Dear Michael Jackson

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I was throwing away a miscopy at CopyMax, and I saw this letter staring up at me from the waste basket:

July 14, 02

Dear Michael Jackson

I'm an inventor & electrical engineer living in Denver Colorado.

I enjoy your music and dancing skill.

I, like you, am very interested in the life sustaining properties of liquid nitrogen.

Years ago in San Francisco California I invented a long range electrical vehicle powered by liquid nitrogen & not a drop of gasoline.

It was a life long dream. The propulsion system has a range of 400 miles on one tank of liquid nitrogen.

It uses a double-acting 3 cylinder ceramic expander coupled to a high tech aircraft generator and a single 40 kilowatt lithium disulfide plastic metal polymer battery which never has to plug in to recharge.

The system can be made to fit trucks and buses as well. The important thing is that liquid...

[Unfortunately, this is where the page ends, and no other pages were in the trash. So we don't get to watch as the pitch plays out. But perhaps we ourselves can continue this letter.]

― Frank Kogan (Frank Kogan), Wednesday, 7 August 2002 22:11 (twenty-three years ago)

E.g.:

The system can be made to fit trucks and buses as well. The important thing is that liquid nitrogen is really sexy. Yet, when you go to embrace it, it vaporizes, then forms unexpectedly into the image of a giant glove, which is red calfskin, with a puppet head on each finger. First, there is the head of the dancer Rita Moreno, who had had such a fiery and sexy role in West Side Story. Second, there is the head of country singer Tim McGraw, who ran unsuccessfully for Prime Minister of France on the Surrealist Ticket headed by Inspector Clousseau... [you continue]

― Frank Kogan (Frank Kogan), Wednesday, 7 August 2002 22:11 (twenty-three years ago)

Fascinating...in a car wreck sort of way.

And it would be even more interesting if this guy is trying to pitch this to the beer reviewer Michael Jackson.

― j.lu (j.lu), Wednesday, 7 August 2002 22:53 (twenty-three years ago)

...but the skin is much more realistic on this one, less waxy and pale than the first model I sent you. I trust you have disposed of the old skin samples in the appropriate manner - you remember what happened during the Pepsi video shoot. The middle finger is Richey Edwards of the pop group Manic Street Preachers, remember that you must not forget these names because our entire campaign depends on your reciting them at the fete at the Mystery Hole in Wheeling, West Virginia. I forget the other names, but you will learn them soon. How is the lion treating you? Thank you very much, I had a nice time but I'd rather not go around again....

― Dave M. (rotten03), Thursday, 8 August 2002 02:01 (twenty-three years ago)

The system can be made to fit trucks and buses as well. The important thing is that liquid...
....refreshment was instrumental in helping me overcome my rigid ways of thinking - I actually invented this radical propulsive method whilst completely arseholed on a mixture of Special Brew and Drambuie.
I am writing to respectfully suggest that you bear this valuable lesson in mind before embarking upon the creation of your next \'Long-Player\'.

Yours Faithfully,

Bill \'Sparky\' Dudd

― Ray M (rdmanston), Thursday, 8 August 2002 12:37 (twenty-three years ago)

Ummmm...Ok, looks like 'these' don't work.
Maybe "these" work better...

― Ray M (rdmanston), Thursday, 8 August 2002 12:39 (twenty-three years ago)

OK - WHAT'S GOING ON

― Ray M (rdmanston), Thursday, 8 August 2002 12:39 (twenty-three years ago)

'me' 'confused' 'too'

― Dave M. (rotten03), Thursday, 8 August 2002 14:28 (twenty-three years ago)

'Ask' "Graham." (There was a discussion of glitches in the bitch thread, or maybe the equivalent at ILE.)

― Frank Kogan (Frank Kogan), Thursday, 8 August 2002 15:23 (twenty-three years ago)

FOUND + INSANE

― Dan I., Saturday, 10 August 2002 03:41 (twenty-three years ago)

Man, that guy lives in Denver. I should find him.

― Manders, Sunday, 11 August 2002 00:49 (twenty-three years ago)

b-but frank lives in the denver too: HUNT HIM DOWN OR YOU CAN NEVER FEEL SAFE AGAIN WHEN MAKING MENTALIST XEROXES

― mark s (mark s), Sunday, 11 August 2002 11:50 (twenty-three years ago)

nine months pass...

Dear Michael Jackson,

I'm a peach-picker (most hail-damaged produce, actually) & planetist who lives in Glasgow, Kentucky.

I really enjoy the recent work you did on Justin.

I sometimes feel like the pain inside a dying head too.

I have 50% gum disease.

Would you like to come live with me?

[Unfortunately, this, dear reader, is where you get off, the author carries on on his own, into his trail and weather, the story thinning out to a line so scant not even the angels could dance on it.]

― Cozen (Cozen), Saturday, 31 May 2003 19:58 (twenty-two years ago)

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