.

I doubt I've ever been as put off by a band name as I was by Fountains of Wayne. In fact, I was extremely hesitant to put it in the disc player when I got the advance in the mail. But when I did, I was unexpectedly hit with an undiluted, overpowering mess of 100% pure power pop. I have to be honest: it felt like a hand job.

http://web.archive.org/web/20071224182406/http://www.pitchforkmedia.com/article/record_review/17823-fountains-of-wayne

Wow, that whole review is...wow.

absolutely insane
8.9 compared to 7.5 for welcome interstate managers

It is a very good power album imo

Somebody please find the other entries in their original "Best Albums of the 90s" list. I definitely remember a mock-ral review for Check Your Head "But we still have Check Your Head / It's got more rhymes than the Grateful's got dead"

i still need to, like, dredge up the majority of my 30-some reviews that are no longer on the site

this was pulled from the website for a while but it's back now

Animal Collective
Danse Manatee (2001)

3.9

So, let's say the ideal of all progressive music is Freud's phallic phase: "Wow, this feels good when I touch it! I'll just keep doing it." Then, Danse Manatee might be located firmly in Freud's anal phase: "Mommy, look what I made!" But we must try to be reassuring. After all, Pitchfork has never been in the business of invalidating feelings. So, boys, we're not mad, just bitterly disappointed. And even the stinkiest dump provides an occasion for personal growth. Besides, Avey Tare, Panda Bear and the Geologist are always entitled to seek a second opinion. But before they do that, they should know that some kid I met at a party last week pretty much confirmed my whole diagnosis. And he was almost a psych minor.

http://pitchfork.com/reviews/albums/7941-danse-manatee/

This review

One man that seems to be getting ignored in the frenzy of "best of the '90s" journalism is Jon Spencer. It really surprises me that Orange didn't make it into Spin's Top 90 (let alone the Pitchfork list). Especially since it seems they just called up the Village Voice and said, "Umm, we've been doing cover stories on Britney Spears and Kid Rock for the past few months, and before that it was the Backstreet Boys... uh... let's see. Spice Girls. Dang. The last hip thing we covered was Nirvana. What was cool in the '90s?" And then the Village Voice would say, "Well, for a while there we liked the Jon Spencer Blues Explosion, but they didn't turn out to be gay enough for our tastes." "Then it's settled, we'll put another PJ Harvey album on the list, and finish 'er off with Basement Jaxx."

This review, I mean.

Sure, there are still loud guitars, smacky bass lines, and monsterous skin power, but there's no screaming.

by monsterous skin power, does he mean ... drums?

monsterous skin power is the original big dick energy

As if to pay even more blatant homage to the indie scene of a decade ago, Herrmann and Kleine cover a 'lost classic'-- Slab Happy's "Blue Flower." The fanboys amongst you will immediately point out that elegant maudlineers Pale Saints and Mazzy Star have already covered "Blue Flower," which makes it kind of a shoe-y standard, I suppose.

I love you. I really love you. How do I know? How am I able to confidently make such a blunt, forward statement so early in our relationship? Quite simple, really. I've subjected myself to Francisco López's new work, Untitled #104, twice in its entirety. But after each grueling, painful moment, I reminded myself that I was doing it for you, and I trudged forward. Surely you and I were made for each other.

Here's a review from 2002 that slipped past the retroactive Pitchfork censors. The edit below is mine. The review is live.

https://pitchfork.com/reviews/albums/184-i-get-wet/

Been months since I last heard "Party Hard" on the radio or saw WK thrashing about on M2 like a hyperactive r****ded kid whose parents failed to give him a disciplinary shaking.

Is the increase from 0.6 to 8.6 the most significant rating adjustment over time?

https://pitchfork.com/reviews/albums/16836-i-get-wet/

Personally, I'd average it out to 4.6 as a respectable middle ground ... but that's none of my business.

My God this thread delivers.

the Harmacy review is one of my favourite things ever. It’s so hard to believe it was real

Ejaculation gets a 9.8

That Air review is still up, incredible!

Shit, cat. The internet was fun in the early days.